The Awkward Silence

1:46 AM

Just say "I will not :)" — Astariul 45 secs ago

#26507 Astariul (398 rep) | Q: I am doing well in business and someone recently wrote, publicly: "Don't forget about us when you make it big!" What is an appropriate reply? (score: 1) | posted 40 hours ago by user31900 (19 rep) | Toxicity 0.1588785 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic", "short-comment"]

Tinkeringbell

7:04 AM

Morning!

A J

7:26 AM

Afternoon!

Mithical

7:55 AM

@IPSCommentBot tp

CaldeiraG

the bot doesn't respond :(

i'll reboot

Morning!

naa interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/26513/12962

Extroverted Main Man

8:35 AM

0

Q: How to know if someone wants to interact with you or not?

I worry a lot and am trying to improve my social skills in terms of making others more comfortable around me during conversations. So, recently, I am volunteering with another person whom I met and we would go home together since our train stops are along the same line. In the past, I would make ...

CaldeiraG

9:27 AM

nytimes.com/2020/12/01/movies/elliot-page-transgender-juno.html

Arthur Hv

9:48 AM

@Tinkeringbell This made me thinking quite hard about what's the difference between a judgement and just calling stuff with appropriate names. And there are things that are a bit in the subjective side like when i say "it's cold". I think when NVC speaks of judgement as harmful it mainly means implying wrongness, but then in turn it's hard to define because things like "gay" based on context can be either appropriate calling or implying wrongness.

Tinkeringbell

10:04 AM

@ArthurHv Yep. That's the inherent problem with labels (and communication in general): It relies on both sides giving the same (or at least a very similar) 'shared meaning' to a label or word(s).

I could call my gay coworker gay and it would be a 'label' he applies to himself and gives a neutral or positive meaning. I could use the same word to talk to grandma and she would give it a negative meaning.

IPS Comment Bot

Hi and welcome to Stack Exchange! This looks more like a comment and not an answer. That's why it got downvoted. Consider writing comments in the comments and not the answer section! — papakias 1 min ago

#26512 papakias (482 rep) | A: How to deal with a person that does something wrong like littering or hitting a dog and yells at you when you tell them that they did something wrong? (score: -2) | posted 9 hours ago by T.A. (1 rep) | edited 6 hours ago by A J (7746 rep) | Toxicity 0.086

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

Extroverted Main Man

12:39 PM

0

Q: Dealing with passive-aggressive colleague in uni

I have an issue with a peer of mine and wanna hear your thoughts on that. A somewhat brief background: we are all 1st-year uni students (females) doing the same major; I am an introvert who prefers to be on her own but I do speak myself out in seminars or with the lecturers and, on rare occasions...

awkward-situations conflicts coworkers rudeness jealousy

CaldeiraG

12:53 PM

@ExtrovertedMainMan is university that competitive to this point?

isn't it "everyone for themselves"?

it could be a cultural thing but I don't see any tag specifying it

Tinkeringbell

I'm tempted to say it may be an example of the situation described here... or just a fake question.

CaldeiraG

@Tinkeringbell so it's pretty much too biased at this point

Tinkeringbell

I think so, yes. I gave it an edit to get rid of the worst of it, but it's still very much a matter of 'look how horrible this person is'

Which makes the request for a way of handling it that isn't rude... weird to say the least.

CaldeiraG

Yep i can agree

Oh I didn't see you edited it

but "I swear to god this girl makes me feel like Thanos." kinda made me giggle a bit

@ExtrovertedMainMan as in the same carriage? I'm not sure why wouldn't you talk to the person while on the way to catch the train/during the ride/after but given OP knows this person for 2 days maybe they didn't want to talk anything

i'm confused

"I'm not even sure if she also wants to go home alone." - do you walk with them or not? XDD

M.A.R.

1:29 PM

@CaldeiraG 1st year in uni is pretty stressful to people

There are very few other episodes in life when people get even close to showing off about their everything so much

Tinkeringbell

1:42 PM

@M.A.R. First year uni was the best time of my life, except for the fact that I chose a lousy host family. It was the most relaxed I think I've ever been :D

CaldeiraG

@M.A.R. is it necessarily competitve? since there's no competition :P

if you work hard you get good grades, if you don't, you get bad grades :)

Tinkeringbell

2:05 PM

@CaldeiraG Eh, I think I've seen some competition under the 'good grades' people to get preferable research spots, or PhDs or something.

CaldeiraG

2:18 PM

@Tinkeringbell not on the first year?

unless you get to be in med school and get to an hospital straight away? I don't know how med schools works though so blind guess

Tinkeringbell

A tiny bit? Our first year had people enter a honor's track. Getting in and successfully completing it would basically mean you would probably be accepted as a PhD after your Master's.

CaldeiraG

i'm thinking on technical areas like IT where you're not really getting any research projects (unless you work with other people from different areas)

Tinkeringbell

Yeah, not everyone does a technical study though :P

It would make meeting diversity quotas a lot easier though! XD

CaldeiraG

or getting extra benefits for higher grades (unless you wanna get super high grades to get that govt money :P)

@Tinkeringbell :)

never went to college so I only have a vague idea from friends

but if I eventually go, area would be IT anyways

Tinkeringbell

University is mostly fun. My days were 2 or 4 hours of lectures, 2 or 4 hours of studying, and the rest was me-time :D

I doubled in size...

CaldeiraG

2:24 PM

@Tinkeringbell neat

Tinkeringbell

IT will be harder, probably! I had friends start IT and drop out after a few months because they couldn't keep up with all the mathematics and algorithms.

(I'm not great at selling this, am I?)

CaldeiraG

i'm considering doing work and study but I think it's too demanding and because they're no night courses around my area I would either need to pick online college or swapping my shift from 8 - 16:30 to 16:30 - 01:00 (and do college during the morning) (which is also very demanding if college started at 9 for example)

@Tinkeringbell i've heard XD

Tinkeringbell

@CaldeiraG Yeah, both sounds like very hard things to do! I did school for 40 hours a week and 8 hours of work on the weekends for a while, I was so glad when that was over! You'd be in a similar position likely: Having to do school + work through the week and spend some significant part of your weekend on more schoolwork.

Arthur Hv

@Tinkeringbell When you have that kind of schedule it's difficult not to rely on parents or partner to do chores otherwise you're overwhelmed

Tinkeringbell

@ArthurHv Yep. I was living at home, had dinner ready for me each night, and didn't have to do much more than dust/vacuum my bedroom (and the sheets, once in a while).

Even that felt like a lot sometimes.

Arthur Hv

2:36 PM

In france we have what's called numerus clausus on the number of doctors graduated every year, so there are harsh competitive exam after 1 year and 4 year

Tinkeringbell

Ah, here there's a numerus fixus for people that can get into the study, but if you're in, you're in.

I don't know about specialisations though!

Arthur Hv

Kinda

well that's what the 4th year is about

but for 1st year, which I attended for 2 months

people openly told me "It's good to rely on someone to do chores. 10hrs a day is a minimum"

Tinkeringbell

oof!

CaldeiraG

@Tinkeringbell and also, there is no guaranteed job out there with my current qualifications

there could be better ones once i get the phd done but what if I drop out for some reason? XD

Tinkeringbell

What-ifing isn't usually very useful is situations like that.

If you drop out, you'll be off no worse than you're now: Still unqualified for those jobs.

CaldeiraG

2:45 PM

that's the part when i wanna keep what I already have as in "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush"

Tinkeringbell

(that is assuming you have some things in order, like finances, before even starting).

CaldeiraG

@Tinkeringbell i can probably barely pay the 3years in full with what I earned

about other expenses probably not

I still have 2 more years to think about it

Tinkeringbell

In in two years, you can probably increase your savings a bit more. You could try and see if you can focus the weeks entirely on studying and one weekend day on work, perhaps even keeping your current employer?

It will still help if you have parents or a partner to help with chores and stuff, but it's not impossible :)

If it was, there wouldn't be inspiration porn on the internet of single parents completing a degree while working and caring for kids ;)

CaldeiraG

@Tinkeringbell parents would do :)

@Tinkeringbell :P

@Tinkeringbell it's not impossible but certainly I would need to find my ways to optimize both

Tinkeringbell

Yep! It's a think that every student needs to do, but it's easier (I think) when you're 18/19 and don't have any other attachments yet :P

CaldeiraG

3:00 PM

@Tinkeringbell :)

well, someone commented on my 2-year-old question

It would help to know where this is happening. East Asian parenting, for instance, is very different from US middle-class parenting — baldPrussian 10 mins ago

fortunately what eventually solved my question was opening a bank account

Tinkeringbell

Hahaha

I think your question was bumped by that 'answer' you got, so that's why someone thought to comment :)

CaldeiraG

@Tinkeringbell yep that was it

8k views though :o

Tinkeringbell

nice!

CaldeiraG

4 upvotes is quite disappointing though but I can't complain :P

Tinkeringbell

3:16 PM

There's no easy way to see if there's much anonymous feedback on it either :(

CaldeiraG

@Tinkeringbell :\

Tinkeringbell

Anonymous feedback is awesome, but it should be a bit more prominent and useful (e.g. just filtering on questions vs answers would make it a lot more useful, as would being able to look up things by keyword or user :) ).

CaldeiraG

3:53 PM

true

M.A.R.

9:50 PM

@Tinkeringbell YMMV because you didn't have to take a depression-inducing national entrance exam competing with 600000 people you've never ever met

@CaldeiraG I think I wasn't being clear. I mean the first year, very much still in memory, was when people were the most 'competitive' they'll be in a long time, competing about who knows the most Eminem songs or whose dad is rich or who can smoke more.

I clearly don't know the words for it, but it's like an era of hiatus when people decide who they wanna be in this newly formed chaotic society.

Imagine everyone was put out of their work at once and then were shown vacant spots in which occupations to choose. That's the transition from high school to uni.

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