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A J
A J
3:16 AM
@lila I have some work in my backyard. Gotta move the stones. Wanna do that? ;P
Stones weigh around 60-70 pounds. ;)
 
 
2 hours later…
Extroverted Main Man
Extroverted Main Man
5:20 AM
0
Q: my new roommate's boyfriend wants to visit her on a regular basis, how could I deal with this?

programmerI am a female student. My landlord somehow decided to do renovation in the middle of the pandemic, he asked out to move out in 2 months. I found a student girl on the internet who is interested in renting a two-bedroom apartment. In our first in-person meeting she said that she would have visitor...

friends roommates
 
 
5 hours later…
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
10:18 AM
@lila Yeah, that's true. I saw one on a TV commercial just before mentioning it here, and thought that it might have a nice placebo effect at least ;) But if you're already researching them that much before buying, that probably won't happen :P
 
 
2 hours later…
Arthur Hv
Arthur Hv
11:56 AM
hello. I've hit a brick wall when I got confronted to some communities on reddit and twitter. Many of them nurture anger and hatred towad the out-group. I don't know what to do or say, it makes sad af, I would like to make an ips question but I'm unsure what is my goal.
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
Well, first question: Do you want to be part of those groups or not?
 
Arthur Hv
Arthur Hv
Well, for some that could be pretty interesting if not for the hatred. I'd still say no, because it seems so rooted I can't expect having my fun without having to deal with the unfunny part.
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
Where/why do you meet these communities? Is there a reason you're 'confronted with them', even though you have no wish to be part of them? (I know Twitter allows blocking hashtags and users, I assume Reddit allows for some way of moderation as well)
 
Arthur Hv
Arthur Hv
I just randomly browse subject that interest me.
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
So are these constantly the same people or just random internet strangers?
 
Arthur Hv
Arthur Hv
12:03 PM
Random strangerss
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
It's a phenomenon I've noticed too
If I got right what you're referring to
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@ArthurHv In that case, I'm afraid it's going to be very, very hard to turn it into an IPS question. There's just so many variables when you encounter a random internet stranger....
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
I think it's beyond interpersonal skills, it's sorta societal
You can't do much to help it unless it's a group of very few people
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
Unless you get to know them to a point they think of you as a sensible person that can be trusted... you're just wasting your time.
 
Arthur Hv
Arthur Hv
@Tinkeringbell Well I'm sad to confront the reality where everyone believes the other is, presumably, not a sensible trust-worthy person when the maths show we are usually the other way around. Most can be trust except a minority of people on a given situation.
@M.A.R. Some of these groups are massive. Millions of users on reddit e.g. and I'm quite anxious when I see the the group identity is founded on anger
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
12:10 PM
@ArthurHv Yeah, I understand. It is the reality though, especially on the internet .. no one knows you're a dog, so no one knows how much to trust a random internet stranger. And if you add in the in/out group logic, it gets even worse.
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
@ArthurHv An example would help. Are you referring to how, for example, political subreddits are full of people who celebrate lack of compassion and hatred towards people with opposing beliefs, always considering them to be either hypocritical or stupid?
If so, yeah, it's something that requires a social change, and I'm afraid it's only getting worse and what one person does or says is very unlikely to make any change.
 
Arthur Hv
Arthur Hv
@M.A.R. The example of politics isn't bad, I had in mind theism/atheism groups but that's kind of the same shit really
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
@ArthurHv Yeah exactly, that fits too.
And leaks elsewhere too, when a lot of social or political CMV posts you see are often full of very localized, ignorant assumptions
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@ArthurHv Heh. Religion is indeed a prime example of having an in/out group and hate/anger. I'm not sure anyone but a God can solve that though. Don't wear yourself out worrying about it.
 
Arthur Hv
Arthur Hv
12:27 PM
The thoughts it's just terrorism 2.0 being in construction is slightly frightening. But the overwhelming feeling is the sadness. I felt like I opened a door where thousands of people were screaming their suffering, and I just have no other choice than close it and go away. That's the overall feeling. Ofc, that could be also be "me being a snowflake/privileged" or some other bs they feed themselves with.
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@ArthurHv Closing doors, taking care of yourself, and knowing the doors are still there if you ever want to try isn't too bad.
Honestly though, your best bet is waiting until someone from the other side opens the door.
At that time, you don't have to shout over the background noise of thousands of others.
 
Arthur Hv
Arthur Hv
Right. That sounds reasonable
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
Oh. One last thing: Even if someone opens the door from the other side... know you can always slam it shut too. There's no reason to let them open the door just to treat you like shit ;)
 
Arthur Hv
Arthur Hv
12:57 PM
@M.A.R. There are some levels of narrow-mindedness from OPs in that reddit, that's quite entertaining. But at least they challenged their views !
 
 
3 hours later…
lila
lila
3:52 PM
hi
@AJ Haha I did spectroscopic analysis of your response and the result is that it consists of 100% genuine, finest quality dad joke :D
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
4:20 PM
@Tinkeringbell Eh, on Reddit it's often 13 y/o who think they look pretty cool when they say "I'm an atheist" or "religion sucks".
Bigots are limited to one or two hellish subreddits, so I don't think Arthur was referring to that.
And it's okay until the atheists commit the same mistakes they accuse religious people of making. They also rage against the outsiders, they also prefer to shut down discussions with different insults hurled at the other side, and they clearly do care what other people believe in.
So I think what Arthur is saying is, you almost can't find likeminded people on the internet anymore unless they're vitriolic and hateful of some other side.
It can't all have been Russian bots. Something did change.
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@M.A.R. I'm not sure if anything changed much more than 'we now have internet'.
@M.A.R. There are plenty, I have some good groups to be part of. I also have tricked myself into believing other groups were like that, only to find out they weren't.
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
@Tinkeringbell Oh I mean with random strangers.
Sure, if you can apply some sort of filter, you leave out most of the garbage people might say.
Even if that filter is 20 fake internet points
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@M.A.R. A lot of those started out as random strangers, some of them still are. It's not like I'm hanging out with friends online
At best, acquaintances.
Random strangers I've interacted with just enough to not make them totally random anymore.
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
@Tinkeringbell I'm not random. We were destined to meet in this chat, The Chosen One Hands Tink a time travel device
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@M.A.R. And you honestly think I'm gullible enough to fall for that?
I've learned my lessons. Take your time travel device, find a nice time period (I suggest one in the future, since the past might not be kind to your kidneys) and live your life.
But stay out of mine.
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
4:34 PM
@Tinkeringbell doesn't that mean they're before the polaropocalypse?
@Tinkeringbell There's an uh . . . erm . . . a small transfer fee of 50 dollars that you should move to my Nigerian account first.
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@M.A.R. I'm not sure when your polaropocalypse started, but no. Some of those are very recent :)
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
@Tinkeringbell You mean they didn't drink green tea all the time in the past and do healthy stuff like stare at the sun
@M.A.R. Wait when you put it that way
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@M.A.R. Don't you need some kind of immunosuppressant drugs for the rest of your life after a transplant?
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
@Tinkeringbell Yeah
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
Kinda limits your choices of time period a lot.
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
4:38 PM
@Tinkeringbell HOW? TEACH ME
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
Probably just dumb luck.
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
I feel like the new people I meet online are all fairly disappointing
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
Maybe you need to lower your standards ;)
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
All the cool people are busy multitasking alone at home during the pandemic
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
If there's not much in real life, online seems better very fast.
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
4:40 PM
@Tinkeringbell Sorry, but I cannot muster folks that cannot prove quantum entanglement with the first two laws of thermodynamics, a pebble and a saxophone
Seriously though, why is it so hard to find traditionally good friendship qualities in people.
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@M.A.R. Hah. It is what makes this place tolerable for me: The people here are mostly smarter than me. They can use logic and reason, instead of just shouting 'Well, feelings!'.
@M.A.R. Because traditions are there to be broken with, they change.
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
You'd think the simple stuff we were told in the kindergarten would stick, some of it
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
Some of it did! I don't eat sand anymore.
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
@Tinkeringbell well it sucks that we're in an age where that should happen.
I mean, it's sometimes good, but often sucks.
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@M.A.R. Everyone is or was in an age where that happens/happened.
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
4:44 PM
@Tinkeringbell And I don't headbutt teachers and make other pupils cry
Well, not often
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
Good on you!
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
They're still teasing me with that headbutt. I was 3
Four, maybe.
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
It was the best you could do. You're stronger now ;)
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
There was this Ayn-Randish caretaker who took herself really seriously, and was "really concerned for my health" because I was aggressive
She was holding my hands and I wanted to break free, and she was explaining her concern to mom, or dad.
So I did what my boxer uncle told me to do in case my hands are tied
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
Worst teacher I had was when I was a bit older, like 9/10: She thought everyone should be friends, so she took some time to find mortal enemies then paired them up for the rest of the school year. If you stood up for yourself instead of letting yourself be forced into submission, she'd complain to your parents.
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
4:47 PM
I wanna relive that moment. Sadly, all I remember is putting a bucket on my head and sitting on mud
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
Also expected students to do her job: Pair the smart kids with the dumb ones, and then expect them to teach the dumb ones the things they couldn't do (like simple substraction/addition without a calculator). You'd be in the middle of one such thing and be disturbed by your 'neighbor' to explain to them that 2+2 really is 4 and not 5.
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
@Tinkeringbell Ugh. As a kid, and up to, say, 15, I always assumed when a teacher did something obviously bad it's part of their training and I shouldn't judge them for it.
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
After a while I started just ignoring it, finishing my boring sums and then do the fun extra hard ones, and she complained to my parents.
I think my mom still thinks I have issues because of that b...ch
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
@Tinkeringbell This, so much this!
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@M.A.R. Meh. Would be a weird training since none of the other teachers suffered the same delusions.
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
4:50 PM
@Tinkeringbell IKR. I used to think they're competent and have this military-style training that even their reflexes are refined
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
I'm glad I only have managers to deal with these days, no teachers.
gotta run, dinner.
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
@Tinkeringbell My parents still think there's something wrong with my little brother (Asian parents, you know how they can be) because of this arsehole teacher several years ago
Me too, I should end February on a productive note
 
lila
lila
@ArthurHv I think there are a lot of psychos in the society and it's not your job nor your responsibility to fix those psychos.
 
 
1 hour later…
Arthur Hv
Arthur Hv
6:21 PM
@lila I appreciate the support, I just need to sleep on that a little more. That will be fine.
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
Sleep sounds like a good idea :)
 
Arthur Hv
Arthur Hv
@M.A.R. I never had problem finding friendship values. You need time and empathic people, nothing more. I found myself have an uncanny talent at coming across and recognizing quickly people with narcissist traits tho
Both times, friend of friends, one of them laughed when someone pushed me from the back, everybody denies, I just take him as an example and give him a solid slap on the face, he strikes back. I'm not a good fighter but I'm never afraid of getting hurt
Later time I learned he stole the girlfriend of the friend in questsion
By months of lie and behind back seduction
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
@ArthurHv Huh, I might be biased because I'm probably narcissistic myself, but I dunno if it's really a bad quality to have. Only when it's undeserved. And incidentally, I think narcissistic people who really don't have anything to show for all the bravado are all the less empathetic
@Tinkeringbell What's that
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@M.A.R. The part where you get to practice being dead for 8 hours or more each night? :P
 
Arthur Hv
Arthur Hv
@M.A.R. I mean narcissistic in the medical sense, and that's certainly not nice when it comes to friends (that sense of it)
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
6:28 PM
Eight hours or more! Are you kidding me
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@M.A.R. I've been hitting 14 and 12 this weekend, so no :)
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
@ArthurHv oh okay, yeah, that's different
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
I promised myself as much snacks and sleep as I wanted if I survived the week. I did :P
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
I never check myself in the mirror
Much less water reflections.
 
Arthur Hv
Arthur Hv
:D
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
6:29 PM
You don't know what horrors lay deep in lakes
I kinda hate the entomology class for that. It really makes me paranoid
> Unprincipled narcissist Deficient conscience; unscrupulous, amoral, disloyal, fraudulent, deceptive, arrogant, exploitive; a con artist and charlatan; dominating, contemptuous, vindictive.
See, friendship values
 
Arthur Hv
Arthur Hv
There is low prevalence for that fortunately
Most other personality disorders you're fine befriending. So that's good news !
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
Even catnip addiction?
 
Arthur Hv
Arthur Hv
I have a white 4 legged addict at home, that's not pretty to see
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
And now we're back at 'can't trust anyone on the internet' ;) Pictures!
 
Arthur Hv
Arthur Hv
6:46 PM
user image
3
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
That's a pretty goofball :D
 
Arthur Hv
Arthur Hv
Yea :D
Taken today I have him sleeping with my bf but I don't have permission to share :p
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
That's understandable :)
 
Extroverted Main Man
Extroverted Main Man
7:45 PM
0
Q: Should we really need make our personal marketing when interacting socially?

GuilhermeShould we really make our personal marketing when we are interacting socially with strangers or family? Talk about ourself awards, seems to be arrogant to me, and sounds like boasting. To me, it's haughty. But for this reason, some underestimate me frequently, until I beat their tests. Should I t...

conflict-aversion strangers
 
Criggie
Criggie
8:41 PM
"make our personal marketing" ??
 
 
3 hours later…
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
11:14 PM
@Criggie transliterated from their native language
 

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