The Awkward Silence

Sarov

12:27 AM

@lila Pfftaha.

Tinkeringbell

6:48 AM

morning.

CaldeiraG

morning

Tinkeringbell

8:04 AM

@lila Small talk is something that's very useful in keeping weak ties with people. And those can matter more than you think! Imagine if you're well acquainted with the person that sells you your breakfast each morning, because that transaction is accompanied by some small talk. Then you end up forgetting your wallet one day. There's a chance that may lead to this person saying 'Oh well, you can pay double tomorrow'.

Criggie

9:10 AM

yep - I ordered lunch at the local coffee place once, and as it arrived I had a crash call back to work.

So I took the plate - they were happy with that, and I returned it later in the afternoon.

Tinkeringbell

9:28 AM

I mostly have experienced the other way round, having worked retail. But a good example would be being slightly acquainted with the old lady that lived a block away, and always walked along our home on her exercise walks. She'd come by the bakery shop every week for bread (she had an order, so we'd put some aside each morning for her to pick up during the day).

At some point, I hadn't seen her walking past for two weeks, and someone else picked up her order. Then, we got a call that she would have to cancel the order, because she broke a hip, and the friend that picked up her order was hospitalized and now she no longer had anyone to come by

That's when I said I'd drop it off on my way home, because by now I knew where she lived, she knew me, we'd talked a bit.... I wouldn't have done that for any other random customer XD

Criggie

9:58 AM

that's awesome

Tinkeringbell

11:26 AM

@Criggie It mostly was a hassle :P

Criggie

12:22 PM

I used to mow the neighbours lawn, she had about 3 square metres of grass and no mower. It cost me basically nothing cos my mower was already warmed up.

it was not hard, but I had no real way of stopping. In the end she moved away and I didn't do it for the new neighbour.

Tinkeringbell

Yeah, new neighbors are a good moment to reconsider things ;)

Extroverted Main Man

12:56 PM

0

Q: How can a relationship work when one person seems to need sex more frequently than the other?

my partner and I have been dating for a year. Before we started dating it took us a year to get to know each other as friends. I would have never thought we would become a couple. However, I needed sex and he was around. After some time, we became a couple and started living together. It's been 6...

forky

Hi, what's up?

Sarov

Morning.

forky

1:13 PM

relationships are hard

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: How to deal with unreasonable co-workers

I'd like to ask your advice on how to deal with unreasonable co-workers, that just won't listen, immediately feel attacked, no matter, what you say, and start to blame people, who point out issues, as if it was their fault, instead of thinking of solutions together or just simply listening withou...

work-environment coworkers conflict-resolution

lila

hi

Tinkeringbell

2:02 PM

@Sarov Do you mind me rejecting the edit you just suggested on that latest question? I didn't see it until after I closed it, but accepting it now would rob the OP of improving their own question and putting it in the reopen queue....

Sarov

Yeah that's fine. I'm thinking the Question may be a better fit for pmse, though. I see a lot of intrapersonal rage against a flawed process and ineffectual efforts to change it.

Tinkeringbell

It's such a big problem, tackling small pieces of it at a time could work. I was also writing a comment recommending they split things up, I've included a reference to yours since you beat me to it ;)

Sarov

Heh, k.

Tinkeringbell

Also, do you know about magic links? Things like [pm.se] and [workplace.se] take up less characters, and give you the fancy site name! :D

Sarov

I did not. Huh.

Good to know, thanks.

IPS Comment Bot

2:14 PM

Just to provide more detail on my bit, the parts I suggest are relevant on Project Management are the dissatisfaction with and ineffectual efforts to change the flawed Scrum process. One thing I'll just note here is that you're both wrong about the Planning. It needs to be done collaboratively between devs and the PO, it's not any one person's job. — Sarov 2 mins ago

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

Tinkeringbell

@Sarov Here are a few more listed, if you're interested. I use [help/on-topic] A LOT

Sarov

...Well then. I've been linking those manually. Augh.

Tinkeringbell

If you do have to link things manually, for ips a regular 'share' link would look like https://interpersonal.stackexchange.com/q/26945/1599. You can make that shorter too: use 'ips' instead of 'interpersonal' and you can get rid of the last sequence of numbers (/1599), those are your usernumbers.

Sarov

Eh, I rarely hit the comment char limit anyway so for share links easy enough to just copy-paste with a [link](this Question).

Extroverted Main Man

3:13 PM

0

Q: How to talk to my brother, who has mental health issues, about my frustrations with him?

I live with my parents while I finish up my degree. A couple of months ago, my brother got out of a long, toxic relationship. The relationship ending caused him to seek therapy. Where he learned he is Bipolar. My brother also has a history of ADHD but stopped taking his medication once he was una...

family mental-health

Extroverted Main Man

4:58 PM

0

Q: How to ask parents to stop screaming at other sibling?

There is a large age-gap between my younger sibling and I (it's just the two of us). I am a college student (at home due to the pandemic), while she is in middle school. More often than not, I find them screaming at my younger sibling for a variety of reasons - while that is not my business, it t...

conversations conflicts parents verbal-communication

Tinkeringbell

@ExtrovertedMainMan O.o

Sarov

5:17 PM

Headphones.

Tinkeringbell

@Sarov It is... borderline feeling fake, with the way it focuses on their study time being so precious. It's probably just stress from the circumstances but...

Sarov

Nah, I could see it. Still comes off as callous, but not fake, imo.

M.A.R.

5:34 PM

@Tinkeringbell I think they've just seemed to put it very non-natively

I'm of course giving them the benefit of the doubt

Tinkeringbell

6:13 PM

Well, one benefit of the doubt answer is written, then.

Sarov

6:38 PM

Wow our cultures are different.

Tinkeringbell

How so?

If anyone feels like going bounty hunting: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/q/26933/1599

Sarov

My thought was more along the lines of "The parents are completely out of line, but you're focusing on the wrong issue. You need to teach them that screaming at your sister is unacceptable."

Mithical

Uh... yeah, that's where my mind went as well.

Sarov

My culture: I don't care if it's their house. If they're not following basic human decency, they're in the wrong.

Though I know some eastern cultures are a lot more respectful to elders, so.

Mithical

6:53 PM

There are ways to enforce discipline that don't involve shouting all the time. If it's such a consistent issue that it's interfering with your studies, that means something's wrong there.

M.A.R.

NO THEY"RE NOT!!!

Mithical

in TRPG General Chat, 40 mins ago, by AncientSwordRage

@Mithical hello SHOUTY MCSHOUTERSON

Tinkeringbell

@Sarov I mean... that definitely went through my mind as well, but that's not the question.... And even so, it's not up to OP to tell his parents how to parent.

M.A.R.

@Sarov Yes that's I thought what the OP was trying to convey, and sometimes you use a selfish reason to be coy about helping a sibling

Tinkeringbell

@M.A.R. Ehh, before you go that way, OP needs to really clarify that motive in a comment then. Otherwise that's pure speculation...

Seeing this though I really do hope that question doesn't go hot, or we'll have half the network writing rants about how parents shouldn't scream at their children.

Sarov

6:59 PM

@Tinkeringbell "but that's not the question" Sure, but I was thinking frame challenge. "it's not up to OP to tell his parents how to parent" That's the culture difference, I think. In my culture, I would advise firmly saying "You need to stop."

M.A.R.

@Tinkeringbell well yeah, when I say "benefit of the doubt", you can be sure I'm very unsure

Tinkeringbell

@Sarov Be careful with the frame-challenges, they're notoriously hard to write on this site. I advise you to read this very long one through to the end then, before starting to write such an answer.

Sarov

Oh I wasn't planning to. Like I said; culture differences. Any Answer I could write I assume would not apply in India.

M.A.R.

@Sarov I think the difference you have in mind between how much Eastern cultures respect the elders compared to the Western cultures are a bit exaggerated. They're very real, but they're exaggerated

Sarov

Are they? I remember an argument between asian and western co-workers. "I'm your elder. You need to respect me. / You need to earn my respect."
Granted, stat sample of 1.

Tinkeringbell

7:06 PM

@Sarov Hahahaha Oh wow... well I'm a Dutch person, so perhaps mine isn't all that applicable to India either XD

Sarov

"Or they're asking about touching hot stoves, without providing any reasoning for why it is absolutely necessary to do so (Basically, that boils down to having a question without a goal, that we already close on IPS)."

I see what you did there.

Tinkeringbell

I didn't even realize I did that XD

Good spot! :P

M.A.R.

7:50 PM

2

Sarov

...Pfft.

I mean, makes sense.

M.A.R.

10:39 PM

I just want to mention that I am an adult, in case that wasn't taken into account while writing this answer. I'm almost 20. — epsilon-emperor 4 hours ago

Lol this is innocently cute TBH

lila

11:41 PM

@M.A.R. Okay my attempt at doing a Sarov'esque question: at what age in your opinion it would be no longer innocent, and at what age no longer cute?

Sarov

I like how I've become an adjective.

M.A.R.

@lila My Savrovian response: "I see what you did there. Like I said, dictionaries and etymologies online may or may not agree with me. Granted, it's just my opinion, but I'm smart. Like, very."

@Sarov back in the day meming chat members was all I lived for in these chats

Savrovian. I'm just gonna keep it like that. I like it.

lila

@Sarov Not too much observation is needed before picking your distinct style, so it definitely has some "gone viral" factor; also, imitation is the highest form of admiration. ^.^

M.A.R.

Sounds like an 19th century Russian Philosopher who had fist fights with Marx

lila

:D

Sarov

11:46 PM

...For a second I misread that as Mars.

M.A.R.

No that's me

Sarov

You fist-fight a planet?
Metal.

M.A.R.

I've been burned, exploded, shredded to pieces, sent to a circus, and a combination of those by Jerry.

Planets do not frighten me. I am indestructible

lila

@M.A.R. My M.A.R.esque response: "That's applying frame challenge to your answer. Answer follows an interesting idea of frame challenge, it's not strictly frame challenging".

M.A.R.

@lila My Lilian response: <°)⊃)x)x)><

lila

11:57 PM

"Sarov's response gone viral [DRAMA NEWS GOSSIP] >>>> BREAKING N E W S Unknown celebrity of an obscure Internet chat room drops S A R O V I A N statement [SEE MEMES!] 24/7 BROADCAST FIRST LINE 24/7 >>>> [CLICK HERE!] <<<< Disastrous comment causes dis-sarov-ster and leaves whole audience shocked in awe [CHECK OUT!]"

<°)⊃>>><

M.A.R.

Extroverts hate this one little trick

Transcript for