@reinierpost If you don't want to hurt what already remains of his self-confidence, is there something I'm missing with your intended goal? It seems like your aggravation is making you sorta desire some kind of stab at him. — Jess K. 1 min ago

I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because we don't know why you can't just "ask him" which mean we can't answer your question properly — Noon 1 min ago

I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because we don't know what's wrong with just "telling them" and can't write a good answer without this information — Noon just now

I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because this sounds like a phrasing request which is off-topic here — Noon 1 min ago

When the teacher posts on Facebook, is she officially representing the school or is it just something she does voluntarily with a personal account? Asking her to be a bit more professional MIGHT be less unwelcome if it was something she's doing for her job rather than something she is doing voluntarily. — Kozaky 1 min ago

This is a voluntary action, with a personal account, so it is not representing the school officially. — Andrei Bozantan 1 min ago

This may be a good frame challenge if you could explain why you think OP should not try to achieve what they originally wanted to do, i.e. communicate with their husband that they don't like oral sex. Please check this meta post on frame-challenge answers to know more about what we expect regarding those. — Avazula 40 secs ago

In addition to what Avazula already said, what is your relationship with your trainer and gym colleagues? From what country are you? — Noon 1 min ago

if you need an explanation why OP shouldn't try to communicate her husband, then give me a break and I will edit it. If you don't understand or don't like the solution, please help me to understand you. You can also read the conversation in chat here — Ooker 31 secs ago

Some comments in this answer do not take into consideration cultural differences with the OP being from India and could even be a little insensitive. The remaining content addressing the question is quite brief. — Astralbee 1 min ago

Please don't whistle Kill Bill's main theme — Bernat 15 secs ago

@Comeonletsdoit On hold doesn't mean "this is not allowed", it means "please address the problems with your question and we'll try to answer it". Your question is not being hold because any kind of moral quarrels with it or with you, it's just the format of the question. Change it to something like "how can I propose a threesome to a couple of friends without endangering our current relationship" or something similar that is your real goal and it will be reopened (probably) and, who knows, maybe somenone can help you - I for myself have no idea. :D — Rekesoft 24 secs ago

A better way is not to discuss it . — paparazzo 1 min ago

@reinierpost It must be surely a culture clash. Where do you see the dishonesty in the answer? The OP has clearly stated they don't want to waste more time helping this friend. You could just say bluntly: "I'm not going to help you anymore, you expletive!", but that's not being honest, that's being rude and mean. At most, the answer could be more clear by first stating that "I've already did all that I could for you. You can try now xxxx" — Rekesoft 1 min ago

@user23175 "I feel" vs "You did" is my recommendation based on you not wanting to sour your working relationship. Unless you want to risk tensions with this coworker, you can't truly reprimand or scold him. I think his actions are gross, and I personally don't enjoy the idea of giving anyone a "free pass" at their behavior, BUT... If you don't want to have an escalation, your best bet is to come at him in a calm, but confident, approach and hope that his sobriety helps make the message more clear this time around. Otherwise I'd take it to HR, because it's not your place to do more. — Jess K. 48 secs ago

If they were going to go for it, they wouldn't be uncomfortable. If they were going to reject it, they would. Perhaps you assessed the situation correctly, and concluded that they would not go for it, and perhaps you should not offer such a thing if you know it's going to go badly. I don't know, but you are closer to the situation, so you can determine if this information is of any value. — Edwin Buck 1 min ago

I'm not scared to try, but I want to make sure that I have prepared carefully. After receiving your answer and writing the comment I realize that what I want is an assessment of whether Susan will reply to me and help me or not, and I know this is off-topic. So perhaps my questions will be: have your skepticism reduced? Have I not missed anything? Would Susan feel Clara will be safe when receiving my proposal? — Ooker 1 min ago

Outdated understanding, or logical flaw, or people change, or not being Clara so cannot know what she wants, or action requires consequences, is the skepticism I had on myself before my friends had. Being able to solve that skepticism is how I could convince my friend (and about to convince Susan). The perfect combination of words that I mention is basically the honest and open message; but because it has to couple with the philosophy so that Clara can take it, it will require a decent more amount of time to get to her. I think Susan can help me cut it. — Ooker 1 min ago

@ooker Only Susan can tell you what Susan thinks and only be Susan's reactions will you find out how Susan will react. Even the people who know Susan best could not be 100% certain of Susan's reactions, random people on the Internet can only make guesses based on people in their own life. Astralbee has given you an excellent answer and I really don't think you wilt get the certainty you seek from anyone here. — Spagirl 1 min ago

@Spagirl yes, that's why I say it's off-topic. But I want to know whether your skepticism reduced or not, after my first comment — Ooker 1 min ago

@Astralbee I do not get the purpose / intent of this comment. — Mister Positive 26 secs ago

How does he react to you suggesting that you can join him for an activity tomorrow or in a couple of hours time? How aware is your brother of any common routines you have, such as work, clubs etc.? — Kozaky 2 mins ago

@Kozaky He's about 50/50 on joining because sometimes he's busy. And he is aware that my father and I work a lot. — theblindprophet 1 min ago

Welcome to IPS! I have allowed myself to edit to make your question more on-topic. Feel free to rollback if this isn't what you want to ask. — Noon 1 min ago

Hi Andrei! We might be able to help you better if you'd just ask 'how to point this out', although we already have a question on doing something like that. Perhaps the answers there might be helpful to you. Is there a special reason you'd like to point this out to the teacher and risk her getting offended? — Tinkeringbell ♦ 1 min ago

What are you afraid will happen if you explain with your words that he has autism? — Noon 23 secs ago

The purpose, like all comments, is to help you improve your answer. At the moment I believe it is low quality for the reasons stated. — Astralbee 5 secs ago

@Astralbee And where were you a year or so ago?? — Mister Positive just now

The user hasn't been seen in almost 1 year. Maybe a moderator can select an answer, as it really should not be current. — Mister Positive 18 secs ago

The question has been bumped to the homepage as it has not had an answer accepted. It is current again. — Astralbee 1 min ago

@Astralbee I believe the homepage bump is from this new answer actually. But regardless Mister Positive, this is inline with our community policy. — scohe001 35 secs ago

I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because it appears to be about intrapersonal skills (within oneself) rather than interpersonal skills (between multiple people) — Rainbacon 41 secs ago

I'm confused on one point: is your brother's issue that he thinks no one wants to hang out with him socially, or that he isn't receiving favors he feels are owed? Or does he consider these to be one and the same? — Upper_Case 15 secs ago

@Upper_Case A little of both — theblindprophet 36 secs ago

Astralbee's answer covers most of the ground I would, so I don't have another answer to post. But the line She needs to help me understand what she doesn't understand suggests to me that you aren't as focused on Clara's happiness so much as yourself, which is not a good stance from which to approach Susan. What you want Susan to do for you doesn't mean that Susan needs to do anything. Could you expand that section a bit more, to explain your thinking? — Upper_Case 46 secs ago

Thanks for italicizing the phrase for you, because that can help me see where we misunderstand each other. The emboldened line is just basic requirement for any conversation: both sides have to put effort to make sense what the others really mean. If you don't help me understand what you don't understand, then I can't answer you. Therefore, it's not about what Susan can do for me, but about assuming that I am not the one she knew two years ago. Of course she doesn't need to assume that, but if she does, then she can help Clara. — Ooker 30 secs ago

I have been facing infinite skepticism from everyone, but if anything this picture can help illustrate my point. — Ooker 1 min ago

The issue is that Susan may well believe that she is best helping Clara but not helping you contact her. Susan does not have any obligation to assist you, nor to invest her effort into helping you demonstrate that you have changed, nor even to having a conversation with you (which she has already rejected, per information in your question). Your assumption that you are owed a chance to get Clara back, and that anyone who can help you has a duty to do so, is a non-trivial obstacle here. Maybe if you described the problems your relationship had, the changes you made, and how those — Upper_Case 35 secs ago

(continued) point to a better future for yourself and Clara together, things would be clearer. As it stands I'm at a loss for how to approach Susan or the situation more broadly with your goal in mind-- were I in Susan's place, the line of argument you have taken would be almost (though not quite) disqualifying on its own. I obviously don't have the extra context of your actual relationships with these people, but that's the whole problem I'm trying to express. — Upper_Case 1 min ago

Do you think the lady is having trouble caring for herself and her pet to the point that a well check may be called for? — Meg 16 secs ago

Thanks for answering, I know that but it feels rude just to say something like that because that's like saying, yeah, that was dumb of you but that's ok. — Guy who types fast 7 secs ago

Uhh do the downvoters care to explain? — only_pro 1 min ago

@Guywhotypesfast I don't agree that it's rude. People do it all the time in business. Niceties don't mean much anyway. It's also fine to just say nothing. Basically, you're overthinking this. — only_pro 1 min ago

@EmC I added more info. Seemed obvious to me though.. I wanted to post this answer as a comment, but I knew I'd be asked to make an answer instead... so I did. — only_pro 44 secs ago

Welcome to IPS! Please take a minute to read through How to Answer and How do I write a good answer?. We prefer answers on this site to include some explanation of why you’re suggesting this course of action. For example, have you done this successfully in the past, or read about this technique somewhere? — Em C ♦ 1 min ago

@EmC Alright, well, I'm happy with my answer. Feel free to delete it if you'd like, as I'm sure you will. — only_pro 46 secs ago

It's safe to assume that people asking questions with "obvious" answers here need the extra help with their interpersonal skills, since that's what our site is all about. So, we ask people to back up their answers with explanation to actually teach users why an answer is good, rather than just handing them a script without explaining how one might determine why it's appropriate in this situation, what factors you consider, etc. — Em C ♦ 1 min ago

Related: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/q/7539/11811 and interpersonal.stackexchange.com/q/11875/11811 — scohe001 2 mins ago

I expected and answer different than agreeing with the other person being/doing something dumb. Your answer is a good point of view but is not what I'm looking for. — Guy who types fast 1 min ago

@Guywhotypesfast You're not agreeing they're dumb. It's just a nicety. You are putting too much thought into this—that's the point of my answer. — only_pro 46 secs ago

I think this answer is trying to get to "we all make mistakes, don't worry about it". A lot of people are hard on themselves when they make mistakes (myself included). Perhaps updating the answer to be more like "don't be so hard on yourself, we all make mistakes"? Sometimes someone else can give a person some perspective that no of us are perfect. — DaveG 1 min ago

"We all make mistakes, don't worry about it", when you say it to your project manager, that's career limiting. Just like "yeah, that was dumb of you, but that's ok". It's condescending at best, but you are in no position to be condescending towards your manager. — gnasher729 just now

@gnasher729 Really? The "we all make mistakes, don't worry about it" comment would have negative impact on the speaker's job? That seems like a harsh interpretation, and doesn't really match my (obviously non-comprehensive) experience. I'm curious as to what a better response would be, if you've time to write an answer. — Upper_Case 18 secs ago

@Upper_Case Absolutely. You don't say to your boss "we all make mistakes", unless you know them very, very well and then you wouldn't ask the question here. — gnasher729 17 secs ago