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3:00 PM
@HDE226868 I assume the current plan is to continue as is and work it out like that
Then we have to try harder
 
@Magisch I hope we can all understand that the building of this community is a long-term process.
 
1
Q: Dealing with coworker who is excessively self-deprecating

HopelesslyAnnoyedThe Problem My coworker is very self deprecating to the point where several of my colleagues are worried about him. He will make negative remarks on the quality of his work, and even himself, saying things like "my work sucks", or "I'm stupid". Additionally, he's taken to complimenting me in a w...

 
I've been working on building small beta sites for almost four years.
And I know that it's a continuous process. A lot of the problems aren't solved early on.
 
A J
Things might be harder by then
 
Sure. I'm not suggesting inaction, or letting the site go to heck.
 
3:04 PM
@HDE226868 We're unique in that we attract a lot of bystanders
And people via HNQ
 
Another relevant question (but about a friend instead of a coworker): interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/7539/…Em C 48 secs ago
 
Your average stack overflow visiting dev doesn't think like "Biblical Hermeneutics?! that sounds like a fun way to pass the time during builds" But for IPS they do
 
#11875 Em C (5536 rep) | Q: Dealing with coworker who is excessively self-deprecating (score: 1) | posted 11 minutes ago by HopelesslyAnnoyed (6 rep)
Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]
 
@Magisch Been there, dealt with that (Worldbuilding).
That site took a lot of weird work.
 
alright
gonna trust you on that then
 
3:05 PM
It's still growing and figuring out kinks.
And we still have unsolved problems.
 
I promised to not bring it up again for a while so let's change topic
Weather is set to cool by over 18C over the weekend D,:
 
@Magisch That sounds horrifying
 
A J
> Why couldn't the bike stand up on it's own? It was two tired.
 
o gosh, I stay home this weekend
 
3:07 PM
We've been having a winter storm every 5 days or so over here, and I for one am ready for spring
 
I think I have a nice question, however it is probably a little bit broad: "How to talk with someone who is overweight that you are underweight?"
 
We had sunny 17C at my town yesterday and it's projected to go -1/-9 on sunday :(
 
@JAD what is pob?
 
JAD
@Rainbacon well, we had a dream of spring, but the winds of winter are striking back
 
IMO a part of the problem is that as a new user there is no good way to read up on the most important policies of this stack. Sure, there is the help center, but it doesn't really list up all the traps that many new askers step into. I think listing some important metas or a good, complete PSA would really help the community understand and agree on the policies of this stack, hopefully enforcing them too.
 
JAD
3:08 PM
opinion based
 
@JAD Thanks
 
JAD
@Cashbee hmm, I tried creating a policy tag on meta. That could be added to more threads where necessary to create something like that
(pretty much with that idea)
 
@Magisch That sounds . . . awful. :-(
 
I was so ready to put away the winter clothes
 
We've had some weird temperature fluctuations here - I think it changed by 20 degrees F from one day to the next a couple weeks ago - but I think it's settling down. Maybe. If we're very lucky.
 
3:17 PM
Do tag synonyms show up in a queue? I just suggested here.. interpersonal.stackexchange.com/tags/roommates/synonyms
if they don't maybe I should make a meta for visibility?
 
0
Q: How to convince a girlfriend I have not been unfaithful

C. FordA little background. My girlfriend is a very jealous woman. She has had bad experiences with past relationaships, and firmly believes that I am also unfaithful to her even though she has no proof. She is very jealous of any relationship I have with other women, which is pretty limited to my co-wo...

 
@EmC I actually had half of that answer written up for something kinda related (not a post on IPS) - just something about running in general and starting training for a new season.
 
@HDE226868 aha, that makes me feel better :P it's a good answer!
 
@EmC Thanks. I've been the way-too-excited person before. . .
 
I've been that person too
Only that I insisted and had a horrible week of being constantly exhausted and getting sore muscles every day
 
3:28 PM
@HDE226868 I went on a week-long camping trip in high school where anyone could sign up, the "training hikes" strategy was exactly what the leader did
 
@IPSCommentBot I'm not entirely sure what tripped that
 
I was out for two weeks after pushing it too much on a long run and messing up my IT band . . . but I was lucky. I was only a mile from the end when it happened. Being stranded five miles away on an out-and-back would be . . . bad.
 
@EmC Eh. Sort of, if you know where to look.
Well, that was awkward...
 
@EmC I can't make a suggestion, so I write it here: cohabitants
 
@Cashbee You know, you can't do that for a reason. Your opinion just doesn't count :P
 
3:36 PM
(It's seriously uncomfortable being at a family event where you don't know this part of the family.)
 
@Tinkeringbell I know *snief
 
@Mithrandir that sounds slightly better than knowing that side of the family is horrible XD
 
@Cashbee hmm, maybe I should make a meta post! my last tag suggestion there ended up being surprisingly controversial anyways :P
another tag-related question: at what point should I ask meta about making a new tag vs. just going ahead and adding it myself..? (I've found ~7-8 questions that I think could be tagged "jealousy")
 
@EmC may I throw out the suggestion of no longer tagging based on the problem, but on the skill that the problem is with
3
But if you want to go ahead, there's nothing to forbid it
 
@Tinkeringbell well, I was kind of basing this off of things like for dealing with angry people
 
3:49 PM
@EmC Yeah, I know...
It was just a brain fart I had lately... Our tags seem to focus as much on problems as our questions....
We could have avoided a lot of bickering if tags like bullying or harassment weren't used...
For dealing with angry people you could use de-escalation for example, or conflict aversion
If your goal is to effectively compromise, use that
But that's probably going to give the same problems except now you're diagnosing the asker instead of their situation
 
I like that. ^^ The sort of solution the OP's looking for is just as important as the situation.
 
@Tinkeringbell I see... yeah that would be a major shift in tagging as it stands right now. I think the only one we consistently use like that is
 
So that's where I just gave up on it..
@EmC Yeah... Exactly
I think, but I'd have to look into it... That conflict aversion may be a bit overused, sometimes you want to deescalate or compromise instead
Or disengage
 
it seems useful to have tags to describe the type of situation (just like we have "relationships", "housemates") but I agree it would be good if the asker could tag the techniques/goals as well
 
@EmC oh sure, relationship or workenvironment are good tags because they give some insight into possible power balances...
Housemates too ;)
I just think things like harassment, bullying, jealousy, anger... They shouldn't matter that much..
They're more than just the facts please...
 
4:02 PM
@Tinkeringbell they're a way to categorize the situation though. obviously details should be in the post, but tags are there to allow people to understand broadly what the question is about
if OP is being bullied at school, describe the facts in the body, but tag it "bullying" so people know the topic
 
@EmC Hmm okay, but I've seen bickering over adding such tags or not .. and then answers arguing whether the situation is that or not... I don't think we have to get rid of them now, but I'm very curious what would happen if questions just stuck to facts, like 'here is how my classmates behave, and this is what I'd like to do/need help doing'
Although now that I've written it down like that, I see that still leaves room for the same discussions, so we'd probably need to hammer out policies on can't and don't answers and frame-challenges too if we'd like to see that improvement
 
@Tinkeringbell I think the recent situation re: "bullying" was mainly because OP didn't actually say whether or not they considered it so
 
@EmC yeah, and I've seen the same thing happening with harassment as well
 
but if OP says "I feel harassed by my coworker.. they did x, y, z" I think "harassment" as a tag is valid
 
@EmC yeah, that's probably where the can't and don't answers come in...
 
4:12 PM
any mention of "harassment" pretty much always gets a flood of "well maybe you're just interpreting it wrong" comments/answers regardless :/
if you try to say "I was harassed" people don't take it at face value; if you say "my coworker did x, y, z" people say "well he was just trying to be nice!" or whatever
 
Yeah, like I said... It's not going to solve things ;)
 
 
1 hour later…
5:18 PM
@EmC I find myself scratching my head at times when I've been told that I've been bullied and I don't see it as such myself. Actually, with my pugnacious nature, I'm rather nonplussed by the very assertion.
@EmC Re Harassment: Two things cause trouble, IMO. First is a reversal of the old rule to ignore a faux pas or insult, and the second is a seeming eagerness to take offense.
 
@Tinkeringbell this is about interpersonal relations though
Nothing about that is just the facts
If it was just the facts I'd be good at it, for one
 
Still, I'd like to see more factual descriptions ... Not saying that's ever going to be a thing,..
I feel X is a fact
They are an a-hole isn't
 
I see where you're coming from
 
@RichardU just look at the cashier / headphones questions and it's clear there is a great divide on what constitutes inappropriate behavior
I remember another question on here where people made awkward/inappropriate comments to a girl and half the answers were "they're harassing you, dump them as friends" and OP kept saying "no, that's not it at all"
it's hard because on one hand, we want to respect OP's request, and on the other hand... frame-challenges and XY problems
 
5:38 PM
@EmC Yeah, I encountered so many people insisting I was a victim or being harassed or whatever, that I put in my profile "You do not have the right to be offended on my behalf". I agree with the XY problems though. While I agree that IPS is a "soft" site, there are still some solid rules in dealing with people, such as being genuinely interested in the other person, smile, use the person's name, always let the person save face, et cetera. The temptation is to moralize.
This results in either attempts to shame the OP or shame the one the OP is discussing rather than addressing the issue
 
moralizing feels good but is entirely unhelpful
 
@RichardU ugh, that's a huge annoyance. that's why I am probably not going to ask questions about my family issues on here again. last time I did the second-voted answer was "well, you didn't tell us the backstory, so it's probably your fault"
 
"Well your culture shouldn't do that" recommends some outlandish BS to op that gets them into serious trouble because it turns out "But the internet says you're wrong" is a pretty unconvincing argument
 
0
Q: Politeness vs. conciseness in writing emails

stochasticI often find myself starting sentences with phrases like "I just want to let you know that", "I would like to ask if", "I am writing to discuss", or "I was wondering if" in emails. I could simply just let them know something or ask what I wanted to ask without these phrases. For some reasons, it...

 
I got dumped on a lot for my question about insulting that one classmate. I had it coming though
 
JAD
5:44 PM
@Magisch hah, I thought of that one as well
 
In the end she tried to get her boyfriend to beat me up and he didn't do it
And now I'm done with my apprenticeship so no further contact
 
@Magisch o: dang
 
I still tried to make amends but she blew me off and said she didn't want to talk to me. That was only a couple times away from graduation so it never came up again
 
Did we have a stock comment somewhere for questions about what people should do?
 
JAD
stock comments are meh
2
 
5:51 PM
0
Q: Should we make a "jealousy" tag?

Em CWe have a number of questions regarding dealing with jealous people. From a search I found 7 open / 2 currently closed candidates: How to deal with a jealous girlfriend? How to manage someone flirting with my partner at a party? How can I tell my wife that her fears and mistrust are hurting us?...

 
@IntrovertedMetaMan. that was fast
@Rainbacon Unfortunately, this question appears to be asking “What should I do?”, which the community has [determined](https://interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/q/1310/31) to not be a good fit for IPS. We can’t decide for you what to do; after you determine what you want to do, we can help you with your goal, but we can’t make these decisions for you. Sorry.
that's the one I had, c/o @Mithrandir probably
 
@EmC I like that. Thank you
 
@EmC yup, that's one of mine
 
woo, rep cap
 
@Rainbacon I fixed the premise of that question. It looks like it's a duplicate question though so leave your close vote in.
 
5:57 PM
@Mithrandir was there a URL that you had them at? I thought I had saved it but can't find it now
 
@Mithrandir thanks :) apparently you have to type in the whole domain for search to work, d'oh
 
Feb 1 at 21:07, by Mithrandir
(again, you can find my auto comments at https://gist.github.com/superplane39/fa2af7132b392d172181df7c3872a2bc, designed for use with the AutoReviewComments script)
 
@Magisch Let's just say it's very uncomfortable to be an American when the topic is "tipping". Nothing like getting your culture slammed left and right.
 
JAD
@RichardU ugh, tipping
<insert opinion here>
 
6:10 PM
tipping?
oh, like for a service employee
Silly me
 
@Mithrandir I'm going to keep that pinned for while
@RichardU You mean minimum wages? XD
 
@Tinkeringbell In the US the federal minimum wage is $7.25 an hour. For tipped employees who are earning more than minimum wage when considering wage and tips together, they can be paid a wage as low as $2.13 an hour.
 
@sphennings I know. We had that discussion in another room, was just kidding :)
 
@sphennings they can be paid as low as 2.13, but the tips still must total at least minimum wage. That is seldom a problem unless you are working in a very low-volume establishment. Even back in the 80's I was making at least 15/hr when I worked for tips.
and that was when the minimum was 5.05/hr
actually, it was 4.25 per hour
 
6:56 PM
I like how Arwen Undómiel posts comments about not posting answers in comments...
 
@EriktheOutgolfer If that wasn't sarcasm, see the pinned message. It includes information on how you can do it too :)
 
but I mean, (s?)he has taken up on it considerably, you can see him doing that on every other question...which, well, does indicate the actual problem described in those comments is very evident
 
@Tinkeringbell my sarcasm/snark detector didn't go off on that one.
 
@EriktheOutgolfer Yeah, it's sort of a problem here...
 
also why would I be sarcastic when congratulating a user o_o
 
6:59 PM
@EriktheOutgolfer I dunno ;) Maybe I'm just too pessimistic lately, but I've seen a lot of people pop in here just to complain about stuff like that :/
 
It's hard to tell and we've received a lot of backlash from newer users when enforcing basic stack exchange policies, like don't answer in the comments, and be nice.
 
So. Now that that's cleared up, the auto comment and the script you need to paste it are in the pinned post, also, we have a closet where a bot posts all our new comments..
I'd love to see more people posting them ;)
And flagging everything in there that fits no longer needed ( so basically everything not asking clarification or suggesting improvement)
 
@Tinkeringbell I'm "snark sensitive" and can tell when another user from the snark side of the force has arrived.
 
@RichardU I'm not, sadly ;)
I'm sure Arwen appreciates the compliment ;)
 
my detectors aren't on until they first talk :P
well, Arwen hasn't been here for a long time, apparently
 
7:02 PM
@EriktheOutgolfer I'm an old one from the days of the USENET. I can smell a fellow tro... er, traveler a mile away.
@Tinkeringbell I'm holding classes in Trolljitsu and snark-matter manipulation next weel.
 
@RichardU Cool. I'll sign up now ;)
 
@RichardU everyone would want to sign up for such a class, how much does it cost :P
 
@EriktheOutgolfer nothing at all, just give me all of your accounts and passwords and I'll send the information for free ;) JK. NEVER give out that information.
 
e-mail: bhackgills@trom.ca, password: ui11gh66...JK, why would I let hackers do their job on my accounts >_<
 
That's an awfully complicated password...
I prefer 'admin'
 
7:09 PM
and now letmein
 
0
Q: Should the "women" tag be changed to something more age-neutral?

Crafter0800Whenever someone calls someone else a "women", I automatically think of someone over the age of 20, I would find it odd to call a child a "women" (as they are more like a "girl"). With the usage of the women tag, should this tag be called women or should it be renamed to something age neutral suc...

 
@IntrovertedMetaMan. Why "over the age of 20"?
 
0
Q: Can we focus our tags more on the skills encountered in the question?

TinkeringbellSince we're doing tag questions, I put the following idea in chat today: may I throw out the suggestion of no longer tagging based on the problem, but on the skill that the problem is with? It's already got three stars, but that doesn't say much since it can't be downvoted. My proposal:...

 
7:26 PM
@spiralsucculent It's gone.
 
7:41 PM
@EriktheOutgolfer you'd be surprised at how many people fall for tricks much less subtle than that.
 
0
Q: How to create a more engaging conversation?

PeterI have a friend I talk with and the conversations we are having are rather short. I would like to have more engaging conversations withouth forcing myself and the other person in a conversation we don't want. Here an example of how the conversation is usally going, this happens when I start the ...

 
@RichardU they should take an internet 101 course then
 
2
Q: Can we focus our tags more on the skills encountered in the question?

TinkeringbellSince we're doing tag questions, I put the following idea in chat today: may I throw out the suggestion of no longer tagging based on the problem, but on the skill that the problem is with? It's already got three stars, but that doesn't say much since it can't be downvoted. My proposal:...

 
7:57 PM
@IntrovertedMetaMan. 34 minutes, good job
 
XD if someone wants to look at my question if its too broad, I would really appreciate it :)
 
JAD
8:26 PM
0
Q: How do we engage more people to contribute on meta, to create a wider mandate for our policies?

JADLast afternoon, there was a discussion in chat about the state of IPS and its moderation. (Moderation here means any moderation, not just diamond mods stuff) It is no secret that we struggle with our answers. Unexplained answers, frame challenges, non-IPS solutions, and so forth. This is a diffi...

 
0
Q: How do we engage more people to contribute on meta, to create a wider mandate for our policies?

JADToday (15-3-2018), there was a discussion in chat about the state of IPS and its moderation. (Moderation here means any moderation, not just diamond mods stuff) It is no secret that we struggle with our answers. Unexplained answers, frame challenges, non-IPS solutions, and so forth. This is a di...

 
8:41 PM
@EriktheOutgolfer if they did, I wouldn't be able to torment IRS scammers or phony "Tech Support" scammers. Did I mention that I hate scammers.
 
@RichardU about average twice a week
 
@Tinkeringbell Only? I'm losing my touch then.
 
@RichardU I said average. That includes the weeks you were out of this chatroom :P
 
@Tinkeringbell it's fun when you tell them that your IP address is 127.0.0.1
 
@RichardU Home is where the wifi is :)
 
8:43 PM
@Tinkeringbell :D It's fun when they fall for it. SCAMBAITING IS A MORAL IMPERITIVE!
 
@RichardU We all know that there's no place like 127.0.0.1
 
@Rainbacon yeah, except for scammers who end up bricking their own machines. Bonus points if they SYSKEY it.
 
Okay, @Spagirl I just saw your comment on abbreviations, so have a little list:

dv = downvote
cv = close vote
pob = primarily opinion based (close reason)
nln = no longer needed (a comment flag reason)
naa = not an answer ( a post flag reason)
vlq = very low quality (another post flag reason)
lqp = low quality posts (review queue where naa and vlq flagged posts end up)
r/a = rude/abusive (flag reason for questions and answers)

If I missed another one we use regularly, feel free to ask :)
 
9:06 PM
@JAD If you want to link to a tag on meta, remember that, even on meta, the tags default to main, so if you want a meta tag, you need to call it out [meta-tag:featured] =
 
JAD
oh, thanks :o
didn't know that
too late to edit now, but I'll keep that in mind
 
@ExtrovertedMainMan This seems slightly broad to me...
 
9:41 PM
@JAD You mean in your comment? I edited it a while ago.
 
JAD
:o that works too :p
 
Just don't go and scream mod abuse :P
 
JAD
To meta!
;)
 
Mod favoritism! ;-)
I probably shouldn't joke...
 
10:18 PM
1
Q: Fellow tenants set up webcam in front of door

user1997744A friend in the UK is sharing a property with several other people, which includes one couple (British and South American respectively), which I believe are the landlords. Yesterday, they decided to set up a webcam (including sound) inside the house, at the entrance, which they communicated to ...

 
10:35 PM
This is going to attract bad answers...
 
 
1 hour later…
11:55 PM
also a NAA from that question interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/11909/12145
 
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