The Closet

12:43 AM

It might be useful to tag this question with which country you're from, as I'm sure the conventions would vary quite a lot in different parts of the world! — Bug Catcher Nakata 1 min ago

#21204 Bug Catcher Nakata (356 rep) | Q: How can I make it clear that a conversation with a friend should stay private? (score: 4) | posted 4 hours ago by RockPaperLizard (121 rep) | edited 4 hours ago by scohe001 (10635 rep) | Toxicity 0.21184298 | tps/fps: 0/0

IPS Comment Bot

4:29 AM

Do I understand that you want to convince this person to give up there chosen career path entirely? — bruglesco 18 secs ago

#21208 bruglesco (825 rep) | Q: How to tell he is not fit to the job (score: 0) | posted 24 minutes ago by Sarit (194 rep) | Toxicity 0.07006552 | tps/fps: 0/0

IPS Comment Bot

5:16 AM

Convincing. Yes this is keyword I have to use. Thanks. — Sarit 42 secs ago

#21208 Sarit (194 rep) | Q: How to tell he is not fit to the job (score: 0) | posted 1 hours ago by Sarit (194 rep) | Toxicity 0.047879297 | tps/fps: 0/0

IPS Comment Bot

5:53 AM

This post is being discussed on meta — Rainbacon 1 min ago

IPS Meta Comments

7:00 AM

Thank you for your support in building this site. Wishing you the best for your future. — NVZ 48 secs ago

@Ælis: I don't think this is "by passing" the system. My point here is. While almost(!) all IPS problems involve some kind of conversation in their solution, that doesn't mean thats how the tag should be used. The tag should in my opinion be used for IPS problems that have their source in some way in a conversation. And there the tag gives value. My point simply was, the additional effort for community moderation by the wrong use of the tag, is compared to the drawbacks removing that tag would give us, neglactable. — dhein 35 secs ago

#3577 dhein (1202 rep) | A: Should we delete the "conversations" tag? (score: 0) | posted 18 hours ago by dhein (1202 rep) | Toxicity 0.18478078 | tps/fps: 0/0

IPS Comment Bot

9:30 AM

which of you has ASD? yo added the tag but do not specify where that tag attaches — bigbadmouse 44 secs ago

I think part of the problem is that way your words will have come across is not what you intended (been there). If you had said anything other than what she expected the reaction would have been the same. Possibly what you meant was "this is the way you felt last time and I do understand why you say that"but you said it in a shorter way that means the same to you (but not to her) — bigbadmouse 42 secs ago

this is a valuable answer. — bigbadmouse 37 secs ago

#21203 bigbadmouse (281 rep) | A: Why do people expect me to feel exactly the same as they do? (score: 6) | posted 14 hours ago by ekl (169 rep) | Toxicity 0.038430948 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["short-comment"]

IPS Comment Bot

10:06 AM

Your manager is not the one that gives you your tasks? — JAD 58 secs ago

#21209 JAD (6544 rep) | Q: How to tell my manager, that I am lacking of work assignment while making my colleague not look bad? (score: 0) | posted 14 minutes ago by dhein (1202 rep) | Toxicity 0.17092139 | tps/fps: 0/0

@JAD: Not as long I am still being trained. And no idea how its continuing after that. But for now there is a specific coworker responsible for my training. — dhein 51 secs ago

#21209 dhein (1202 rep) | Q: How to tell my manager, that I am lacking of work assignment while making my colleague not look bad? (score: 0) | posted 17 minutes ago by dhein (1202 rep) | Toxicity 0.1415563 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

IPS Comment Bot

10:52 AM

Have you specifically mentioned the fact that you're idling right now? Or just more generally asked if your co-worker has time to meet, without pointing out that you really need their help? This can make a difference in how you'd present the situation to your manager (and how bad you or your co-worker will look)... — Tinkeringbell ♦ 1 min ago

#21209 Tinkeringbell (21572 rep) | Q: How to tell my manager, that I am lacking of work assignment while making my colleague not look bad? (score: 0) | posted 1 hours ago by dhein (1202 rep) | Toxicity 0.19837067 | tps/fps: 0/0

@Tinkeringbell: To at least 2 of my colleagues I specifically said that I am idling. To the responsible colleague I even said already on friday: "If you havent a task asigned to me by monday, I wont have anything left on my todo and will have to find elearnings to keep mz self semi busy" — dhein 48 secs ago

#21209 dhein (1202 rep) | Q: How to tell my manager, that I am lacking of work assignment while making my colleague not look bad? (score: 0) | posted 1 hours ago by dhein (1202 rep) | Toxicity 0.32171315 | tps/fps: 0/0

IPS Comment Bot

11:16 AM

I think you might be better served a the workplace, this seems to be more about how to navigate the workplace than any potential interpersonal problems between you and your boss in that meeting. — nvoigt 1 min ago

#21209 nvoigt (562 rep) | Q: How to tell my manager, that I am lacking a work assignment while not making my colleague look bad? (score: 1) | posted 1 hours ago by dhein (1207 rep) | edited 10 minutes ago by Tinkeringbell (21572 rep) | Toxicity 0.16242479 | tps/fps: 0/0

@nvoigt no, cause the worplace related answer would be "just tell your manager, as it isnt your fault" but i am aware of that and am not looking for such advice, but advice how to communicating it keeping the impact for my colleague as small as possible. — dhein 6 secs ago

#21209 dhein (1207 rep) | Q: How to tell my manager, that I am lacking a work assignment while not making my colleague look bad? (score: 1) | posted 1 hours ago by dhein (1207 rep) | edited 15 minutes ago by Tinkeringbell (21572 rep) | Toxicity 0.105058745 | tps/fps: 0/0

What happened? Is there a reason my comment is gone and @dhein now looks like he's talking to himself? If that comment wasn't appropriate, can you please let me know? — nvoigt 1 min ago

#21209 nvoigt (562 rep) | Q: How to tell my manager, that I am lacking a work assignment while not making my colleague look bad? (score: 1) | posted 1 hours ago by dhein (1207 rep) | edited 24 minutes ago by Tinkeringbell (21572 rep) | Toxicity 0.087045 | tps/fps: 0/0

IPS Comment Bot

11:45 AM

I think if this question was limited to just talk with your "significant other" it would make sense and be answerable. There are certainly cases where a partner expects you to mirror (classic one being "I love you"). — DaveG 24 secs ago

IPS Comment Bot

12:12 PM

@nvoigt I deleted that comment, if something isn't off-topic on IPS we don't move it to another site. Interpersonal Skills used to navigate the workplace are just as on-topic here as Interpersonal Skills you use during family dinners. I didn't expect dhein to react to a deleted comment, I'll clean that up too. — Tinkeringbell ♦ 28 secs ago

#21209 Tinkeringbell (21572 rep) | Q: How to tell my manager, that I am lacking a work assignment while not making my colleague look bad? (score: 1) | posted 2 hours ago by dhein (1207 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (21572 rep) | Toxicity 0.22688033 | tps/fps: 0/0

IPS Comment Bot

1:17 PM

Welcome to IPS! Unfortunately, what you are asking here is off-topic. Please take the time to read our question guide. Also, you might be interested by this area 51 site proposal. — Ælis 1 min ago

#21211 Ælis (5624 rep) | Q: How can you tell if you're autistic? (score: 0) | posted 10 minutes ago by ev1lchris (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.05778789 | tps/fps: 0/0

Your best option is probably seeking medical advice - that is, talk with a psychologist specialized in this kind of thing. — Erik 1 min ago

#21211 Erik (6558 rep) | Q: How can you tell if you're autistic? (score: 0) | posted 15 minutes ago by ev1lchris (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.06489564 | tps/fps: 0/0

IPS Comment Bot

2:15 PM

@bigbadmouse I am the one with ASD. As for your second comment, I understand how my words came across. I mentioned in the post that we talked about it and she explained exactly how she interpreted them. My question is not about why we had the argument, that part is perfectly clear. — Rainbacon 1 min ago

IPS Meta Comments

3:03 PM

From our help center, about the types of questions that are on-topic: understanding social norms as they relate to interpersonal interactions - why do we interact the way we do?. Are you proposing entirely getting rid of this category of questions? Or is there something about the specific question used as an example here that makes it different, not about understanding social norms but something else? — Tinkeringbell ♦ 27 secs ago

#3582 Tinkeringbell (21572 rep) | A: Broad Questions, Definitive Answers, and the Limits of Personal Experience as Evidence (score: 0) | posted 7 minutes ago by Anilla (1495 rep) | Toxicity 0.035479948 | tps/fps: 0/0

@Tinkeringbell Hmm, that's a good point. The question under scrutiny makes the assumption that its sociocultural/interpersonal in nature, where as I argue it's more intrapersonal (as reflected by the highest-vote answer). I'll revise to reflect what I mean exactly. — Anilla 1 min ago

#3582 Anilla (1495 rep) | A: Broad Questions, Definitive Answers, and the Limits of Personal Experience as Evidence (score: 0) | posted 12 minutes ago by Anilla (1495 rep) | Toxicity 0.1000266 | tps/fps: 0/0

IPS Comment Bot

Hey, it seems to me that your question is partially about apologizing so I added the relevant tag. Please tell me if I was wrong. — Ælis 1 min ago

IPS Comment Bot

3:26 PM

How far do you two live apart? How often do you meet her in person? I personally thinks its easier to adress problems in person. Not only does it prevent misunderstandings its also a lot harder to evade a conversation. — Xirem 1 min ago

IPS Comment Bot

3:49 PM

@Msr I think you are ok and I've voted to reopen. The one troublesome phrase is when you say "I would like to know what message I can send him to reduce the uncertainty" it sounds like you are just looking for phrasing. I think your goal has been clearly stated in the part right after that though — Rainbacon 9 secs ago

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

IPS Comment Bot

4:42 PM

I'm voting to close this (old) question as off-topic because this sounds like a phrasing request (and our scope has changed since then). — Ælis 1 min ago

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

Ælis

@IPSCommentBot fp

IPS Comment Bot

Marked this comment as caught incorrectly (fp). Currently marked 0tps/1fps

scohe001

@Ælis gotta stay away from "sounds like" :P

IPS Meta Comments

"When we ask why someone (person or people) behave the way they do, we're more concerned about the individual rather than the interaction they have with another person." - I disagree with this statement. Understanding the reasoning behind the skills used in an interpersonal interaction is an important part of understanding the interaction itself. Let's take eye contact as an example. If I only know that people make eye contact but not why, I might incorrectly use the skill and unknowingly communicate something that I didn't intend. — Rainbacon 1 min ago

#3582 Rainbacon (2350 rep) | A: Broad Questions, Definitive Answers, and the Limits of Personal Experience as Evidence (score: 0) | posted 1 hours ago by Anilla (1495 rep) | Toxicity 0.08827718 | tps/fps: 0/0

Ælis

@scohe001 >< Or maybe you could change the regex so that it doesn't catch "I'm voting to close" anymore? cute kitten eyes

scohe001

4:49 PM

@IPSCommentBot huh?

IPS Comment Bot

Matched reason "possible-aic" for regex sounds\WlikeComment was made 446 days after last activity on post

Aww, thank you so much @Rainbacon! :D I suppose that you mean that since I'm asking for "what message I can send" that I'm just asking for phrasing, is this right? I guess that's a valid point but I feel I don't even have a good notion at all of what to send to him, and in this sense I'm mostly searching for ideas, but what do you say? Do you think that, in spite of this, I'm just asking for phrasing? — Msr 1 min ago

scohe001

Oh boy, looks like I'm missing a newline in there.

I think the idea of adding "anti-regexes" or "whitelist regexes" might be a good one

Basically if it matches a whitelist regex, then don't flag it with anything, it must be good

Could be dangerous though...

Ælis

Well, there are still people we read the comment on the site and I know I often read all the comment from the closet. So, if we see this being exploited, we could still change things back

scohe001

@Ælis true. It's more like it'd be a not insignificant amount of work to design that

We'd have to add a new database table for whitelist regexes and then add the commands to add/remove them from chat

Not sure if it'd be worth it

Ælis

Yep. Alternatively, we can still add them directly into our regex (with the "don't match that" regex "sentence)

!!\help

!!/help

IPS Comment Bot

4:56 PM

Note: If <botname> is the only argument, it can be ommitted and the command will be seen by all bots. If <botname> is "*" all bots will repond as though they've been mentioned.

!!/alive <botname> - It'll tell you if it's alive
!!/logsize <botname> - The current sizes of the logs. Occasionally there are disk space issues on the server and thesecretmaster needs to destroy some logs. Ping thesecretmaster if any of the numbers are > 2000MB.
!!/quota <botname> - How much of bot's API quota has been used (restarts at 10,000 every 24 hours-ish)

IPS Meta Comments

Note: If <botname> is the only argument, it can be ommitted and the command will be seen by all bots. If <botname> is "*" all bots will repond as though they've been mentioned.

!!/alive <botname> - It'll tell you if it's alive
!!/logsize <botname> - The current sizes of the logs. Occasionally there are disk space issues on the server and thesecretmaster needs to destroy some logs. Ping thesecretmaster if any of the numbers are > 2000MB.
!!/quota <botname> - How much of bot's API quota has been used (restarts at 10,000 every 24 hours-ish)

Ælis

!!/regexes ips

IPS Comment Bot

possible-aic:
- q: short\Wanswer
- q: why\Wnot
- q: sounds\Wlike
- q: short\Wversion
- q: bottom\Wline
- q: just\Wsaying?
- q: worth\Wconsidering
- q: the\Wissue\Where
- q: tl.?dr
- q: ^you\Wneed\Wto((?!\?).)*$
- q: two\Wcents
- q: ^.*respond((?!(meta|\?)).)*$
- q: tell\W(them|h(im|er))
- q: if\Wi\Wwh?ere
- q: ^(.{1,50})?just(.{1,50})?((?!(\?)).)$
- q: ^(.{1,20})?".*"$
- q: in\Wmy\Wexperience
- q: i\Wwould\Wbe
- q: just\W(my|an?)(opinions?|views?)
- q: have\Wyou\Wconsidered
- q: as\Wsomeone
- q: ^\W?".*"(\b|\W)?$

What I'm saying is that the way you phrased it might lead people to think you are just asking for phrasing, even though you aren't. We've had issues in the past with questions that were essentially asking us to draft an email for someone, so we tend to be a bit strict about questions like that. — Rainbacon 52 secs ago

Ælis

@scohe001 ^(?!.*(I'm\Wvoting\Wto\Wclose\W)).

I believe that putting this ^ in front of our regex would do the trick

scohe001

5:14 PM

@Ælis oof. Are you suggesting we do that with every regex?

IPS Meta Comments

@avazula I'm guessing this one and this one (and here's the moderator response) — scohe001 just now

#3586 scohe001 (10645 rep) | Q: Why are my comments being deleted before I can even read the answer to them? (score: 0) | posted 9 minutes ago by nvoigt (582 rep) | Toxicity 0.0671638 | tps/fps: 0/0

Hi! May I ask you what the content of your comments was? We (as many other sites on SE) strictly accept comments who either ask for clarifications or suggest improvements. Were your comments about either one of those points? If not, it may explain why they got deleted. — avazula 1 min ago

#3586 avazula (8095 rep) | Q: Why are my comments being deleted before I can even read the answer to them? (score: 0) | posted 9 minutes ago by nvoigt (582 rep) | Toxicity 0.07080764 | tps/fps: 0/0

IPS Comment Bot

Besides the OP asking too much, I imagine such emails would require much more than interpersonal skills and from this, I guess it makes sense to be strict about such questions. Would you like me to try to edit the question to frame it in a way where I'm not just asking for phrasing, but instead, something within the scope of IPS (like, I suppose, asking for an idea)? And by the way, do you have some idea of how this could be improved? — Msr 1 min ago

IPS Meta Comments

Indeed, thanks. — nvoigt 30 secs ago

#3586 nvoigt (582 rep) | Q: Why are my comments being deleted before I can even read the answer to them? (score: 0) | posted 12 minutes ago by nvoigt (582 rep) | Toxicity 0.022622168 | tps/fps: 0/0

IPS Comment Bot

"She told me to leave the VoIP instantly and I did." Good, never come back. Find a girlfriend in rea life that respects you and try not to be so submissive. She doesn't seem to need you or to care too much, so don't start to beg. — Manuki 5 secs ago

IPS Meta Comments

5:45 PM

I think that this is helpful. My concern is that different site goals are in tension, and any observations which clarify that tension and tradeoffs we would have to make to resolve it are valuable. — Upper_Case 1 min ago

#3585 Upper_Case (12692 rep) | A: Broad Questions, Definitive Answers, and the Limits of Personal Experience as Evidence (score: 1) | posted 1 hours ago by OldPadawan (15055 rep) | edited 24 minutes ago by OldPadawan (15055 rep) | Toxicity 0.024327723 | tps/fps: 0/0

Thanks, I'll let it be there then ;) — OldPadawan 1 min ago

#3585 OldPadawan (15055 rep) | A: Broad Questions, Definitive Answers, and the Limits of Personal Experience as Evidence (score: 1) | posted 1 hours ago by OldPadawan (15055 rep) | edited 27 minutes ago by OldPadawan (15055 rep) | Toxicity 0.046421535 | tps/fps: 0/0

Ælis

5:59 PM

@scohe001 Maybe just for some relevant one?

@IPSCommentBot tp

IPS Comment Bot

Marked this comment as caught correctly (tp). Currently marked 1tps/0fps. beep boop My human overlords won't let me flag that, so you'll have to do it yourself.

IPS Meta Comments

"this type of question isn't really too broad or off-topic for IPS, but they call for such a veeeeerrrrrrryyyy long answer if you want to back it up." - Yes, one of the criteria for good subjective answers as explained in the help center is that they tend to favor longer answers — Rainbacon 1 min ago

#3585 Rainbacon (2350 rep) | A: Broad Questions, Definitive Answers, and the Limits of Personal Experience as Evidence (score: 0) | posted 1 hours ago by OldPadawan (15055 rep) | edited 44 minutes ago by OldPadawan (15055 rep) | Toxicity 0.19579297 | tps/fps: 0/0

IPS Meta Comments

7:08 PM

@Rainbacon : oh I know and agree :) it's just that, in this particular case, I'd have to write a book. So, on-topic Q and on the edge of being a not-a-useful-answer because it's too long and people won't read it. You can't make it readable and of an acceptable lenght here. — OldPadawan 44 secs ago

#3585 OldPadawan (15055 rep) | A: Broad Questions, Definitive Answers, and the Limits of Personal Experience as Evidence (score: 0) | posted 2 hours ago by OldPadawan (15055 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by OldPadawan (15055 rep) | Toxicity 0.07495677 | tps/fps: 0/0

IPS Comment Bot

7:23 PM

My best recommendation would be to change "I would like to know what message I can send" to "I would like to know how I can" — Rainbacon 1 min ago

IPS Comment Bot

9:02 PM

FYI, another user has opened a meta post for feedback on getting this question reopened. — Em C ♦ 1 min ago

IPS Comment Bot

9:56 PM

Does she cite anything specific that you do or don't say/do when telling you that she thinks you don't love her enough? Or is that all she says? — scohe001 57 secs ago

#21214 scohe001 (10645 rep) | Q: How do I tell my gf to stop guilting me that I don't love her enough? (score: 0) | posted 6 minutes ago by Chris (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.22550054 | tps/fps: 0/0

@scohe001 She said she just "feels it". Once I walked into our apartment from work and didn't kiss her (2 min max) so she pointed it out. I immediately kissed her after she mentioned it, but she brought it up later as an example. She also brought up the fact that my friend posted a confession of his love to his gf on Facebook, but I've never did that for her. — Chris 1 min ago

#21214 Chris (1 rep) | Q: How do I tell my gf to stop guilting me that I don't love her enough? (score: 0) | posted 11 minutes ago by Chris (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.15752037 | tps/fps: 0/0

IPS Comment Bot

11:32 PM

How competitive is the game that is being played? By chance, are those friends of hers just more experienced or better at said game to where that affects her interest in playing with you? — Xrylite 1 min ago

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