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3:01 PM
@Tinkeringbell I think that that thread has been resolved.
 
@sphennings Good :-) There was a bit of guessing there as to the reason of the downvotes, which is why I sorta felt I should chime in...
But yeah, the fact that the guessing was there in the first place means I did something wrong ;)
 
@Tinkeringbell Ehh... Votes are anonymous for a reason.
 
@sphennings Well, on second thought, I could just have closed the question as off-topic when it came up, since 'please tell me what I want to hear' is off-topic ;)
 
-2
Q: Option to suggest an edit instead of immediately pushing it?

HugoBDesignerSome background This is, more or less, related to this question where an accidental keypress made me push an edit that actually made the question worse. I quickly fixed it, pushed, then continued on with further updating before a final push. While it was a slip-up on my end - and one I'll defini...

 
@Tinkeringbell The text of the question is on topic.
I would have contended that close vote the same way I did to the cashier question.
 
3:06 PM
@sphennings The question was edited to take out the chat part (which is not too bad). Downvotes are anonymous, but sometimes it's not wrong to give a little insight into the thought processes behind them
 
@Tinkeringbell I know I approved it's removal.
I think the thread that happened on meta was a productive one.
 
Oh sure, not going to deny that ;) I just found it amusing that I left a comment, and then 2 other people start exchanging some comments :P
 
3:21 PM
0
Q: What to do when question was unfairly closed?

BoatThis question How can I convince my roommate to switch from a wired connection to wifi? was closed, the reason being "unclear what you are asking". However, the question is very explicitly "how can I convince someone do something". It has a lengthy description, but the question itself is very cle...

 
(Sorry @ArtOfCode, but no chatter is no chatter, not even that nice website of yours)
 
3:41 PM
If you are happy with the answers I don't care. But I don't think any of them are a good fit then, imo because it wasn't clear what you are actually asking. You should perhaps consider an edit to clarify the situation — Raditz_35 2 mins ago
#11218 Raditz_35 (193 rep) | Q: Dad wants me to invite his mother to my wedding. How to push it back? (score: 3) | posted 1 hours ago by Alex (16 rep)
Matched regex(es) ["you\\W(really)?(need\\Wto|should)"]
 
I am thinking about composing a question about "How do I tell my girfriend that I need more alone-time, without making her feel rejected". Do you per chance know if there is a similar Question already? I did not find one, but I don't want to make the effort only to find out it is a dupe...
 
@Cashbee Yeah, there's a 'man-time' question ;)
84
Q: How do I negotiate more "Man" time for myself without offending my partner?

SnowI am almost 50, my partner moved in with me a few years ago (I was a widower before then), we have no children. During this period, I've grown a little more frustrated that I don't get much time to myself to do the things that I want to do - I work all day, and when I get home, I have to do what...

 
the one with the secret apartment?
oh
 
Noooo not that one XD
Or there's how do I tell my girlfriend I don't want to meet up
 
aah hyes i remember that one.
 
i mean the one you linked
you rfirst linked Q is exactly what I was thinking of
no question for me then :(
 
Seems like someone is stirring the pot again, if someone wants to step in and explain that's okay, but I'm not going to
@Cashbee Well, if you can explain what makes your situation very, very different?
 
2
Q: How to ask a friend to do professional work?

SteveA good friend of mine, James, is an unemployed graphic designer with a significant amount of time on his hands. I really like his work and would like to commission him at his desired rate. However, I've asked him somewhat casually (although I did specifically mention that I would pay him his goi...

 
@Tinkeringbell No my situation is not different at all. Well ok, I'm not 50 or a widower.. but "How do I negotiate more "Man" time for myself without offending my partner?" is exactly what I was trying to ask
good thing that I asked here first x)
 
@Cashbee Yeah, no rep for you then :P
Hahaha well, I don't know everything, but that one was a good one :)
They tend to stick :)
 
3:55 PM
@Tinkeringbell Seems like they took the explanation well.
 
@sphennings Wonder what would have happened if I'd have given it attention
 
@Tinkeringbell Did you see my comment before I deleted it?
 
@sphennings Yeah, I get the notifications ;)
 
That comment would have been framed differently if you made it but since they didn't double down, they would probably have received it well too.
 
disagreement isn't equivalent to stirring the pot ...
people are still learning the quirks of IPS SE ...
 
4:02 PM
> Picture a pot of soup. A lot of ingredients have settled to the bottom, out of sight, until stirred. Metaphorically, a lot of issues/resentments/obligations can drop out of sight when nobody mentions them. One can "stir the pot" to bring issues to the surface, sometimes with malice, but sometimes merely to create awareness and effect change.
So, another one of those comments is stirring the pot.
sphennings handled it well.
Doesn't mean I'm confident it would have went as well if I had reacted personally, that's why I told other people they could do it if they wanted. Part of my training in disengaging I guess
 
@D.Hutchinson A lot of people stirring the pot start by "just asking", when things are explained to them they, they pick apart the answer, and "just ask" another question, this process continues with them continuing to "just ask" questions.
@D.Hutchinson To be blunt you do this a lot.
The thing is that when considering that first question it's impossible to know if someone is asking in good faith or not.
Since that thread has blown up multiple times in the last couple days with people "just asking" that exact question the odds were much higher that they were stirring the pot rather than asking in good faith.
Fortunately it seems like our concerns in this particular instance were unfounded.
 
@sphennings that I ask questions and then follow-up questions? Sure, I can disagree - doesn't mean I'm actively trying to cause harm.
@sphennings regarding that question, sure - but a new commenter shouldn't be responsible for previous commenters.
tell them to post their own answer - but don't accuse them of stirring the pot.
 
@D.Hutchinson We didn't hold them responsible. That right there is you trying to stir controversy. Knock it off.
 
@D.Hutchinson Like I said, I looked up what stirring the pot means and it has nothing to do with causing harm. So I don't see why you're so upset.
Right now, it seems like you are stirring the pot too
That can be tiring.
 
@D.Hutchinson Right now, you "just asked" a question. It was explained to you, and now you are "just asking" follow up question but you're adding insinuations to drum up controversy where there isn't any.
2
 
4:08 PM
"To stir the pot is to agitate a situation to cause a reaction or trouble." is what I got from looking up the definition. People disagreeing doesn't mean they're trying to cause trouble.
 
@D.Hutchinson That's what you're doing right now whether you intend to or not.
2
 
Ok, I can see how that can come across as stirring the pot, especially given the context of that question - nevermind ...
I want to ask a question about voice projection - what do you guys think?
I'm often told by people that they can't hear me speak ...
friends, cashiers, professors - I'm very soft-spoken, apparently ...
but not sure how to fix it ...
I have a low, deep voice ... I think ...
 
@D.Hutchinson what do you want to ask? "how to speak louder"?
 
so it often comes off as mumbling ...
 
I have the same problem and everyone just asks me to repeat or tells me to take theater / public speaking classes :/
 
4:20 PM
yeah @EmC - I think so - although my teaching evaluations mentioned that I was articulate. so maybe just louder, and that articulation isn't the issue ...
@EmC I see ...
have you done so, @EmC?
and if so, did it help?
 
@D.Hutchinson nope I am too shy for that :P but, with practice I have become more mindful of being louder when I need to be, although I still sometimes misjudge
 
I see ...
 
so I asked because improving your projection in general is one problem, and responding to people who are asking you to do so is a different one
also another suggestion I get is to get your hearing checked, sometimes people who can't hear well over- or under-compensate (in my case nope, I'm just quiet)
 
I see ...
 
@EmC That's a good distinction. How to respond would definitely be a good question for IPS. I'm not so sure about improving projection though.
 
Sid
4:26 PM
@EmC Elaborate a little please..
 
@Rainbacon yeah, I'm thinking about that right now :) I could see people calling that "intrapersonal" since it's self-improvement, but at the same time it's definitely a communication (interpersonal) skill
 
-1
Q: How to convince my friend to let me invite her ex to our birthday party?

CMCI am a 19 years old male from Canada. I have this friend (Let's call her Alice) who I've known for a few years. Since both our birthdays are on the same date and we have a lot of friends in common, we've been celebrating our birthday party together for the past years. This year, we plan to do th...

 
@Sid I've been told that some people who lose their hearing talk louder so they sound the same volume to themselves as before, but others end up quieter to match how they perceive everyone else's volume
 
Sid
@EmC I don't think Public Speaking classes makes you speak louder. It only makes you more articulate in your views.
 
@Sid well, if they make you give speeches in front of people in the class? but I don't know, I avoided those as much as possible ;)
 
Sid
4:31 PM
Heh, I sort of enjoy public speaking. If anything, it's always a nice experience.
 
@Sid Part of public speaking is vocal control tone, volume, and enunciation are all important when giving speaches.
 
I dunno, somehow speaking louder doesn't sound like an interpersonal skills, more like a problem.
 
Sid
@sphennings I don't think volume is actually a problem if you use a microphone..
 
unrelated note: if I'm making a meta to propose a suggestion (in this case, synonymizing tags), should I put my view in the question or as a self-answer, for voting purposes?
 
@Tinkeringbell given the problem, say, a confidence / anxiety issue - then how to mitigate it and respond to the other person is an interpersonal skill ... I think ...
 
4:34 PM
@Sid Many people who give speeches don't use mics... and when you do use them, learning how to use them properly is necessary.
Having a mic isn't a perfect solution.
 
@EmC I think there's already one or two, what did they do? I'd say question
 
Sid
@Catija Hmm. That's probably correct. Didn't think about that...
 
@Sid Working with a mike is a complicated subject, you want to be at the right distance for the particular mike you're using, you need to tailor your speech volume to the specifics of the mike. There is a reason that singers often have a monitor hooked up to their ear so that they can hear what the mike is picking up.
 
@Tinkeringbell facepalm yep there are :P incoming meta post..
 
@D.Hutchinson it's difficult. Like what was said, how to respond is probably a lot better than asking how to speak louder... Speaking softly might be a problem, but I don't see speaking harder as a skill
 
Sid
4:36 PM
@sphennings Yup. Point taken.
 
And how to respond isn't that well either, since the answer would be speak louder..
 
@D.Hutchinson Managing anxiety and confidence aren't interpersonal skills, not directly.
 
@EmC if it's "should we", answer. If it's "" can we", question.
 
@Tinkeringbell I think that questions of managing volume while talking would be an acceptable interpersonal skill question.
 
@Mithrandir hmm that was my original thought also but that's different from the example I was going off of .. interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/questions/2363/…
 
4:39 PM
If they're asking how do I make more or less sound while talking, anyway. I get loud or quiet when I'm nervous how do I not become nervous isn't.
 
w/e I'm just going to post, I doubt it will be that complicated
 
@EmC meh. I wish they hadn't done that.
 
@sphennings Hmmm... That would be hard to answer though
But it might work, we need to watch the answers closely then
 
possible q: "how do I encourage people to tell me if I speak too quietly?"
 
@Tinkeringbell "How can I talk louder without sounding like I'm yelling?" is a question that a vocal coach or a linguist specializing in speech production could provide a lot of useful information on easily.
Or perhaps the question is frame challenged by suggesting improving enunciation, and clarity of speech, since more often than not that's what's making it hard for people to hear you.
 
4:45 PM
@EmC are you going to post a question about voice projection? Because I was considering it - and perhaps I want to dig a little deeper to discuss possible root causes that are specific to me (and that others could possibly identify with) and how to mitigate it and respond to others effectively. But I wonder whether we'd be posting identical questions ...
 
@D.Hutchinson that sounds like an intrapersonal question though..
 
@D.Hutchinson wasn't planning on it, feel free :) (*taking into account the comments here about on-topic-ness, of course)
 
It's extremely difficult for people to figure out the specifics online, without being able to actually hear/talk to someone. I'd be wary of questions where the OP doesn't really know the root cause, because it invites a lot of guesswork.
2
 
I see ...
 
@Cascabel yeah - I think that's why it would be hard to answer, because it's inherently not a problem you can express directly via text, even if it is an interpersonal skill
 
4:51 PM
If you can narrow it down to a specific problem somehow, then it could still be fine, assuming that specific problem is still on-topic here.
 
@Cascabel Im going to star that and steal it for a meta post ;)
 
woohoo!
 
I wouldn't be too happy about it if I were you :P
But I guess that means I can?
 
1
Q: Should we synonymize "coworkers" and "colleagues"?

Em CI was checking out tags earlier and noticed a relatively new one, coworkers. This appears to have been created a couple weeks ago and has been used on 6 questions so far. We also have an older tag, colleagues, which has been used on 8 questions so far. "Coworker" is defined as: one who work...

 
@Cascabel I think the root causes for me are anxiety and confidence issues -- so, not a physical issue ...
would that be specific enough? or should I narrow it down even more?
 
4:56 PM
@Tinkeringbell Yup, sure. (Unless the "wouldn't be too happy" means I'm going to get quoted out of context or something.)
 
Stupid comments
I think that one borders rude as well
 
I was about to say that - I think it's well over the border.
 
@Tinkeringbell sorry, I responded :P but I can delete it in a minute
 
@Cascabel Nah, of course not ;) I was planning a meta on 'How to ask X' types of questions, and the ' know the root cause ' part might be a good thing to consider, if it is present the how to ask question might be better
 
@D.Hutchinson Confidence issues and anxiety aren't on topic for this site.
 
5:14 PM
I see ...
 
When thinking about potential questions, go over the VTC reasons, and make sure that none of them apply to your question.
 
Ash
Basically anxiety and confidence is just you (internal), the site deals with you and other people (external)
 
I see ...
 
Maiby a weird question, but did the idea of an intrapersonal SE did come op somewhere? It could probably be unmanage-able (and thus not created)
 
yeah ... I was thinking about the communication, given the problem ...
 
Ash
5:21 PM
@Peter I feel like that would be too close to "give me free therapy" which is a huge no-no.
@D.Hutchinson Right, but the core is still that it's an internal problem with yourself and your own intrapersonal issues with anxiety and confidence.
 
@Ash hmm yea, if you word it like that I completely understand why it does not excist :)
 
Ash
@Peter Yeah, it would get very tricky very fast I think.
 
I see ...
 
Alright y'all, I have a question that I'd like some help fleshing out to make it a good fit for the site. Do y'all think you could help me out?
@EmC @sphennings I think it'd be better if the discussion for this (see what I did there?) moved over here. It's a bit more general no?
 
@Anoplexian yeah, this room is fine for feedback to get questions into shape
 
5:35 PM
sure I'll try to help, I'm better at asking questions than answering them anyway :)
 
we were actually just discussing one above ;)
 
So in this discussion, we were talking about a comment I made on the answer and came to some really good conclusions about IPS, but ran into a question that felt a bit opinion-based in its current form, but I feel would be a great question to be able to point to for a lot of these "should I ask for a date if [scenario]?" questions.
In it's current form, it goes as such.
How can one tell if a professional relationship (whether in an office or in a retail store) has evolved from a strictly professional transaction to a friendly (or more) one?
I agree with being primarily opinion based, but there must be some obvious and generally well known signs that can lead you to a conclusion one way or another.
 
hmm, I don't know sorry, I dated someone during highschool which just kinda was there out of nowhere.
 
I could change it to a "what" question, but that sort of leads me down the "what if" path and I'm not sure that's the best way to proceed. "What are some signs that show a purely professional relationship has evolved into something less formal?"
 
5:48 PM
A problem with the question is: what skill are you using? or maiby it isn't I'm just trying to trow some things to help it improve :)
 
@Peter What do you mean by "what skill"? As in observation vs my sick skateboarding moves, or more like observation vs verbal communication?
If the latter, observation, verbal cues, and tone are usually my preferred methods, but if there are other ways to tell I won't rule them out.
 
yea ofcourse not your great skateboarding moves, more like the second part yea :)
 
@Anoplexian in terms of office romance, at least where I worked, it was very common. but, it was between peers, i.e. neither the man nor the woman were ranked higher. and these romances blossomed very nicely. the cashier - customer type of professional relationship is very different, due to a power differential ...
 
hmm I agree, narrowing it down to just office where everyone is equal will be a better starting point
 
@D.Hutchinson I must be doing something wrong, @EmC and @sphennings thought I meant the co-worker thing as well.

To quote, "
For instance, there are many successful relationships that develop from "I worked closely with him as an accounts receiveable clerk where he was a vendor whom we had purchased a large supply of inventory". It's the same premise (customer-employee) interaction, but slightly more formal."
 
5:52 PM
I think there is a big difference if you are on equal footing or not, which is why I think focussing on just office will be better.
 
@Catija (sorry to bother you again, but you missed my comment i guess) Is it visible to mods how my comment was deleted (eg. flags or mod)? Also, any guess what was the reason that comment was deleted (that is what should I change about it)?
 
But that;s not really the base of the question @Peter. If the power dynamic doesn't exist, then it's a simple case of asking "do you like me?", whereas it's a bit more subtle if the power dynamic is shifted one way or another.
 
@Anoplexian It's probably because one of the most common professional relationships is coworkers.
@Anoplexian It's also because on the ranked list of people to not ask out coworkers is in second place below cashiers, baristas, waiters, and bartenders.
 
That's fair I guess. So I'd have to clarify that in the question as well. To not get too long, the question as I have it so far is "What are some signs that show a purely professional relationship has evolved into something less formal in an environment where the power dynamic is shifted towards one of the parties?". Obviously I wouldn't explain the whole question like that, but that's kind of the gist of it.
 
@Fermiparadox It was flagged as rude or abusive. I can only assume that the mod who handled the flag agreed. If you're that concerned, ask on meta.
 
5:58 PM
@sphennings I'm not sure I agree with that. We spend a good part of our lives at work, it stands to reason that the main place for many people to meet others of a like mind are at work. Obviously people should set their own boundaries (not boss, not same department, not supervisory, etc.) but I don't think I agree that asking out coworkers that you've developed a relationship with is the worst idea.
 
0
Q: How to ask ex to not be too personal

anonymousI dated the same guy all throughout high school (yes, all of high school-- as a summary: he's a year older and lived about 20 minutes away from me, it was pretty serious) and the relationship lasted through November of my freshman year in college. He broke up with me but it was pretty amicable, a...

 
@Anoplexian The rule is there as a general thing. It's to stop people who don't have a grasp on complexity, nuance and tact from running amok. There are exceptions but it's important to keep them separate from a hard and explicit rule so that people don't use those exceptions to rationalize their poor behavior.
 
@Magisch While I completely and utterly despise what your previous comment says (I find it quite disgusting, and I truly and literally might lose a little bit of sleep over it tonight), it is the best answer so far to my question as asked. As much as I hate that combination, I suggest you make it into an answer. I refuse to +1 it because I detest all the implications that arise out of it, but neither would I -1 it, and I will probably mark it as the accepted answer. — Aaron 28 mins ago
Wow
Someone is surprisingly hurt about being told that there are rules...
 
I'd disagree that work is the best place to meet others of a like mind. I'm a strong proponent of people having healthy third spaces that they can go to regularly.
Most of my relationships have come from people I've met in those spaces.
 
@sphennings do you mean like going out, disco etc?
 
6:03 PM
@Magisch yikes. I've been tempted to reply to a few of his comments now with a link to this post.. but stirring the pot and all.. :P physics.meta.stackexchange.com/a/7363
 
@Peter Not going out as in clubs and dancing but as in social meetups of people who share a common interest.
 
@Magisch of course there are rules. if you don't want rules go to reddit. and if that's still too many rules for you, go to voat. and then don't come back here complaining about how everyone on there is neo-nazis. /rant
 
I see thank you for the clarification
 
@EmC reddit and voat both have rules too :D
 
@Magisch oh dang, I didn't know that about voat. I just heard it was supposed to be "reddit is censoring us! let's go make a site without the evil mods!"
and then of course everyone I knew that went there quit soon after because it turned into a dumpster fire
 
6:06 PM
@EmC I don't know much about voat, there's too much noise for me there. But they too abide legal requirements such as removing certain material
 
@Magisch ah, well that much is good
 
allowing anyone to say anything will never go well I think, people always will find a way to say stupid things :)
 
@EmC Even /b/ has rules.
 
@sphennings That works for those that have a more extroverted personality, but kind of dooms those who don't. How can those who aren't necessarily interested in "going out" handle that sort of situation but who still desire a relationship?
 
@EmC the side effect of voat being reddit with less rules is that all the people who were too extreme and obnoxious even for reddit's lax ruleset tend to congregate there
 
6:07 PM
@Magisch yup, exactly
 
put bluntly there is too much filth to sift through to find anything worthwhile there
 
@Anoplexian I thought the same for 5 seconds and then thought, well that is why dating sites excist I guess :)
or some nice math partys which you can join (real math, like numbers)
 
same problem that 4chan has. a lot of people on there are normal and sensible, but also the filth tends to congregate there because everywhere else has shown it the door
 
@sphennings I hear tell there's a site 8chan which is "4chan, but less rules".. still never going there :P
 
I don't go to 8chan because they refuse to remove cp without a court order
I don't need to traumatize myself
 
6:09 PM
@Magisch yikes D:
 
@Peter Those are still social meetups though. If you can find someone who shares common interests at work and that isn't in a compromising position for either of you, it seems like that wouldn't be the worst thing ever.
 
lateral work relationships can work, when you're in different departments for instance
 
@Anoplexian It's less going out and more I'm going to congregate with people who share an interest with me as we do a thing. I know if knitting groups who meet up to sit in a circle and talk while they work on their separate projects.
 
one of our IT guys is married to a woman from order processing
 
@sphennings Not only does an introvert need to prepare for those, but in general don't enjoy social gatherings of that nature. Of course YMMV, but I don't necessarily think dating coworkers is inherently bad, but rather comes with some risks specific to work environs.
 
6:13 PM
@Anoplexian that's why I'm making a decision to not work too much overtime in my next job ... I want to be able to walk out of the door everyday at a certain time and still have some time during nights and weekends to pick up a hobby / continue with current passion projects -- and hopefully maximize my chances of meeting someone outside of the office ...
so, I'm giving up on potentially great companies to work for, and where my friends are currently at, because I already know they have a culture of very long work hours ... even though the pay is great ...
 
@Catija Ok, thanks a lot. Could you repost it somewhere so that I can see it? (i forgot exactly how i had phrased it)
 
Ash
Sometimes, you have to make those sorts of choices, it comes down to what your personal priorities are
 
@D.Hutchinson That's part of the rub though isn't it? I'd say that's more of a personal decision than anything, and I'm pretty sure it's not just me.
 
@Anoplexian I certainly need to prepare before venturing out to various social groups but it's much less stressful. They're often scheduled events so I can make plans around them. I know that I will have things to talk about so that's something I have to worry about less. It's not perfect but it's the best advice I can give my introverted friends about how to meet people.
 
@D.Hutchinson sounds like a solid plan! sometimes money isn't the highest priority and that's totally fine :)
 
6:16 PM
Obviously though, if you work at a startup of 3 people, it may get a bit awkward.
 
I also wouldn't rule out dating sites that fast though, while I agree that meeting in person and looking for activities that you enjoy is a good thing :)
 
@Peter I agree with this. I'm a very introverted person and I find it difficult to meet people. I met my current girlfriend on a dating site, and our relationship is going quite well.
 
0
Q: Proper response to a child's third party information?

AnonymousForAReasonI have a second grade son - 7 years old. Last night he randomly mentioned that one of his friend's father is a mean person. When question as to why he said that, the response was that if is friend is bad his dad "spanks him until he bleeds" and that an older sibling moved out when they were 16 be...

 
@Peter I strongly disagree, but maybe that's because a dating site told me nobody wanted me and essentially said to sod off. xD
Needless to say I may be a bit biased on the topic.
 
@EmC thanks :)
 
6:20 PM
Also, I feel that's a bit of a different conversation than the question I'm trying to refine. I'll post it again so those who are new to the chat can see its current progress.
To not get too long, the question as I have it so far is "What are some signs that show a purely professional relationship has evolved into something less formal in an environment where the power dynamic is shifted towards one of the parties?". Obviously I wouldn't explain the whole question like that, but that's kind of the gist of it.
 
I'm more on the introvert side as well and met my previous girlfriend through the internet, which is why I think dating sites could work. I don't know what dating site you used, however if it said that I think that would be quite rude.
yea the topic shifted a bit, however still a usefull discussion I think :)
 
Definitely, and it's most definitely related.
 
yea, we shifted a bit more to: "Where can I start dating people?"
 
@ExtrovertedMainMan POB
 
Ash
I met my husband through SE, so I have 0 input here that's helpful :P
 
6:25 PM
@Ash That's pretty cool actually.
 
@Ash .....how?
Sorry, that might be a bit rude. Did he answer a question you had or was it chat developed?
That's super neat.
 
Ash
@Anoplexian We started chatting in The Bridge (one of Arqade's chats) and things kinda developed from there.
 
Nice.
 
I think the same roughly happened with my second girlfriend. We just started talking and things developed and at a certain point we agreed to meed up at a neutral location.
 
So we're all agreed that dating through SE is the best way to go right?
 
6:28 PM
that said, seeing someone for the first time after you spoke to them daily for more than a year is quite a weird experience
 
They're the only SE mod couple we're aware of
 
Ash
@Peter It is, even if you've used Skype or whatever, in person is still a whole new level of strange
(sorry to sidetrack things :P)
 
I met my current girlfriend in an online game and we've been dating for 5 years now. It's....odd.
 
Ash
Long distance stuff is weird sometimes, and it's hard to explain to people who haven't done it
 
@Ash yep, we called with skype a lot and used a webcam so we know how we looked etc. We are already on a sidetrack of a sidetrack, so I guess its okay :)
 
Ash
6:30 PM
giggles fair enough
 
yea, I actually had a very seperated game life and real life so it was kinda weird to have them collapse. @Anoplexian odd but nice :)
 
Well it hasn't collapsed yet for me. We'll see what the future brings, but marriage isn't even on the table for a few more years.
 
Just seeing someone who you're emotionally close to after a long time apart can be pretty weird.
 
yea, because you know so much about eachother while not physically close
 
Ash
@sphennings It really can! It's so strange. Like I have to get used to being around my husband all over again every time we visit. It is always slightly odd for the first day or so.
 
6:35 PM
@Ash Do you two live together?
 
NVZ
@sphennings I'm about to meet a penpal in person in the coming days. I don't know how it will go. #WishNVZluck
 
It's too late to change that NVZ, already praying.
 
Ash
@Anoplexian Not yet! But once we tackle immigration, we will :)
@NVZ I hope it goes well! :)
 
@NVZ good luck!
 
@NVZ it will probably be alright, the first half hour is the most awkward (atleast it was in my experience) :)
 
6:37 PM
Ooooh out of country. Lucky for me my girlfriend was in country, but your commitment must be incredible. That's amazing.
 
Ash
@Anoplexian We've been together for almost 5 years, married for 8 months - we've gotten this down to a pattern that works for us :)
 
@Ash that's really sweet :)
 
Marriage is a scary prospect for me, although I'm not quite sure why. I have no problems with commitment, but that's really neat.
 
None of my partners are really big on marriage but one of my metamores is.
I'm pretty apathetic about it from a symbolic standpoint but as I get older I've come to appreciate the legal implications of it.
 
Ash
@sphennings It's not for everyone :)
 
NVZ
6:42 PM
@sphennings uhm.. metamores. I should google that.
 
Ash
In our case, it was a nice sort of symbol and it makes immigration infinitely easier so we win on both things :)
 
@NVZ In poly circles it's a term for people who date the people you date.
 
*metamour?
 
Ash
But who you aren't dating :)
 
(not correcting to be pedantic, just trying to ease NVZ's Googling :-) )
 
6:44 PM
It's another example of poly people mixing Latin and Greek roots. meta + amore.
@TheTinyMan Spelling was never my strong suit.
 
NVZ
@TheTinyMan Google tolerates typos. Google is my good friend.
 
@NVZ Google is pretty effing magical to be honest
 
NVZ
Would Google be considered a metamour, since Google is also in a relationship with all of you? #showerthoughts
 
@sphennings Reminds me of that meme about the teacher who is mortally offended when they first learn the term, because of the mixed roots. xD
 
@TheTinyMan It's one of the most overplayed poly jokes out there. "Polyamory is wrong. It should be either multiamory or polyphilia. Don't mix Greek and Latin roots!."
 
6:48 PM
@sphennings Yeah..."overplayed" doesn't bother me like it does most people I think. I still like Nickelback. ^.^
But it is the single most common one, you're right.
 
@sphennings what legal implications about marriage do you appreciate, if you don't mind me asking?
 
@NVZ good luck with your meet-up :)
 
NVZ
Thanks. :)
 
@D.Hutchinson If a partner gets hospitalized being able be with them in the hospital, and knowing that they can be there for me. Having my loved ones be the ones who make important medical decisions for me if I'm unable to make them myself.
 
6:51 PM
I see ...
 
Shared ownership of assets becomes easier if you are married.
Many of these rights that are given for free to married couples can be gained in other ways but it normally requires the involvement of a lawyer.
 
I see ...
 
I agree you should respect his decision. — Paparazzi 53 secs ago
#11226 Paparazzi (1010 rep) | Q: How to ask a friend to do professional work? (score: 6) | posted 3 hours ago by Steve (792 rep) | edited 3 hours ago by Steve (792 rep)
Matched regex(es) ["you\\W(really)?(need\\Wto|should)"]
 
7:19 PM
0
Q: How can I save my friend from tilting?

OnyzFrequently my friend will invite me to play a game that we both enjoy. It has a fairly venomous reputation for having a toxic community, and while there are exceptions I'm forced to agree with the reputation. Still, for the most part I think I am able to stay positive and we both have fun. Howe...

 
JAD
uuuuuh
where did the review queue go?
1
Q: Review menu missing from top bar

GlorfindelAs of a few minutes ago, the review menu/button has disappeared from the top bar: This seems to be a networkwide issue.

 
7:35 PM
2
Q: How can I "chill" about my position on game rules without looking like I'm just "taking my ball and going home"?

KendraMy friends at work and I meet up for lunch to play short card and board games. Lately, we've had enough people to play a card game every day. (Not like poker or such, packaged card games.) This is great! It's usually a huge stress relief for me, and a lot of fun! But one of the newer guys, who ...

 
JAD
 
I think it's waay too difficult to answer on this stack. Yes, interpreting signs is to an extent an Interpersonal Skill, but for this to work we'd need:

- A very, very clear view on the power balance,
- An insight into both persons, not only their cultural background but also their thought processes
- 'some signs' already suggests that a comprehensive list is probably impossible (and list questions aren't considered to be good for SE since every suggestion is equally valid)
- It would need an almost scientific definition of the terms 'purely professional' and 'less formal' > especially the
All in all, I don't think it's going to work and will be closed as Primarily Opinion Based
@JAD You're doing pretty okay ;) Don't worry too much XD
And, that's fine @Magisch - but I want to emphasize that nothing I did here should be seen as something only I or only a company representative can or should do; this entire discussion is based on a false premise, one which most answerers have charitably ignored... But one which undermines the very framework that these sites operate on: that folks who put in more should be allowed greater say in determining what is allowed. Ultimately, yes: we run the servers & we determine what runs on 'em... But far short of that, y'all are free to say, "we don't have to listen to every malcontent". — Shog9 ♦ 1 hour ago
I like that :) Now listen to meeeee!!!
starts singing a song
 
7:55 PM
what song are you singing? :o
 
@Peter What, aren't you listening? :P
 
you got me, I'll start listening now :)
 
This one is a bit rowdy, but we used to sing that and fight each other with sticks when studying archaeology: youtu.be/jFi7bWkyRpA
For the rest, I'm not that great of a singer, I can do the titanic theme song on karaoke nights, very badly :P
But it's nice to have a captivated audience :)
 
Sounds like a lot of fun :D never heard that song before
Be glad I didn't start singing with you
 
I never heard it before starting archaeology either, I think one of the more nerdy guys knew it ;)
@Peter Hahaha :P
 

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