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12:40 AM
3
Q: How can I explain why I declined someone's Facebook friend request without offending them?

HDE 226868Recently, I got several friend requests on Facebook from people I sort of knew in middle school. We went to different high schools, and so I haven't talked to them in five years, as I've just finished my first year in college. I prefer to keep my Facebook friends to people I would really charact...

Am I the only one who just doesn't respond to people who I don't know
I don't want to push the "decline" button because it seems too permanent
 
@10Replies @HDE226868 Clearly says that he knows the people... just doesn't currently have a relationship with them.
 
Well, thats the same for me. I know the people who want to be friends over facebook, I just either don't like interacting with them, or don't know them that well.
 
Clearly you're not the "only one" based on the comments :P
 
I see
Thats good
I guess
 
I think that there's a slight issue with a lot of the questions here... the "without offending" or "without being rude"... etc. I know that it's not really a good idea to respond to rude actions with rude actions but there's a big difference between setting boundaries and being "rude". "Rude" is very subjective.
 
12:49 AM
16
Interpersonal Skillsinterpersonal.stackexchange.com

Beta Q&A site for the life skills we use every day to communicate and interact with other people.

Currently in private beta.

We are slipping below 5 per day :/
if only meta questions counted lol
@Catija Its hard to be percieved as rude with lack of response over internet\
expecially if you don't know the person very well
 
Example: I was in a grocery store talking with the customer service desk. I was in the middle of a conversation and a college-age female came over, interrupted me mid sentence and asked if she could take a balloon... something that's there for kids, not adults... and when I called her out on being rude, she started bitching at me that I was the rude one for not being a pushover for her interruption.
 
Yeah, but, everything is different over the internet
 
@10Replies There's a personality type thing in there, too... I had a friend from middle school who was my "friend" on FB and I recently noticed that I hadn't been seeing any posts from him... assuming it was FB's idiotic filtering, I went to his page and realized he must have unfriended me at some point... we'd actually met up recently even, so I was surprised by it... but I decided not to bother figuring out if it was an accident or intentional because it doesn't matter.
 
I don't really use facebook that much so everything matters a lot less for me
Of course all my relatives use it, so I have to glance over it every once in a while
 
1:10 AM
@10Replies It's the last week of private beta... that's not unusual.
 
Not unusual, but, also not good.
 
No, in fact, considering we're three weeks in, I think it is good.
I don't understand why you're so concerned about it.
I'm going to assume you've read both my and HDE's answer to Sagar's meta post about activity dropping?
 
Why is it good?
It certainly isn't horrible, but, I don't think it is a particularly good thing.
 
I'm a mod on A&C. I can tell you that, at this point in our Private Beta, we were not getting 5 qpd.
Why do you think you even need to be concerned?
 
It's not concerning, it's just not good.
 
1:19 AM
Why not? What do you think it should be? There are only 40 avid users and 322 total users... how many questions do you think these people should be able to produce?
If we specifically want actual, non-hypothetical questions, we can't force people to come up with content for the site. 98% of questions are answered with an average of 2.7 answers. That's great. I'm not saying that all of the answers are great... but we're answering the questions...
they're not sitting around being ignored, which means that people will be more likely to feel like they can get help here.
 
 
1 hour later…
2:25 AM
@Catija yep that's true, we don't want to force hypothetical questions here. It's better to have real questions
 
true
 
@10Replies I understand why you worry. But there's not much we can do about it
 
I have some questions that i would like to ask but, i'm trying to think of a way to make them less vague and stupid.
 
That's part of what this room is for. Feel free to "poll the audience" for help if you need it.
Hey @HDE226868... still waiting on that FB request...
 
@10Replies yeh I think of questions and then forget them lol
 
2:28 AM
I have no questions... I'm perfect :P
 
@10Replies (A general note there) I often find that in certain situations, I either greatly overthink the situation or ignore certain aspects entirely. This whole situation is a case of the former.
@Catija I agree, to the extent that I think a meta post might be warranted. Without a decent definition of rude - or at least some ideas for how each OP can define "rude" - some questioners could find themselves up the creek without a paddle in some edge cases, kind of like the one you described.
 
I also think that some people confuse "direct" with "rude".
 
@Catija @10Replies I'll add to this the point that a variety of folks are asking questions. I just got the Curious Badge; only two others have it! That should show that it's not just a few people dominating the Newest Questions list. By the way, 2.7 answers/question isn't too bad. ;-)
@Catija Haha. :-) But that would give away my secret identity!
 
2:44 AM
Obviously, if I sent you a FB request, I already know who you are.... UNMASKED!!!
 
Checks Facebook
Nope, nothin' there.
 
Damn. Only 1.94 billion more people to try.
 
@Catija Were you to go snooping around at everything I've said over on Stack Exchange, you could narrow things down to . . . I believe three people.
 
That's a lot of snooping. I think I'll just leave you with your anonymity.
 
I'm cool with that.
 
3:09 AM
@HDE226868 yep I can relate to that
@Catija yep that's where cultural differences need to be acknowledged
I'm really hard to find on fb, I have the same username and profile pic as I use for se
If any regulars here wish to add me on fb, I'm happy with that.
 
3:25 AM
I'm just teasing him. I don't think I've made friends on FB with anyone from SE. My instagram account is open, though and has the same username as here.
 
4:16 AM
I have quite a few people from se, mainly from SO
 
 
5 hours later…
omg lol
 
Dude it all started with me.
 
next up: "one eternity later"
sssssh
 
I like spam.
test:
3
Q: How can I distinguish between a person being humorous and non-humorous?

ChristopherI have a situation where a person is telling many jokes, but the problem is it is hard to tell when they are serious. How should this situation be handled? They are an acquaintance that I work with. (This question is not on The Workplace as this is a more interpersonal issue.)

It's not fixed.
When linking a post from the main site it's still using the old site's logo.
Is that a problem? I mean it unnoticeable.
 
9:50 AM
I don't think so
 
I'm curious to know why that is happening
 
10:13 AM
Why what is happening?
Are you on about the logo displaying an "I" instead of the "IPS"?
 
@Crafter0800 yep
 
must be a cache error then for you, I just logged in on a school PC (first time) and it says "IPS" for me
 
If I copy the icon's url I get sent to this - cdn.sstatic.net/Sites/interpersonal/img/apple-touch-icon.png
 
10:16 AM
That says "IPS" for me lol
 
0
Q: Logo in chat different to site

Yvette ColombThe logo and icon for Interpersonal Skills was recently changed from IS to IPS. However, the posts in the site's chat room The Awkward Silence hasn't been updated and are still showing the old logo. See this post in chat

 
@YvetteColomb Have you tried clearing your cache and all? I can't see your images (school restrictions) however for me the small icon to the right of the question does say "IPS" for me
 
@Crafter0800 dang nabbit - cache strikes again ominous music
 
hahahhah lol
 
Cache's are always a pain, silently destroying your PC xD
 
15
Q: Favicon is identical to Islam's

MithrandirThe favicon for this site and Islam are essentially identical. Both say 'is'. Can we change this one so that it's not hopelessly confusing? The Interpersonal Skills one: Islam:

 
That also reads IPS for me too
 
I don't want to clear my cachem I have 20 tabs open and don't want to find them again
yep that says IPS
 
I think you can clear them for just 1 site
1 sec
 
10:19 AM
dang nabbit duh duh duuuuuuuh
 
yeh I can, But I don't want to
 
you can clear it for x time
 
rip
 
10:20 AM
Oh ok, I'll close my blinking browser and clear my cache. What needs to be done must be done
 
ah well, I think maybe it will update
Good luck
 
I'll be back. Don't miss me too much \o
 
lol I'll try xD
 
Fare thee well friends!! as I go forth to clear my cache!!!
 
And so she went on her long and tedious journey to clear the cache, in order to see the correct logo in the chat
 
10:23 AM
I have returned - wipes sweat from brow and dismounts white steed
 
@Crafter0800 I am going to try that.
oh
 
Welcome back m'lady
 
oh indeed - it has changed to IPS. I wasted a question on Meta
 
RIP
 
Poor you.
 
10:24 AM
thank you kind sir, did you miss me too much?
 
lol
@SagarV come forth and join us in chat
 
Ok moving on.
 
lol how's it going Henry?
xD
 
:38770439 yes! and it's not posted on Islam SE
oh and hi Henry
I like this question
 
10:27 AM
hi
 
Now there is another 500 years of silece
 
I voted to keep it open, as I have a lot of trouble with this issue myself and would like answers
 
Which one?
 
You can vote to keep it open?
 
you know there's no sponge bob for that now? challenge accepted!
@Crafter0800 int he review queue
 
10:28 AM
ooooh right I see
I think that just doesn't actually vote and just leaves it open lol
 
@HenryWHHackv2.0 the one ^^^^ about humour
 
I already did that though... I hink
 
lolol I'm laughing at my own posts
@HenryWHHackv2.0 yes!
 
@YvetteColomb You seem excited.
 
10:31 AM
@Crafter0800 no you didn't, but there is no peer pressure here at all
@HenryWHHackv2.0 I am happy and relieved
 
I just had a long talk to one of my lecturers and chose my other specialisation for my masters and changed my uni enrolment
so I have clarity
@HenryWHHackv2.0 intuitive are you
 
Fun Fact Where I like there is a lot of cats
 
cats you like, cats so have you will
deleted this you?
 
@YvetteColomb
and thanks for the invite
 
10:42 AM
@YvetteColomb I made a grammar mistake.
 
@HenryWHHackv2.0 it is common here in SE
 
yep
Have we met before?
 
hang on I have to pat my dog she's sad!
 
@YvetteColomb how many dogs you have
 
@HenryWHHackv2.0 to whom are you addressing that question?
@SagarV one dog
3 horses
3 cats
3 children
 
10:53 AM
@YvetteColomb I have 8
@YvetteColomb 0
@YvetteColomb 3
@YvetteColomb 0
 
@SagarV omg! you have to come to pets and ask questions and post pics in chat!

 The Litter Box

General discussion for pets.stackexchange.com. Pet pictures an...
 
have a small experience thr
Sagar V, Tanur, Kerala, India
128 3
 
@SagarV well continue please :)
 
will try
currently I have some privilege in SO and I am spending almost 8 hours there
 
11:02 AM
and rest 3-4 is on MSE
 
yes, tell me about it! It's addictive
 
yes.
this network is addictive
 
yep it is
what sort of dogs do you have?
 
3 lab
5 pomrnn
 
what sort of dogs do you have?
how did that go in twice
you have a lot of grooming to do there :)
 
11:28 AM
@YvetteColomb 3 labrador
5 pomaranian
@HenryWHHackv2.0 not sure. I am not that much active in this chat room.
 
@SagarV Yes we have.
Jul 3 at 14:32, by Sagar V
and if it continued, this site will fail @HenryWHHackv2.0
 
hmm
I am pingable 24x7 in tavern on meta and shadow's den
 
-2
Q: contact me immediately

user50178_silencelooking specifically for user named FREEDOM i dont want freedom i want liberation i am also looking for a specific user check my bio if ur interested goodbye. How can I help catch an email scammer who is contacting me? Downloadable Autonomous System contact information you fuck with me i ...

???
 
11:50 AM
@SagarV yep I understood :) the Pomeranians take a lot of brushing
 
hmm
exactly
 
yes
@HenryWHHackv2.0 yep that's something that should be reported in charcoal

Charcoal HQ

Where smoke is detected, diamonds are made, and we break thing...
 
I am still trying to understand what it means.
 
@HenryWHHackv2.0 that is a chat room, where spam and rude posts get picked up by a bot and the users flag it to delete it quickly
 
No not that the post.
 
12:06 PM
which post?
 
29 mins ago, by Henry WH Hack v2.0
-2
Q: contact me immediately

user50178_silencelooking specifically for user named FREEDOM i dont want freedom i want liberation i am also looking for a specific user check my bio if ur interested goodbye. How can I help catch an email scammer who is contacting me? Downloadable Autonomous System contact information you fuck with me i ...

 
the post he just linked
 
yes that one
 
oh don't try to understand it, he said he has schizophrenia. So only the op would understand it
 
just flag it
 
12:09 PM
I already did.
A long time ago.
 
it's gone
 
Yes
A long time ago.
 
which flag you raised?
 
rude/abusive
spam will also destroy it
 
Rude or Abusive.
 
12:09 PM
hm
that's good
it really abuse the system
 
Hold my hand and Trust in me.
 
I'll be listening to a lecture for a bit
 
how old are your kids @YvetteColomb
 
@SagarV 15, 17 and 23 :)
 
boy or girl?
 
 
1 hour later…
1:39 PM
@Crafter0800 in your nomination, this line has a problem one of my hobbies is visiting online forums such as this one
 
1:56 PM
@SagarV two boys and a girl :) In that order of descending age
I'm very proud of them
 
@SagarV what's the error?
 
SE is not a forum.
 
Meh
 
@Crafter0800 How are you?? I haven't seen you for 4 sponge bob hours
 
2:06 PM
I mean, it's close to it I don't know what other word I could use to describe se and other forums
 
@Crafter0800 SE is a Q&A site.
 
yeh people like to say it's not a forum, but... ok it's a Q&A site and it has plenty of chat rooms
 
@YvetteColomb good lord xD I've been okay, been at school though. Lemme fire up my pc
 
@Crafter0800 school? It's dark here. So you went to school when it was dark?? (maybe not where you live, but it was dark here)
ok I'm watching another lecture, will check on before I go to bed.
 
@YvetteColomb It is night here and I am still in my office
Complete work at 7pm. Spend 2 hours in Stack Overflow for reviewing things
 
2:16 PM
@SagarV :/ that's not good.
 
and leave office at 9 or 9.30 PM
addicted
 
oh yes, SO I get that lol
 
my TL caught me many times spending time in SO without doing pending works
lol
@Crafter0800 actually SE is a QA site network. There is a huge difference between a QA site and forum.
A forum is meant for discussion and in SE, we ask for things that can be answered. not for discussed.
No prob. as you said that you're not familiar in SE, no prob'
@YvetteColomb have you finished
 
A better thing to say is:
 
what
 
2:23 PM
SE is a no nonsense Q&A site.
 
@SagarV haven't started, too busy chatting O>O
 
great
I finished my work 1 hour ago
still didn't left office
 
this is study, not work
 
hmm
about what
 
A masters in information technology specialising in Software design and development and network security
 
I mean doesn't seem right.
 
hmm yeah
in India,
It also known for Income Tax
 
@HenryWHHackv2.0 it really is an entirely different thing
 
it itself is too broad lol
aww that's why you are not responding for 5 minutes
 
2:38 PM
@SagarV ?
 
I mean you are busy typing [tag:i] and so on
 
@YvetteColomb I've only just got back from it, runs from 8am til 3pm
 
@HenryWHHackv2.0 wow kudos, that took effort
@Crafter0800 what year are you in?
 
12
End of lol
 
2:40 PM
@YvetteColomb Not really.
 
@Crafter0800 nice. What do you plan to do when you finish?
 
Go stright to university lol
Studying Physics preferably :P
 
physics? I don't know how people study that thing
 
nice physics sounds good
ok I must go to bed and listen to my lecture. I will say good night \o
 
Good night
Physics is amazing
 
2:47 PM
agree!
 
@Crafter0800 Same here! Are you interested in any particular area(s) of physics?
 
AYYYYY PHYSICS
Mainly Theoretical
 
Tries to high-five and misses
 
Science Nerds interpersonal skills in a nutshell ^
 
we are about to public beta and we need to promote this community.
I created Unofficial twitter and facebook accounts to promte this community.
If anyone interested in working with me, let me know
 
3:02 PM
I mean I've never don'e a private beta before so I'll just let you do you xd
 
@SagarV Would you mind sharing those links?
 
/StackIpS on both twitter and facebook
 
By the way, if we're talking community promotion, it would be awesome if we could interface with other SE sites.
The Workplace, Parenting, RPG . . .
Having a pretty darn subjective site does lead to some issues. But they've been down this road before.
Anyway, we could learn a thing or two from them.
@SagarV Thanks.
 
@YvetteColomb No... It's not a forum. Chat is secondary... or tertiary... calling SE a "forum" is bad.
 
@Catija Do you have any idea what SE would be classed as that would also encompass forums
 
3:11 PM
53 mins ago, by Sagar V
@Crafter0800 actually SE is a QA site network. There is a huge difference between a QA site and forum.
53 mins ago, by Sagar V
A forum is meant for discussion and in SE, we ask for things that can be answered. not for discussed.
 
-1
Q: Unofficial social media accounts to promote this site

Sagar VSince we are going to public beta, I just created unofficial twitter account at the handle @StackIpS and facebook account at the handle @StackIpS to promote this community. I strongly believe that social media plays a huge role in developing the community. We can attract more people to our site ...

 
3:33 PM
@HDE226868 May I ask what area of physics you're into? Was it theoretical too?
 
@Crafter0800 I'm currently pursuing a degree in astrophysics.
 
Oh nice, best of luck with that :P
 
Yvette Colomb has been automatically appointed as owner of this room. (What does this mean?)
2
 
@Crafter0800 Thanks! You, too.
 
@YvetteColomb Congratulations! :D
Who was the origional owner?
@HDE226868 Thanks :D
 
3:36 PM
@Crafter0800 I don't know that there is such a thing that also excludes generic "social media".
 
hm okay, I'll leave it like that for now, as like I've named it as an example so forums + SE seems like a good middle ground until I can think of something better
 
 
1 hour later…
4:39 PM
@Crafter0800 No one.
So you can say YvetteColomb is the original owner.
@SagarV What are you hiding behind the black paint?
 
 
1 hour later…
5:58 PM
@Catija Would you still consider a meta post about the definition of "rude"?
 
@HDE226868 Writing one? Sure. I'll try to work on it this afternoon if I can... unless you want to? I'm happy to get some talking points if you have any recommendations.
 
@Catija Nothing of substance comes to mind at the moment.
 
 
2 hours later…
7:56 PM
@Crafter0800 thank you :)
@Catija I never said it was a forum. I was lightening the blow. I understand why the post said that in meta, that is all and I didn't think it warranted calling out the user.
 
8:35 PM
This is funny
I guess I know why you haven't accepted my friend request now... ;). Honestly, I have family who were sitting in my inbox for years without a response. My account is completely locked down so you have to have a mutual friend to even find me. Makes it easy because these randos can't send a friend request. — Catija yesterday
 
It's also true. :/ I'm really non-confrontational when it comes to FB... and it's why I have my account completely locked down.
 
@HDE226868 I know I've gone against what you asked, but it's a different take on your question. Let me know what you think of it as an answer.
@Catija I think that's fine if you want to do that
I thought the "I guess I know why you haven't accepted my friend request now." was really funny :)
 
@YvetteColomb I like it, especially this bit:
> In terms of etiquette, if a person is not in your "real life" circle of friends, it's rude of them to confront you for not accepting the friendship request.
 
@HDE226868 ah good. Because my answer is advising you to do the thing you don't want to do :p
 
I like that over some of the suggestions involving excuses because it establishes that the person (well, me) receiving the solicitation shouldn't feel compelled to come up with an excuse for not doing so.
 
8:41 PM
btw, can I send you a fb fr? LOLOL
@HDE226868 exactly
 
@YvetteColomb Haha.
 
You can the excuses up your sleeve, if you run into people at a school reunion
bullies @HDE226868 into accepting FB FR
 
Fortunately, there aren't that many middle-school reunions. . .
 
what's middle school?
 
In the US, we have elementary school (grades ~2-5), middle school (~6-8), and high school (~9-12). Ranges vary in some parts.
I'm not sure what the equivalent is where you are.
 
8:44 PM
ok
we have infants K-2, primary 3-6, high school 7-12. There's two places people usually leave, year 10 and year 12
infants and primary is usually at the same school
sometimes part or all of the primary school can be attached to a high school
@Catija is that your baby?
 
Yes.
There's lots of photos of him on my instagram account... I'm a bit obsessed.
 
that's the best way to be :)
he's very cute
I still think of my kids as my babies in many ways. I still think they're gorgeous
 
@HDE226868 Elementary starts at grade 2 now? I thought most elementary schools were K-5.
 
@Catija I think my town's a little abnormal in that regard (we have separate K-1). I'm heard mixtures.
 
@YvetteColomb Thanks :D
 
8:48 PM
yep - technically our primary schools will be K-6, but within it, it's separated
 
How old are yours?
 
15, 17 and 23 :)
I'm 50
How old is your bub?
 
I'm 35... so I had my first when you were having your third :P He's 10-1/2 months. Turns 1 on August 25th.
 
yeh, that's more usual these days
aw nice
they're so lovely at that age.
it's nice to get to know people. I am hesitant to ask about things like that - i.e. your pic. Because I'm mindful we're in a public place so to speak (or will be)
I'm fairly open about my life, but not everyone else is
 
I have limits. I don't usually share images of myself or my real name... but it's difficult to hide a social media account with the same name as my username.
I have actually met up with one of the other users just recently. I went to San Jose and had lunch with them.
 
8:57 PM
nice :)
I'm meeting up with someone soon. We live near each other
There's other people I've been on FB with over the years
I first joined SO 5 years ago
 
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