So you agree that your answer is not rooted in (personal) experience or science, but is more like an opinion / brainstorming ("recomendation")... — virolino2 mins ago
So I started making sure to consistently put stuff in the same pocket... "okay phone, ID card, bus card, wallet in this pocket, pocketknife, keys, Alan wrenches, inhaler, Epipen in this one, tissues in this one..."
@Ælis: I agree with you, breaking a relationship is sometimes necessary, even though sad. I had to give up many friends for various reasons. Also, that is why I just asked questions to SZCZERZOKŁY, to understand his point better. BTW, even my mother makes it compelling to use the "break relationship" path, but using the strategy described, things still go on. We get angry occasionally and do not speak for 1-2 weeks, but that is within reasonable limits, I guess, especially that often there are no topics to discuss anyway (we leave far apart, communication is only technology-based now). — virolino2 mins ago
I just saw this written in an answer (not on IPS):
> Take a high-functioning autistic, put him in the back room with a computer, low light, and no disturbances, and you'll never know he has a disability.
@Belle Maybe because it acknowledges that society isn't made for suiting people with disabilities yet it doesn't seem to be looking for an answer as to how to make society a place where everyone feels included and handicap isn't a thing anymore?
@avazula Yeah, probably. But also because it's so generalized, I think. It's just not me. I actually work well with other people and I like my rooms well lit (not too bright individual light sources) and hardly anyone ever realizes I'm autistic, ever.
@Belle yeah... "know one autistic person, you only know about one autistic person" ... I know many of my symptoms drastically differ from @Ælis's. Yet we're both diagnosed :p
@Tinkeringbell I have discord set up. Its just I am so scattered as soon I am home, that it most likely will take a few more days before I coincidently remember it and have my discord open. :P But I already emailed the invite link from a server to myself that was shared here a few days ago.
I am in a relationship with a partner who is significantly better off than I am, and I am struggling to come to terms with the financial differences.
To set the scene with some of the issues:
She is currently a student doing her masters (After working for a while) and not only does she have en...
My son-in-law wants nothing to do with my family and I'd really like to change that and have him as part of the family.
Some background information about how we got here is needed, my daughter met him when she was 18 and he was 17, they quickly fell in love and were inseparable. At the time how...
This feeling when you realize that none of the tools you need are working :"(
I can't do task A because X isn't working. I decide to do B instead but Y isn't working so I can. But maybe I can do C? Well nope, because Z isn't working...
Given how most moderator resignation notices now include a significant part of criticism on SE the company, SE the company has decided to no longer allow featuring of such posts past 24 hours.
Juan was the unlucky person to have to communicate that to MSE :/
@Belle I've said in the Tavern that to me, on a very remote rational level it makes sense... I would have never considered featuring some of those posts if they weren't a moderator resignation notice...
@Magisch No worries. You did great yesterday. And while you didn't know about it yet, the unfeature stuff was already out on the mod team by the time you posted your question...
@Magisch This is a thing that's going to need repeating over and over... and that will require a patience very few have. The most vocal people on meta aren't going to suddenly tell you that 'oh, sorry... I have been wrong for all my vocal life'.
@Magisch I'd like to say that going back to when I was just a lurker on SO and you were a smiley face in a hat, I've always admired your ability to be level headed when most everyone about you was losing theirs
@Magisch The most vocal people are often the angrier one. Convincing them means convincing everyone else first. But your question as a positive score, so that's a good sign :)
@CaldeiraG "a bit" -> I have been doing that for 3 months now xD
I mean, even on my answer, people that already had their own answer found it necessary to write a comment underneath mine... like, dude! Your own angry rant is right above mine, chillax!!
But yes. There's some very vocal, very angry people out there. The best everyone can do is try to provide a balanced countervoice. I've seen that in answers from Mith, in Magisch's question, in Rainbacon's comment... thank you all for that :)
I downvoted your answer, cause most of your advice isn't really that easy to do thinking back of my situation back then. I was in within a depression back then, and most of the advices weren't really practical to execute. I knew they were good advices. But I couldn't follow them despite I wanted to. Hearing them over and over again, made me just feel worse. The way you put it in your answer makes me even feel bad for OP here, its exactly that way of phrasing causing the trouble. Also being in such mental state, makes being proactive very difficult anyways. So I find that of limited help, too. — dhein1 min ago
@Tinkeringbell That would have been useful if I knew what "toedeloe" meant :p (I tried to google it. It's telling me that it means "choke". I don't think that was what was meant xD )
@dhein It's a sad answer. Thank you for taking the time to write it. I think things are going the same way with my mother (she hasn't phone in two weeks after I "publically" shout at her about this)
It’s a bit surreal to be writing this post—not many people can say they left their dream job twice. Today is my last day as an employee of Stack Overflow. I’ll be joining College Confidential as their Community Product and Operations Manager doing many of the same things I’ve been doing here but ...
That's what I wrote about resignation notices today, but Machavity gave examples and made the point better. So I self-deleted it... but it's not just comments on mod posts.
I flagged a couple just now and I'm already tired, tbh if I were a meta mod I'd just comment-lock it (but I am not, and I am confident that Tink and crew can decide themselves how to handle it ;) )
@EmC I'll try not to :) But I do like to feel like I'm helping and flagging is helping so... (plus, I haven't seen any transphobic stuff yet, so it should be easier to deal with than the stuff that was here 3 months ago)
I was looking at houses about a year ago (before we decided to rent) and whenever I saw those big prices and started looking at/thinking about loans, I couldn't help but think like...how many pizza slices could I buy with this? Or how many little puppies? Like I could have a pizza slice swimming pool or an army of puppies, but I'm settling for a house. And then my adult mind would reboot and I'd get back to searching lol
It's really just crazy how much money that is. It's difficult to wrap your head around
@scohe001 I tend to do the same things but with books. How many 10€ books could I have bought with that? How many days of entertainment would they have given me?
@Rainbacon It needs to end with ".jpg" or something like that to onebox
@Ælis ooh that's true. Between a house and a personal library, I know which I'd take. The question is just where I'd put all the books without a house for them :p
@scohe001 This is why I rent an apartment and don't have a car - I think about houses and cars and how rarely a car or a house would drastically change my life and then I realize I could buy MANY romance novels instead.
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@Ælis E-readers are the best for that! I can have SO MANY books and I don't have to worry about if I have bookshelf space.
user15026
I've also discovered a lot of authors who only sell books digitally, who I'd never have gotten to read otherwise.
user15026
(This does mean I have a LOT of ebooks on my computer, but more harddrive space is easy to do.)
I think the main idea behind buying a house is that you won't be buying someone else's pizza, puppies or romance novels by paying rent. If you think about it, I find it quite upsetting that some people literally make a living buying up houses just to rent them out, forcing others to make their living for them :/
It increases the prices of housing to a point where some people have no choice but rent... reinforcing the circle :(
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Yes, but I also don't have to do any maintenance/upkeep/yard mowing, which is okay by me.
@Ash I use to love organizing my bookshelf though. I kind of miss that. And not being able to see all in one look :/ But well, at least it's now much easier for me to buy books
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@Ælis I do like that, for the small number of physical books I do have. (Some authors I like to still buy in hardback because they're my favourites.)
Both are very true... I'm buying an apartment though, and the stuff I said about houses goes for apartments here too. People buy them, only to rent them out for more money than it would cost to buy them...
And for an apartment, you generally don't have to do maintenance and upkeep, that's for the ... I guess a sort of home owners association? ... So I'm just stuck with the yard and I was thinking about a low maintenance one :)
@scohe001 If you ever do decide you want to buy a house, I'm about to start working for a company that buys and sells them, and even in your state (though if I remember correctly you live somewhere in the west of the state, and my new company doesn't operate there
hmm as someone who will likely be buying up a house and renting it out to others in the next year or two, this is a really interesting opinion.
From what I've seen, the markets in certain areas will tend to favor (from a financial standpoint) renting vs. buying. Sometimes the rent in the area is actually way cheaper than the price of a mortgage if you were to buy the house. And sometimes the opposite is true. But where I'm looking to buy (right next to a university), ppl like students will be renting simply because they won't be in the area for the 5-10yrs it takes to make buying a house w…
user15026
@Ælis That's also great because then they get to experience them, I love sharing books.
@Rainbacon ha yea there's no real big cities over here in west Texas. The biggest is maybe 300,000 population, so I'm not surprised. But thanks for the offer! If/when we buy for personal use, it'll probably be wherever we end up going for my girlfriend's residency, so I'll keep you in mind!
I might be a bit prejudiced, having had the apartments I wanted to buy 'taken' from me by investors and showing up on rental sites a few weeks later... For much more than I would've paid for both the maintenance/upkeep fees + rent + utilities...
For students, I guess they're a different matter. But it's definitely a bit of a problem here that starters can't get a home or apartment, and are forever stuck renting because renting means you don't have enough left to actually save for buying your own. Basically, it's a self-reinforcing circle of inflating prices to the point where 'regular' peo…
@Tinkeringbell I agree with you. Yet, I still think I will do that at some point in the future. Because I'm always terrified that at some point (like in 5 or 10 years) I won't be able to work anymore (or like, no one would hire me) and renting a flat would be my only way to "make money". That's not something I like to think much about though. So yeah, let's go back to books. Or maybe crocheting? What cute things do you want to do next?
personally, one of the big reasons I want to buy a house is being able to do whatever I want with it. I never feel like I can really settle in a rental because I'll probably just move in a couple years and then I'll have to patch all the picture frame holes, forget about painting walls fun colors..
sorry! we can talk books and craft projects instead :)
@Tinkeringbell hmm I know here in the US we have options for ppl in those situations. If you talk with your renter and the real estate owner, you can sometimes agree to a "rent to buy" contract, where you pay the rent they ask for, but slowly gain equity on the house in the process--to eventually pay off the rest with a lump sum at some future decided date.
ravelry.com/people/Tinkeringbell/queue < don't know if people can see that, but that's what I currently have queued in Ravelry. It means as much as 'might do this some day' and some stuff is in there for months/years before I kick it out again...but it's a nice list of considered projects :)
People buy up huge swaths of housing under the assumption house prices will go up and pay dividends that way, and then they turn around and rent them out for a lot to get yet more profit. In the process, it becomes a kind of self fulfilling prophecy as housing demand doesn't go away but now prices increase a lot
Next week we're going to finish picking out the kitchen though, I had forgotten we had only gotten an offer/calculation done for that, and still needed to seal the deal ;)
i'd end up paying an average of 300€/mo more then renting just for the loan payments, it'd be another 200€ or so for taxes and asessments and in a worse part of town
in other terms, I could rent the other apartment across the hall too and would pay less then buying
There are a lot of buildings in New York that are co-ops where you buy an apartment in the building, but rather than a company owning the building, all of the residents do. In addition to paying your mortgage on the apartment, you also have to pay a monthly "co-op fee", which is often about 50% of what you might pay to rent an equivalent apartment, so owning doesn't really benefit you at all
@Ælis I hope you can solve it with her another way. Despite in the end everything turned out in my favor. I would have prefered a way in our both favors. But the point with my answer is: An end can dung the soil for a new beginning. And if there is no other way letting your mom understand. Well, then thats how it is. If what I am saying makes any sense
Oh and just on a side note. I am here right now and having discord open on my other screen
@dhein Well, I just had my dad on the phone. He confirm to me that my mom is giving me the "silent treatment" because I yell at her (in writing) two weeks ago to "STOP GIVING THOSE UNSOLICITED ADVICES!!!". So...
But I'm gonna see her in two weeks, it might help fix things up (maybe... I hope)
@Ælis I wish I could tell you why she does it. I mean clearly she is feeling hurt. But why she is not understanding you in the first place is what I can't tell cause I never understood my mom there either... All I can tell you, if its worth anything: I know how you are feeling.
I am in a relationship with a partner who is significantly better off than I am, and I am struggling to come to terms with the financial differences.
To set the scene with some of the issues:
She is currently a student doing her masters (After working for a while) and not only does she have en...
My son-in-law wants nothing to do with my family and I'd really like to change that and have him as part of the family.
Some background information about how we got here is needed, my daughter met him when she was 18 and he was 17, they quickly fell in love and were inseparable. At the time how...
