Hello network visitors! Please note that IPS is fairly strict about using comments as intended. Comments are only for clarifying and improving the question. Partial answers or general thoughts about the situation may be deleted without notice. If you'd like to write an answer, make sure to check out our posts on How do I write a good answer? and citation expectations first. Thanks! — Em C ♦ 1 min ago

Offer him condolences. Do not even mention the birthday! No one is thinking about one's own birthday in circumstances like this. I'm not from the Netherlands, but I don't think this should make any difference to the situation. — Stephan Branczyk 1 min ago

In my case, I was widowed and not “over it.” So I just didn’t want any of my new friends in a new country to get hurt. — WGroleau 1 min ago

I agree with Tim. If she argues with you on the subject of her family, then she is obviously very opinionated on the topic. In any case, I'm with Dr. Laura on this. Dr. Laura (the radio/podcast personality) would tell you that you can not change a mommy's boy or a mommy's girl (and that you should consider yourself lucky that you haven't married this particular girl yet). You must look for someone else who has those traits, not try to change your current girlfriend. As her parents get older and need her more and more, this will only get worse for you. — Stephan Branczyk 7 secs ago

...could prove worth it. — Stephan Branczyk 46 secs ago

@fbueckert, I feel you're asking the wrong questions. Competence of a contractor does not just magically happen (even if you're the best communicator in the world). In my opinion, you have to rethink the way you selected the contractor (i.e. checking references, asking for referrals, not picking the lowest bidder, checking licenses if any). Also, contractors use their own forms, which are drafted for their benefit, not yours. You may benefit from hiring an attorney to to review your contractor agreement or draft one that’s you-friendly. This may add an extra $250-500 to your project, but — Stephan Branczyk 1 min ago

Ælis - I have edited the answer. Perhaps inform me should you not be satisfied with the addition. — Tim 55 secs ago

Ælis, by the way I see at the bottom of the answer a "delete" tag with (1) behind it, and hovering over it with the cursor indicates that 2 more votes are required to delete the answer. Not that I'd mind terribly, but does this mean that the answer is designated to be deleted? — Tim 1 min ago

I nod when the mouth is full, and the waiter says thanks and goes away. — Peaceful 1 min ago

@sphennings: Adding to that the site is clear about hypotehtical questions being a bad fit. This QUestion demonstrates why, as you ahve already mentioned. its quite broad and inviting for opinion based answers. — dhein 1 min ago

@Tim When an answer lacks of something (e.g. personal experience that would backup what is offered to try), IPS' consensus is to flag them, comment to let the answerer know and suggest how they could edit it, and if they have enough rep, cast a delete vote. Unless a moderator casts that delete vote, at least three votes are needed to delete an answer, hence the (1) next to it on your answer. We cast to delete because that way, the contributor has the time to edit their post without having to get serial downvotes in the meantime. — avazula ♦ 9 secs ago

@EmC "Leave constructive criticism that guides the author in improving the post;" — d-b 1 min ago

I think your premise is invalid. Romance is always on the table, more or less. Why wouldn't it? Even sexual orientation can be dismissed: you just haven't met the right man/women yet. But why is that a problem? Befriend and see what happens. — d-b 2 mins ago

Once the post is edited to address the request in comments, you may then flag your post asking for moderator intervention, so that it can be undeleted. I know delete votes may seem scary, but there are a lot of regular users who carefully review these votes everyday, which means abusive votes are dismissed. Feel free to reach us if you have further questions, I'll be happy to help! — avazula ♦ 39 secs ago

@avazula - Thanks for the very proper explanation. The reputation points etc don't actually matter to me, neither would it really bother me if an answer is deleted - I'm quite acquainted to being continually very wrong about IPS stuff. I'm not the sort of person to consider my opinion to be remotely important. I've landed here after an ASD related search, found lots of other interesting stuff and realised that my OCD trait of always wanting to help, might be appeased by sharing a bit of life experience. I'ts simply a matter of returning a little for all of the stuff that I've learnt here. — Tim 1 min ago

I hope the previous comment isn't inappropriate - it doesn't strictly fall within the rules for comments. The reason I've asked about the deletion of an answer, is actually to know whether an answer only gets deleted because it's against the rules or it can cause harm or confusion or whatever, or whether there could be other reasons. I'm on a steep learning curve here, and these sort of measures teaches me a lot. — Tim 1 min ago

We're very lucky to have you around! Don't worry, we all learn a lot every day (and I say this as a mod). No issues with clarifying the site policy in comments, I'll delete those later when we're done :) But to answer your question, IPS' consensus is to use delete votes only on answers that are incomplete because of lack of backing up, improper frame challenge, and so on. Questions who get deleted are those who are blatantly off-topic, cannot be saved, and rather harm the site. Delete votes who are used for expressing something else are discarded by the community. — avazula ♦ 35 secs ago

Thanks again. Your patience is a real virtue, not to even speak of the clarity with which you explain stuff. — Tim 1 min ago

...the room now that the question is closed/put on hold. — Stephan Branczyk 14 secs ago

@freebird, No, you shouldn't apologize. In a case like this, you look for a kernel of truth into what she's saying. For whatever reason, she was feeling left out of the conversation and she wasn't feeling valued as an expert that she is. That's not your fault. That's not anyone's fault. But you should take this as a cue that her needs weren't being met and that she wanted you to acknowledge her level of expertise and invite her to share her expertise in front of your peers. This advice is based on amazon.com/When-Say-No-Feel-Guilty/dp/0553263900 I would say more, but I don't have — Stephan Branczyk 1 min ago

Additional info has been edited into the post: Apparently this person is single and OP knows it. Can you clarify how OP could pull this off without coming across as weird by asking to bring a partner if there is none and OP already knows this? Right now, this answer doesn't seem to fit within the limits of the question anymore... Can you edit it to take that additional information (of there being no partner) into account? — Tinkeringbell ♦ 6 secs ago

Since my post says "invite them and their partner (if any)" this is already taken care of. — DaveG 1 min ago

I was hoping that now that it's clear that there isn't any, you could edit your answer to fit within that restriction, as it is now clear your answer won't work for this situation. Your answer basically does no longer answer the question... — Tinkeringbell ♦ 8 secs ago

@avazula Dear Mr avazula - I was copying the explanations to paste it into a document for future reference. The Internet went AWOL for a while, refreshing the page to "not found", and when this page was refreshed again after coming back online, the comments have been deleted. I now only have half of the explanations. Is there any manner in which I can still view and copy them? Apologies for once again abusing the comment section, but I don't know how to contact you otherwise. — Tim 1 min ago

Hey DaveG, do you think you could expand a little on your personal experience by adding an example of a similar situation you had been on, what you did and how the other person reacted? — Ælis 1 min ago

You might find what you need here. Also, you will probably be interested in our faq — Ælis 17 secs ago

Why does the fact that wikipedia says that something is 'often' the case lead to a conclusion that Bob is 'supposed' to behave this way rather than it just being a possibility the OP should consider, which the OP is clearly already doing, hence their question? — Spagirl 34 secs ago

@Ælis - Thank you, stuff copied. I'll have a look at the FAQ as you've suggested. Is this an accepted way of contacting a moderator, or is there another procedure? I've searched for the answer to this about a week ago, but apparently a PM sort of function doesn't exist. — Tim 30 secs ago

If you want to contact a moderator, there are two possibilities: 1) go to the IPS chat. Or 2) flag something and select the "Something else" option. You will then be able to write a (short) message to the mods. — Ælis 1 min ago

@Ælis - Thanks for the answer and the trouble. I'll copy this info to my reference document as well. — Tim 1 min ago

'These people would need to find big tools (like a sledgehammer, pick or chainsaw) to even be able to destroy your floor.' I suspect the OP means 'flooring' or 'floor covering' rather than floor, in which case a bottle of bleach or drain-cleaner would do an effective number on it. — Spagirl 1 min ago

@Ælis I can add a tiny bit but I'm not going to put in enough detail so that someone coming along years from now will read it and think "OMG he's talking about me!". So may take a bit of time. — DaveG 20 secs ago

@Tinkeringbell I could reword the answer (something like "if your friend has a partner, invite them as well, otherwise just invite friend") but that gets really awkward. I don't want to limit the answer to just handling inviting friends that do not have partners. Clearly saying "invite them and their partner (if any)" handles both cases. — DaveG 1 min ago

@DaveG I owe you an apology. It was brought to my attention that your answer should be read as 'Avazula should bring their spouse and X should bring a partner (if any) too'. Now that I'm rereading, that first bit is something important that I missed. The bits of detail Ælis asked for would be nice though, even rephrasing the last sentence to something like 'when I was single and invited like that, I knew there weren't any pretenses of romantic interest' is a bit better than 'personal experience from when I was single' ;) — Tinkeringbell ♦ 1 min ago

"As I tend to be left leaning, this caught me by surprise." What does you being left leaning have to do with it? — James 16 secs ago

Hi CL22 and welcome to interpersonal. Your question as it is now is far too broad so it's impossible to answer. Anything can be a trigger for someone and some people just want to be confrontational even without an actual trigger. Is there a specific case that made you ask this question? Perhaps we can narow your question down to that case and see what you (or someone else that caused the triggering) could have done differently instead? — Imus 1 min ago

"As a man, is there any practical value to me to arguing if a woman accuses me of mansplaining?" No, because in her mind the discussion ended then and there, and as she said, the only "correct" (aka accepted) response from you would have been an (unearned) apology. I learned over the years to easily detect people like her and managed to remove them from my life; it makes for a much more relaxed discussion environment. — Niko1978 1 min ago

Specifically if someone refuses to accept that there is a problem with their question on stack exchange lol. Oddly that fits me! — CL22 1 min ago

Hello network visitors! Please note that IPS is fairly strict about using comments as intended. Comments are only for clarifying and improving the question. Partial answers or general thoughts about the situation may be deleted without notice. — Tinkeringbell ♦ 1 min ago

@user11955 - There's always the possibility that something entirely different changed Eric's mind (another potential tenant offerd to pay more?) and he just made up an excuse. But that would be impossible to know for sure. — Ruther Rendommeleigh 1 min ago

How does he identify you? Male of female? — Johns-305 54 secs ago

Are you looking to keep Woman A in your people circle or handle this in a future non-academic environment? — Johns-305 44 secs ago

@Johns-305 I am a female and he is a male. — essay 1 min ago

@LocustHorde - You usually got through a few therapists until you find one that you click with. Don't get discouraged (and try to help her not to get discouraged) if the first or second one don't work out, it's usually worth it to keep looking. — Ruther Rendommeleigh 33 secs ago

Telling someone, even very nicely, that you don't wish to hug then anymore can be hurtful, and that person might react negatively. Are you ready to alter the relationship again ? Or is preserving the friendship a top priority ? — MlleMei 1 min ago

I'm reeeally not convinced that telling an abuse victim with anxiety disorders that the abuse was their fault is a good idea. Maybe I'm misunderstanding something? — Ruther Rendommeleigh 55 secs ago

This seems to be an abbreviated version of the first answer posted almost 2 years ago; do you have anything else to add on top of that? Otherwise, please upvote existing answers you agree with instead of adding duplicates. — Em C ♦ 1 min ago

@MlleMei preserving the relationship is a goal, but not at all costs. That is, if I cannot be comfortable, then I would have to stay away. — essay 13 secs ago

Hey swbarnes2! We recently updated our policy and we know require answers here to be backed up by personal experience or external sources. So, could you edit to tell us about a similar situation you were in the past? Who was involved, what did you say and how did the other person react? — Ælis 57 secs ago

Could you clarify if this is something you have actually done, if so what occasion it was for? Maybe just me but I had to read a couple times to understand you didn't mean it would be like inviting the neighbors to a party :P It could help to explain the similarities that make you think it would work the same way. Also if you're comfortable saying, it'd be great to add what culture you're from so readers know the context. — Em C ♦ just now

When I was a child, we had a very barky dog. Mom would holler out the window at her to "shut up" in a rather savage voice, which was at least as annoying as the dog, if not worse. So, um, don't do that. Your plan to ignore the dog and extinguish the behavior is so much better than this. — SnappingShrimp 55 secs ago

+1 This is exactly what we did when we first got our dog. We left a note to all of our wall-sharing neighbors explaining that we were crate-training her, she may make some noise, but hopefully she will get used to it quickly and this will all be short-term. — David K 14 secs ago

It sounds like your transling has only been questioning/testing the waters for a few weeks (based on your linked question on Parenting). How does she handle misgendering (using wrong pronouns) and deadnaming (calling her by birth name instead of desired name)? The answer may change depending on how non-confrontational she has been up to this point. — Lux Claridge 1 min ago

Also thanks for using she/her pronouns on this question as opposed to the s/he you used on Parenting. That kind of vernacular is kinda gross imo and in general just clunky (unless your kid prefers that kind of language). — Lux Claridge 1 min ago

@LuxClaridge My daughter is forgiving of us using her original pronouns/name. She understands it's still new to us and she knows we're pushing forward to help with the transition. That counts more than the occasional slip. Surprisingly enough, it's her little sister who will stop you in your tracks and correct you quite firmly. — SnappingShrimp 16 secs ago

Unfortunately we aren't mind readers. We have no way of divining the motivations and intents behind another actions. As such I am voting to close this question as Primarily Opinion Based. — sphennings 46 secs ago

This question will likely be closed in it's current state. "What does it mean?" is a little too broad/opinion based for the SE format. I will say, however, that (as a dev) devs really don't like being bugged about code they wrote X months/years ago. If I wrote something more than 2 months ago, it's as good as if someone else wrote it. There's no "his area of the code" and "my area of the code." — scohe001 just now

@LuxClaridge Sorry for the s/he in the other post. I was still in shock. — SnappingShrimp 1 min ago

Shock is understandable. Correction here shows growth. :) Also kudos to the little sister for being firm. If it weren't for my best friend doing the same my work life would have sucked since a number of people were deadnaming me. — Lux Claridge 47 secs ago

Have you asked her how she would like to come out to the extended family? — apaul 21 secs ago

+1. I would change the "romantic" word in your phrasing though. Casual sex isn't romantic at all — Blueriver 1 min ago

@Blueriver I agree it's not a perfect fit, but I struggle to find a better word. Non-frendly? Intimate? All I can think about have their own set of problems — LordHieros 21 secs ago

@EmC I edited my answer, I hope it clears things up :-) — MlleMei 10 secs ago

Sure. In my perception, the difference between the removed comment and the reworded version suggested by you is marginal. Also, in my opinion, the criteria for comments (and also for answers, for that matter) have become way too strict here at IPS.se. At first the policy for answers and comments was very much in line with those in place at the Workplace Stack Exchange, but then it somehow became much more rigorous ... (continues) — Marc.2377 1 min ago

(...) and by 'scientific rigor' I mean a level of rigor much more similar to scientific stacks like Psychology & Neuroscience Stack Exchange and the Medical Sciences Stack Exchange. In my view, interpersonal skills is not hard science and the model employed by The Workplace (and others) should do just fine. — Marc.2377 1 min ago

The reasoning I find terrible in this answer is that the comment was removed because it was worded like an opinion and not as a back-up suggestion, whereas I see no problem with the original wording and IMO the comment was useful (for me, for OP and surely for others). In conclusion, I find the criteria to remove such comments rather arbitrary. — Marc.2377 46 secs ago

@Marc.2377 I don't disagree with you, but our policy is different in the ways you explain because that's what was agreed to on Meta (as far back as two years ago!) and that's how our moderators feel. This comment may have been a little on the line of okay/not-okay, but since it was caught by our regex, it was immediately seen by several high-rep users. Do those users (myself included) judge too quickly when flagging comments? Perhaps. And that is a problem. But for OP, I think that's all the more reason to be careful with phrasing suggestion — scohe001 2 mins ago

I met someone at a party and I'd like to keep talking to them is one or multiple people? because if are multiple I guess the non romantic subtext is implicit. — Juan Carlos Oropeza 51 secs ago

"My little sister, however, has a kindergartner and I feel bad for making this issue come up before he's really ready to grasp it." If that's the case, you better not introduce him to the concept of television, or Santa Claus, or the Easter Bunny. Personally, I'm an adult and I still have a hard time believing that invisible waves can be transmitted to my television and that my television can display videos from those waves. And Santa and his sleigh, don't even get me started on that. I am completely baffled. — Stephan Branczyk 19 secs ago

@Tinkeringbell, My comment was meant to show that an answer could be found that everyone could agree on (that was not opinion-based). — Stephan Branczyk 36 secs ago