English Language & Usage: Multi-Layered Discourse Room

I just don't know what bad things happened to you. For me, most of the bad things that happened are related to what my father did. For you, I don't know.

KitFox

12:15 AM

Oh I see.

Jasper Loy

So I would say that it is largely my father who caused my mental problems, which are ruining my life.

KitFox

Well, if it were easy to explain, I wouldn't have needed years of therapy.

Basically, my mother.

Jasper Loy

So I summarised in one sentence.

I see, your mum.

So I guess we both have parent issues.

KitFox

Yes. Pretty common, unfortunately.

Jasper Loy

I think parent issues could even be the main cause of most anxiety and depression. The underlying problem.

KitFox

12:18 AM

Could be.

I don't know enough to really know.

I certainly was the case of me.

Jasper Loy

Well, I don't think the professionals know much better than we do.

KitFox

I had a really good therapist. Without him, no matter what I knew, I'd be dead now.

Jasper Loy

They study books, see cases, but most don't live it for themselves.

I wonder what happened to the woman raped by her father for 24 years in that Austrian cellar.

KitFox

I wonder what happened to my second cousin who was raped by her father who subsequently committed suicide in front of her.

I also wonder if that story was real or something my mother made up.

Jasper Loy

I believe there are 2 kinds of people who commit suicide. Good people and bad people.

Now that doesn't say very much.

KitFox

12:22 AM

haha

Jasper Loy

I think that if I get well and go to grad school in the end, after a few more years, that would really be a miracle.

KitFox

I think that is an attainable goal.

Jasper Loy

From the very start, I know there is a possibility that I might never get well. But because there is a possibility that I might get well, I live on.

KitFox

Maybe you can find a way to live with not getting well.

I mean, if you aren't able to for some reason.

Jasper Loy

Well, yes I can always redefine the illness and the cure.

There can be miracles when you believe.

KitFox

12:29 AM

Sometimes you need to step sideways in order to keep moving forward.

Jasper Loy

Can you recommend me an inspiring movie to watch?

KitFox

Let me think a bit.

Have you seen Amelie?

Jasper Loy

No.

KitFox

It's in French with subtitles.

If you don't mind that, it's inspiring.

Jasper Loy

By the way, why are you on your computer? Don't you have other stuff to do at home now?

KitFox

12:37 AM

I'm staying down near where I work again.

So I'm goofing off tonight.

Jasper Loy

Ah, by yourself, because of the weather?

KitFox

Yes, kind of. I have a big thing that was due tomorrow.

And it's very, very cold and extremely windy.

Jasper Loy

Is there snow there now?

KitFox

Snow, but not snowing.

Jasper Loy

The weather here is pretty boring. Sunny every day, with rain sometimes.

I think some people like that so they move here.

KitFox

12:40 AM

Rain like crazy sometimes though, right?

Jasper Loy

Yes, especially in December, I think.

KitFox

Ugh.

Jasper Loy

I have not gone out for about 3 weeks now.

KitFox

When I had my firstborn, I didn't leave the house for a month.

Jasper Loy

Because you felt bad?

KitFox

12:41 AM

I remember muscling his stroller through the snow just to get outside for a little while.

@JasperLoy It was hard.

To get into the habit of caring for a baby.

Jasper Loy

Aha. I would like to get married, but I don't want kids, I think.

KitFox

Kids are something you shouldn't have unless you are really committed to being a parent. I know a few people who suck at parenting.

I think not having kids should be more socially acceptable than it is.

Jasper Loy

It takes a lot of time to be a good parent. After what has happened to me, I don't think I have that kind of time left in life anymore.

When I finally get well, I would be lucky to marry some divorcee or widow, lol.

Sometimes, I console myself by telling myself that maybe the second half of my life would be mostly good luck since the first half is mostly bad luck.

KitFox

That's a good plan.

You get a little farther from the bad stuff every day.

A little closer to the good stuff.

Jasper Loy

I guess when I get into grad school, I would try to join a dating site and meet more Marias.

KitFox

12:47 AM

You might not need a dating site. Maybe you will meet someone at school.

Jasper Loy

Initially I thought I would enter at around 30. But now I cannot enter even at 35. I might only make it there at 40.

I will be 34 this year.

KitFox

Lots of people don't go to grad school until late.

You've got time.

Jasper Loy

It's very sad when I think of how I have spent the past 7 years doing nothing except trying to get well.

Will you still be around for a while more? I will say a bit more.

KitFox

I wish you weren't sad about that. Would it make you sad if you had spent 7 years trying to learn to walk after a terrible accident?

@JasperLoy I'm here.

Jasper Loy

@KitFox Hmm, I see. I guess I need to feel less guilty. In fact, guilt is one of the major components of my OCD. Guilt and doubt.

KitFox

12:51 AM

Well, don't feel guilty about feeling guilty!

Jasper Loy

I quit my job at 26. I was on a scholarship, so when I quit, I had to pay back a huge sum of money. But I quit because I could not cope with it anymore. It's so huge that I don't dare to write the amount here.

KitFox

Bad things happened to you. You compensated as best you could. Those things helped you then, but they don't help you now, they make you feel crazy. So you need to figure out some other way.

But unlearning things is really hard.

Finding new ways is really hard.

Letting go of things that once worked is difficult.

Because you keep thinking that it will help again if you keep doing it.

Jasper Loy

Also, sometimes when I think I have finally nailed my problems, something unexpected happens, and I have more things to deal with. Sometimes, these new things seem insurmountable.

KitFox

@JasperLoy Yikes. I'm still paying off student loans. Small mortgage amounts.

Jasper Loy

Are you going to do programming like jobs for the rest of your life? Have you thought of switching?

KitFox

12:59 AM

I did switch, technically. I don't write code anymore.

I write requirements.

I'm really good at it. Better than I was at coding.

Jasper Loy

Aha, OK. Good for you.

KitFox

Maybe I'll be just a writer someday.

Jasper Loy

I am trying to get exempted from doing any more reservist, but I doubt they will let me off. I got downgraded though, so I do less things, mostly office work.

So the kids have someone to look after them tonight at home?

KitFox

Yes, my husband.

Jasper Loy

One day, when I make it there, I must try to meet you.

Hi @Mr.ShinyandNew安宇.

KitFox

1:09 AM

We'll have coffee. Well, I'll have coffee, you can have tea.

Mr. Shiny and New 安宇

good evening

@JasperLoy My advice to you in this regard is unchanged, despite the fact that I work for a dating website: you should just get out and try to make friends with some women, with no romantic purposes.

KitFox

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 tips hat

Mr. Shiny and New 安宇

@KitFox how are you this evening?

KitFox

OK.

I got upgraded to a suite for free, so I got booze and pizza and had a nice whirlpool tub earlier.

Mr. Shiny and New 安宇

nice

Jasper Loy

1:19 AM

@KitFox Wow, that sounds lovely!

Mr. Shiny and New 安宇

I just finished off the New Year's carrot cake.

KitFox

Yum.

Damn.

I should have gotten some dessert.

Jasper Loy

Carrot cake here means something very different. Not made of carrot.

It's a fried dish made of some kind of vegetable.

KitFox

A vegetable that isn't carrot?

Mr. Shiny and New 安宇

@JasperLoy oh... lo bo gao?

Jasper Loy

1:21 AM

Let me google it...

Mr. Shiny and New 安宇

hm, maybe luo bo gao?

a white "turnip" cake, with dried sausage and shrimp?

Jasper Loy

Yes.

Chai tow kway

Chai tao kway is a common dish or dim sum of Teochew cuisine in Chaoshan (China), Singapore and Malaysia, consisting of stir-fried cubes of radish cake. == Names == It is also known as "fried carrot cake" or simply "carrot cake" in Southeast Asian countries, as the word for daikon (POJ: chhài-thâu), one of its main ingredients, can also refer to a carrot (POJ: âng-chhài-thâu, literally "red radish"). There is no connection between this dish and the sweet Western carrot cake eaten as a dessert. This misnomer gave the title to a popular guidebook on Singapore's street food, There's No Carro...

Robusto

@EdwinAshworth: How about recondite and abstruse? — Robusto 1 hour ago

Pwned.

Mr. Shiny and New 安宇

@JasperLoy I've made that before. It's not my cup of tea, but my wife likes it.

Jasper Loy

@KitFox So, it's actually made of radish.

Mr. Shiny and New 安宇

1:23 AM

What dialect is "chai tow kway"?

Jasper Loy

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 I think it is Hokkien.

KitFox

@JasperLoy daikon?

Oh right. Daikon. Right there.

I've had that. It's good.

White carrot tastes like radish.

Robusto

What dialect is "chop suey"?

Jasper Loy

@Robusto No idea.

@KitFox The black version is with sweet sauce.

Robusto

@JasperLoy American.

Chop suey is an American invention.

1885, American English, from Chinese (Cantonese dialect) tsap sui "odds and ends, mixed bits."

KitFox

1:26 AM

I didn't know there was a black version.

I'm trying to decide if I should drink more rum.

Mr. Shiny and New 安宇

@KitFox If you need to ask, then yes, you should. If you're too drunk to ask, then no, you shouldn't.

Robusto

There is a general gao and a special gao, just like for relativity

Jasper Loy

Maybe I should get some wine. It might make me feel better.

Robusto

The secret truth about alcohol.

KitFox

I got Kraken Rum to try.

It's bold.

Robusto

1:30 AM

@JasperLoy You a bourbon man? Try the Col. E. H. Taylor single-barrel bourbon.

Jasper Loy

Thanks, I know nothing about wine. I think I have at most one glass per year, lol.

Robusto

Well, wine can only get you so far.

Jasper Loy

Also, I have never smoked.

Robusto

Tobacco or other?

KitFox

Some pot would fix you up right.

Cerberus

1:32 AM

Wine got me pretty far tonight.

Jasper Loy

Drugs here may get you the death penalty, if in large enough amounts, lol.

Robusto

I wouldn't recommend weed in your neck of the woods, @Jasper. The police are a humorless lot, from what I hear.

KitFox

Then only do small amounts.

Or eat chocolate.

Jasper Loy

@Robusto Even the possession of porn is illegal, and about 100 porn sites are blocked.

Robusto

Out of how many?

Jasper Loy

1:33 AM

Millions, lol.

Robusto

And how do you know that?

Jasper Loy

It's not a secret.

But the list of sites that are blocked is secret.

Robusto

Get a visa and come to the U.S. I think you'd be happier.

Jasper Loy

To feel consoled, they block many more sites in China.

Robusto

That's what they do to feel consoled?

Jasper Loy

1:36 AM

Well, that was a bad sentence, lol.

KitFox

bravebirdpaperart.com/birds-ive-been

Cerberus

You know when you're really consoled?

If you have a Nintendo DS.

Robusto

Wha?

Nintendo?

Sheesh.

Cerberus

It is admittedly a small console.

It sucks.

Robusto

OIC

Cerberus

1:38 AM

Consoled suck, it's bad to be consoled.

Robusto

Finally got it.

Cerberus

I know puns are not your thing.

Robusto

You should have worked in "little" to the joke.

Cerberus

What are you, sober?

Robusto

> Know what I do when I want to feel a little consoled?

Something like that.

Cerberus

1:39 AM

Perhaps I should have...but there wasn't time.

Robusto

The really threw me off.

Cerberus

Nor sobriety.

Robusto

I am in fact sober. I have not imbibed today at all.

Yet there is still time, brother.

Cerberus

Well, really was supposed to be parallel to very bad, because a console is bad, and the DS is even worse.

Robusto

Bragging rights if you can figure out what movie that still comes from.

Cerberus

1:40 AM

Who is that, and what did he do with his third dot?

Robusto

But ya gotta do it quick.

Cerberus

O Brother, Where Art Thou?

I know very few movies.

Robusto

buzzer

On the Beach (1959 film)

On the Beach is a 1959 American post-apocalyptic science fiction drama film, produced and directed by Stanley Kramer, and starring Gregory Peck, Ava Gardner, Fred Astaire and Anthony Perkins. The film is based on Nevil Shute's 1957 novel of the same name depicting a nuclear war and its aftermath. Unlike the novel, no blame is placed on whoever started the war; it is hinted that it may have been an accident, a few faulty vacuum tubes, or transistor circuits as in the similarly themed film Fail-Safe (1964). == Plot == In 1964, in the months following World War III, the Cold War conflict has...

KitFox

room topic changed to English Language & Usage: Lally lally lally, get your adverbs here [svengelska]

Cerberus

My grandmother wasn't even born then.

Robusto

1:42 AM

@Cerberus Bullshit.

You're so drunk you can't do arithmetic anymore.

Cerberus

bows

My father was born in 1940.

Robusto

Don't forget, you're not really drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Cerberus

holds on to floor

Mr. Shiny and New 安宇

@Cerberus My grandmother wasn't even born then either. She was born way earlier.

Cerberus

I'm not really drunk.

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 Hah. Hah.

Very droll, Humphrey.

Robusto

1:43 AM

@Cerberus But you play one on TV?

Cerberus

Do I?

Robusto

I don't know. Do you?

Cerberus

I usually play in front of the TV, but not on it.

Mr. Shiny and New 安宇

It used to be possible to play on the TV, but now they're so thin you can't keep your balance

Cerberus

Except that I don't have a TV.

Robusto

1:44 AM

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 Unless you're one of my cats.

Cerberus

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 Gosh, we are so terribly funny and original tonight, you and I.

In other words, jinx.

Robusto

My wife skidded her car into a curb and bent the wheel rim. Then she didn't even mention it to me. I found out when I drove it on Saturday. It wobbled all over, and she'd been driving it that way for a week. Said she didn't notice.

Why We Can't Have Nice Things.

Cerberus

Ah.

Robusto

Pro tip: If you see you're sliding into a curb, at least straighten out the wheel so you don't hit it sideways.

Cerberus

She may have been too embarrassed?

Robusto

1:50 AM

I actually don't think that was it. I think she didn't get that a thing like that matters.

Cerberus

By wheel rim, you mean the rim of the steering wheel?

Robusto

No. The steel part of the wheel, the part inside the rubber tire.

Cerberus

I know nothing about cars...

Ohh the car wheel.

Robusto

Well, you know they run around on wheels, right?

Cerberus

At least now I know which part you mean.

Mr. Shiny and New 安宇

1:52 AM

@Robusto I did that once when I was 17

Cerberus

If you hit it frontally, at least the wheel will, with a nasty bump, get over the edge of the curb?

Robusto

It's the kind of thing inexperienced drivers do.

@Cerberus You are likely to do less damage to the car.

Cerberus

Whereas, semi-sideways...who knows what happens.

To the car, or to the wheel?

Robusto

The wheel is part of the car.

Cerberus

Sure.

Robusto

1:54 AM

The wheel is the most vulnerable part in that situation.

Cerberus

But "the rest of the car" is longer, and awkward if it comes before the other part.

OK.

Robusto

If you can line it up orthogonally to the curb, you stand a chance of escaping without any real damage.

And in a skid, don't forget that turning the wheel in the direction of the skid is a bad idea anyway. You'd want to turn it toward the place where the back of the car wants to go.

Cerberus

2:22 AM

Makes sense.

Szabolcs

It's used for heating. We burn wood or coal inside. What is it called? A stove is used for cooking. What about when it's used for heating?

KitFox

A stove.

Or a woodstove.

Thanks.

sure thing

2:31 AM

Cute.

Szabolcs

I miss that. You can lean against it to warm up. It's -14 C here and I'm cold.

With one of those I'm fine even if it's -30 outside.

Jasper Loy

It's 28 C here, lol. Move here.

Szabolcs

Where is that? Australia?

KitFox

It's -30 here.

With the wind chill.

Jasper Loy

I will keep my location a secret, lol.

Szabolcs

2:33 AM

Can't move there then! :P

KitFox

@JasperLoy I thought you were sleeping.

Jasper Loy

@KitFox No, these few days, I sleep 2 hours, wake up 2 hours to do thinking.

KitFox

Ah, I see.

Jasper Loy

What time do you usually sleep?

Szabolcs

You know, I used to live in a supposedly warm place for a while. In the winter it was +10 C outside, but there was no proper insulation and no heating whatsoever. I never felt so cold during winter as there ...

KitFox

2:36 AM

@JasperLoy About another 30 minutes from now.

Szabolcs

@JasperLoy polyphasicsociety.com/polyphasic-sleep/overviews/uberman-2

Jasper Loy

@KitFox Wow, that's very early. Actually, that's a school kid's bedtime.

KitFox

@JasperLoy I don't think so.

My kids go to bed at 7:30.

Jasper Loy

OK. When I was in school, I slept at about 10 pm.

When I was working, I slept at about 11 pm.

But these days, there is no pattern to my sleep. Completely random.

KitFox

Pre-children, I slept after 1am or later.

Jasper Loy

2:39 AM

My mum works but sleeps very little, like 5 hours a day. I tell her to sleep more, at least 7.

KitFox

But I got up later too.

Now I get up early, go to bed early.

Well. Earlier.

I don't think 10pm is early.

For a woman my age.

Jasper Loy

Here school starts at 7.30 am or so, ridiculously early.

KitFox

That's when school starts here. Well, when the eldest gets on the bus.

But we live next to the school. I think they start at 7:45.

Jasper Loy

Oh, OK. I thought you guys start at 9 am, lol.

KitFox

My other son doesn't start until 9, but he's in pre-K.

Jasper Loy

2:42 AM

I feel better after talking to you just now. Of course, it's easy to feel worse soon after.

KitFox

Take the good with the bad.

Jasper Loy

Sometimes, when you say things that make me feel better, I will go back and read the transcript.

Mitch

Abstruse and recondite are equally obscure. — Mitch 2 mins ago

Jasper Loy

That's one of my techniques.

Cerberus

@Mitch Haha.

cornbread ninja 麵包忍者

2:43 AM

Ya take the good, ya take the bad, ya take 'em both and there ya have / the facts of life / the facts of life

Mitch

@Cerberus Like a good New Yorker comic, I didn't laugh out loud.

Jasper Loy

There is a sudden influx of characters.

Mitch

I'm outfluxing.

cornbread ninja 麵包忍者

@JasperLoy 麵包忍者

Mitch

Yes, I plan to see a doctor about that.

Cerberus

2:44 AM

Neither did I.

KitFox

@JasperLoy Sounds helpful.

Jasper Loy

It's so easy to fall asleep after eating a heavy meal.

@cornbreadninja麵包忍者 I guess that's supposed to be Japanese, but it's actually Chinese too.

Mitch

@JasperLoy or glass of milk. or hot chocolate

mmm... hot chocolate

Jasper Loy

I now have a habit of not drinking anything for 2 hours before sleep, then I don't have to wake up to pee.

Mitch

@JasperLoy smart.

Jasper Loy

2:50 AM

@Mitch Almost nobody drinks hot chocolate here. It's very uncommon.

Mitch

warm milk then?

Jasper Loy

@KitFox Are you prepared for the big thing at work tmr?

KitFox

@JasperLoy Relatively.

Jasper Loy

@Mitch I think warm milk is also uncommon, except among the elderly.

Mitch

I don't think Antarctica is big into milk products.

Jasper Loy

2:51 AM

Well, we do sell lots of milk here, cold milk mainly.

Mitch

how about say...

KitFox

@JasperLoy Warm milk is a good way to get sleepy.

Mitch

spicy pizza?

That's supposed to give you weird dreams.

Jasper Loy

Pizza is not common here.

Mitch

ok then... spicy noodles.

Jasper Loy

2:52 AM

OK, noodles is common.

Mitch

@KitFox It may be slow of me, but 'lally' is not really an adverb, is it?

KitFox

Um.

Mitch

didnt you change the subtitle?

Jasper Loy

You know, I think when I talk, I sound like a frog croaking, lol.

KitFox

►

I guess I just remembered it wrong.

Jasper Loy

2:56 AM

I didn't realise how I sound until I recorded it and played back. It's different from what you hear.

Mitch

I know what you mean. When I hear my voice recorded, I just cringe.

Jasper Loy

Anyway, what others hear, that might be another thing altogether.

Mitch

@KitFox That whole tune I remembered differently... except for the lolly part.

KitFox

@Mitch Funny how that works.

Mitch

Strunk and White say not to use adverbs at all...except in Tom Swifty's... he said reflexively.

@KitFox I'm remembering more as the song goes on.

KitFox

2:59 AM

I remembered the "condition or reason" part, kind of weirdly and fragmented.

Mitch

@KitFox "Besides they're absolutely free"

KitFox

yes.

Because they mean nothing.

Transcript for

English Language & Usage: Multi-Layer…