The Awkward Silence

4:54 AM

[looks outside] uh-huh

A J

@El'endiaStarman good night to you. ;)

Winter mornings’ suns are the best.

dhein

7:24 AM

@Imus So I told them, while pointing out I took no offence. They ofc totally ignored that and highlighted they had not thought about anything like that and feel now very bad and sorry, as they allways just saw this research as our teamwork. They offered me to moderate the meeting presenting our findings alone as indemnification. What I ofc declined pointing out again that I didnt assume any bad intend and that I aswell think we are a good team and should present ofc our findings as such.

I think it lead to a nice outcome, pointing it out :)

Oh and hey everyone :)

7:47 AM

Hey Mykazuki, you are writing a lot of "I would do...." or "That should make him..." 's. Are these actually the actions/reactions, you had with that friend you mentioned at the top of your answer? As after the first paragraph you have written, everything else reads like hypothetical solutions that you think should work the way you write it and note reactions you would expect to get, rather than you have experienced such reactions your self in such situation. If it is in fact about the interaction with the mentioned friend, could you make this more clear in your answer? Thanks :) — dhein 1 min ago

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Q: how to properly tell others that forgetting something doesn't mean i don't care about them?

haha

Extroverted Main Man

7:56 AM

0

i am taking postgraduate education and also have a very stressful job and i'm in a serious relationship. getting these things together take a lot of my time and mind. when i'm around people not from my university or work, i'm so lost in thoughts that i don't hear them talking or when they say so...

8:07 AM

Morning :)

Morning!

8:42 AM

Morning

how are things this morning?

reddit.com/r/aww/comments/e3nwlk/…

:D

@avazula Good, you?

awww

@CaldeiraG Neat! I'm good too :)

There's a lot of them!

I really like reddit.com/r/Eyebleach. I think @Ælis and @avazula would too.

2

darn I'm now lost in the aww subreddit

@Belle MAWWW

9:01 AM

@Belle Oh, that's a very cute one indeed *-*

@Rainbacon Yeah... there was a lot of context.

@Belle aww :D

@CaldeiraG Okay, I shouldn't have clicked. I'm supposed to work ><

@Ælis hehe :p

are you working remotely today @Ælis?

9:10 AM

@avazula Nah, I walked 35 minutes in the very cold and now I'm at the office. With an open-space full of 3 people instead of ~30 :p

darn that ain't much

I'm remote

with Fedora on my lap

I still need to set up remote working. I'm allowed to, but I kind of want an office at home before I start doing that.

@avazula Pff, show-off! :p

@Belle I could have been remote today, but last time I tried it, I wasn't very motivated to work. So, I'm at the office and still not very motivated to work ><

hehe :p

yea, working remotely can be hard

I don't do it often so I don't mind working in my PJs from my couch

I'm a bit jealous >< But I think I like working from the office better than working from home. I like having some people around (I don't like their noise, but knowing that they are here and working too is kind of comforting)

9:20 AM

I get that

Also, the office is warmer than my house and I don't like working in the cold :p

My office is too hot for my liking :(

Luckily for my colleagues too, so we open a window often. Sometimes we all get too hot before we realize we're hot though. So that's uncomfortable. Does that make sense?

Like, someone says, "It's hot in here" and suddenly everyone feels it's hot, while before you were fine.

@Belle You open the window while the radiator are on? #Horrified

@Ælis The building's heating is controlled from a central point. So that point can be a nice and cozy temperature, while other rooms can get too hot. Unfortunately :(

9:37 AM

@Belle That's not very nice indeed :/ It reminded me this summer when the air conditioner was kind of broken and impossible to turn off, so we would open the window to not be so cold in the kitchen ^^' (It was very bad too)

9:51 AM

I understand you have some kind of a bounding contract so why not mention this? I mean you're not exactly "comfortable" with your current company (or maybe you are but that's not what you express in your question), you're bound to it. — Laurent S. 31 secs ago

#23519 Laurent S. (139 rep) | Q: How to say 'NO', When someone offer you better opportunity with better salary? (score: 1) | posted 13 days ago by Bhavesh Prajapati (113 rep) | Toxicity 0.0 | tps/fps: 0/0

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To back @AJM-Reinstate-Monica: I would agree with the answer if it was about visiting the grandmother with the mother (or at least driving the mother there if she needs a ride and cannot otherwise get there); but I disagree that the mother's feelings should decide what OP's direct relationship with their grandmother should be, especially in cases where the mother isn't event present for the supposed visit. — Flater 1 min ago

#23657 Flater (6074 rep) | A: How to tell my Mom that I don't care about someone without upsetting her? (score: 37) | posted 20 hours ago by Santiago (836 rep) | Toxicity 0.0 | tps/fps: 0/0

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hey @Belle @Ælis can I ask you something?

@avazula Too late, you already did! :p (of course you can :) )

I ... sorta had a meltdown last night and since autism is still quite new to me I don't really know how to recover from those. Do you guys have any idea?

I mean, I do stuff that helps me recover but it isn't necessarily healthy (I binge watched Youtube for like 3 hours under a blanket and wasn't functioning at all. Like, I couldn't even eat dinner)

10:09 AM

@avazula In my experience, here is what helps: Don't interact with any other human being (unless you want to). Completely isolate yourself. Do whatever you want (aka: mostly nothing). If you need to binge watch, do just that. If you are tired, sleeping is probably the best solution. If you are worried about your lack of eating, eat junk food that you love (like chocolate with some bread). Don't blame yourself, you really need this time of

@avazula Do you want to talk about the reason for your meltdown?

Huh. So that isn't really different from what I'm doing to cope then. Okay, that's reassuring. Thank you! :)

@avazula You're welcome. Sending you all my love <3

@Ælis Well... Work is hard, for once. I had to go grocery shopping and I had to physically forced myself to go because I was too tired to handle the stress. Working from a meeting room is exhausting when it comes to sensory overload and on top of that, I was feeling like a fraud, like none of the things I think I am don't really apply to me.

Like, I'm not a developer, I suck so bad at it. I'm not vegan, I still eat vegetarian from time to time (and for cash's sake, I have freaking beehives! How's that even vegan?). I'm autistic but I have no official paper to prove it to anyone so sometimes it feels like it's just in my head and I'm just too weak or too lazy to be a proper neurotypical human being. I'm specialized in communications but I still suck at not looking like a weirdo.

That sounds a bit like what I do. And that's all I can do to really help myself. Do whatever you feel good enough to do. I always try to prepare for meltdowns ahead of time. Make sure I have food that I can get if I'm feeling too overwhelmed. And I do something that I'm good at and takes little effort. Like watching YouTube or knitting. Much like what you do.

10:16 AM

Also, yesterday we received the pictures from my friends' wedding of last august and it freaked me out because my partner yelled at me on that day because I missed the picture with my newly wedded because I was recovering from the sensory overload in my car, because the photographer had said I had enough time to take 5 before the photo

so ... not so nice memories either

(I also have huge body dysmorphia so seeing me in pics was truly saddening)

@Ælis kitty and bunny, you really know me well <3

@avazula I'm a vegan, but I have eaten a lot of cheese in the last two months (in fact, I'm tired of eating cheese, but I can't find vegan food to eat at lunch lately :/ ). It's okay to not eat vegan all the time, you are still doing way more than the rest of the world

@avazula This book really helped me: open.spotify.com/album/…

Thank you both, that helps a lot <3

A support net also helps. When I go into a meltdown, I am sometimes unable to do anything. Pooring myself a drink can be too much. Then, when I get thirsty, it gets worse and I get stuck. I realized that I'll never be able to live alone, because the meltdowns are 10x worse if they get that far.

For me it's important to have someone tend to my needs when I'm over the edge. But it's difficult to find someone who can tend to your needs that way when you're nonverbal at that point, without causing more harm. My fiancé just knows how to do it. So does my mom. My ex didn't, he actively caused more harm. I also had help from a professional caretaker at some point, which helped too.

@avazula If everyone were similar, we wouldn't have invented anything. It's the difference that makes us invent stuff. Weirdos are what helps inventing new stuff. I also know a lot of things about communication yet, I sometimes just choose to be blunt. Knowing a lot about communication doesn't mean you have to hide your weirdness. Hiding yourself is exhausting. I hope you will one day be at peace with your weirdness (I'm kind of am, but not always. Being the weird one can be hard)

10:28 AM

Just to be clear, I'm not disagreeing with your answer, and I definitely see the benefits from your approach. But as you said, people have a variety of reasons to do the things they do, and the approach that works for you may not work for OP with their grandmother - it very much depends on some specifics that we don't know and can't predict. — Flater 26 secs ago

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@Belle I've lived a pretty lonely life so far so I had to just really prepare for any crisis that could emerge (you mentioned drinks, well I have glasses laying around the house, and now I realize it's "just in case". It drives my partner crazy :p)

Just know you're fine the way you are, @avazula. If it helps, most succesful people have thoughts like those.

I'm really glad this chatroom exists

And the wonderful people in here <3

@avazula I'm really glad I got to meet you and the other wonderful people in here. You are one of the best things that ever happen to me <3

@Ælis <3

10:36 AM

@avazula Everyone has value and, to my eyes, you are worth a very lot

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You should not go against your feelings because someone expects you to do something and “will get upset” if you don’t even if you have not agreed to. That’s manipulative at best. — Lonidard 25 secs ago

#23657 Lonidard (101 rep) | A: How to tell my Mom that I don't care about someone without upsetting her? (score: 37) | posted 20 hours ago by Santiago (836 rep) | Toxicity 0.0 | tps/fps: 0/0

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Marked this comment as caught correctly (tp). Currently marked 1tps/0fps. beep boop My human overlords won't let me flag that, so you'll have to do it yourself.

i was about to suggest putting the "we're strict about comments" notice... then realised its already there

10:41 AM

@AlexRobinson I put it right after it became hnq :)

nice :)

12:04 PM

So... what do we do when we feel someone's chosen pronouns are not in good faith?

Flag one of their posts for moderator attention and explain your concerns.

12:19 PM

@Mithical Thanks, did that :)

12:32 PM

i thought that might happen at some point... just a shame it has happened, i personally have yet to see it

I actually feel very conflicted about it, though. About the act of raising the flag. I think I did the right thing, but I wonder if I even have a right to doubt good faith when it comes to pronouns.

i feel like there will be people who try to be arsey about it or make a point and if they do there isn't a huge amount we can do other than assume good faith and be nice, but report it if we feel we must

Q: How to politely get rid of someone soliciting donations at your door?

12:50 PM

the flag seems to be gone ... do you have a link?

also, now that we're talking moderation

what do you people think about this question?

6

When people come to the door asking for donations how do you politely end the conversation and close the door? Some of the causes are very worthy but I don't have the money. I had jobs before where managements makes sure you try at least 3 times before taking no for an answer so I don't want to t...

conflict-aversion saying-no money

seems too broad to me but there aren't that many close votes on it ... maybe you could enlighten me?

1:12 PM

@Belle I think you might be interested by this meta question (Neopronouns or trolling?) and by this other one (Policing gender expressions and pronouns)

@avazula Seems too broad to me too (I'm not actively reading anything that isn't already in the review queue lately, that's why I didn't vote sooner, I just hadn't read it yet)

@Ælis Especially Shog's answer and I do really like the one Rebecca wrote too

@avazula i don't really see it as broad tbh

like it could potentially be phrasing and therefore off topic by default, but its a pretty specific problem

@AlexRobinson agreed. But from what I said in the comment below, it is currently off topic for IPS, since we lack this info

@AlexRobinson Yep, except we don't know what they tried so far and why it's not polite enough to their eyes

@Ælis oh... yeah thats a good point actually...

1:18 PM

@Tinkeringbell I'm not a huge fan of "How do medical professionals determine if someone is genuinely transgender?" but the answer isn't bad (just not really good either, IMO). I have mostly the same feeling about Shog9 answer (not really bad, but not really good either). In fact, I tend to agree more with this one

@Ælis I'm afraid I agree with the first comment under that question (meta.stackexchange.com/questions/336005/neopronouns-or-trolling/…)

@Ælis Shog's answer doesn't exclude that one :) But I like the part from Rebecca's answer where it says 'this is consistent'. If people 'suddenly' come out of the woodwork with a ... pretty weird pronoun ... when there's an upheaval, we might consider if that behaviour is 'consistent'.

@Belle Did you read the other question? IMO, it makes a pretty good case as to why we should enable "gibberish"

@Ælis heck transmeds btw

@Tinkeringbell i think we should still be careful indeed, like you said. I know people who outed themselves on SE after all that drama began so, better not put everybody in the same basket (does that translate well in English? idk)

1:23 PM

@Tinkeringbell I used to have a "regular" french pronoun until I didn't. So I did "suddenly come out of the woodwork with a ... pretty weird pronoun" in the eyes of everyone around me...

@avazula It does :P Though it's usually 'box', not basket, I think ;)

@Tinkeringbell heh, thanks :p

@Ælis I've never seen you protest neopronouns, though. This particular person went from protesting the use of "they" for being ungrammatical to having a neopronoun overnight.

@Ælis That's... why I kinda included the part about upheaval... If people are 'protesting' then suddenly 'changing pronouns'... something's fishy!

Uhhhh... Jinx! @Tinkeringbell

1:26 PM

And that's why I like the part about consistency there ;)

Anyway, I hope you are right. I wouldn't want someone with legitimate neo-pronouns to feel invalidated (read here to learn more).

@Ælis So do I, hoping to do things right ;)

@Ælis I hope so too. I would feel really bad if this wasn't a troll.

It's nice to hear that you don't like the things I do though... I'll take care to remember that :)

Hi Rain. Not sleepwalking this time?

1:40 PM

@Tinkeringbell ? I'm not sure I'm following ^^'

@Belle Nope, no sleepwalking for me

Also good morning/afternoon/whatever time you live in

@Ælis I liked hearing that we had different 'favorite' answers to 'how to moderate pronouns'... It's useful :)

@Rainbacon I live in your future o_o

@Tinkeringbell Oh right, I'm glad to know this conversation was useful to you then :)

Oh, @avazula I was just reading through the transcript that I missed while sleeping. When I get overloaded, I like to do sensory deprivation. I put on my noise canceling headphones (sometimes with some calming music) and go lay down and cover my eyes (I usually use a blanked, but for a while I had a sleep mask that was really good)

1:52 PM

That sounds nice indeed. I was thinking baths but it's cooling down too quickly for me to fully enjoy the experience

@avazula Oh, I have tips for good baths!

a.) Make sure you've heated up the room before you even start. A cold room means a colder bath.

tip 1) obtain a bathtub

b.) Use bath foam. The bubbles isolate, and keep the water warm longer :)

@AlexRobinson Ehh, that's a given, I think :P

So lots of bubbles! (or shorter baths)

@AlexRobinson I miss my bath 😭

@Tinkeringbell for sure, i just don't have one and wanted to make a joke lol

1:54 PM

@AlexRobinson I'm getting one in my new apartment! \o/

@AlexRobinson Haha that :p tip 2) obtain a heater to put in your bathroom (I don't currently have one. My bathroom is so cold, it's awful :'( )

Some other things I do: If the tub feels really cold, I use the showerhead to spray warm water everywhere and warm it up (I also use this when someone showered before me, and there's drops of cold water everywhere).

(ps: I don't have a bathtub either. Just a cold bathroom :'( )

Then I fill it up with water that's as hot as my skin can take... and usually I can last 40-45 minutes easily in the tub after that :D

the best showers are the ones that are not quite not enough to hurt

1:56 PM

I used to live in a modern apartment, now I live in a 60s family home. My bathroom is 1 square meter. I need to store towels and everything in a different room, because it just doesn't fit. I miss my large bathroom :(

@Tinkeringbell sounds so good

Now I want a hot bath ><

@Ælis I'm so sorry! haha

hot take, but shower > bath

:O

1:58 PM

Filling it up slowly while you're already in it works great too, you can usually tolerate a bit hotter water than when it's already full and you step in, and slower filling = a longer input of hot water :)

@Belle My bathroom is probably as small as yours. I can't change into the room, because it's too small >< (thankfully, I live alone, but still!)

@Belle Oh no :(

@AlexRobinson Probably skin-care wise, yeah :P

@Ælis your bathroom really is small

but I'm more shocked by your kitchen actually

how much space do you have? 30m²?

@Tinkeringbell not even just skin care, overall i prefer a shower

@Ælis I have the same issue. The worst thing is, this place has 4 bedrooms. Why does it have a shower that doesn't offer enough space to change?

2:00 PM

@AlexRobinson I hate the feeling of the running water on my skin (I have strong eczema though, that might explain ...)

thats valid

@Belle Any chance of dumping a bedroom for a better shower?

@avazula 30m²? If only! I have 17m² x)

I am generally too long most baths :/

@Ælis o_o

2:00 PM

130m2 :)

@Tinkeringbell I rent :( I'm considering it, though. Make one of the bedrooms into a mini spa.

@JAD Do you wish to die? :p

@avazula Doesn't :P I have eczema too, sometimes it's really bad... I like putting a really hot jetstream on a itchy back spot I can't reach!

@Ælis ooh where do i sign /s

@Tinkeringbell clever! I only have a tap on at the ceiling so I can change the location of the water source and direct it right on my skin ...

2:01 PM

110m2 for me and 200m2 garden and 20m2 garage. You gonna kill me too? (:

@Belle >< I'm just gonna silently cry in a corner :'(

:p

@Ælis Want one of my rooms? I have 3 left.

idea: TAS flat

Everyone is mean with me. Give me a cat @ips please

2:03 PM

I'd gladly trade my home for one with lower rent, tbh. Or a more logical layout.

@Ælis nothanks

@AlexRobinson No, that would involve human interaction. We don't do that here

@Rainbacon ya know, thats largely a fair point lmao

@AlexRobinson To be honest... with the amount of people on the spectrum here... we might be able to arrange that AND get subsidies for it over here XD

@Rainbacon That's would involve a flat full of silence. How bad could it be? :p

2:04 PM

@Ælis it actually sounds nice

@Tinkeringbell i'm on the spectrum but only by technicality - i'm dyspraxic

@AlexRobinson welcome to the gang! The more the merrier :)

I actually lived with 6 roommates who were all on the spectrum before. I liked most of them. It was better than roommates who were not on the spectrum.

Let me count how many NA people we frequently have in chat that I know of ...

last year i lived at the uni and there were 13 other people on my level...

1 kitchen for 14 people...

2:05 PM

Honestly, I think I'm more surprised when when I meet people here who aren't on the spectrum

@AlexRobinson I lived in a unit of 20

that was... interesting

@Rainbacon That x)

@JAD oooof

I think it's like ... 7?

Are you counting me?

2:06 PM

counting TSA, ADHD, and dys-troubles

@avazula Then it's more than 7

yes. But I had forgotten about two others! so it's 9

@avazula I'm guessing Dysthymia doesn't fall under Dys-troubles?

I lived in special housing for autistic people. Stumass, for Dutch people that may have heard of it. There's supposed to be a supervisor/attendant/whateveristheword every day.

@JAD I don't know what that is

2:07 PM

^

At some point one of the supervisors thought it was an amazing idea to redecorate the living room. In a house with 7 people on the spectrum. Without warning any of them.

@Belle some supervisor....

@JAD (just checked) oh. Well. IDK then.

@Belle smart move... /s

@Belle Oh, that sounds nice *-* Was it nice?

2:08 PM

@avazula it's closer related to depression than dyslexia or dyscalculia (sp?)

@Ælis It did sound nice. It wasn't nice.

@Belle Arf :/

@avazula I don't believe I'm familiar with TSA (other than it being the US airport security)

The most important thing is: where would we live? Countryland or city? In which country? And how would we be all accommodating between NT and NA people? :p

@Rainbacon oh sorry, I meant ASD (TSA is the French term)

French people turn almost all acronyms upside down and inside out :P

2:11 PM

@avazula shhh just because its a logistical nightmare doesn't mean we can't dream

4

@Tinkeringbell hehe :p

It's ASS in Dutch :P

@avazula ah, of course

@avazula I submit we leave the NT people out of it, and pick a village, something between countryland and city :P

@Belle Yeah, I wasn't implying Dutch abbreviations were much better at times :P

The supervisor/attendant was supposed to be a health professional. We had 3 of them, working various shifts. All 3 of them were psychology students. My insurance paid for the "care" they gave me, €35000 a year. Multiply that by 7 and then hire students for a total of 1.5 FTE (mo-fri 8-8) from that money.

2:13 PM

yikes... one would have hoped it wouldn't be a for profit deal

@Belle I doubt 25% of that goes to the students lol

@JAD Same. One of my housemates got into a depression. Because he was in bed, being depressed all day and not going to university, he got kicked out of the house, because one of the requirements was to be going to be actively studying. At no point they tried to help him.

@Belle Wow, that sounds really bad. And knowing you can be kicked out for that probably isn't helping the depression :/

They were also firm believers in that every autistic person can learn to live on their own. So they make a plan with you, in how you can learn to live on your own. Sure, some skills can be learned. Others cannot. A few of us were on to that, and we were smart enough to keep thinking of things we needed to learn.

One of the residents in a different unit got kicked out with 2 weeks notice, in Leiden, a city where you need about a year to find an apartment, in the middle of an exam period, because he made his goals.

@Belle darn ... I have mixed feelings about such kind of therapies (like Applied Behavioral Approach and its friends) ... like they're trying to cure and make people all the same

2:20 PM

@Belle That's... absolutly horrifing

Poor guy ended up homeless, had to drop out of college and I don't know what became of him...

@Belle What a way to help people...

but if I recall correctly, your fiancé is an NT @Belle, right? So you didn't meet them at that flat?

@avazula You wouldn't tell a person who lost a leg to grow a new one. Why do people do that with autism? :(

@Belle So wait... it's not like learning to walk on 1 leg?

2:24 PM

@Tinkeringbell I think that analogy works. If you lose a leg, you can do some stuff with 1 leg still. You can get around in a wheelchair or with crutches. You can learn to do quite a bit still. You can get an artificial leg. But you'll never have two legs. Same with autism. We can cope, we can learn, but we'll never be NT.

@avazula No, I met him after I moved back to my parents. My mother realized the place was horrible for me and convinced me to move back in with them.

@Belle Uhuh... I always thought things like 'learning to live on your own' would focus on 'walking on one leg'... instead of training you to be NT.

I think the analogy fails in that a one-legged person still tries to compensate with a prosthetic. If they could surgically add a new leg they would and it would be celebrated. (And should be)

@avazula This message made me think it wasn't about walking on one leg, some times.

@Tinkeringbell I don't understand?

@AGirlHasNoName You should talk with Eliz about cochlear implants some day ;) Apparently, 'fixing' stuff like missing legs or being deaf isn't always celebrated either.

@avazula Oh, pinging you because it's your message, but it should tie in with my previous message to Belle...

2:27 PM

Being autistic isn't something that should be cured, It is something that society needs to learn to accept. I think it is more akin to skin color. Some people are born that way and because how society is structured many people struggle for it.

oh, ok :)

for sure

@Tinkeringbell Yeah, most "therapy" for autism is to try and make us no longer be autistic

The cure isn't to make everyones skin the same color though

@Tinkeringbell I did not know that but I would respect the opinions of those it affects.

I'd certainly be happy to no longer have to fear meltdowns, though.

But perhaps that's not so much an issue with me as one with society as a whole.

2:29 PM

@Rainbacon That's sad... the people I do know in real life are luckily getting the 'walk on 1 leg' kind of therapy, so it made me wonder...

@Belle But would you change everything about you in order to have that?

And is it because of the way you are percieved for having them or because how you feel when having them?

@AGirlHasNoName Probably not. And the latter. I don't like having them, it feels like there's a thousand people dragging their nails across a blackboard at once.

I feel bad chiming in. Maybe I shouldn't have. I am not autistic...

Forgive me if the way I said this was talking over you...

It's okay, I don't mind :)

There's been controversy on Twitter about Neurosurgeons trying to cure transgenderism and this conversation sort of triggered my reaction to that.

2:33 PM

@Tinkeringbell My ex was a worst offender when it comes to this. He's not a therapist though, so he had no right trying to "cure" me. Even with my permission, which I never gave.

rapid fire: the website that allows text to be uglified and cluttered.

@AGirlHasNoName Oh dear, what a "nice" world we live in...

also, nice avatar @Belle ! Where did you make it ?

People need to stop trying to cure everything that doesn't fit there homogenized bubble of conformity!

@AGirlHasNoName That's horrible :\

@ankii Thanks! On the same site as @Mithical made theirs. meiker.io/play/11167/game.html

2:37 PM

created by @EmC

https://blender.meta.stackexchange.com/ads/display/2580 how can we see our ads ?

Oh did @EmC make it? Awesome :D

@ankii IPS is in beta, there are no ads.

Okay.. Apple, or SO ?

I tried URL change.. but the last number seems to give 404

I don't know what to put there

2:40 PM

You have to change the number to be the post ID of the community ads meta post on that site.

@Belle I made a Coraline:

@Mithical Ah! I didn't even know we had a community ad post!

(That hairstyle for some reason made me think of Coraline when I first saw it, so then I had to go back and make it.)

Is edit # 3 passive aggressive ? apple.stackexchange.com/posts/376802/revisions

@ankii Hum... This edit message isn't really nice/comprehensible ^^'

@Ælis essence! I made it all caps tho

In fact their original first para was .. not so nice either to describe the issue. So I trimmed and shifted.

3:00 PM

@Mithical That's surprisingly accurate!

3:19 PM

Qotd: If you were trapped in a room for 24hrs and could only take one thing in with you, what would it be?

@scohe001 huh ... I'd say my scarf

A box of sleeping pills probably.

@scohe001 toilet paper

re Germans: from the country most people only know about because of "the most evil thing in history" or, even worse to be congratulated on your forefathers having done such a thorough job killing Jews! (All that being said, in Germany it is completely normal to ask/be asked "where are you from" and the answer is adjusted according to probability that the place is known/distance and the desired level of privacy) — cbeleites supports Monica 2 mins ago

well, it looks like now we know who are the smart kids in that room

xD

3:21 PM

@scohe001 It depends, what is already in the room?

If I say my computer does that include all of the peripherals?

2

LOL guess I should've cleared that up. Let's say you have a bathroom, and all the food you could want. Basically all your necessities are taken care of. But there are no power outlets ;)

Oh. Book!

Any specific one in mind?

@scohe001 oh. In that case ... I'd go for book too

@scohe001 Probably a very thick one... perhaps a LOTR Trilogy all in one book? :P

3:25 PM

@Tinkeringbell dang, you must be a speed reader if you need that much to keep you busy for 24hrs lol

@scohe001 I'm not as fast as some people that sometimes visit the room :P (looking at you, Ash ), but yeah... I read at a reasonable speed :)

A pencil and notebook

what would be yours @scohe001?

@Rainbacon with a string tying the pencil to the notebook so that's all one object, right? :p

@avazula oh probably my SO. A day in a box with nothing to do but eat and ignore the outside world together sounds pretty great rn<3

@scohe001 Your SO is a ... thing ? :o

3:31 PM

Lmao don't tell her I called her that. But if it'll get her into the room with me I'll take it :p

@Tinkeringbell That takes 24 hours...?

@IPSCommentBot is this comment gone already

@scohe001 A drill.

@Mithical ambitious. I like it

@AlexRobinson yup. tips hat

3:37 PM

noice

as a sidenote: do people really think that putting "reinstate monica" in their name will:
A) make a difference
B) think that monica wants the position back

My knitting, if that counts as one item, then.

@AlexRobinson I think they do, plus C) protesting about decisions SE they disagree with?

@Mithical I can always read it twice ... but there was also food and a couch, so food comas :P

i think for many people it was the last straw

It's difficult sometimes to understand why they're still here though

as someone who thinks that SE is completely in the wrong and handled the whole thing abismally, it just seems like an annoyance that if anything might hinder reinstating monica

3:41 PM

@avazula SE communities didn't form and stay together because of the company.

of course. And I truly sympathize with Monica, and she knows about it. But it's a tad difficult to me to understand how they would want to stay on a site they completely disagree with, even for the community

@AlexRobinson I like to think that it makes Monica feel a little better.

@avazula like moths drawn to the dumpster fire flame. Humans love d r a m a.

@Belle i like to think seeing the dumpster fire of MSE would accomplish the same, though it is a fair point

@AlexRobinson it's not the same as changing your username and pfp to show support to someone I think

3:46 PM

yeah, i'm just being a bit cynical lol

@scohe001 Ooh, actually I'll change my answer to a golden retriever puppy

Lol that's a good answer. Easily 24+hrs of entertainment

And cleaning up if the puppy can't leave the room either.

Pshh how many times could that happen in a 24hr period tho

If my experience means anything (I've been removed as a moderator from a different type of community because of a misunderstanding), I would have been very happy if the community responded in any way like SE's community, but I wouldn't have even considered being reinstated.

3:49 PM

Monica did explicitly state somewhere that she wanted to be reinstated.

@scohe001 can it be someone?

@El'endiaStarman Ah, I didn't know that. I've distanced myself from the whole situation as much as I can, as it brings up painful memories. Nothing to do with SE or Monica, just past trauma.

@El'endiaStarman At some point she did, but then she said she didn't want to go through the reinstatement process (which I totally understand, she explained it very well in her answer)... and then it got legal so, I'm not so sure anymore?

@AlexRobinson a living human body is a "thing" in my book

"what I find rude...": reminds me of a fellow student (Persian) asking our TA: "Are you Persian?" "No, I'm Armenian". Uuuups. — cbeleites supports Monica 31 secs ago

3:51 PM

@avazula I'd say she still wants to be reinstated, but doesn't want to go through an opaque process that's stacked against her, and if SE's not gonna make things right, then she'll involve the law to force them.

@El'endiaStarman sounds about right

@Tinkeringbell postprandial somnolence

@IPSCommentBot I relate. I worked in retail for a while and someone asked me where I was from. I answered "[this town]". Him: "No, I mean, where are you originally from". Me: "[The next town over]". Him: "But you're not white!". Yes, good observation, thanks... -facepalm-

@Belle What else is new?

@scohe001 sustenance

4:05 PM

Sustenance is provided. Unless you want something special lol;

Anyway, you'll have to be more specific. What are the limits to what I can bring into the room? Can I bring, say, the Empire State Building? A dragon? The Hulk?

@Mithical I figured there'd be at least one person in this room who'd try to push my rules to breaking. Let's say can't have more mass than 150kg or a volume greater than 150,000 cubic centimeters

So no to all three of those

How about Holly Short? (:

@Mithical must be realistically feasible for you to get your hands on. No Holly Short. No famous actors.

Lol I like this line of thinking tho

@scohe001 To be fair, I did consider saying I'd bring Mary Poppins' purse

4:15 PM

@scohe001 Ant-man's shrinkray and the hulk! Oh wait, that's two things.

There are logical reasons for not wanting to upset someone you deal with regularly, not just emotional. (e.g. it will make future interactions with them less enjoyable. Or to be purely robotic, might make it harder to get them to do what you want.) I think you're conflating impact on other people's emotions and considering that people have emotions with basing a decision on how one choice or the other makes you feel about it right now. You can be practical and pragmatic about maximizing future happiness for yourself and/or for everyone. (Overall agreed with your answer, though.) — Peter Cordes 2 mins ago

@Rainbacon not hermione's?

#23661 Peter Cordes (103 rep) | A: How to tell my Mom that I don't care about someone without upsetting her? (score: 15) | posted 19 hours ago by Dancrumb (652 rep) | Toxicity 0.0 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

Is there a table in the room?

Uhh. Let's say no. All you get is a toilet in the corner and food that mysteriously floats in place until you grab it (and once you do, it's replaced by more food)

4:16 PM

@scohe001 As far as I'm aware, Mary Poppins' has more things in it

I'm from Germany, where this question is also one of the usual small talk questions. As in: expected range of answers includes $next_village. I'd like to say that in German, "I'd prefer not to talk about this." would be an acceptable answer - which would lead to a somewhat confused excuse and the sure death of any small talk attempt on their side: you've told them that the "perfectly normal small talk question" hit a taboo. Now they cannot rely on their other "perfectly normal small talk question" repertoire not hitting other taboos they don't dream of. Thus, no more questions asked. — cbeleites supports Monica 42 secs ago

#22093 cbeleites supports Monica (131 rep) | A: How to make clear to people I don't want to answer their "Where are you from?" question? (score: 69) | posted 170 days ago by Tinkeringbell (28144 rep) | edited 169 days ago by Tinkeringbell (28144 rep) |

@scohe001 ah, bummer. If there was I'd bring a saw so that I could saw the table in half. I'd take the two halves and put them together to make a whole. Then I could climb out the hole in order to leave the room

LOL it's been a looooong time since I've heard that one

@IPSCommentBot poof

Invalid feedback type. Valid feedback types are tp, fp, rude, and wrongo

4:19 PM

@IPSCommentBot tp

Marked this comment as caught correctly (tp). Currently marked 1tps/0fps. beep boop My human overlords won't let me flag that, so you'll have to do it yourself.

5:31 PM

Awkward interpersonal moment of the day: my company's ceo is in town. The VP in charge of our office made everyone go say hello all at once, so we had a large group of people walk up, say hello to the ceo, and then stand there awkwardly not knowing what to talk about