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Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
5:44 AM
Morning! :)
 
avazula
avazula
6:13 AM
Morning!
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
How are you? :)
 
Extroverted Main Man
Extroverted Main Man
6:38 AM
0
Q: How should I interact with a person who deeply believes in astrology and judges me through that lens?

jonvyltraI am sure that a lot of us have met people who are very deep into astrology, to the point that sometimes they judge other people almost sorely based on that. I myself am not an enthusiast of said belief. One former roommate is an example; I've even heard that these days she is charging people for...

friends conversations
 
CaldeiraG
CaldeiraG
7:04 AM
Morning!
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
7:25 AM
@Tinkeringbell Morning, and you
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
I'm fine, like I've always been :)
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
My eyes are empty burning sockets
So, the usual
@ExtrovertedMainMan This feels more like you needed a place to vent and less like you have a real question
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@M.A.R. Did you watch something wrong, or do you have a bout of hayfever?
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
Amirite is a fake question. Made by surrogates in China. Workers paid two dollars a week.
@Tinkeringbell Nah just bad sleeping habits
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
Ahhh.
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
7:28 AM
I blame @Journey
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
XD I can get behind that... his wonky sleep schedules are the worst :P
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
But he's already meditating right now in some temple or something, wearing a Buddhist kasaya
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
Heh. That's a good one.
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
7:51 AM
> The things he complains about I don't think are fair, like he's trying to unilaterally enforce no one using the kitchen after a certain time at night, nit picks about minor messes like crumbs in the sink that I haven't gotten around to cleaning. There's some open storage space, like shelves, which I would like to keep a few items in like a hat or pen and notepad. He has been complaining to the landlord that I'm keeping personal items in shared spaces.
Those don't seem like unreasonable complaints to me
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
> Last week, I wrote an answer about [friendship stages](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_penetration_theory#Stages). Two of stages are relevant to this question: the orientation stage, characterized by small talk and cliches, and the exploratory affective stage, where people start expressing their views on e.g. politics and education. After having written that, I came to the realization that some of the problems I might encounter in interpersonal interactions may be caused by differences in expectations about these stages.
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
Putting your stuff in shared spaces and saying it's not a big deal is kinda bullying
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
There's a question here somewhere but I can't put my finger on it.
@M.A.R. Depends on the stuff, if it's like a shelf near the door where everyone can keep their hat/scarf/gloves etc... What should be on the shelf then instead?
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
@Tinkeringbell "How many carrots would a carrot carrot if a carrot could carrot carrots?"
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@M.A.R. I'll figure it out on my own, you're no help.
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
7:56 AM
@Tinkeringbell I mean, what examples they've provided as 'unreasonable complaints' don't seem all that unreasonable to me
@Tinkeringbell They've heard some of these pseudo-profound maybe probably backed up theories on how people work and they wonder if they should trust in them
They're looking for an argumentum ad populum
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@M.A.R. It's... a question I'm currently writing. Thanks.
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
Oh, then they're not looking for an argumentum ad populum maybe.
Awkwardly steps out of the door
"Discuss."
That's the question teachers use
I think I've thoroughly demonstrated how much I trust in such theories though. Maybe it's my "hard sciences" arrogance taking over
"Anything in science is either chemistry or stamp collecting." — Rutherford
Actually he said physics but same diff
 
Journeyman Geek
Journeyman Geek
8:12 AM
@M.A.R. I think you accidentally became a sprit of vengeance
@Tinkeringbell I think schedules have order. It's more of a roster.
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@M.A.R. Almost there, I think I can do this! :)
@M.A.R. Social sciences and theories are good to try and make sense of some things... much like religion ;)
But that doesn't mean they're all worthless.
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
@Tinkeringbell Of course not, but I don't put my money on them because it's not clear how often they will work and how often they will not
For a single measurement, you can say it's 1±0.05 g with 95 percent certainty. You can't do the same for them, so it doesn't seem clear, in the case of two conflicting theories, which one is more doubtful
It's very complicated to get from the simple axioms "Humans like to feel good, robots cannot love" to the different theorems, and moreso their practical application, like "is this situation X?"
Maybe folks have managed some of it, but I haven't read nearly enough to trust in that or myself
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
Downvotes, then reads
> A few family members that have been violating well-communicated borders for years claiming I'm rude for not participating in small-talk with them at someone else's birthday party.
Ugh, tell me about it (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
8:28 AM
Who doesn't have a few of those...
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
Well, IME people start from the assumption that 'making friends and being sociable is the de facto good'
("Human is a social animal" and that pseudo-social science crap. See what I mean?)
So if you're blocking them from their good deed, they will only have to insist
This is not really changeable
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
Sure.. That's why I used a few examples that hopefully illustrate that all these people either already had an orientation stage that failed on my end, or should act like a professional in case of the coach, and it's kinda generally accepted that a professional relationship doesn't have to be a friendship over here.
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
I've personally just reconciled with the fact that putting on a mask of smiles and caring for the occasional inconsequential acquaintance is harmless and therefore not all that wrong ethically
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
Hmm. Perhaps. But an inconsequential acquaintance is generally not someone that has already messed up the orientation stage.
 
Extroverted Main Man
Extroverted Main Man
1
Q: How to let people know you're not even interested in as much as a orientation-stage type relationship?

TinkeringbellLast week, I wrote an answer about friendship stages. Two of these stages are relevant to this question: the orientation stage, characterized by small talk and cliches, and the exploratory affective stage, where people start expressing their views on e.g. politics and education. After having writ...

socializing netherlands
0
Q: Facilitating decisions with spouse how to communicate transition to a child

J. DoeI am a transwoman or feeling like that. My wife says she accepts my coming out and my needs in this direction but wants that: neither she (which is desirable and not the topic here. She says it's for aesthetics reasons) neither our daughter (4 yrs old), which is crucial and the topic here, sho...

marriage gender parenting
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
8:38 AM
And if we're doing ethics... that's close to philosophy, right?
So, then the next question is: Do people really have a right to force others into an orientation stage type relationship, for as long as they like, disregarding the wishes of the other?
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
Who knows
@Tinkeringbell Well, they don't think of it that way
Insisting on "friendship", the greatest great thing in the history of great things ~ forcing others to interact with you
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@M.A.R. I know, they don't. I just came across that question myself this week. But it's an interesting one.
@M.A.R. Friendships are dyadic, so there's no insisting on friendship without interaction. If one side is unwilling, that makes the interactions forced?
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
They don't realize how likely is this relationship to be fickle
@Tinkeringbell by definition, I guess. Although how much of a bad thing that is is left to be discovered
If I'm forcing my . . . that orientation stage thing . . . on this famous person I really admire, it's still forcing, although they're probably used to it and this doesn't become too irksome
My ears are filled with the sacrifices 'friends' make for each other. Well, if I ever saw one of my childhood friends, we'd probably just exchange some status update small talk and a few nervous laughs
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@ExtrovertedMainMan Hey @RoryAlsop since you're here... would that one be a good one to migrate to Parenting? I think once the OP has some sense of the measures that need to be taken to protect the child, or how much protection the child needs, we can help... but we can't help with figuring out the kinds and level of protection needed, is that something for Parenting?
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
That sounds like when The Guardian is trying to convince me to donate
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
8:55 AM
Yeah, life is full of sacrifices. Yet, I think it may be better if people would expect a lot less sacrifice of each other.
 
Rory Alsop
Rory Alsop
9:05 AM
@Tinkeringbell It's a bit of a grey area, but if it isn't getting answers over here, yes, please send it over to Parenting
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@RoryAlsop I'll give it a quick edit and send it on its way :)
 
ankii
ankii
9:55 AM
@M.A.R. am I a bad person for blocking that box using a content blocker?
 
 
2 hours later…
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
11:39 AM
@ankii You're a medium person
It always seems intrusive, especially in small screens
I guess if you frequent Guardian, donate if you wish to, and don't if you don't
I would have if I could, but I have no means of doing so. I find Guardian the least biased regarding the whole US–Iran conflict thing, which in itself is biased alright
 
Rainbacon
Rainbacon
12:37 PM
Morning everyone
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
Morning!
You okay? Your part of the world is being problematic again, according to the news :)
 
Rainbacon
Rainbacon
Yeah, I'm physically fine. I'm a few thousand miles from the riots, but I am disturbed though. We're stuck in this awful loop where these things happen, the new wave of politicians comes in promising to fix the system, then they do nothing once they get into office.
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
:/
I'm sorry, that sucks.
How's Maisy, has she learned to behave yet?
 
Rainbacon
Rainbacon
She's getting better. We got her a play pen so that we can put her in there with some toys while we work and she can't chew up the walls or go pee under the bed
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
12:54 PM
That's good! :)
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
1:29 PM
I got rate limited again
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
In chat or on a site or?
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
Site, never happens in chat
 
Rainbacon
Rainbacon
What's the rate limit on the site?
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
1:50 PM
1 M.A.R. a week ;)
 
 
2 hours later…
ankii
ankii
3:25 PM
@M.A.R. what? commenting ?
SE should consider the lockdowns and relax the limits a bit
@M.A.R. nah, I just turn off javascript to read nytimes or read the atlantic
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
3:54 PM
@ankii Relax? Make tighter. There's been quite a lot of active community members leaving, not only over COVID but also over other stuff, so tighter limits means more manageable situations for the people left.
 
ankii
ankii
4:05 PM
@Tinkeringbell but I'm spending more time on the sites, so more voting, more commenting
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
@ankii The Atlantic is sometimes really off the grid
Other times though, you find articulate and profound commentary there
 
ankii
ankii
looks up "off the grid"
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
@ankii Read "have an outlook so distorted and biased that makes me sick"
 
ankii
ankii
@M.A.R. biased towards what ?
or against what ?
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
Whatever they're opining on
 
ankii
ankii
4:11 PM
I don't read a lot of politics there, but sections like dear therapist, photography, stuff about students and other random things is good
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
They sometimes have this uber-nationalist make up some bullshit from a wrong interpretation of the data to make China/Iran/Europe/Any country other than God's great country look bad
 
ankii
ankii
@M.A.R. yeah, since it's an op-ed. Not an encyclopaedia or live update portal
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
They also have some of the "journalist syndrome"
@ankii That doesn't make me like the opinion any more
@M.A.R. I made this up
 
ankii
ankii
@M.A.R. yeah, thanks for clarifying
bing is slow
or maybe my internet idk
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
What I'm referring to is looking for this supposedly bizarre discovery in this scientific field and make it sound more important than it is
 
ankii
ankii
4:13 PM
@M.A.R. you should've seen the article where they praised women leaders of countries where covid has been contained
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
Bullshit is manure, whatever side it's from
 
ankii
ankii
oh well now you've primed me
some articles are either extremely optimistic
or extremely depressing
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
Ditto on the "extremely" part
It sometimes feels like the literary version of a social media lolz video where the dude jumps up and performs stunts to grab your attention all the time
 
ankii
ankii
more interesting than reading wikipedia
but it's interesting to read
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
Yeah, there's that
 
ankii
ankii
4:17 PM
@M.A.R. titles are catchy, yes
"what judge Sullivan should do"
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
And sometimes the opinions are valid, or make you think more than wow
 
ankii
ankii
"Trump Is the Looter"
oh, they capitalised the I in is
@M.A.R. does valid mean "I agree with them"? :p
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
No, it means the conclusion logically follows the primary or secondary evidence provided
I'm more of a "Uh, OK, fair point" person than a "Hell yeah" person
@M.A.R. Hell yeah!
 
ankii
ankii
matrix glitches
reboot
I need food
Bye!
 
M.A.R.
M.A.R.
Ciao
 

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