I agree that it generally looks okay to me :) If possible, it'd be useful to provide "what you have tried", or what sort of reaction you're worried about if you weren't tactful enough (e.g. are there any particular issues you expect family might raise, so answers could suggest ways to address that up front). Another thing that might help clarify the situation, are you just concerned about having that conversation with your cousin, or will you be asking (or expecting) your cousin to spread the news to everyone else? — Em C ♦ 14 secs ago

@EmC Edited, is that better? — apaul 8 secs ago

Thanks, that looks good to me! — Em C ♦ 11 secs ago

Continuing to drive traffic to that Twitter thread is probably counter productive. — apaul 31 secs ago

I've edited out the direct link - this was also originally in question, but unfortunately we had some SE users jumping over to Twitter which .. was not productive or helpful. As you noted, the original tweet that had the screenshot has been removed so it's not particularly useful to have the link here now anyways. — Em C ♦ 1 min ago

@apaul: more information is better than less. — jmoreno 1 min ago

@EmC: not going to get into an edit war, but while the original screenshot is gone, her words and AdamLear’s are still there. As is of course a bunch of people not letting things go. — jmoreno 53 secs ago

shouldihookupwithmybarista.com/cashier — ArtOfCode 9 secs ago

Wasn't my intent to obscure information, most everyone has seen it by now, just trying to avoid feeding the concern troll with more attention. — apaul 11 secs ago

@apaul: I was hoping that someone would be able to use it to identify the 3rd post. I can almost remember it. — jmoreno 43 secs ago

@Suimon Sure. There are a lot of things that are simple, but not easy. Like, dieting isn't easy. No one denies that. But if someone asks how to lose weight, that's the answer. If someone asked how to lose weight, and you replied "go on a diet", and they said, "oh yeah, that's not so easy", one could only say, "yes, it's not easy. But it's what you have to do if you want to lose weight." — Jay 1 min ago

@Noon Hmm, as to the first part, I thought that once stated it was obvious. You can't logic people out of feeling what they are feeling. Emotions simply are. So trying to talk someone out of their feelings is just going to make them angry at you on top of feeling bad about the original event. As to the second part, I thought I did say why: Because you would just turn it into a fight. Sorry if that's not clear. I'm really not sure how else to say it. Do I need to explain why you don't want to get into a fight with your girlfriend? — Jay 36 secs ago

Can you edit that into your answer? The second part is justified enough (I think), it was more the first part who was causing me concern. — Noon 1 min ago

Hey, thanks for the answer! Could you please elaborate on why you think this is a good idea? We require answers not only to say "try this!" but also explain why and how it would help OP. Thanks in advance! — avazula 1 min ago

Hey, thanks for the answer! Could you please elaborate on why you think this is a good idea? We require answers not only to say "try this!" but also explain why and how it would help OP. Thanks in advance! — avazula 2 mins ago

Hey, thanks for the answer! Can you please explain exactly why you think that this is a good idea? What’s the thought process behind this answer? As this currently stands, this is essentially a “Try this!” answer. We require that answers provide some sort of explanation for why they are suggesting this solution, and unfortunately, at the moment this answer doesn't appear to do that. I'd also advise taking a look at How do I write a good answer?. — Arwen Undómiel 27 secs ago

Idk, it seems like the deletion cast got retracted. My 2cts is that it was from before your edit but now your answer seems fine, so everything is good now. I'm now gonna delete those no-longer-needed comments :) — avazula 39 secs ago

Saying "It's acceptable" is a nice shortcut to not lie, while giving him an answer that is okay for him. I agree he probably doesn't actually wan't to know how you're doing — Mafii 1 min ago

From experience the best way is to wait to chance an encounter with her and to give her a wave and say “hi” :) if she pauses a moment walk over and maybe joke about how you’ve lived next door for so long without knowing what each other’s names are... take it from there. — Matthew E Cornish 9 secs ago

You kinda answered you own question in your example above. Except I hope you thanked her for her help and I wouldn’t wait a day to continue a conversation ;) — Matthew E Cornish 1 min ago

Couldn't it be that "it's normally not a problem" meant it's a normal part of pregnancy (maybe his wife already had children?) and that he was trying to confort you a little? Or did he say that with a condescending and "know it all" tone? — Cris 43 secs ago

@jmoreno I think it was a Question from scifi.SE, it don't remember the exact question, but I think there was a strange pet's name in the title. Can't find it now either, but maybe now you remember? :) — Cashbee just now

I don't think there is a single IPS user I've talked to in chat or heard from on meta that is happy with this change - I know a user. it's a mod — Cashbee 5 secs ago

Have you just asked them how the search for their internet connection is going? — WendyG 1 min ago

Off topic, but you should use traceroute to determine where these high ping times are coming from. I had intermittent high ping times due to ISP problems once, so eliminate that before accusing your roommate of hogging bandwidth. Also see if your router will tell you who is using bandwidth. — Paul Johnson 38 secs ago

It could indeed be your ISP. I had intermittent high ping times due to ISP problems once. When it happens try traceroute or pathping en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PathPing. Also see if your router will tell you who is using bandwidth. — Paul Johnson just now

"If they are relatively normal" -> It would be nice if you could rephrase that (that kind of look offensive right now) — Noon 31 secs ago

I certainly don’t consider it normal etiquette to give a guest the wifi password. Especially if all they want to do is check email and a little browsing, their mobile plan should more than cover that. — AsheraH 30 secs ago

The OP has said he's male, and it's a female partner. So can you explain what makes it a QPR? — Philbo 38 secs ago

Consider the possibility that it is the weekend, not your roommate. If you are living in an apartment complex, there might be dozens of networks around, and they interfere with each other. Weekend may be fine because everyone leaves. So next time you have problems, ask your roommate to disconnect from WiFi for a minute to see if he is really the problem. — gnasher729 37 secs ago

it was Story about aliens nicknamed 'Eechees' who have created a network of tunnels on Mars — Cashbee 18 secs ago

Wow, what a great typo to have (safety queues), thanks for the fix! I'm pretty happy with that slip :) — Benjamin Gruenbaum 16 secs ago

I think Benjamin Gruenbaum's answer touches on a lot of what you're saying, while still respecting the premise. And the other answers make it clear that these kinds of relationships can and do work. Maybe take a look at the 'frame challenges' section of Em C's link, because I don't think this answer qualifies as it stands. — sudowoodo 1 min ago

@Philbo, it's more platonic than queer, I guess. However the beauty of QPR, in my experience, is that it can be a sort of catch-all term for things that go against what is considered typical. Where typical is a relationship that incorporates sex. Since the OP's relationship dynamic is not at the level of typical relationships, and also involves activities not common amongst friends, QPR fits. — Lux Claridge 1 min ago

@Cashbee I haven't talked to/heard from HDE in particular, but I've seen at least a handful of users say something like "This is a change that I've been wanting forever, but now that it's happened the way that it's happened, I'm upset that we're no longer included." Also note that that quote you posted is followed by a disclaimer that the way things happened definitely affected everyone's opinion on the fact that we're out of HNQ. — scohe001 1 min ago

@gnasher729 that sounds like the start of a solid answer! As it stands, your comment may be deleted as an answer-in-the-comments. If you want to help OP and you're willing to flesh this out, I'd suggest writing a full-fledged answer with it! — scohe001 55 secs ago

This is a great approach: figure out the problem together, figure out the solution together. — DaveG 27 secs ago

Hey, thanks for the answer! Can you please explain exactly why you think that this is a good idea? What’s the thought process behind this answer? As this currently stands, this is essentially a “Try this!” answer. We require that answers provide some sort of explanation for why they are suggesting this solution, and unfortunately, at the moment this answer doesn't appear to do that. I'd also advise taking a look at How do I write a good answer?. — Arwen Undómiel 1 min ago

@Yakk - It looks like it was captured in this answer. I was trying to figure out what it was all about, too. — Bobson 1 min ago

To expand on this answer, I'd suggest the book "Emotional Blackmail". It describes how people like OP's father use techniques to create fear, obligation and guilt and how to break the pattern. That book provides a very complete rationale and additional resources for following thru with this answer. — DaveG 1 min ago

I may just need more coffee, but I think the actual question could use some emphasis. Separate it into it's own paragraph, or bold it. — apaul 1 min ago

To expand with what Arwen already said, could you provide a link (or other kinds of reference) to the JADE technic? — Noon 1 min ago

@apaul you can't both need coffee and be right about my question? :P That's a really good point though, I was making it the question a little implicit. Thanks! — scohe001 27 secs ago

@PrashinJeevaganth you may not have said those words to your brother, but the fact that you used that sentence to describe him shows what you truly think of him. This, combined with what seems to be an attitude focussed on "fixing" him will definitely get to him even if you think it doesn't. I find this case interesting because it is very similar to malfunctioning romantic relationships, I think you could also look up some questions about solving a romantic partner's problems being perceived negatively. — Brian H. 30 secs ago

Why the votes to delete? — empty just now

Where is it that you live? At least in the U.S. I don't think I've ever heard of individual roommates each providing their own internet connection and hardware for the same apartment. Was there any discussion of the roommate paying part of the internet bill, similar to the normal arrangements for rent and utilities? — Upper_Case 1 min ago

I apologise for not mentioning this in the original post. I'm in the US but this apartment has free internet. Each room can easily get their own connection by plugging in a router and signing up online for free. — 1337 1 min ago

Can you tell us more about why you think this is a good idea? Answers on Interpersonal Skills SE need to be well-justified and backed up with either evidence or personal experience or well-elaborated logic that shows the OP that this is a good idea. See this meta post for more information on how to write a good answer. The question is asking for an interpersonal answer- can you expand on your last sentence- "you can then suggest that he get his own router as he was originally supposed to"? Thanks in advance! — ElizB 59 secs ago

Regardless of whether it would be on-topic here, it seems pretty well-received on Academia. So is there really a need to migrate to begin with? — JAD 1 min ago

@JAD The fact that it is well received is just because people think it is good - this has little to do with it. At least one mod on the site has flagged it. Several users in the comments have mentioned that it should not be on that site. — FreezePhoenix 55 secs ago

Note that to avert is "to turn away," or "to draw away, withdraw." So "Conflict Aversion" could be the act of "turning away" a conflict. That being said, even the Wikipedia page says "avoidance" over "aversion," so I definitely agree with you. — scohe001 53 secs ago

I see. Well it could be suggested as a solution if the conclusion was that it would be on-topic here. Honestly, I'm not really up to date with the question standards here, so I'll leave that to others. — JAD 1 min ago

@user2483352 see the link in the comment above. — JAD 25 secs ago

Can I suggest migrating this to Academia? :P IPS has had a policy of not migrating any questions that are both on topic here and elsewhere, and I'm assuming Academia has the same policy. Even if meta agreement here is that 'this belongs on IPS' I can't force the Academia mods to send it over. Your best bet would really be asking on Academia meta, and if it turns out the question is off-topic there, suggest sending it over to IPS. — Tinkeringbell ♦ 20 secs ago

@Tinkeringbell Hm, yes true. Do I have to flag this for it to be migrated? — FreezePhoenix 39 secs ago

I think you can just delete this one and repost on Academia meta ;-) — Tinkeringbell ♦ 36 secs ago

I'll have to wait 40 minutes... I can only post every 40 mins apparently (Just made an account) — FreezePhoenix 1 min ago

Done... You should think a mod would know how their Sandbox worked... — Tinkeringbell ♦ 1 min ago

This looks solid to me, but maybe drop the references to your older question in the first paragraph? I think it just distracts from what you're asking in this question and it made me worried I'd have to read a whole other question just to understand this one (when in fact this question is perfect in that it stands all on its own). Also, would "average" be a good translation of gewoontjes? — scohe001 21 secs ago

Hmm. I might just summarize that other question then, as I got a hunch the feelings of me being haughty as expressed in that other question may have carried over to the jokes... — Tinkeringbell ♦ 8 secs ago

Also maybe drop everything after the comma in the title for brevity? I think that one's a style preference though... — scohe001 38 secs ago

Should have posted the more interesting question :P — apaul 42 secs ago

@apaul... that stuff really isn't Interpersonal Skills (yet) ;-) — Tinkeringbell ♦ 52 secs ago

Is there a reason you can’t just tell her exactly what you’ve told us? Have you tried? If so how’d she react? If not, what are you worried will go wrong? — scohe001 1 min ago

@scohe001 - I haven't tried yet; I'm concerned that since I'm saying that she's essentially being... slightly overbearing, she might get offended. I want to avoid offending her. — Arwen Undómiel 22 secs ago

Considering we all agree that process which led to this too-hasty-to-be-good change was wrong (and reading this and MSE answers and comments, I'm not convinced that there's a consensus that the decision itself was right either), am I the only one bugged out with the fact the change stays for the rest of the year? I browse mainly SO, and I'm on IPS only when HNQ (or, in this case, featured meta post) leads me here, and so far I've enjoyed the experience. Could there not be some switch, or a user-modifiable flag which restores old behavior as a stopgap measure until everything is figured out? — Luke 1 min ago

I don't get it... Y'all made a mistake by caving to the troll, so fix it by reversing this and let us make changes the right way. This is a slippery slope. — BlackThorn 1 min ago

This answer is freaking fantastic. "it is still a learned behaviour and many psychologists believe that someone displaying narcissistic behaviour can change. I hope your dad can change, and your refusal to comply with any such behaviour may go towards helping him "unlearn" it." This is exactly what I want to do with him. I want him to at least have the opportunity to un-learn this behavior, because the little, insecure guy behind the big facade is hurting, and he has to process all of what happened over the last 30-plus years of his life. This is really, really, well thought out. — ElizB 54 secs ago

lag is not directly the result of bandwidth exhaustion, some ISPs will move your traffic to a slower(read high latency) connection if you are using a certain amount of bandwidth. If somebody is streaming video on your internet connection, your ping will skyrocket ( I do this to myself accidentally when something is updating in the background while im gaming) — spiral succulent 46 secs ago

@apaul if you don't want to feed the troll, you can just add a screenshot here. — BlackThorn 1 min ago

@ElizB It's a good idea because it is the proper solution and it works. Whenever I had to share an internet connection I used a QoS-aware router. This is common knowledge. It is obvious. Just google it. Anyone would do that. It avoids conflict between roommates, as the router will prioritize game packets which need low latency, while allowing everyone to share the available bandwidth. It allows people to share a DSL connection without conflict or argument. The fact this answer got downvoted so much only emphasizes that people here have no clue. Have a nice day ;) — peufeu 1 min ago

While this might work, it means that you have to know how to do all of the stuff to get it to work, and also when he notices, it potentially means you will have the same issues with conflict, just later on. — Ash 1 min ago

What you believe to be common knowledge may be, in truth, not so common knowledge for others. This is meant to be an answer when someone googles the same question that the OP is asking for, and lands on this site and your answer- they need to know more details, please. Myself and others do not have the same technical knowledge you do. This is Interpersonal skills, where we emphasize on interpersonal skills not technical knowledge. Can you please let us know if you have any ideas on how to handle that conversation when the roommate asks the OP about the router? Thank you. — ElizB 48 secs ago

"It would take some serious internet use to make the games lag" - that would depend on what speeds/bandwidth you have. Like if you're on a 10/1 connection, I can see that going pretty quickly. — Ash 1 min ago