The Awkward Silence - 2020-11-30

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IPS Comment Bot

1:29 AM

Mostly agreed, though you may want to make sure the couple is still together if you haven't spoken to the friend in a bit. A relative of mine sent a Christmas card addressed to me and my recently-ex-husband, which kinda sucked. — Kat 2 mins ago

#26502 Kat (4899 rep) | A: What's the etiquette for addressing a friend's partner or family in a greeting card? (score: 10) | posted 26 hours ago by baldPrussian (30998 rep) | Toxicity 0.4960155 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

3 hours later…

Extroverted Main Man

4:37 AM

0

Q: Offering to an online friend who just lost their parent

A friend I met a few months ago over online classes recently lost their father. I live around 12+ hours away from them, so as much as I would like to I cannot go and visit them. Their relationship with their father had been strained, and they didn't live with their parents. Both I and my friend a...

parents online-interaction grief

2 hours later…

Extroverted Main Man

6:44 AM

0

Q: Inclusive letter for heterosexuals in LGBT+ list

The "orientation acronym" is growing (the longest I found was LGBTQIAPK+), but is still missing 2 large groups: heterosexual males and heterosexual females, or collectively heterosexuals. So, for heterosexuals to also feel included, is there an accepted letter that represents them, either separat...

7:19 AM

morning! :)

7:39 AM

@ExtrovertedMainMan ...

user image

7:52 AM

They all fit neatly into the blue box though.

Yellow box is a subclass of blue box ;)

IPS Comment Bot

Post is currently hot! With 10 comments in the last 3 hours: Offering help to an online friend who just lost their parent

Morning!

8:52 AM

How was everyone's weekend?

1 hour later…

Extroverted Main Man

10:06 AM

0

Q: I am doing well in business and someone recently wrote, publicly: "Don't forget about us when you make it big!" What is an appropriate reply?

It's a weird phrase to respond to, because it's a compliment / recognition, but conveyed through a clearly-not-serious request. (Meaning, they certainly don't think I'm going to forget about them or stop talking to them.) It almost seems like "Thank you" logically fits, but it doesn't fit at all ...

conversations language literal-language

10:56 AM

Waaahahaha news article here, about some celebrity that had a lot of family over for Thanksgiving... translated this tweet as an apology, while it clearly says 'I wasn't trying to make nobody feel bad' which means the celebrity did indeed admit she was deliberately trying to make people feel bad XD

11:37 AM

morning

or lunchtime

had a great weekend ! I connected with a NVC group on reddit

11:59 AM

Sounds good! And yeah, it's afternoon here, just had lunch :)

@ArthurHv NVC doesn't sound familiar :p

@Tinkeringbell XD

similar thing:

washingtonpost.com/nation/2020/11/26/…

Yep. Well, I've learned a good 'interpersonal skill' at least: Whenever I do something that upsets someone, I can just say: "Oh sorry, I wasn't trying to make nobody feel bad" XD

12:24 PM

@Tinkeringbell it always works /s

@CaldeiraG Well, it is always true... and being truthful is a big part of effective apologies!

@Tinkeringbell :D

It at least works better than those waterbased markers I got this weekend. They're supposed to be useful for making things like this:

user image

But if I try it, they won't blend at all. Seems they're just markers...

12:42 PM

I see XD

well, lunch now

brb :P

Enjoy!

Called the hairdresser, because mom started nagging about the Christmas haircut. They only work by appointment these days, and usually they are really, really busy before Christmas.... So I ask them if they have any slots for the weekend, between now and Christmas, turns out I can come next Saturday. Hairdresser was a bit amazed at me asking and accepting the appointment 'so soon'.

TIL that the real rush will be after next week, when there's about 2-3 weeks to go until Christmas. Apparently that's the time it takes for hair to 'recover' from being cut and look at it's best on Christmas, and then the later appointments are mostly for dying hair because then the colors look best XD

1:09 PM

back

@Tinkeringbell don't think it's that soon :P

@Tinkeringbell interesting

Yeah, I don't think it's that soon either (though it's less than 4 weeks away).

They usually just take 'walk-ins', no appointments, except for the month of December because otherwise it's too busy for them.

I had assumed with Covid they could take less customers, so it would be harder to even get an appointment, let alone one on a weekend. I'm not complaining though: I'm getting a haircut next Saturday.

Though I'll bet 5 euros that now mom is going to complain that I'm going to get a haircut on "Sinterklaas".

@Tinkeringbell atleast here you need to schedule an appointment due to covid

no walk-ins allowed

Yeah, that's the deal here now too.. I meant they took the walk-ins before covid :)

:)

@Tinkeringbell 5€? that sounds cheap

Now there's measures, also to make sure there's no overlapping visits and stuff. What they used to was e.g. die someone's hair, and then in the meantime they could cut someone else's hair that only needed cutting. That's no longer allowed, so I had expected them to be quite booked by now.

@CaldeiraG That's for the bet with mom, not the haircut... Last time the haircut was 17 euros, I believe.

1:19 PM

@Tinkeringbell oh i see

reasonable i guess

Yeah, there's more unreasonably priced hairdressers around. :)

and they are supposedly low-cost salons that practically matches the price of better ones and they completely ruin your hair

Not much to ruin for mine ;)

Though I guess people would be more picky if they e.g. get their hair dyed or do extensions or something... those things can go really wrong and really damage your hair if done wrong.

I'm just getting a haircut so everything is even again.

@Tinkeringbell or just simply burned hair with a hair straightener :P

it happened to my mom

unfortunately you can't really press charges when legal fees surpass any value of reimbursement

she did make an complaint that supposedly went to ASAE but as usual nothing happened

1:37 PM

@CaldeiraG Oof. Yeah, hair straighteners are a bad idea too, just like blow drying your hair the heat does do plenty of damage...

@Tinkeringbell yep

my mom is an hairdresser too

Did she burn someone else's hair, or have her own burnt?

Either way is bad XD

she's not practicing for +10 years

@Tinkeringbell her own

but by someone else

That's ... quite the mistake to make then, burning another hairdresser's hair. I feel sorry for whoever did that, must've been nerve-wrecking XD

@Tinkeringbell a bit yea

been skeptical of any salon now XD

she would rather ask my sisters to do it

1:40 PM

@Tinkeringbell Especially so it's kind of a vitrine for showcasing haircuts, if that make any sense. People don't trust so much bald hairdressers

@CaldeiraG I would be too, if I got my hair burnt! I'm always already annoyed at them drying my hair with a very hot blower after they made it slightly damp for cutting...

I never use heat to dry my own hair unless I'm in an absolute last minute hurry.

And then it's wet hair, not just a little damp.

it sucks

fortunately hair grows again :P

@CaldeiraG For those for which it still grows :p

I compensate with facial hair

like all men do

@ArthurHv :D

@ArthurHv facial hair is a miss for me atleast

I do not have a full beard

it doesn't seem to grow on the cheeks area

So yeah, it looks weird

I have some holes also, I kind of have shapes of wolverine beard, but I like to think it's kind of badass and not care what other people think

1:45 PM

@ArthurHv great :)

now that I remember, the profile pic I have it's kinda of dope

it was an unexpected one and looks cool AF

I won't upload the full thing here (8MB or so and it has my friends on the background) but I could do it on Discord

@CaldeiraG Yeah! I've cut mine off several times and now it's almost at butt length again. I'm still doubting if I should go short again or keep it long...

I have until Saturday to decide :D

yay

IPS Comment Bot

2:04 PM

There are plenty of people in your country (in every country) who get upset if they hear foreigners talking "foreign" around them. Maybe they have been criticised, and now they are trying to do the right thing. — RedSonja 1 min ago

#21078 RedSonja (929 rep) | Q: How to tell foreigners they don't need to speak English when near me? (score: 6) | posted 647 days ago by Anilla (3268 rep) | edited 165 days ago by Community (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.25437525 | Comment on inactive post | tps/fps: 0/0

2:36 PM

This AITA just popped up on my Twitter. Am I the only one that thinks asking someone out doesn't necessarily directly mean love or sexual interest?

All it means is that you'd like to get to know someone better, before deciding if you love them or want sex with them?

The part about replacing the woman who reported the one asking for a date is debatable. I would think the conflict can be solved with less extreme measures.

About your question, I don't really know, it still is often love or sexual interest even if indirect or distant but I don't see anything wrong with that.

@ArthurHv Yeah, the Twitter comments seem to suggest the female is being put on a PIP, which is good I think.

@ArthurHv Perhaps it's the context... If I were to be asked out on a dating app, I would presume waaaay more interest in sex/love than I would if a coworker asked me out to a drink or movie after work. The second one would just be polite fun.

Oh, yea, it could be friendship interest as well, that's true

It's also dependent of the context. I mean people at work know I'm not single, and gay on top of that. Not much people to be interested on asking me for a date out of romantic interest :D

hahaha yeah, being gay does limit the 'target audience' as one of my coworkers loved to call it ;)

I don't know, I've had single male coworkers (my age and older ones) ask me to go for a drink, food, movie or shopping after work and it was always just to make the workdays more fun.

There's something nice about working in an office where you don't work often, and someone asking you out to show you a bit of the city, the nice lunch spots, and/or have dinner with you before you go to your hotel/ on a long train ride back.

I guess the AITA post would be closed on IPS for lack of context :P

2:54 PM

I don't like AITA subreddit name. It's inviting for judgement of persons and I'm not comfortable with that.

@ArthurHv it is a judgement subreddit

@ArthurHv I only don't have problems with it because it's the people that post there themselves, you can't ask if someone else is the asshole :) In that case, well... if people want to be judged, let them. Though I'm not sure how much objectivity there will ever be in whatever verdict you'll receive

The topic is debatable

@Tinkeringbell It's kind of twisted that people come to a point in their lives they need judgement of others to validate if they are right or wrong. It's kind of like liking to be whipped and finding other fellow people to whip you. Well you can like that I'm not judging but don't like to be on either sides.

@ArthurHv I think it's more likely that these people go there in the hopes that people will tell them they're not the asshole and the other person was totally wrong... there's been a few news articles about how the site apparently does some good, can make people see the other side of an argument, has people improve themselves...

3:03 PM

no one should get fired and OP needs to ask her what would it take to be comfortable on their workplace and find a consensus. Asking someone on a date (or a friendly catchup) should not be a flag for termination since he then apologized and never brought it up again which is just being respectful IMO

unless there are clear rules that one should not invite coworkers

@CaldeiraG Well, continued decreased productivity, no matter what the reason, could well be a reason for firing. But yeah, it seems this manager skipped a few steps ;)

@Tinkeringbell also that yea

and HR should be the one who makes the final decision

@Tinkeringbell If what people receive there is something more judgement then maybe I could indeed find it enjoyable to participate, in the first place I express reserves about the name and official purpose. I do imagine however people to use the subreddit for more than it's official purpose.

which looks like OP is just their manager

@ArthurHv Yeah. I guess I'm not really familiar enough with reddit to really say I can help you further. It's reddit, which to me means a site that most people seem to use for 'fun' purposes, so less serious than e.g. SE.

On the other hand, it seems reddit people can take themselves quite serious :)

I guess it's the difference between participating in a community and looking in from the outside.

3:08 PM

people posting on AITA are usually looking for validation of their actions by strangers on the internet XD

Yeah, that much was clear to me :)

theguardian.com/technology/2020/oct/22/…

I do like reading the AITA posts that the twitter bot I'm following posts from time to time. What worries me more is the comments (on Twitter at least). It's really hard to determine whether someone is just concern-trolling, or if people genuinely believe some of the stuff they write there.

@Tinkeringbell people tell biased stories all the time, some use AITA to gain karma through creative writing and some are genuine

@CaldeiraG No, I'm talking about the comments on Twitter ;)

3:17 PM

you gotta have those virtual points if you want to be successful /s

@Tinkeringbell ah, idk XD

So, someone asks an AITA, the bot reposts it... and the Twitter comments go wild with concern-trolling.

eh, it's either mask tweets or AITA stuff that people ramble up their crazy theories

what would qualify as concern-trolling ?

> the action or practice of disingenuously expressing concern about an issue in order to undermine or derail genuine discussion.

1h10 until i'm home :) and national holiday tomorrow

3:20 PM

but how would you know the intent ? I mean you certainly can infer it but aren't there people genuinely concerned also ?

Yeah, that's why I said "It's really hard to determine whether someone is just concern-trolling, or if people genuinely believe some of the stuff they write there."

I mean, I can sorta recognize it when someone takes a minor detail, starts a big comment thread about it, and keeps fueling that, even though several people try to steer back to the original issue.

ok ^^ well i once learned that, the first reaction of every human on the planet is always to believe first

Sometimes it's not recognizable though :P

@ArthurHv Not that simple actually! I listened to a great podcast on that last week.

I'd love to dive in the specifics

There's things like consonance and dissonance that determine whether or not you believe, and if you will accept a hidden premise.

We can, but not now if you want to go very deep :P I should go check some log files for errors and then walk on the threadmill before it's time for dinner ;)

3:23 PM

ok :)

It also touched upon Enthymemes.

3:55 PM

backup-needed interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/26508/12962

3 hours later…

7:14 PM

7

Q: Announcing a design experiment re: placement of "Ask question" button

TL;DR Because the current location of the “Ask question” button is inconsistent, we want to move it. But first, we’re testing the proposed new location to ensure we don’t negatively impact question asking. Howdy! Today we’ve enabled an experiment that moves our “Ask question” button to the left ...

discussion product-discovery design testing

If any of you can't find the question button these days: Check your left-nav!

7:25 PM

@Tinkeringbell think it's a good move

makes it more uniform

Yeah it looks clean to me too, and the left navigation does have a lot of whitespace :)

exactly

it feels empty :P

Yeah, that was one of the most-heard complaints when it was introduced :P

7:47 PM

@Tinkeringbell neat

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