The Awkward Silence

5:08 AM

@Cashbee And it also triggers the psychologic effect of group mentality. Like, you might just VTD a border case, where you wouldn't really feel sure and leave it as is yourself. But by triggering it just for not feeling sure... dunno. But anyways. just my 2 cents ^^

@Cashbee Aaaaand hes dead. :D

@Tinkeringbell So discussing what exactly? I mean, like code related? Or like how to use version controll? Or wut? That sounds so weird. And ehm. I am not sure if that was already the answer you gave to what I am asking now, so sorry if that logic confused me. But what again was the reason for not being allowed to use it anymore? I mean... denying an developer access to one of the biggest knowledge bases for developers?! That sounds strange to me 0o

dhein

5:35 AM

@Noon @Everyone While I won't note on only_pro's comments content. His comments made me actually realize what a big part of our current problem with new users might be.

I mean... The policys we have written in the help section are vague at best. In fact, if you crawl through all the meta posts having been made about the frame this site should be about, you can get a (relatively) good idea of it. But new most new users won't just crawl through meta to soak all the infos they need to know what are our do's and dont's. And honestly.... we also can't expect them to do that.

So new users rely on the very vague short texts delivered from the help section and from the flag templates. Which leaves a lot of space for personal interpretation.

So shouldn't we maybe just make a meta post designed like the help corner with Answers summarizing all meta infos to a specific bad post styl and if a new user makes a bad post, isntead of refering them to the help corner (which is somewhat useless TBH) we just give them a share link of that specific meta answer whcih addresses their bad styl and also gives refference to the other meta posts, which discuss why this is bad.

So in the end they get a meta link that is actually addressing what specifically they did wrong. So usefull input without much research required and comparable little to…

Hmmmm.... might be worth a meta post, isn't it?

Noon

6:44 AM

@dhein I'm not sure I understand your idea. I feel like you are talking about something like the canned comment which we used in the past but stop because it wasn't taken very well. But sure, go ahead and write a meta about that :)

Noon

6:55 AM

Also, we are in the process of creating an FAQ, we still don't have a FAQ summary and other stuff are probably missing too. So, if you think you can help with that, go ahead.

@Tinkeringbell Nice post, I like your meta answers :D

dhein

I asked here already twice what the canned comment thigny was when I heared it got mentioned. So no idea, it indeed might be the same as the canned comment thingy -(^^)- But actually FAQ sounds more like what I mean. ^^

@Noon But maybe gimme a hint on that canned comment thingy, so I can check it out before writing my meta post

Mithrandir

@avazula people really are getting to know your artwork all over the network ;)

in The Screening Room, 11 mins ago, by Ankit Sharma

I wish somebody make sketch for me ;D but issue is majority know my face so it will not so unique or interesting

Noon

7:14 AM

14

Q: Is it time to cut the canned comments?

There was a time when we'd get floods of answers from users unfamiliar with our site policy. Unable to spend a significant amount of time and effort on each of these posts, many of the IPS users began using canned comments1. These comments do their job. They tell the user in question what's wron...

Tinkeringbell

@dhein Code related, he wants to include dead code in the codebase, just so an unrelated script can use it.

Journeyman Geek

ee ain't dead. just pining for the fnords

Tinkeringbell

Not allowing me on SE anymore is weird, his reasoning was that there wasn't anything about Magik and I should let go of everything I learned while programming in Java. To me that sounded a lot like he just got frustrated when someone told him I wasn't a novice programmer ;)

I'm not going to try and figure it out, I'll just roll with it ;)

Journeyman Geek

0_0

Tinkeringbell

@JourneymanGeek Note: always have a favorite manager and bring him to these kinds of meetings :P

Journeyman Geek

7:21 AM

lol

Ankit Sharma

7:45 AM

@Mithrandir heheheh

dhein

@Noon Thank you. Driving home for the weekend now. So won't have time to check it out yet. but I will later and maybe if it is diferent fromwhat I had in mind, I will make my meta post probably on saturday.

@Tinkeringbell Ah and you actually wanted that dead code to be removed, and so he confirmed that merge and just rolled it back by doing another merge? .... what a douchebag, if I may say that :x

@Tinkeringbell Yeh best you can do I'd say

Tinkeringbell

@dhein I refused to add it ;) so he just merged what I did, then added and merged that

@dhein Only 12 more workdays, and on Fridays I'm working from home so he can't check on me anyways :)

avazula

@Mithrandir o_o blushes

@AnkitSharma I'm unsure whether @Mith is actually blue IRL :p

Extroverted Main Man

8:10 AM

0

Q: How do I give money to the girl that I'm seeing for the tickets?

I've been out with this girl a couple of times already, we're going out again soon and once more after that to a concert. I couldn't buy the tickets online, so she did. I've been brought up in a way that man always pays for the woman, for all our dates I was the one who was paying, also she's a s...

relationships money

Adam

ok interesting

Alright @Extroverted Main Man I think you are maybe overthinking the subject, she maybe trying to hint to you that she isn't particularly impressed by the fact that you assume traditional gender roles in terms of the expenses associated with your dates, or maybe she does want a man with traditional values and in that case it's probably her way of saying that she is getting more serious about your developing relationship.

Either way. you are prepared to reimburse her and so offering to do so would be a good opportunity for you to get to know what her personal feelings on the matter really are

JAD

8:27 AM

This interpretation seems like overthinking the situation as well IMO. She bought the tickets because he couldn't and didn't have a problem with it. Nothing here suggests she might take offense if he offered to pay her back.

He didn't try that yet.

Adam

Well I never said that she will be offended, that is a pretty horrid misinterpretation of my interpretation champ

Ankit Sharma

@avazula we can never be sure

avazula

8:44 AM

@AnkitSharma Right haha

Ankit Sharma

Like I always doubt if it's even Catija or ben using her system ;)

Introverted Meta Man.

9:18 AM

0

Q: Should we rename the "requests" tag into "requesting"?

I recently discovered that we have a requests for when the OP need to request something from someone else. When I talked about it in chat, someone got confused and thought that the tag was for "I have a request for IPS, please answer my question". This person then suggested to rename requests f...

discussion tags specific-tag

Noon

@IntrovertedMetaMan. That was quick!

Noon

9:37 AM

I was working on something, run into a problem that only someone else can solve. I than switch to another task and run into another problem where I need this same person to fix it (person who isn't at the office yet)...

So I will switch task again, but I don't like switching task! When I switch task, nothing get done :/

JAD

9:52 AM

@Noon FYI, I edited the tag info for requests to clarify the usage.

Noon

@JAD Probably a good idea, thanks :)

Extroverted Main Man

1

Q: how to say no to a recurring request from my managers and team members

So I've been living in another country for 10 years, and I've been working with a client for about 2 years, and about 6 months ago I made a mistake, I agreed to prepare a drink from my home country every two weeks for the entire team (15 members). I've been doing this for few months, but I'm rea...

work-environment saying-no coworkers

JAD

12:56 PM

Uuuuuuh, so my gf has a job interview tomorrow

The company produces software and the position is for a front-ender. Apparently their application is written in Dataflex, a language whose tag has a whopping 15 questions on SO.

Cashbee

@JAD :S

JAD

also, googling Dataflex doesn't yield any comprehensive results, Visual Dataflex does (apparently that was its former name), and it appears that the most close comparison is Visual Basic.

avazula

→ 11 messages moved to Trash

JAD

And last but not least, Wikipedia has the following to say

avazula

@JAD o_o

JAD

1:01 PM

> The DataFlex language differentiates itself from other programming languages in the following ways:

Easy switch between database backends, no code change needed. No compilation needed.
Variables are loosely typed. The virtual machine takes care of conversions.
Flexibility; you can define your own commands.
Code compiles to an intermediate byte-code which makes the programs easily portable between operating systems.
No threads or multitasking
Methods can - for ease of coding - be defined or redefined inside the object definition. Technically the compiler simply sub-classes the superclass …

Long story short, I'm not convinced this language should exist / actually exists

Did I mention the job was for a Traineeship aimed at teaching IT skills?

A J

Evening! o/

Cashbee

okay, so I have written down some thoughts that came up after commenting on the latest question. I can not write it as comments there for several reasons, and I also don't want to make a meta post about it (feels too salty). I just need to speak these thoughts out, and I think here is the least problematic place to do so. I know this is not a place to use as a soapbox, so feel free to remove it if I am crossing a line here @Tinkeringbell @AJ

https://interpersonal.stackexchange.com/q/20175/8077 is the question i am mainly talking about

OP is asking how to refuse doing something, yet they say they have already tried refusing several times already. So it seems they know how to refuse!? maybe they want to ask how to be more assertive?
Okay so if they want to improve on their assertiveness, then they have to tell us what exactly they did/said. Saying 'I have tried refusing but it didnt work' is not close to be informative enough.

Another issue is the 'tactfully' thing. To me, the whole question is a phrasing request, as it lacks a clear goal. ("i want them to stop" is not a goal). So, is the 'tactfully' addition good enough to stand for a goal? this meta post somehow found the consensus that tactfully is a good enough goal. Either I am misreading that or I have a real issue with this decision.

Journeyman Geek

@JAD so they really can't find anyone who knows it, and want to train someone up before everyone who knows it dies, and dosen't know enough to run away screaming?

A J

@Cashbee I will take a look at it later.

JAD

@JourneymanGeek more or less

Cashbee

1:14 PM

after rereading my linked metapost about 'tactfully' I realize that I indeed misread it and they are talking about different situations, not about phrasing requests. So here is my honest question: is the tactfully-addition enough to make a phrasing request into an on-topic question?

And if one interprets the question not as a phrasing request but more as a "what do I have to do in order to make them stop expecting me to make drinks for them", then it is a What should I do question and very opinion based, which is underlined by the "here's what you should do" answer the question has received.

again, please remove my last messages if I cross a line

Noon

@Cashbee I read the answer as a frame challenge so saying "here's what you should do (instead)" makes sense to me for a question who isn't a "what should I do"

@Cashbee Do you want me to comment "Hey, I'm not sure I understand your question, do you need help to be more assertive while not being rude? Or do you want something else?"

Cashbee

@Noon feel free to do so, but please not on my 'recommendation' - do it only if you think it's what's needed for yourself. I don't want us to be seen as elitist voting ring, especially in this case.

Noon

1:30 PM

@Cashbee I didn't vote to close but I don't see how asking for clarification when someone needs it is a problem (I have an update to do but I will post my comment asking for clarification after)

Cashbee

@Noon yea it's a good idea. it's probably just me being too moody right now that I didn't want to follow up on their comment

I feel bad for dumping this wall of text here and not making the effort of making a well sorted meta about it. but honestly I just don't have the motivation to do so. I have spoke my mind, and will totally shut up about it now.

Noon

@Cashbee It's okay to be too tired to make a meta post, I understand. And, honestly, I don't see anything wrong with what you did just now :)

Cashbee

@Noon already raising my spirits thanks bud. It just felt too soapbox-y and I know this is not the place to discuss meta stuff as deep as this. Discussing meta in here is exactly why we are sometimes seen as the dictating high-rep voting-circle

Noon

2:05 PM

@Cashbee I'm sorry this "dictating high-rep voting-circle" comment affected you so much :/ I must admit, as I start participating here as a very new and low rep user, I absolutely don't feel like that. And well, we do discuss closing and deleting stuff here, so your post seemed pretty usual to me

Cashbee

@Noon yes but closing and deleting stuff is discussed on grounds of established decisions made on meta. we shouldn't discuss actual meta here. and yes these comments affected me maybe a bit too much. the last rant about it yesterday/today in meta comments was not helping.

IPS Comment Bot

3:04 PM

While I agree with a lot of this, I don't think the OP needs to centre his feelings in order to avoid assumptions about his reasons. Reason and feeling are famously not always in sync. Opening with what the OP's original intent had been 'Hey, I originally expected/wanted to pay for those tickets, what's the best way to repay you' would leave it open for her to accept the payment or suggest another outing which he could reciprocate with but avoid any suggestion of her being guilt tripped into compliance with the OP's sex-based fiscal attitudes. — Spagirl 1 min ago

#20177 Spagirl (12469 rep) | A: How do I give money to the girl that I'm seeing for the tickets? (score: 4) | posted 3 hours ago by Noon (4079 rep) | Toxicity 0.21769895 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

Noon

You know what? I HATE YOU WINDOWS, I WANT MY UBUNTU!!! start crying Why is it so difficult to install docker on Windows? Why???

3

JAD

3:35 PM

Windows doesn't like you yelling at it

Noon

"Windows doesn't like you" is probably closer to reality ><

El'endia Starman

Not sure how useful it would be to you, but do you know about the Windows Subsystem for Linux?

Noon

I have heard of it, but I don't think it will solve my issue

Now that I think of it, it might still be worth a try. Thanks for the idea :)

El'endia Starman

Welcome. :)

Noon

3:55 PM

Well, still not working, I have the same error as previously ><

Extroverted Main Man

4:14 PM

0

Q: My partner is getting tired because of recurring problems that I don’t address

My partner was my girlfriend. We broke up and we are still together. Live in the same room, eats at the same time and still does things together. We also work together now for 3 years. We are together 24/7 of the time. We have a proven record of quality output when working together. Today, she ...

friends relationships

Extroverted Main Man

5:15 PM

1

Q: How to Address My Weight in Conversations With Friends

I am a 38 y/o female and I am overweight (5'3", 210 lbs). I occasionally make remarks about my weight in conversations with friends. I don't do it in a self-deprecating way; I just mention it as a point of fact (e.g. "I am too fat to wear those jeans anymore"). My friends, though, are quick to sa...

friends united-states

Extroverted Main Man

7:16 PM

0

Q: How do I get my flat mate to clean up after herself?

I can't live with this situation any more. Every Morning I enter the kitchen there is a huge mess. Dirty pots, plates and food leftovers. I am really not that fussy but I appreciate a general cleanliness. Of course I don't want to clean up after her. Every time I try to motivate her to clean up...

conversations conflict-aversion conflicts flatmate

Extroverted Main Man

8:01 PM

0

Q: How should one react to a very offensive or inappropriate toast?

I confess this is not actually about modern social settings, more to do with curiosity about a scene in a book I read some time ago: A disgraced member of a ruling party is being forced to ceremonially drink to the coronation of the new king, but instead defiantly lifts his cup, proclaims himsel...

etiquette

Syl

Hi @EmC thank you for your answer (https://interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/20181/23093)
I have a few comments, but they would not fit in a comment below your answer, so I am here.
> Unless there's more to the story
well, yes, there is a bit more, particularly the word they chose to explain the situation.
> it's quite disrespectful to argue about that.
I'm sorry if I am coming across as "arguing". I do not want to debate their answer. It is true that I made a guess on possible motivations on the wording they have chosen.

Em C

@Syl I see, it might help to clarify that first point, if you can. it looks like a couple other answers had similar interpretations as mine (since unfortunately it does often happen that people try to argue with rejections). and yeah, the language was just meant as one in a list of examples, I didn't mean to imply anything about your own language skills or anything like that :)

Syl

@EmC I don't deny that part of me is not trying to argue with the rejection and/or rationalize it/minimize it, so I probably would not edit and accept your collective feedback, it is good to be reminded that the interpretation of those words sits completely in my head :)

Em C

8:23 PM

@Syl well either way, I hope the rest of the answer is still useful to you, let me know if there's anything I can expand on :)

Syl

no, as I said it is extremely useful, and I think it is the one I will accept, since I feel it is the one I needed to hear the most (and is one of the only two with direct experience explicitely included)

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