The Awkward Silence

Yeah.... I mean, the answers there aren't horribad, but...

"Of course you don't replace it.... don't be gentle, it's a rental" XD

The answers are trying a bit hard, it's kind of a politeness and overthinking festival IMHO

But it's induced by the question being bad fit for the site, no doubt on that

Yeah, true. The question makes sure everyone will try to think of all sorts of possibilities ;)

12:21 PM

This makes me think I learned we don't really apologize in NVC.

So I'm not sure how to handle the situation in NVC without being really clumsy

Probably say I feel embarassed because I spilled coffee on your book, I would be happy to offer a compensation or replacement

"I made a mistake and spilled coffee on your book. I'd like to make this up to you"?

Mistakes are part of judgements :P

Ugh... XD

Which is why it's so difficult actually, you're like saying you did nothing wrong

Well, perhaps this is a moment where NVC isn't really needed as a tactic?

12:27 PM

I mean all communications are valid but personally I have currently this exercise to find alternatives to saying you're sorry

"I spilled coffee on your book. I'd like to make that up to you" XD

:D

I think it works

12:49 PM

I still think, in cases like this, it's not too bad to say you made a mistake. Even if there is a judgment in it, it's one that no one would disagree over so it wouldn't create conflict :D

Journeyman Geek

1:18 PM

NVC?

Non violent communication

1:49 PM

@ArthurHv I made a Question about that!

Oh right you answered it. Heh.

I'm still thinking that there may be an underlying 'monkey see, monkey do' effect that could make apologizing in general harmful.
But I can't imagine any way to test for that empirically to be sure.

Granted, being Canadian, 'sorry' is practically a substitute for 'hello'.

2:20 PM

I've recieved an inforgraphy on my Linkedin that says "Say thanks instead of saying sorry" to empathize on the positive aspects of communicating "good feelings"

examples were in the gist of sorry for being late -> thanks for waiting me

In general I observed myself there is little positive, satisfying outcome in communicating your dissatisfaction feelings, the best you can have is a empathic idiot that just feels the same way because you did, so I understand the "stop saying sorry" as an attempt to save people's day by making them feel good instead of empathizing with how miserable you feel about yourself

Keeping in mind that it's a personal challenge people can set themselves and not at all something I'd enforce collectively e.g. saying a colleague "you shouldn't be sorry" or whatever

2:52 PM

I remember reading a story somewhere where a character is trying that advice but does it after bumping into someone who then gets weirded out.

3:05 PM

But who bumps into people in covid time tho

Sociopaths.

3:50 PM

hi

'Lo.

@Tinkeringbell Now I'm imagining a situation where Alice makes a mistake she thinks hurts Bob but unknowingly makes Bob's life easier so then they start arguing about whether or not it was a bad thing.

@Sarov I said hi, but I meant sorry of course ^.^ sorry and sorry for my bad culture.

4:09 PM

@Sarov Worse. Imagine kids... 'That wasn't a mistake, you did that on purpose'. The adult version is often 'that wasn't a mistake, it was carelessness on your part'.

How would you start an e-mail to new neighbors you've never met?

Dear people, You don't know me yet but I'm going to be your new neighbor?

Dear future ~~organ donors~~ neighbour-friends,

oooh, that's a good way to start off on the wrong foot!

"I don't know you at all, so I'm already claiming a friendship, even better, as someone that would donate their organs to me"

I'll go with just 'Hello'. It's just an e-mail after all, so it can be more informal XD

Journeyman Geek

4:25 PM

"Greetings Pitiful mortal.

I, Tinkeringbell, First of her name

Have deigned to honour you by choosing to make our domicle in your humble neighbourhood.

Rejoice! And Cower in my Majesty!

Tata

Obviously sign it off with name and full title

I went with 'good evening, we got an e-mail asking us where we want our heat pumps, backyard or front. Either way, the thing is going to make noise and since I'm going to be living in between you two, perhaps we could coordinate the locations so that we don't end up complaining to each other about noise. Let me know if either of you has a very distinct preference, as I don't have any. Tink.'

Stupid house arranging stuff XD

There is a part where you anticipate they will be annoying

lol

4:54 PM

@Tinkeringbell "Hi and welcome to our neighbourhood, we don't often get to meet new people here, please make yourself feel like you are at home."

@ArthurHv Of course they will be, they are neighbors. New ones.

It was more meant to send a message that 'I don't want to be the annoying one' XD

Just include that then!

"good evening, we got an e-mail asking us where we want our heat pumps, backyard or front. Either way, the thing is going to make noise and since I'm going to be living in between you two, perhaps we could coordinate the locations so that we don't end up complaining to each other about noise. Let me know if either of you has a very distinct preference, as I don't have any. Tink.

P.S. I hope you are more annoying than I am."

Or perhaps better phrasing, "I hope I am less annoying than you are."

Open and honest communication, right? :D

Mom and dad already know the new neigbors a bit: One of them is a far relative to a friend of my mom, the other they met once and talked with when visiting the build site. I'm trying to keep an open mind, and not invoke any self-fullfilling prophecies, but I don't hold much hope, sadly.

@Sarov Actually, I still hope they don't make any noise or trouble ;) It's probably not going to happen though. 1 of them is a divorced male, of the chatty kind. The other has a dog and heart problems, so the dog doesn't get enough exercise and is known for excessive barking already :/

Oof.

Yep. Like I said, haven't met them yet so shouldn't even have thoughts about them, but...

5:09 PM

There used to be this one user who was alarmingly chatty; the simplest question would prompt a 20-minute tangent... and to make matters worse, his voice had this weird, relaxing tone to it.
Meetings were a struggle to stay awake, sometimes.

Oof, yeah. Boring voices bringing boring information are the worst :P

It wasn't 'boring' per se. More soothing/relaxing. Hard to describe.

Droning? Like how kids fall asleep when hearing a vacuum cleaner? ;)

Kind of? But 'droning' has a connotation of 'boring'.

Imagine if Morgan Freeman were reciting a lullaby. That's how he talked.

Hahaha I'll take your word for it then, I don't have a very active imagination

5:14 PM

Also he was a massive knowledge silo. Like 10% of the company's knowledge existed solely in his head.

He kept trying to retire and the company kept dragging him back with pay raises.

O.o... I do hope that if I even get to retire, I do and won't need pay raises!

Velvety.

Me: Hey Alice, do you remember Bob?
Alice: Yeah.
Me: He had a relaxing voice, right?
Alice: Yeah! It was velvety. Like Morgan Freeman's.

Heh. Whenever someone says 'velvety voice' I think of this fairy tale

But yeah. At one point he was hospitalized but the company couldn't function without him so they shipped him a laptop into the hospital.

Dang. That's kinda bad, even for a company XD

"You're sick but you must still work"

5:27 PM

He actually didn't mind since he was bored. But still, what if he'd refused?

bus factors are real ;)

Yyyup.

5:44 PM

@Tinkeringbell ...What exactly is the moral of that story?

@Sarov stranger danger, listen to your mom?

But they did listen but still got eaten.

Hmm... perhaps it's 'pay better attention'?

'Don't sleep in your victim's house', maybe.

Does it have to have a moral though? It's a fairy/folk tale, not a fable...

5:51 PM

I suppose. Many do, though.

...I kinda want to read a NVC version of fairy tales now.

Wolf: "I feel hungry and annoyed because my need for food is not being met. Will you let me eat you?"

I guess the fairy tale then would be that such situations can be solved using NVC ;)

Rabbit mom: "I feel tired because we have so many noisy kids keeping me up at night."
Wolf: "I can help!"

Hahaha XD

Poor parents: "We're feeling miserable because we can't offer our kids the food they desperately need"
Witch: "I can feed them!"

It could actually work, you might have something here ;)

Right?

Definitely :)

@lila stuff like this happens in Poland and you don't tell us? :P

3

6:05 PM

@Tinkeringbell Hahahaha what in the world is this :D no, I didn't hear about this before, thanks for heads up :D I am going to buy groceries now, but once I come back I will tell about this in Litter Box :D

Don't forget the croissants!

of course :D

And don't throw any of your groceries into a tree!

Or do, I could use another such news article :P

Haha so ridiculous, worldwide breaking news, croissant intimidates local people into believing it is a wild reptile :D

6:08 PM

Hey, it can be very scary to have a croissant staring at you for 3 days!

They had to call in professionals to come and baguette.

Just watch out for the tiger bread

Did not realize that had a specific name.
Not a fan, I prefer softer crusts.

I like both, depends on what's on the bread. I've had some things on soft-crusted bread too, and it's just not the same XD

M.A.R.

@Sarov turns away in shame

6:26 PM

It's okay, you don't have to be ashamed!

@Tinkeringbell What the hell

@ArthurHv Oh, just an irrational fear of carbs :P

I thought i was reading the onion

Nope, this one is apparently real. Though, if you don't believe it, go ask on Skeptics. It'd probably go HNQ ;)

I am trying to think of another bread pun and failing.

I have failed. My reputation is toast.

6:33 PM

Awww... falling flat?

Mithical

Must be painful.

7:29 PM

"Alright, I'll pull out some more hair."

That's a synonym for 'I'll try again' I've not heard before.