The Closet

thesecretmaster

5:38 AM

Bleh

Yeeeeh

Servers being weird

avazula

6:07 AM

@thesecretmaster oh no :(

thesecretmaster

Coming back up now

avazula

@Rainbacon you here? This is a pleasure

@thesecretmaster yay! :)

Thank you!

IPS Comment Bot

Starting at rev d8dc092 on branch master (Fixed annoying error)

IPS Meta Comments

Starting at rev d8dc092 on branch master (Fixed annoying error)

IPS Meta Comments

6:38 AM

The answers to the question over on the Skeptics tour are still shown as short and note that their question is only 322 or 456 (depending on whether you count the link or not) long. I'm guessing if the question would've been longer, it would be shown in the same way as the answers: Cut short. This wouldn't solve anything with regards to sending a clear message on question quality or good subjective answers. — Tinkeringbell ♦ 25 secs ago

#3674 Tinkeringbell (22275 rep) | A: What should we do about the example "unicorn" question in the tour page? (score: -1) | posted 2 hours ago by gparyani (834 rep) | Toxicity 0.22940363 | tps/fps: 0/0

@gparyani The answers to the question over on the Skeptics tour are still shown as short and note that their question is only 322 or 456 (depending on whether you count the link or not) long. I'm guessing if the question would've been longer, it would be shown in the same way as the answers: Cut short. This wouldn't solve anything with regards to sending a clear message on question quality or good subjective answers. — Tinkeringbell ♦ 32 secs ago

@gparyani The answers to the question over on the Skeptics tour are still shown as short and note that their question is only 322 or 456 (depending on whether you count the link or not) long. I'm guessing if the question would've been longer, it would be shown in the same way as the answers: Cut short. This wouldn't solve anything with regards to sending a clear message on question quality or good subjective answers. — Tinkeringbell ♦ 39 secs ago

IPS Comment Bot

7:06 AM

So you would approach it more or less like writing an essay: first a summary, then a more detailed explanation. That sounds like a very good compromise/fusion out of both approaches. Thanks! — ahemmetter 1 min ago

IPS Comment Bot

7:33 AM

@ooOOooK as Em said, there's still a lot of info missing. I also don't see any answer to my questions in your comment directed to me. Can you please answer them truthfully? — Tinkeringbell ♦ 1 min ago

Am I being penalized because of my life experience with a spendthrift issue? — ooOOooK 44 secs ago

#21804 ooOOooK (393 rep) | A: How can I get my wife to be less spendthrift? (score: -3) | posted 11 hours ago by ooOOooK (393 rep) | Toxicity 0.16248168 | tps/fps: 0/0

@DaveG cash payments without receipt are harder to get refunded. Some lines of credit require signing a contract, which have penalties in the case of cancellation. So, yes, it matters. — ooOOooK 1 min ago

@avazula removed the part against the rules. I guess field experience never give you enough credit to tell them a 'you could try this' unless you have that exact specific situation in your portfolio, is it? — ooOOooK 53 secs ago

Hi, welcome on ips! I'm sorry but we can't answer whether you would be able to report this to the police, as it's off topic here. However, if you're willing to go see the boss of the restaurant, we may be able to tell you how to do it politely. Let us know, so that we can help you edit your question. Enjoy your time among us! — avazula 1 min ago

#21806 avazula (8510 rep) | Q: Incident at Indian restaurant Tanjore in Harvard Square Boston (score: 0) | posted 43 minutes ago by Aritro Pathak (101 rep) | Toxicity 0.07246488 | tps/fps: 0/0

Being physically threatened is not something that can lead to a complaint to the police? — Aritro Pathak 52 secs ago

#21806 Aritro Pathak (101 rep) | Q: Incident at Indian restaurant Tanjore in Harvard Square Boston (score: 0) | posted 44 minutes ago by Aritro Pathak (101 rep) | Toxicity 0.109345 | tps/fps: 0/0

Of course it is. But on IPS, asking whether you may or may not go to the police is off topic. — avazula 52 secs ago

#21806 avazula (8510 rep) | Q: Incident at Indian restaurant Tanjore in Harvard Square Boston (score: 0) | posted 47 minutes ago by Aritro Pathak (101 rep) | Toxicity 0.090823874 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["experimental-aic(@scohe001)"]

@Tinkeringbell I did, but your choice of adjectives warns me of a certain adversarial stance from your side. Not that I haven't noticed, but I have given you the benefit of doubt. I have the impression that you feel involved somehow. While I do not understand your goal in such actions, I would be very grateful if you'd please stand back and kindly desisted from badgering me any further. — ooOOooK 1 min ago

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

@EmC added a relevant section. — ooOOooK just now

Matched regex(es) ["short-comment"]

When travelling e.g. India, you always need to be a bit aware of possible scams and robbers. Telling everyone you're from one of the richest country in the world might give ideas to thieves. It might explain some of the hesitation "should I tell the truth? How much can I trust this person?" — Legisey 2 mins ago

IPS Comment Bot

8:33 AM

With no way for us to make sure you are telling the truth, please remove all identifiable information. You don't need names in here to ask the question. — nvoigt 6 secs ago

#21806 nvoigt (637 rep) | Q: Incident at Indian restaurant Tanjore in Harvard Square Boston (score: 0) | posted 1 hours ago by Aritro Pathak (101 rep) | Toxicity 0.19421826 | tps/fps: 0/0

@AritroPathak Interpersonal Skills are behaviours you use to interact with people, to achieve a certain goal. Questions should focus on your behaviour and what you'd like to achieve with it. Right now, your question seems more like a legal one, where you're asking us whether or not such a police report could be made and would make sense. That's sadly just not something we can help you with... — Tinkeringbell ♦ 55 secs ago

#21806 Tinkeringbell (22275 rep) | Q: Incident at Indian restaurant Tanjore in Harvard Square Boston (score: 0) | posted 1 hours ago by Aritro Pathak (101 rep) | Toxicity 0.10324161 | tps/fps: 0/0

IPS Comment Bot

8:59 AM

Welcome to IPS! We expect from answer here to provide some back up as too why they are suggesting what they are suggesting. So, were you in a similar situation in the past where you did that and the other person wasn't made? Or do you have some external sources to back this up? Also, please take a look at your faq about answers and the back up we expect — Ælis 27 secs ago

#21807 Ælis (6128 rep) | A: Contacting a friend when I haven't heard from them in weeks (score: 0) | posted 6 minutes ago by Crane (9 rep) | Toxicity 0.1017326 | tps/fps: 0/0

Could you give an example for the email? Especially, what do you mean by "don't tell them what they will have"? Is it strictly about food and drinks? Or also activities? I would be quite worried to go to a party with coworkers (even informal) if there is a mysterious "fun" activity (karaoke? costumes?...). I would lean towards a more informative but still fun email. — Taladris 39 secs ago

#21694 Taladris (801 rep) | A: How to invite my colleagues to an at-home goodbye party when they usually organize them in a bar? (score: 2) | posted 11 days ago by OldPadawan (15935 rep) | Toxicity 0.09055032 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

IPS Comment Bot

9:37 AM

I feel like I am that friend sometimes. I sometimes get bored of a game or a community i am involved with and i start appearing rarer and rarer until I quit altogether. I just cant make myself quit if anyone asks me to stay so i have to break it abruptly. Because of the latter i also hate it when someone finds me again to ask if I want to get back, as I love everyone unconditionally and cant tell no to them. Therefore when someone I know from another place finds me I get a lot of stress and often "play dead", so maybe it's best to not look for people online if they dont give you contacts first — IcedLance 19 secs ago

#21805 IcedLance (71 rep) | Q: Contacting a friend when I haven't heard from them in weeks (score: 3) | posted 11 hours ago by Termatinator (591 rep) | Toxicity 0.16827267 | tps/fps: 0/0

+1 The playlist is very interesting and nicely illustrates how to distill and break down the essential content of what you want to explain. — ahemmetter 1 min ago

#21764 ahemmetter (128 rep) | A: In what direction should I explain a topic that requires in-depth knowledge to understand? (score: 3) | posted 4 days ago by SZCZERZO KŁY (1590 rep) | edited 3 days ago by SZCZERZO KŁY (1590 rep) | Toxicity 0.051219907 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["+1"]

@IcedLance he already friended me on facebook though, so we already had multiple connections — Termatinator 43 secs ago

#21805 Termatinator (591 rep) | Q: Contacting a friend when I haven't heard from them in weeks (score: 3) | posted 11 hours ago by Termatinator (591 rep) | Toxicity 0.07837933 | tps/fps: 0/0

Yes, I would consider that "getting contacts" (was going to write about it but hit character limit), I just thought I'd comment on a more general situation. — IcedLance 15 secs ago

#21805 IcedLance (71 rep) | Q: Contacting a friend when I haven't heard from them in weeks (score: 3) | posted 11 hours ago by Termatinator (591 rep) | Toxicity 0.15378308 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

IPS Comment Bot

10:37 AM

@ooOOooK I had a wife like the OP's. Getting a refund isn't the issue. The issue is dealing with the wife. — DaveG 1 min ago

My ex-wife was #3: she didn't care, I was the cash cow. Divorce was the answer. — DaveG 57 secs ago

IPS Comment Bot

1:11 PM

@Raskkii Because, when you don't say anything, people might think you agree with what is being said (it might be specific to French culture) — Ælis 34 secs ago

#21808 Ælis (6126 rep) | Q: How to let other coworkers know that I don't share my coworker political views? (score: 0) | posted 4 minutes ago by Ælis (6126 rep) | Toxicity 0.1833287 | tps/fps: 0/0

What makes you think Alex would think you agreed with Bob's views? — Raskkii 1 min ago

#21808 Raskkii (394 rep) | Q: How to let other coworkers know that I don't share my coworker political views? (score: 0) | posted 4 minutes ago by Ælis (6126 rep) | Toxicity 0.1282619 | tps/fps: 0/0

So, if I understand correctly Alex has not yet given any signs of thinking you agree with Bob's views, but you're afraid he thinks that of you nonetheless so you want to approach this differently next time something similar happens? This is not about explaining to Alex now (after the fact) that 'hey, there was Bob having this conversation and I don't agree with it'? Do you think Alex shares Bob views? — Tinkeringbell ♦ 35 secs ago

Could surely be specific to french culture. I for my part always assume that as long as you are not a part of the conversation, you simply don't care or are not interested. The point where I might think that you share these views, is when you are in a conversation with said person and don't say anthing against it or have your own opinion. That being said, should the answer be limited to france or a widely accepted solution? — XtremeBaumer 1 min ago

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic(@Noon)"]

@Tinkeringbell I don't think Alex share Bob views. And yes, I don't want to explain to Alex, after the fact, that I don't share Bob view. I want Alex to know that during the facts. — Ælis 28 secs ago

@XtremeBaumer I don't think answers need to be limited to France. — Ælis 53 secs ago

Would you be willing to strike up a conversation about the topic with Alex? — XtremeBaumer 1 min ago

@XtremeBaumer I would rather not (because that would probably be a tiring conversation too and I don't want that) — Ælis 55 secs ago

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

I think the downvotes on your post (not on you) are because it does not offer a solution for the OP — Rory Alsop 1 min ago

#21804 Rory Alsop (3149 rep) | A: How can I get my wife to be less spendthrift? (score: -3) | posted 17 hours ago by ooOOooK (393 rep) | Toxicity 0.0759104 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

@ooOOooK we're not that much interested in 'that something similar happened to you', but in 'what you tried in those circumstances and especially how that turned out', as our citation expectations also clearly state. Telling someone 'they could try X' is never useful if you don't have experience trying X and can describe its outcome. — Tinkeringbell ♦ 1 min ago

IPS Comment Bot

1:53 PM

She is either extremely careless, or something else is going on. When this behavior start? — Edwin Lambregts 8 secs ago

#21766 Edwin Lambregts (101 rep) | Q: How can I tell my wife to pay more attention to everything without sounding condescending or rude? (score: 0) | posted 4 days ago by workoverflow (131 rep) | edited 3 days ago by Rainbacon (4471 rep) | Toxicity 0.27730668 | tps/fps: 0/0

Hey Martin, welcome to IPS! I'm sorry to hear that you're having trouble with dating, I've been there and it's not fun. Unfortunately, asking whether or not rejection is normal is too opinion based for this site. We try to focus on questions with actionable goals related to interpersonal interactions. While we can't tell you if your situation is normal, we could help you with your communication skills if you'd like. — Rainbacon just now

#21809 Rainbacon (4471 rep) | Q: Is it normal to be rejected by girls 99 of 100 times (score: -1) | posted 5 minutes ago by Martin S (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.11661624 | tps/fps: 0/0

I'm from Belgium (so not really France, but close), and to me someone being silent doesn't mean they agree, especially on loaded subjects like politics. Many people decide to keep their views to themselves on this kind of subject in work places to avoid conflict. So I wouldn't worry too much about it. Also, what makes you think Alex doesn't share Bob's views ? — MlleMei 1 min ago

Sorry but it seems to me the edit is essentially saying "any reaction, any type of person, any location" - this doesn't make your question any less broad. As per the on-topic page, "Questions must be specific enough to be answered... we require that questions be specific - and preferably that they relate to a situation you are actually in." Another resource for understanding question requirements is How do I write a good question?. — Em C ♦ 55 secs ago

IPS Comment Bot

2:29 PM

I have problem with this as I don't think you can rate people on okcupid. apart from "pass/like". with the third option "no interaction". But If I read that correcty it would say that okc women users state there is NONE "most attractive" male users? Which kinda make the whole pool worthless because then that 2% would be most attractive. You kind a benchmark. And that benchmark would/should be in that 0%. — SZCZERZO KŁY 1 min ago

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic(@Noon)"]

I France, we have the "extreme right" and the "extreme left" and people don't seem to care about being called "extreme". — Ælis 1 min ago

#21810 Ælis (6127 rep) | A: How to let other coworkers know that I don't share my coworker political views? (score: 0) | posted 9 minutes ago by baldPrussian (24795 rep) | Toxicity 0.5699503 | tps/fps: 0/0

If the OP is intending to edit this question to be re-opened, please add a link to wherever those graphs are from. Alone they do not contain enough information to be interpretable. Also, please include a bit more detail about how you are approaching women on these sites-- it's very unlikely to be 100% due to your profile photo over a decade. More information on how you go about trying to get dates, or interact with potential dates more generally, would be very helpful. — Upper_Case 1 min ago

Also, I'm not sure I understand your advice. Are you saying that I should just ignore Bob (who is sitting near me) and then turn to Alex in order to tell them, out of the blue, "Bob's a good guy; we just look at this differently"? — Ælis 1 min ago

#21810 Ælis (6127 rep) | A: How to let other coworkers know that I don't share my coworker political views? (score: 0) | posted 14 minutes ago by baldPrussian (24795 rep) | Toxicity 0.09261574 | tps/fps: 0/0

You can report anything you want to the police, but I'm not sure what you expect to happen as a result in this case. — Upper_Case 1 min ago

I remember that on Tinder most men get the right swipe only 0.5 to 2% while average right swipe rare for women is about 80%. It is true that dating is very hard for men and that is the truth feminists never admit and correct. How about going for the different race? White men are the most popular and have strong advantages on interracial dating, especially with Asian women (many researches support it). — Blaszard 48 secs ago

IPS Comment Bot

3:00 PM

Ah, I misunderstood. I thought you were communicating to Alex. Either way, the response can be the same: to be decent to Bob and just politely say you don't share views. When Bob spouts off, that's when you offer him grace and just say "we don't agree" but don't let it go farther than that. You want to make the point that you don't share his views; you're not looking to change them. — baldPrussian 1 min ago

#21810 baldPrussian (24805 rep) | A: How to let other coworkers know that I don't share my coworker political views? (score: 1) | posted 37 minutes ago by baldPrussian (24805 rep) | Toxicity 0.25213304 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

That's more or less what I did with Bob. Then I stop communicating with anyone and then Alex entered the kitchen. What I want is to don't let Alex think that, since I am not saying anything, I agree with Bob. — Ælis 1 min ago

#21810 Ælis (6138 rep) | A: How to let other coworkers know that I don't share my coworker political views? (score: 1) | posted 40 minutes ago by baldPrussian (24805 rep) | Toxicity 0.2556059 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

Why does this need to be done in the moment? Is there a specific reason that talking to Alex later is undesirable or counterproductive? — Upper_Case 23 secs ago

@Upper_Case I only see Alex when we are having lunch. I believe coming back to this later would be weird. — Ælis 23 secs ago

@Upper_Case I would rather do it in the moment to not have that bothering me all day — Ælis 31 secs ago

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

If you only see each other at lunch, it may well be weird to do after the fact. But if it were also weird to do in the moment, would you have a preference between the two? — Upper_Case 1 min ago

IPS Comment Bot

3:48 PM

I think this is a really good explanation of why the goal of the OP is unnecessary. Do you have any relevant experience in situations where you've seen people attempt to engage and fail in the ways that you've described? — Rainbacon 1 min ago

#21812 Rainbacon (4482 rep) | A: How to let other coworkers know that I don't share my coworker political views? (score: 0) | posted 20 minutes ago by Upper_Case (13388 rep) | Toxicity 0.12324109 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

I do, but I'm not sure what the best way to incorporate such a thing into this answer would be. Norms are hard to observe. The key observation is that there is a social norm that declaring your views just so that people know them isn't done, and so the assumption after such a declaration is that that person wants to discuss further. But if they don't want that, or aren't prepared to discuss (because they just wanted to make their declaration) then there is no meeting of the minds on what the conversation even is, leading to awkwardness. With a charged topic, that awkwardness can turn heated. — Upper_Case 1 min ago

#21812 Upper_Case (13388 rep) | A: How to let other coworkers know that I don't share my coworker political views? (score: 0) | posted 25 minutes ago by Upper_Case (13388 rep) | Toxicity 0.113721386 | tps/fps: 0/0

IPS Comment Bot

4:14 PM

You mentioned that you have a rule of thumb for this, what have been your experiences that have led to you developing this rule of thumb? Have you used that technique several times successfully? — Rainbacon 26 secs ago

#21811 Rainbacon (4481 rep) | A: Contacting a friend when I haven't heard from them in weeks (score: -2) | posted 1 hours ago by El Stepherino (185 rep) | Toxicity 0.031878114 | tps/fps: 0/0

Ælis

5:17 PM

!!\alive

!!/alive

IPS Meta Comments

I'm alive!

IPS Comment Bot

I'm alive!

Hi Aritro! It seems you've been very unfortunate in the selection of people you've been meeting so far in Boston. But like I tried to explain in my comment underneath your previous question, interpersonal skills aren't really about 'should I have told her'. We require questions to have a clear goal, asking if you should do something isn't that. Take a look at our help center, and our guidelines for good questions. — Tinkeringbell ♦ 1 min ago

#21813 Tinkeringbell (22285 rep) | Q: Interaction with landlady in the Boston area (score: -1) | posted 7 minutes ago by Aritro Pathak (93 rep) | Toxicity 0.086311914 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic(@Noon)"]

Also, as you have an association bonus, you might be able to use our Sandbox on IPS Meta, where community members can help you get up to speed with writing a good question for IPS main. Last but not least, we have a chatroom that allows for a bit more interaction, and is full of awesome people that are probably more than willing to help you with figuring out a way to write great questions. I hope you'll meet some nice Boston people soon :) — Tinkeringbell ♦ 52 secs ago

#21813 Tinkeringbell (22285 rep) | Q: Interaction with landlady in the Boston area (score: -1) | posted 8 minutes ago by Aritro Pathak (93 rep) | Toxicity 0.046088234 | tps/fps: 0/0

One way of incorporating such a thing would be to add personal observations of cases where this happened and just describe what happened. Even if that means that you'll have to say that you've never seen anyone successfully state just their viewpoint without inviting further discussion. Otherwise, perhaps some links to sources on the etiquette of discussing politics can help you, like point 1 in this link. I'll leave the rest of the googling up to you ;) — Tinkeringbell ♦ 1 min ago

#21812 Tinkeringbell (22285 rep) | A: How to let other coworkers know that I don't share my coworker's political views? (score: 1) | posted 1 hours ago by Upper_Case (13398 rep) | Toxicity 0.10843229 | tps/fps: 0/0

Would you have though Alex was agreeing with Bob, if roles had been reversed? So if you would've been the one entering the kitchen area, and Alex sitting there obviously not interacting with Bob at all? — Tinkeringbell ♦ 24 secs ago

@Tinkeringbell Thank you for the advice. I'll try to think of a good way to express specific instances that display the norm and how going against that norm has not worked out. I'm resistant to googling for sources, as settling on a position and only afterwards looking for sources that justify it strikes me as the opposite of what we want from citations here. — Upper_Case 31 secs ago

#21812 Upper_Case (13398 rep) | A: How to let other coworkers know that I don't share my coworker's political views? (score: 1) | posted 2 hours ago by Upper_Case (13398 rep) | Toxicity 0.08726368 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["experimental(@avazula)"]

1. We can't answer "should I" questions here. 2. From what you described, she didn't profile you at all. 3. There is no polite way to say such a thing. 4. Whether or not you "should" depends on your goal, but the answer is nearly always going to be "no". With those in mind, what would your goal have been with this landlady? — Upper_Case 1 min ago

#21813 Upper_Case (13398 rep) | Q: Interaction with landlady in the Boston area (score: -3) | posted 24 minutes ago by Aritro Pathak (89 rep) | Toxicity 0.14638436 | tps/fps: 0/0

@Upper_Case no one will really know if you did so in your first revision (e.g. assume there's a social norm, so look up something about etiquette). In this case, I really don't think it will be a problem if you use links/sources to back up that claim. If someone wants to make another claim, they have the same task to do. But it's your choice. Good luck on the edits! — Tinkeringbell ♦ 21 secs ago

#21812 Tinkeringbell (22285 rep) | A: How to let other coworkers know that I don't share my coworker's political views? (score: 1) | posted 2 hours ago by Upper_Case (13398 rep) | Toxicity 0.076051034 | tps/fps: 0/0

@Tinkeringbell Whether or not others are aware of the order of research and conclusion doesn't change that the integrity of a citation only works in only one direction. I'm not sure I can do this well in this case, but I'll try. In the worst case, I'll edit tomorrow to state that I was not able to think of an acceptable approach. — Upper_Case 1 min ago

#21812 Upper_Case (13398 rep) | A: How to let other coworkers know that I don't share my coworker's political views? (score: 1) | posted 2 hours ago by Upper_Case (13398 rep) | Toxicity 0.12117781 | tps/fps: 0/0

@Tinkeringbell When I arrived in the kitchen myself, Bob was already talking and if someone hadn't contradicted him on a specific (very racist) point, I would have been very worried that everyone was agreeing with Bob (on this very racist point). When Alex arrived, there was no one who was currently contradicting Bob (they all decided to go silent) and the only person making conversation with Bob was ok with what Bob was saying. — Ælis 6 secs ago

"it's much more likely him dating has just triggered something in you that has actually nothing to do with your friend dating." - actually I think it reminded me of my one and only relationship which was rather difficult. What I actually think is that the realisation of my feelings being irrational is what upset me in the first place. — AtypicalGuy 43 secs ago

#21791 AtypicalGuy (76 rep) | A: How can I talk with my friend/co-worker about that fact that learning about his relationship upset me? (score: 2) | posted 32 hours ago by MlleMei (1231 rep) | edited 26 hours ago by MlleMei (1231 rep) | Toxicity 0.23704542 | tps/fps: 0/0

Thank you very much for your insightful parable. It is indeed a very interesting story with many parallels. You mentioned I "fear the possibility that such an important figure will be lacking in [my] near future" and indeed this might relate to the sudden realisation my feelings were irrational in the first place which basically boils down to your description. — AtypicalGuy 2 mins ago

#21783 AtypicalGuy (76 rep) | A: How can I talk with my friend/co-worker about that fact that learning about his relationship upset me? (score: 5) | posted 41 hours ago by ooOOooK (406 rep) | Toxicity 0.15511304 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["experimental(@avazula)"]

Thanks for your input even though I might have to disagree slightly on the point of "losing your best friend because they've entered into a romantic relationship". I can definitely see this being a common issue in this scenario, however the more I think about it and read your and the other answers the more I think the sudden realisation that my feelings towards him were irrational is what made me upset. Actually he's not to blame for anything here. I gave him a vast significance that was definitely going to cause issues... — AtypicalGuy 1 min ago

#21785 AtypicalGuy (76 rep) | A: How can I talk with my friend/co-worker about that fact that learning about his relationship upset me? (score: 9) | posted 41 hours ago by Mister Anderson (311 rep) | Toxicity 0.117191814 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

IPS Comment Bot

6:03 PM

Do you assume that Alex agreed with Bob? — Upper_Case 1 min ago

IPS Comment Bot

6:30 PM

@Ælis In my work (USA) there are a lot (most) of the coworkers of the opposite political persuasion to me. If someone is talking politics and I am "disengaged" (faced away, not reacting, not paying attention, not nodding my head or giving any indication of agreement) it's clear to people that I'm not agreeing. I don't have to say "hey, I don't go along with racism / voter suppression / etc". — DaveG 31 secs ago

#21810 DaveG (5104 rep) | A: How to let other coworkers know that I don't share my coworker's political views? (score: 1) | posted 4 hours ago by baldPrussian (24805 rep) | Toxicity 0.50801104 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

@DaveG You should probably write an answer with these non-verbal clues. — Ælis 1 min ago

#21810 Ælis (6136 rep) | A: How to let other coworkers know that I don't share my coworker's political views? (score: 1) | posted 4 hours ago by baldPrussian (24805 rep) | Toxicity 0.3061494 | tps/fps: 0/0

@Upper_Case No, I don't think Alex agree with Bob — Ælis 1 min ago

Why not, given that he (per what has been related here) did not speak up against Bob's statements? And if you don't assume Alex agrees with Bob's views, despite his lack of explicit rejection of those views in the moment, is there a particular reason that you are concerned people will assume differently with respect to yourself? — Upper_Case 1 min ago

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

IPS Comment Bot

6:54 PM

@Upper_Case Alex was just joining the kitchen so, if they disagreed with Bob, they hadn't had the time to speak against them. Also, Alex was farther away to Bob than I was so it was more difficult for Alex to speak up against Bob (but Alex was still close enough to listen to what Bob was saying). Also, the only idea that Alex might think that I agreed with Bob's views was making me uncomfortable. — Ælis 57 secs ago

@Upper_Case Also, note that, due to my autism, my non-verbal communication might have been missleading to people (I edited my question to make that clear). Sorry that I didn't thought about including it sooner. — Ælis 8 secs ago

No worries. I still think that there isn't much to worry about here (even if your communication does not 100% represent your real thoughts and feelings, that doesn't suggest that you are constantly sending the worst possible signals). You feel how you feel, and have to take that as it comes. — Upper_Case 1 min ago

IPS Comment Bot

7:19 PM

So to clarify, the game was currently in progress when you made the suggestion? I can't speak for most people but I personally and many that I know would be instantly upset about a change like that mid game, but totally ok with it being agreed upon before play began. — Ethan The Brave 1 min ago

IPS Comment Bot

8:16 PM

Thanks for this good answer, Due to various reasons, divorce is not the option. — NiceGuy 30 secs ago

Matched regex(es) ["chatty-no-doubt(@Noon)", "chatty"]

Dang you beat me to it... :) — Lux Claridge 51 secs ago

#21816 Lux Claridge (189 rep) | A: How do I safely ask my girlfriend about her past depression? (score: 1) | posted 1 minutes ago by Rainbacon (4502 rep) | Toxicity 0.24020843 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["short-comment"]

IPS Comment Bot

11:13 PM

@EmC I would have never thought that a diverse working environment would come across as a fault. I'll restrict by majority ruling if that is an impediment. — ooOOooK 1 min ago

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

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