stop the merry-go-round

I wondered that when I first saw the question. It's an acronym for the favorable qualities of a clustered index.

Although I can't say I've ever seen someone using that acronym.

that's what the context suggested

what does it stand for?

Unique, small, ever-increasing. I can't remember the N.

never use shitty ebbreviations

2:16 AM

lol

@sp_BlitzErik help me out here, what's a good word that starts with E?

narrow, unique, static, ever increasing

NOT HELPFUL

i prefer NUDES

2

but whatever

that question should be banned

did you see the screen cap?

dta indexes

you can nominate it for deletion

2:17 AM

8 key columns wide

you don't need clustered index design help, you need a boxing glove on a spring to pop out of your computer every time dta opens

@sp_BlitzErik not allowed in the twitter era

never use shitty encryption?

@sp_BlitzErik ah, that's it!

uniqueness is overrated

people get hung up on the dumbest things

not in the slums of oltp

what, these people can't spare a conditional four bytes?

2:20 AM

don't be obtuse, joseph

" A similar query takes over 12 minutes when run against a table on a linked server running SQL Server 2008"

linked server + 2008 (not even R2) = eject

4 bytes...can you overflow the uniquifier? What happens?

why don't you find out

jive turkey

So this is how I get IP banned from dbfiddle.

I'm actually at a hotel with no computer other than this phone.

@jadarnel27 error 666

oh yeah

that reminds me

2:24 AM

sounds lewd

I want to know if you can overflow a delta store

pretty sure you can

@JoeObbish spooky

My friend is running 60 miles tomorrow. I'm going to run the last 10 with him.

> otherwise, use another clustering key

@jadarnel27 why? is he terminally ill?

Who knows, dude is nutballs.

uwharrie100.com

@jadarnel27 you can't say that in 2018

2:28 AM

My bad. Dude is mentally ill, but I love and accept him for who he is.

I'm running the last 10 with him to try and make sure he doesn't die.

That's 12 hours of running.

Doesn't even make sense.

I wouldn't run 10 miles for anyone

you don't run a mile an hour?

@sp_BlitzErik I meant the whole race will take about 12 hours haha.

so you're tailgating for 11 hours

some friend

Josh used to be a walker in gym class for the mile

2:31 AM

eat plenty of hot dogs

@sp_BlitzErik I'm a real selfless guy.

"These climbs may seem tame your first few laps but we promise you that by the end of the race you will understand why they have earned names such as "The Soul Crusher" or "Hallucination Hill"."

@JoeObbish ORLY???? Looks like we're cleaning up the joint!

sounds perfect for a database developer

@SeanGallardy Sean continues to have no idea how to use the site confirmed

@JoeObbish @sp_BlitzErik true story, I'm the shortest of the group.

@JoeObbish Confirmed, affirmed, all of the firmed

I don't know how tall @jadarnel27 is though...

2:35 AM

he's tall in spirit

@SeanGallardy 5' 9"

@jadarnel27 TWINSIES

negative

someone must be taller

He's probably taller

break out the tape measures

2:37 AM

I'm more like 5'8.75"

@SeanGallardy because you lie about your height?

@SeanGallardy you'll have to settle for triplets.

sean is six foot on tinder

@jadarnel27 As long as they are past the diaper stage

@SeanGallardy oh, I just meant we can't be twinsies because I already have a twin.

IRL

2:40 AM

Impossible, I don't see a half-beard

Also, I might attempt some C# this weekend... If the internet breaks it was due to me

@SeanGallardy It is, it's just all in the middle of his chin.

lol

@SeanGallardy Were you taller than Forrest?

@JoeObbish Oh hell no

You people are all 6'+ tall

I didn't get the tall genetics, just the heart attacks and cancer ones

haha excellent

2:43 AM

I might weigh as much as Forrest though

@Joe you're not going to call @Sean out for saying "you people?" It's 2018!

i'm 5'10"

when i don't slouch

@sp_BlitzErik and yet you tower over me

in many ways

Also, in b4 Paul says he's like 2.06 meters

2:44 AM

@sp_BlitzErik how often is that?

he's 117 sandwiches tall

@jadarnel27 i try to be mindful

haha so I was leaving tonight and I walked past the IaaS people and I was like.. hey let me ask you something real quick...

How can I get my IaaS disks to be super slow

Like, reallllly slow

create them

It was a legitimate question on my end

I was hoping I could have one of them like artificially limit my IOPs or something

Apparently you have to go out of your way to create a bad setup for it to be bad lol

@SeanGallardy did they have to stop spinning the disks by hand to answer you?

2:47 AM

I think @sp_BlitzErik you all do more work with Amazon, correct?

@jadarnel27 haha no, I normally just go into Hyper-V and set the IO limits on the disk object

@SeanGallardy well that's good news!

just spill 200 pages to tempdb

that takes longer than one second in the cloud

"Featuring: Really Bad Queries by Joe Obbish"

I bet the real reason Microsoft developed adaptive memory feedback was so they could make azure tempdb storage even worse

We do what we can

2:49 AM

@SeanGallardy I could write out 200 pages per hand faster than you jokers

haha maybe!

what about in cursive?

@SeanGallardy for clients, yes. we have done some azure work, but sql db is painful because you dickshits can't figure out what dmvs to include from day to day

I still use the CLR thing to recommend against the cloud

there's one guy in the frk channel on slack

once a month he'll pop in

"scripts broke in azure again"

"can you fix it?"

then he'll come back

"scripts work again, nevermind"

@JoeObbish which is?

2:52 AM

LOL

Maybe they should raise it to uservoice but file it under SSMS?

> mfw not knowing all the anti-cloud talking points

@SeanGallardy cheat code unlocked.

brentozar.com/archive/2016/04/…

waves hands security! waves hands

also

maybe I'm a jerk

2

2:53 AM

@jadarnel27 hehehe ;)

but the optics of someone relaxing a beach wearing sunglasses telling database people that a feature they've used for years is suddenly no longer supported aren't very good, no?

Who uses CLR?

... because you're holding it wrong.

paul does

absolute madman with it

Adam Machanic

adam's new project is a python app with a postgres back end

2:55 AM

Just saying, I have yet to see a good implementation of CLR in SQL

sounds like there's a power vacuum

by good, I mean scalable, fast, reliable

we use SQLCLR

I wrote a design today saying that we should stop using it as soon as possible

hate it when I prove Sean right

Good man

@JoeObbish you could be the next top 2147483647

2:57 AM

Have you looked at Solomon's stuff?

the guy just seems so competent

i've never had a use for it

yes, he's amazingly thoughtful

asking the "we create products that are too difficult to use" guy

@JoeObbish thanks! I forgot about that.

Q: What is the algorithm behind the EXCEPT operator?

should I answer this?

4

What is the internal algorithm of how the Except operator works under the covers in SQL Server? Does it internally take a hash of each row and compare? David Lozinksi ran a study, SQL: Fastest way to insert new records where one doesn’t already exist He showed Except statement is the fastest for...

sql-server sql-server-2016 performance-tuning hashing

it is bugging me

@JoeObbish you should upvote my comment on your answer.

A: Is it still best practice to avoid using the default ports for SQL Server?

2:59 AM

you'll never hit 20k if you don't

apparently you should answer more questions about default ports

62

Historically, it has been recommended not to use the default ports for connections to SQL Server, as part of security best practice. Which was asinine then and still asinine now. Security through arguably obscurity isn't security at all. Is this advice still relevant IMHO it was never ...

Easiest answer I've ever written and a sensational hit

@JoeObbish yes

still had 2 downvotes though

i bet one was david browne

I'll just walk over to LC1 and have a stern talking to him

but that's a lot of cardio

so maybe I shouldn't

not without a few pocket steaks

exactly

3:07 AM

the problem is I already know the answer

but it's annoying to prove

OR IS IT

USE EXTENDED EVENTS

Everything is annoying

2

@sp_BlitzErik I don't think that helps

> What physical join operator to use : ...Hash Math

I saw that too

3:09 AM

@jadarnel27 what are you going on about?

I'll tell him on Monday

anyway

English isn't his first language

if I post a wrong answer

Paul will correct me

so there's nothing to worry about

@SeanGallardy for what it's worth, I found the article to be really informative.

3:11 AM

I'll let him know :) I'm sure he'll appreciate it

<Compare CompareOp="IS">

I KNEW IT

I thought the optimizer timeout was a time based thing until Erik corrected me the other day.

You all are keeping me up past my bedtime

So you can imagine all the other information in that post that was news to me =P

Joe is throwing out so many good one liners

3:13 AM

So what's all this I hear about Josh leaving comments

<hides>

Hearsay

Slander

Rumors and misinformation

fake news

alternative facts

I'm going to snitch so hard

3:14 AM

🤔

ORDER BY (SELECT NULL) - promoting your brand, eh? — jadarnel27 1 hour ago

@JoeObbish Do you want stiches and end up in a ditch?

there should be treble damages

it was a deliberate violation

and it impugns my good character and name

@SeanGallardy how come you never star my messages? is it because you don't know how to use the site?

@JoeObbish I just starred 2 of yours

I have failed and maybe I'm a jerk, both me!

also Paul will correct me

That comment was the embodiment, nay the spirit, of the CoC.

3:17 AM

BOOM

so I've been waiting on an SSIS fix

for

while (true) SEWR--;

weeks

and the new code just broke my heart

@JoeObbish Closed, won't fix.

I can't even blame Microsoft

4

3:17 AM

WHAT?!

r u literally shaking rn?

but thank you for your contribution

YET

I might be able to blame Microsoft in the future

you never know with these things

I.... I can't... I mean... Where is Joe, and what have you done with him?

I'm willing to pay up to $5, some pocket lint, and a random girls number for his safe release

throw in an RFC of my choosing and you have a deal

MY FEELINGS

3:20 AM

1 hour ago, by jadarnel27

Also, comments are acceptable if they're cute.

@jadarnel27 must be a site bug

you should leave another comment

@PaulWhite what are you implying, sir?!

@JoeObbish good point, we should always assume good faith.

I'll just leave the same one again.

To be safe.

Alright, I have to go to sleep.

Buh bye now.

hm

I think I just found a bug

I only popped in to catch up on the NUSE

just kidding, was being dumb

3

3:25 AM

I also will retire for the night!

great, leave me with joe

@sp_BlitzErik you should be asleep anyway

still working

i go the extra mile

i'm even out of wine

😲

tell me about it

brother, my cup is empty~

3:29 AM

@sp_BlitzErik me too

3:54 AM

GOODNIGHT MOTHER

4:11 AM

@SeanGallardy for u: dba.stackexchange.com/questions/220393/…

8:47 AM

better answer than the question deserves

1:59 PM

SHOTS FIRED

@sp_BlitzErik this chat needs more sunshine and rainbows

our sparklehorse is busy beta testing microsoft knobs to prevent future catastrophes

he fights for freedom

I currently don't have time for 2019 stuff. It's too bad

same

I'm sure it'll be fine

2:10 PM

it's been fine for years without us 🤣

ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

let's not get carried away now

as far as I can tell I got hundreds of hours of testing to do on 2016, 2017, and 2019

I can take solace in the fact that there's no cloud support

well that's not good

3:02 PM

reeeeeeeeee why isn't my new computer monitor out for delivereeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

phys page cache eh

looks like wait stats are being helpful

3:53 PM

@sp_BlitzErik it's partially a VM problem

@sp_BlitzErik in the clear yet for work?

yeah, finishing up

I'm good for a while too

generated a CPU graph

looked like shit

eh

sql server 2017 seems to do memory management in a way that's helpful for us

compared to 2016

I doubt I'd be able to quantify it though

I wonder if I sound like one of those "never use subqueries because they're slow" people

4:07 PM

what, like, never use vms?

that's a big team

:D

@sp_BlitzErik what's a big team?

people who are opposed to vms

when performance matters

ec2instances.info/…

those vms are okay

4:31 PM

I'm opposed to VMs

well, I messed up

need to go to the bank today

it's like a blizzard outside

8:06 PM

8:19 PM

@sp_BlitzErik v. unwelcoming