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12:11 AM
Judge Elizabeth Beckley of Cumberland County, Pennsylvania was meant to marry a couple. Instead she called ICE to have the groom arrested. Oh, and it turns out the groom was in the country legally. http://www.newsweek.com/judge-calls-ice-arrest-couples-their-wedding-days-895116
 
@TimStone wow, shows how lazy ICE is
> we got a report of an illegal, rather than fact checking we'll arrest them anyway
anyone else seeing ICEing as the new SWATing
i was watching this thing on SBS about Trump's first 100 days (ie was before VS Arashi and i was getting comfy to watch that while having my tea) and they were showing this focus group being asked about ICE's work since Trump got elected. one woman said that ICE is doing great work since Trump got in because now they can stop illegal aliens stealing their jobs.
that reminded me of a skit from Will Anderson during one of the Melborune Comedy Festivals saying how if you are loosing your job to an illegal immigrant that means they are more skilled at the job that you are, so it's you're fault you lost the job
 
 
2 hours later…
2:47 AM
Nashville mayor calls for gun reform after four people are killed at a Waffle House http://hill.cm/aRR2KPR
it's funny how you'll have some people come out against this using the tired old line of "the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun" when.....
"He was going to have to work to kill me." Waffle House shooting survivor hailed a hero after wrestling assault rife off 'nude' gunman during attack in Nashville. http://bit.ly/2Hjk674 https://t.co/bacNt3ynIC
^ that guy didn't have a gun (as far as i can read) and disarmed the naked guy
probably way more brave than any "good guy with a gun"
 
*rifle?
 
@quartata yeh spelling mistake
 
 
2 hours later…
4:24 AM
Trump marks Earth Day with statement bragging about his efforts to cut regulations http://hill.cm/FuwILFI
Easter - Brag about the Military
Earth Day - Brag about regulation cutting
Christmas - Pans to Brag about winning a war
 
 
2 hours later…
@KevinvanderVelden do we have a list of thing that make him NOT a Nazi?
like he doesn't condemn violence by Neo Nazis but instead says "it's the other group's fault aswell"
he's slowly trying to turn people to state endorsed news programs which is a slippery slope to state run propaganda
quite sure i read somewhere that he reads Hitlers speeches which while not a bad thing on it's own, kinda looks back with everything else
 
 
6 hours later…
1:00 PM
im sorry but @ ing twitter support about some shit that happened in a bar somewhere is a new level of genius
oh my god
 
A Persian Gulf War veteran, who was deported to Mexico in 2006, was buried with military honors on Friday beside his younger brother, another fallen Marine. https://www.stripes.com/news/us/this-deported-marine-veteran-came-home-the-only-way-he-could-in-a-casket-1.523217
…damn, that article title
@KevinvanderVelden Yeah, even in the most charitable reading where Trump doesn't know the context, he obviously surrounds himself with people who knowingly use the phrase for him to have picked it up, sooo 🤔
@Unionhawk This legit happened? I am dead
 
apparently
It sounds like something that would happen
you know his people
 
1:17 PM
When he served as Trump’s national-security adviser, H. R. McMaster realized that, during briefings, the President “wasn’t absorbing a fucking thing he said,” a friend reported. http://nyer.cm/Fhq9YLr
I mean duh, but
 
hard hitting reporting at the new yorker
 
Actually though
Was unaware of the Cotton-Kushner connection: "Cotton had gone to Harvard, and when he was a teaching assistant in a government class, one of his students was Jared Kushner. After Flynn resigned, Cotton reached out to his former pupil..." https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2018/04/30/mcmaster-and-commander
Excuse me? to all of that
Paul Ryan’s former chauffeur to run for his House seat http://hill.cm/JpETWwc
🤔
 
1:58 PM
FCC: GOP FCC commissioners didn't violate ethics rules by attending CPAC http://hill.cm/baAn82i
Counterpoint: Being a dick on television is actually against FCC rules
 
2:40 PM
@TimStone I like how the entire argument boils down to "Well, we don't call it a Republican event, so they're fine"
 
"Look it says 'Conservative', sure, but it also says 'Union', which is what those libs are always on about, it's fine, balances out"
 
I mean, conservatism is bigger than just the party technically speaking but from a practical standpoint the American right is pretty well represented by the party so
It depends on is the standard political or partisan
but like practically speaking those things are virtually the same on the right
but on the other hand lolnothingmatters
 
 
2 hours later…
4:24 PM
@TimStone I have found the tweet in question and, yes, it does indeed exist but it's way funnier than even just that
You can't make this shit up (and apparently there's more than one)
 
wuhhhhh
@jaime_lamond @muhmentions @TwitterSupport I don’t see anything in Twitter’s rules about harassment and hatred that says “twitter users only.” This was posted on Twitter & is spreading because of it. If “he had it coming” is enough to justify it, that justifies quite a bit more hate speech than you realize.
> don't see anything in twitter's rules that says twitter users only
there are so many layers to this
 
Yes
 
Don't even try to peel apart that onion it's rotten
 
one second I need more sausages to handle this
 
It's truly amazing
 
4:34 PM
I think the more important implication is that, really, you can only be an SJW snowflake if it's about standing up for someone who isn't conservative
the actual "Twitter rules, I don't make the rules" part people are doing is just sad, I can't wring any consistency from that
 
Twitter has moved on to Kanye sharing Scott Adams redpill videos, so
Happy Monday etc
 
i feel bad for liking dilbert a long time ago tbh
of course now you can take your pick of what undertones his comics are filled with
like the Sunday strip he did making fun of climate change models, yes this was a real thing in actual newspapers on a Sunday
 
At least your name isn't @Wipqozn
 
I mean, to be fair, this was before he came out saying that fossil records are fake news
I think that was like, what, 2005 or something
 
4:38 PM
Yeah, as I understand it he wasn't at least openly off the wall a bit back, but then he went full nosedive right into the crazy
 
Looking back on it with my newly cynical perspective even early on a lot of the interactions of Dilbert with other people come off as really mansplain-y and Alice was a total trope
but we had Catbert which numbed the senses a bit
dont trust cats
@TimStone didnt really show up in full force in the non-Saturday comics until after the 2016 election
big surprise, people have bad opinions and feel more comfortable evangelizing them because we have a Cheeto for a president, news at 11
 
4:56 PM
@quartata You really shouldn't
The idea that you can't like a thing made by a shitty person is just wrong
An argument can be made that supporting such a person is immoral , since they may use their financial success to harm certain groups, but that's a different thing all together.
 
@Wipqozn a byproduct of him being a shitty person is he now makes shitty comics
there are multiple factors involved in that sentence
21 mins ago, by quartata
like the Sunday strip he did making fun of climate change models, yes this was a real thing in actual newspapers on a Sunday
 
@quartata Yeah that's fair, but doesn't mean you need to feel bad for liking it in the past if it wasn't crazy shittiness before
I'm just strongly opposed to this growing sentiment that people that like a thing made by a shitty person should be shamed and treated like a shit.
 
 
1 hour later…
6:13 PM
BREAKING: Authorities: Tennessee's Waffle House shooting suspect has been taken into custody.
Macron and his wife are going on an unannounced stroll. https://t.co/PwkFbmFMXV
Curious if they're just enjoying the weather or it's a subtle environmental jab
BREAKING: Police in Canada say van that struck 8 to 10 people in Toronto found and driver in custody.
Redux of defense arguments in #CosbyTrial: - Constand swindled Cosby - It was consensual affair - Cosby wasn’t even in Philadelphia in Jan. 2004 - The alleged assault is outside statute of limitations - The pills Cosby gave Constand couldn't have knocked her out
Well that gets progressively more absurd. "Look it was consensual, but I wasn't even there, and even if I was and I did it you can't pin it on me, plus the pills I definitely didn't give her because of the above would surely not have knocked her out"
JUST IN: New York governor introduces measure to ban plastic bags http://hill.cm/Gk6WGNx
/cc @Unionhawk lmao
"I'vvvvvvvvvvvvve got Left Fever! kicks plastic bag into the recycling"
> Trump EPA to recognize burning wood as being carbon neutral
-1 tree + 1 fire = 0 carbons, checks out
 
6:44 PM
I mean it's carbon in the atmosphere and we're carbon-based lifeforms so what's a little carbon between friends? Carbon man, let it go.
 
7:00 PM
@TimStone He's running way more scared than the neera tanden "nixon is 47 points back" number lol
which gooooooooooood
 
 
2 hours later…
8:32 PM
Roanoke police are trying to starve a 60-year old woman occupying land that she owns to force her to surrender it to an energy company, who will profit from it. http://wset.com/news/local/roanoke-county-tree-sitter-cut-off-from-supplies
 
Trump ramps up personal cell phone use @CNNPolitics https://cnn.it/2HntNBq
 
kellyanne conway is at it again :/
 
It's okay, she'll have to stop a moment to hold Erick Erickson's beer
This menu is why I could never be President: http://thehill.com/blogs/in-the-know/in-the-know/384422-first-lady-releases-menu-details-for-macrons-state-visit I'd serve fried chicken and mashed potatoes with sweet potato pie for dessert. None of this unpronounceable froo-froo garbage.
> The menu will consist of three courses, which will include American dishes with French influences. The main course will be a rack of spring lamb with Carolina gold rice jambalaya.
 
@TimStone wut
 
The most unpronounceable and elitist of foods checks notes jambalaya and lamb
 
8:44 PM
@TimStone it's extremely surprising that he even has a personal cell phone, I'd assume that it would be far too dangerous to have such a potentially vulnerable listening device close to the president
 
@MadScientist obama gave his up
 
You would think that, wouldn't you? Plus all the information retention requirements
 
there is an episode of the bear grylls show where he hiked around alaska with obama and obama had trouble both unlocking the phone and taking a selfie because he literally never uses it
 
Is the oval office a SCIF?
 
(i don't remember which bear grylls show it was, the names all kind of blur together but the landscapes are so pretty)
@MadScientist i thought SCIF didn't have windows for obvious reasons
 
8:48 PM
TIL that White House Executive Chef Cristeta Comerford has been in place since 2005, serving GWB, both Obama terms, and now Trump and I want to EVERYTHING about her cooking experience
 
It's not a completely restricted area of course, but I'd assume that you'd still do something like ensuring no mobile phones are in the room when you discuss anything classified
 
That would be pretty interesting tbh 🤔
 
@MadScientist reminder that staffers used cell phones as flashlights to illuminate classified documents at mar a lago when kim jong un was doing missile tests and trump was hosting someone
 
@MelissaTweets sent you the Jambalaya recipe. It's easy to make.
lol
 
hue
so froo froo
 
8:53 PM
Just incredible
Nine dead, 16 injured in the Toronto van incident
 
@TimStone does Erick think the president handles the menu or
 
I assume because the First Lady selects it he would impose his will, on account of being the MR. PRESIDENT MAN
 
@TimStone or if she did something wrong then trump would move onto the 4th lady
 
Oh, I was talking about the Hypothetical President Erickson but lol, yes
 
9:06 PM
oh right
 
From a private account so can't embed but someone pointed out that Trump will likely have his lamb well done, hank-hill-bwaa.gif
 
i dunno about lamb so not sure what that means
 
cues lazers BREAKING NEWS: Rand Paul will, in fact, flip and acquiesce to Trump on Pompeo's nomination
 
@TimStone siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh
that gardening dispute did a number on him
 
Everyone I know there is safe
Sounds like he killed a lot of people..
 
Ash
9:10 PM
@GnomeSlice Same - one of my friends works like right where it happened
 
Jeez
 
Ash
@GnomeSlice Last statement I heard was 9 dead, at least 16 injured
 
@GodEmperorDune It's basically the steak debate
 
waffle house pulled a starbucks (unrelated to the naked white shooter whose guns were going to be confiscated before the shooting but the dad promised the cops that he wouldn't let the shooter use them)
 
9:13 PM
Watchdog group tells me it has received "flood" of complaints from CIA personnel about Pompeo pushing religion in the workplace, at times discussing the Rapture. "The people that worked under him at the CIA that came to us...were scared shitless.” https://tytnetwork.com/2018/04/23/pompeo-discussed-rapture-at-cia/
 
Ah, cool, cool
 
@TimStone more blackwater crap
goddamn
 
Ash
@TimStone well, that's fucking terrifying
 
Good thing Rand Paul won't bless his Secretary of State nomin remembers a few minutes ago Oh right
 
9:17 PM
@TimStone this is the worst, i remember that the young turks were mentioned as a problematic org but i have no idea why
 
The website for the military contractor which makes the crowd control equipment that was used by #Newnan police this last weekend makes it pretty explicit that it's meant to be used on peaceful protesters https://buff.ly/2K6Kmzj
 
@Ash wtf
Do they know why he did it
 
@GnomeSlice way too early for that sort of analysis
i predict that it will be blamed on mental illness (if the perp is white), religion (if the perp is not christian), and various terror groups around the world will claim credit even if they had nothing to do with it because its publicity for their fundraising
real analysis will take weeks/months/years
 
@GodEmperorDune why do you predict that
@GodEmperorDune well not if he tells them
 
@Ash you mean people seriously talking about the end of times, when they actually have the power to make that happen? I don't think "fucking terrifying" is strong enough here
 
9:23 PM
@GnomeSlice because the public immediately wants more info before the info is available, so lots of fringe sites make things up and it spreads like wildfire on social media, sometimes even making it onto actual news outlets
@MadScientist there is a certain sect of christianity that goes "rapture happens around the time of the apocalypse, so if we make the apocalypse happen faster then the rapture will happen faster"
the top execs at blackwater (including betsy devos's brother eric prince) are into this
 
I seriously don't understand evangelical Christians. We don't really have them, Christians are much more moderate in general around here. I have serious trouble convincing myself that someone truly believes that stuff
 
@MadScientist this is more extreme than standard evangelical stuff
 
Just a reminder about Eric, son Eric's past with food criticism http://gawker.com/erick-erickson-s-mom-denies-son-s-story-about-boycottin-1747101450
 
prosperity gospel is the other thing that I just can't believe is real
 
lol, I had forgotten about that
The tree Macron and Trump will be planting at the WH
I assume Trump will tout his carbon neutral wood burning stance and immediately set it on fire
 
9:30 PM
@MadScientist Every get rich quick scheme ever
Nigerian prince with some Jesus dressing
 
@puzzlepiece87 pretty much this
 
@TimStone I'm sure no one else will Flake
 
@TimStone hue, sadness
 
Ash
9:49 PM
@GnomeSlice Not yet, I suspect it will be a good long while before we know
@MadScientist Yeah, this is way way beyond normal evangelicals
 
10:12 PM
@TimStone Wait, will be?
@MadScientist Ugh, I used to work for a printing company that printed Don Stewart's letters
I have never hated someone as much as I hated that sack of shit when I read his letters specifically aimed at people who didn't have enough money to feed themselves, telling them to send him their money
 
10:29 PM
@SaintWacko I guess in like the photo op sense, they set the tree up and then they come out to throw some extra dirt on it
 
Ash
They've identified the guy who hit the pedestrians in Toronto earlier: 570news.com/2018/04/23/…
(unrelated but I was reading the news article below that in that site's scroll and learned "Choking to Overcome Resistance" is a specific thing people can be charged with.)
 
@TimStone will be planting? as in they haven't planted it yet....despite it being in the ground? or is the tree the lamp post
 
10:45 PM
@Memor-X Assuming you and I both understand the situation correctly, I assume also that you've never been to a groundbreaking ceremony?
Often they don't actually break/have already broken ground, they just take pictures with shovels
and hard hats
 
@puzzlepiece87 nope, never been to one
 
Ash
The tree planting things I've been to usually do plant it at the time of the thing, but the hole is all nicely dug and the tree is all ready to just be plopped in
 
11:01 PM
More Toronto: suspect allegedly researched and chatted online about Isla Vista killings from 2014. Mental illness, not terror, a leading theory for today’s incident, according to three officials.
 
11:34 PM
@TimStone love to pass for white
2 hours ago, by GodEmperorDune
i predict that it will be blamed on mental illness (if the perp is white), religion (if the perp is not christian), and various terror groups around the world will claim credit even if they had nothing to do with it because its publicity for their fundraising
 
@TimStone notable foreign dish jambalaya
these people make no sense, if they were actually trying to appeal to the deep south they'd make fun of dishes that didn't come from the deep south
@GodEmperorDune in general with this sort of thing the spin is to claim they were radicalized by Islam unless they were like a protestant priest or something
 
@quartata "inspired by"
 
yes, sorry, my bad
"inspired by not-Christianity" fixed it
 
yeah exactly
ugh this is so fuct
canada i'm sorry
 
blaming it on Islam is convenient because it can be a substitute for race while still being applicable to white people if it turns out they weren't arabic
 
11:43 PM
here in the states we have this all the time
y'all were still dealing with the hockey team crash
 
the safest spin is the one they have to modify the least after more details come out
get a head start on repeating it
it'll stick
it's disgusting
 
From @7061756c0d
(But also in Canada)
 
and they're actually prosecuting
lol
i'm surprised someone hadn't done it by accident sooner
 
@TimStone this is the guy that downloaded too many files?
 
@GodEmperorDune yes, he was too online
 
11:49 PM
@GodEmperorDune Look they were super secretly sequentially ided
 
hey siri what is UUID
 
@TimStone did they really have sorta confidential documents publicly available online with sequential IDs and no other security?
 
i don't know man, it's 2018, why don't these people know better
 
@GodEmperorDune Apparently and the URL is literally FOIA
 
11:52 PM
@GodEmperorDune """confidential""</html>
 
Which maybe means something different in Canada but is nevertheless on the nose
 
@quartata i mean FOIA documents are technically public
oh yeah, maybe its the canadian abbreviation for the "FOI, eh?"
 
read @AlexiaCampbell on the Colorado teachers strike http://bit.ly/2HlvyPr
lmfao what?!
Republicans and Dems both concerned about new allegations of misconduct involving Ronny Jackson, and are investigating them to determine if they’re true and could derail his nomination. Dems met privately tonight, as hearing may now be delayed. Our story: https://www.cnn.com/2018/04/23/politics/ronny-jackson-veterans-affairs-nomination/index.html
The random ass doctor is apparently Quite Bad instead of just being unqualified and the last person Trump talked to!
 
@TimStone chain the teachers to the whiteboard
 
Pres Trump and Pres Macron shoveling dirt on oak tree that Macron brought as a gift
 
11:55 PM
@TimStone reminds me of when trump overfed the fish that one time
i'm sure the next picture is going to be him aggressively flinging dirt at the tree
er how did the press sec phrase it
 
@quartata no, he'll drive an old ass heavy polluting dump truck in
you know, one of those ones which bellow thick black smoke as it's running
 

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