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12:49 AM
just learned a lifehack- burnt tongue pain can be relieved by sprinkling sugar on it. it really works! I was surprised
 
1:23 AM
@ElizB #2 in this answer:
12
A: How can I heal a burnt tongue?

nicaelWhat can help the pain to disappear? Something cooling. So breathe through the mouth, eat something cold, e.g. youghurt. Or drink some cold water. Or Coca Cola :) Also, as wikihow.com states, you can try: Sucking an ice cube Sprinkling powder sugar on your tongue. Eating a spoon of honey Openi...

 
Thanks :)
I simply googled it. I drank the hot chocolate too fast :P it's so good
 
 
3 hours later…
4:00 AM
0
Q: Roommate situation, stuck waiting for the deposit. Her father is the guarantor

R.M.My I have an empty room in my apartment found a roommate, Ann (34), to move in, take over the lease, split rent until I move out the rent, with the intent of finding another roommate after I move out. Ann moved in on the 10th and was but only ended up paying rent as of the 15th (this was a "misco...

 
4:56 AM
@Noon giggle
@Cashbee urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=boon boon is actually somewhat the opposite of a noob. Tho, talking of a "german thing" in fact, I see people using it often, and rarely (if ever?!) saw someone using it in the right context. Simply because, a skill full person doing unskillfull things makes it look like "boon" refers to the unskillfull acts, rather than the skillfull person. ^^
@Noon Thats also not how we do it here in germany. But I was able to establish it at least for my family and friends the same way. As ringing mobiles and the need to immediately take actions on to it is very very stressy for me :x And to not give them space for argumenting about it, I ofcourse also don't do the same :P
@ElizB Does that work for the skin inside my mouth too? I rarely have my tounge burned but when eating pizza especially when the hot tomato sauce squeezes to the upper part in my mouth I not rarely bur it. >.<
 
 
2 hours later…
7:11 AM
Sorry about that comment :/
 
19 messages moved to Trash | Daily comment bot housekeeping cleanup
 
Thank you Magish, the great cactus janitor :D
 
SQB
@apaul good question, but lacks an actual question. What would be your goal?
 
Would seem kinda obvious... no?
 
I think it might be too broad. The set of problems in the third paragraph (untangling the different aspects of that) don't seem to be interpersonal, and I can't find an interpersonal problem in there
 
SQB
7:19 AM
Hm... on re-reading, perhaps just swapping the last paragraph with the one before it, might help.
 
Is the goal to sensitize people to the issue? that might be one
 
Mhmm...
 
SQB
It's a tough problem, though. While not wanting to police someone's fetish, and while perhaps being somewhat glad they're at least not an enemy, you still want to point out that they're not really helping, either.
Same with "chubby chasers", for instance.
 
Would rather get feedback on meta than in chat... The context feels a little tainted at the moment, all things considered.
 
SQB
Or people with a fetish for a skin colour.
@apaul you're right, we should respond there.
 
7:27 AM
@SQB More a matter of pointing out that their fetish is based in a fantasy with little if any connection to reality. But, ya, swapping the paragraph order makes enough sense.
Honestly felt a bit like "quick offer a distraction!!!"
 
0
Q: What to do when an Ambulance can't pass you?

SuimonFirst of: I don't really know if this fits here, so please point it out if not. I just couldn't find a "more fitting" stack. So here's the deal: Earlier I was driving on the highway to work, which currently is under construction work. Because of that, one of the two lanes is closed and the secon...

 
Morning.
Damn... awful quiet... Nothing to say about all that?
 
7:43 AM
Good morning.
 
@apaul To defeat a troll, one must not feed it
and it's been quite clear that said troll has been reading TAS
 
Just woke up, haven't read your meta post yet.
So nothing to add
 
@Magisch Ya... that's why I made a point to salt the wound.
@Tinkeringbell Poke @AJ
 
No need.
 
Mhmm.
 
7:59 AM
@Tinkeringbell ... May wanna take a hard step back with that tone there. You're not smooth enough to pull it off with impunity.
 
what meta post are we talkin about?
 
We're only tangentially talking about a meta post. Got hit with the typical hate from a usual suspect, and now we're gonna look over there instead. Pay no attention to the obvious thing that just happened, because it's convenient not to.
 
@apaul I don't know what you want us to say/do? Post is deleted.
And you feeding it really is only making it worse, like Magisch said.
 
Helps to not pretend that it didn't happen.
 
Same goes for having lenghty conversations about it in a public chat transcript.
 
8:04 AM
Mhmm.
 
How are your fridays going so far guys?
 
@Cashbee Just started, cold, freezing. Almost weekend though :)
 
i can relate to that
 
@apaul What about we try to be nice?
 
cool, totally not rude. I was just trying to change subject
 
8:12 AM
@apaul What do you expect from us?
We're all required to be nice in this chat, so heartfelt discussions of this trolling aren't in scope here. In addition to that, it's a troll. They're likely reading our conversation right now delighting in the attention they just got.
 
SQB
I've no clue what this is about anyway, so I'll refrain from participating.
 
So, here is a funny picture:
 
this one made me laugh so hard
 
Gets old seeing things swept under the rug... particularly hard not to get salty when it goes from being attacked to "let's be unnecessarily pedantic, with an insulting tone, so we don't talk about that"
 
@Noon woaaaa, that's so cool!
 
8:16 AM
Y'know that whole, empathy thing... someone in our community just had to deal with some grating shit, let's be humans about this.
 
@apaul the latter is your interpretation probably borne of still being hurt about the former
We're pretty pedantic with questions here in general
 
Nah, I'm a lot of things. Thick isn't one of them.
 
@avazula So, I'm taking that you like Korra too?
 
@Noon well, I didn't know the character before (it's from Avatar, right? I haven't seen it) but she looks so badass!!
I'm flattered you chose that representation :D
 
@avazula Yep, it's the story who follow the one about Avatar (in this story, Korra is the main character and is the new Avatar) and she is totally badass indead :D
 
8:21 AM
@avazula Korra is the continuation of avatar, it's in the same world, korra is the succeeding avatar. the target audience of korra is clearly older than the one of the original avatar too
 
@Noon @Cash huh, ok. I didn't know :) was the show cool, even if it's for older people?
Cause I remember Avatar being on air when I was like 9
 
@avazula korra is a great great show
I think you'd like it
 
Ya... hollow...
"Better than a thousand hollow words is one word that brings peace"
 
@Cashbee because you know me so well? 😇
 
@avazula "Older people" meaning 15~20~30 years old people, so not that much for "older" people. I actually believe it was made for the people who were ~10 years-old when Avatar started and, since they aged, they decided to make the new show for the age those people are now
 
8:26 AM
@apaul: If it helps you: I really found it inapropiate and felt sorry for you when I read it. And I think everyone in here who read it feels the same. But you should also be aware that they are right, that putting priority on discussing that in here, will just motivate that person doing things like that again. So at least understand no one does this due to lack of empathy.
 
@Noon yes I would agree
@avazula well.. uhm.. yes
 
@apaul I'm sorry this person is so close-minded and not nice, I'm sorry they hurt your feeling and I'm sorry our reaction in chat hurt you even more. I don't know what to do to make you feel less hurt and more welcome :(
 
As much as I agree with all of you guys, I think we can't say or do pretty much more than that was already undertaken. Now I'd appreciate we move on to another topic because this is not the place to discuss this kind of things. Thanks.
 
So, another funny picture!
 
hehehehehe
 
8:34 AM
@avazula I think that was the point others tried to make. And I just tried to make clear thats not done due to lack of empathy.
 
@Noon hahaha. Is this related to the cartoon that only the man is in animal fur?
 
@avazula I don't know, I don't know this cartoon (I'm taking all my funny picture from a facebook group name "Humour non oppressif")
 
But to move on in topics... Having been talking about being ignored. Why I rarely get response to my messages I sent to you all? :x
you are chatting so much with each other but rarely pay attention to my trys getting involved :o Am I somewhat off your topics or how that comes? '^.^
 
@dhein I'd argue that this is your own perception. I'm sure nobody ignores you, it's just that some messages don't need a response. What should I have responded with to your comments today?
 
@dhein Sorry if you are feeling ignore :/ I know that, sometimes, I don't answer because I don't know what to answer
 
8:38 AM
@dhein I understand, and I thank you for doing that. But now we've done pretty much everything that could be done in here, so let's move this to the place it belongs.
 
@dhein Of my last 7 Messages in here, only 1 was responded to
 
@dhein same as @Noon. I read everything but don't always know what to respond. But trust me, I think it's great you're here :)
2
@Noon oh, I didn't know about this! Maybe I should check it
 
@avazula If you see an ad for baby non-gendered cloth and with Céline Dion in it, it might have been posted by the facebook version of me ^^
 
@Noon eww, is that even legal? Why would one buy clothing made of people? /s
 
@Noon I'm sorry. WHAT?
 
8:47 AM
Hey @avazula Jasper here. So did you implement my solution to your parking problem question? =D
 
@Noon are you launching a clothing business?
 
@Cashbee @avazula Okay, my English might be broken here, let me rephrase that (and no to your last message ava)
 
@Noon I know what you meant, but the sentence could be read in different ways
 
Which I shared on the facebook group of "Humour non oppressive"
 
@WillHunting hi Jasper! Yes I did. But this is a desperate cause... They still park in front on my building. I kinda let it go...
 
8:50 AM
@avazula Alright, it's up to you. I just hope nobody gets hurt in future. =D
 
@Noon oh please don't do that to me, now Ill try to find you in there ^^
 
@Cashbee Oh, right, I hadn't see the "/s"
@avazula Well, I know who you are on Twitter, so it's seems fair (but I don't have twitter)
I need to go, see you later people :)
 
@dhein Sometimes, people just don't know what to respond with. But in some other cases, maybe they just want to talk more to some other people, but that doesn't mean they don't like you or anything like that. Anyway, no need to worry about these things. =D
 
@Noon you know? o_o I thought I didn't share my profile in here!
@Noon ok bye, have a very nice day :)
 
@avazula Actually I looked for you online, and I think I know your email address now. But I didn't have anything to say to you, so didn't email you. =D
 
8:56 AM
@avazula No, you just respond to an "HNQ ban" related Twit
And I happened to read the twit
 
@Noon I think the site is Twitter but those things you type are called tweets.
 
@WillHunting Oh, right, sorry ^^
 
@Noon hah, right. That's actually a anagram of mine though :)
@WillHunting yeah, I googled my pseudo the other day and realized one can find a lot of the sites I go to, so i put mock emails on these
 
@avazula I was actually referring to the address with your real full name, but never mind. =D
 
@WillHunting oh? May i ask where did you find it?
I know that my mail is very findable online (I used to tour rock bands and now I'm getting music shows proposals every week) but it was 5 years ago and now I'm curious how they can still find my mail ^^
 
9:11 AM
@avazula It was a long time ago. I somehow managed to know your real name from the things you said, and then with a little experimenting managed to guess the email and because I use a google account myself, I can see some things there that make me think that email is 99 per cent yours and not someone else. =D
 
A J
That is called stalking. :P
 
@AJ I guess you can call it that, but don't worry, I am harmless. =D
 
Huh, okay. Deduction then. It's true that my name (used to be) is somewhat unique. I changed my name since though :)
 
9:37 AM
13 messages moved to Trash
 
9:50 AM
Thanks for all the answers '^.^ I am right now driving home over the weekend so I will respond in the evening when arrived. Just that being said yet:
I am fully aware no one is ignoring me :) Was just more about interested in the why. Also I dont exclude the posibillity of it just having been my perception ;)
 
to add to previous explanations, @dhein: ask us/somebody a clear question and you'll surely get an answer
@dhein On a sidenote, I noticed you started to community-moderate in this stack by leaving comments for off-topic posts. Thank you for that! If I can give a smallll feedback on your last comment, be aware of how your comment could come across. I think the sentence as it's an example of how many close reasons can be put in a single post. for example is a two sided sword - the OP could take that personally and go into the defensive
 
10:36 AM
It looks like we're getting a lot more information in the messages.
 
@Tinkeringbell "Comment on inacti" seems less inforamtion ;)
 
@Cashbee I'm guessing it hit the char limit now :P
Yeah
It does
 
aah
yea with so many links
 
10:50 AM
Hello everyone. I need some feedback in using he/she/they for OP. I am looking for correctness in the first sentence I used.
4
A: How should I refer to the OP?

Nog ShineOP are they. Because there are others than he and she.Taking too much time to decide what to call OP will cause a waste of time. This time can be used for writing constructive comment, question or answer. This also prevents from a user called other gender. I think this usage of "they" will preve...

 
@NogShine Heh... there's a reason we don't do 'the right way' type questions on IPS main ;) I'd go with 'OP may be referred to as 'they'', most likely.
but I believe 'are they' is indeed correct. Don't take my word for it, I'm not really that great at these things ;)
 
well, "OP are they" is technically not a sentence
 
@Tinkeringbell I asked in chat ;P.
@Cashbee Not that one.. " Because there are others than he and she."
 
@NogShine True :P
 
aah
 
10:54 AM
Just remember it's subjective. Some people will really not like being addressed in a gender-neutral way, others will like nothing else ;)
 
@NogShine i would say "because there exist other pronouns than just 'he' and 'she' ({{list pronouns here}})"
 
@Cashbee: Yeah I see your point. But I was first about to write that his post shows that he clearly put not any effort at all into posting it (dunno if you checked his version before my edit). But to not directly confront him I decided to take this passive way and hoped this might maybe motivate him more to maybe check the help before next time. Sooo yeh, my approach was a bit passive aggressive, admitted. But anyways I felt it was justifiable or at least forgiveable there 🙈
 
@dhein absolutely, it was not rude, but neither was it entirely flawless.
 
11:11 AM
hahah
@NogShine other people sounds very wrong.. maybe other genders? hmm I still would vote for other pronouns. Ok I'll let it be now :)
 
 
1 hour later…
ThZ
12:23 PM
Hello!
 
hi @ThZ
 
Heya!
 
Hiya \o
 
ThZ
12:35 PM
If you don't mind, I'd love to have some opinion about the interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/19895/… question. When I read it, I can see a question about a specific situation, corresponding to this site, even if it may not be correctly expressed?
 
I must've missed the situation then, I don't really see it.
 
ThZ
Well, it may be based on my opinion, but to me it roughly is like : how could I make her soften her language (by understanding it affects me)
I must admit there are things in this question unrelated to this site
 
1:00 PM
0
Q: What's the etiquette for greeting people in a formal letter?

avazulaI need to send a case to the Ministry of Justice of my country for personal issues, so this is pretty much an official and important mail. I don't know who will read this mail so I can't begin the letter with something like, Dear Mr./Mrs/Ms. Robinson, or even Dear Sir/Madam, Anyways,...

 
Oh! That's me! Hi me!
 
ThZ
Hello avazula!!
 
Hey there :D
 
@avazula You're probably going to want to specifically ask for the appropriate French greeting.
 
@Catija Hi! Well I don't think there's one, and I could reuse this information for English-written mail (at least I hope so) so, do you think I still should ask for the French way?
 
1:08 PM
I don't know enough about French etiquette but if there's a specific French standard, you're unlikely to get it.
 
@avazula When I see that question, the first thing I thought was this should be on the French SE site. =D
 
@Catija There's no standard in French. I should edit my question to specify it, though, thanks for making me realizing it :)
 
Yes, I really think this is more of a language question than an IPS one.
It's like what my English teacher would teach me to do in an English class, writing formal and informal letters of various kinds.
 
@WillHunting Well, I'm asking in order not to offend anyone who may not recognize themselves in this formula, as we don't have neutral ways to say it in French ...
 
And some dictionaries even have some pages devoted to these things, the format of letters and CVs.
 
1:14 PM
that is writing etiquette indeed
 
@avazula Ah I see, I don't think there is any in English either. Dear Sir/Madam is used, and things like Dear Minister, but I am not sure now because I haven't written a letter for decades!
 
8
A: Which stack does this question belong to, if any?

TinkeringbellTL;DR: I think, in its current form, the question is a limbo between asking about what to write in an e-mail (which we've decided is off-topic and put in the help-center as such). But there's also a bit that may be about etiquette, or understanding interpersonal interactions (as AndyT pointed out...

@avazula read tinks answer there
 
@avazula If you are asking this to solve a real life problem, then I think you should just write the letter the usual way you have been taught to write letters in schools in the French language.
 
In English I'd recommend writing the letter to the official whose office it's sent to, regardless of who might actually open the envelope.
 
> I have, in the past been pretty clear about writing etiquette: Such stuff you learn in language classes and IMO doesn't belong on IPS for that reason. Writing etiquette is different from social etiquette, writing skills aren't interpersonal skills. Having good interpersonal skills might help when writing someone, but you can have all the writing skills in the world and still struggle to interact with people using written media.
- Tinkeringbell
 
1:16 PM
@Cashbee Okay. I'll delete then.
@Catija Okay, so maybe something like "Dear members of the [Whatever] committee"?
 
I think when you write these letters, as long as you are polite, anything goes. Nobody will fault you for using a rare format. =D
 
Possibly, if it's a group, that'd be a reasonable solution. Sort of how if someone were writing to us they often address us as the community team or the CMs.
 
@avazula I like the Dear Mrs. Robinson example though xD
 
I thought it'd be on topic though as I'm trying not to offend someone with gender topics despite the common phrasing used for such situations
 
For myself, I would even do something like "To: XYZ // Regarding XYZ // XYZ, writing addressee, title, and body respectively.
 
1:21 PM
@WillHunting I don't know who will read it.
 
But if you want the "correct" way, I think it is a matter of language.
So check language books and language sites.
 
@WillHunting I already did. Otherwise I'd not post in here.
 
@avazula It can just be addressed to the office, no need for the specific person.
 
The thing is, society has evolved since those rules were established
 
@avazula Exactly, which is why I think as long as you use common sense and be polite, nobody will fault you. =D
 
1:24 PM
I'd hope so... but I get called "Mr" or "Sir" often enough that it's annoying.
 
@avazula You can even write "To: Department of Justice" for example, IMAO. Anyone in that department can open and read the letter and then direct it to the correct person.
@Catija Yes, not to mention people who are neither Mr nor Ms nor Sir nor Madam.
 
@WillHunting That is exactly what I'm trying to address here.
Should I delete my question?
 
@avazula If you still want to use Dear something, then it should be something like Dear Officer, and that term is gender neutral. =D
Dear Judge/Officer/Minister/Manager/Supervisor/Committee etc.
You get the idea, all gender neutral terms.
 
Dear humans
 
1:31 PM
or.. deer humans?
 
Never write "Dear Human/Person". That would be disastrous.
 
@WillHunting Sure. but at least it does not mislabel the addressant
x)
 
Also, never write Dear _______ and leave it blank.
Of course don't literally write "Dear XYZ". That is also disastrous, LOL.
 
except you know they are called XYZ
sorry for the nonsense comments of mine
I cant help it
 
Actually, I don't think anyone will be offended if you use Dear Sir/Madam in English.
 
1:36 PM
@WillHunting do you consider yourself one of those?
 
But of course people can be offended by anything and it's not your fault.
@Cashbee I do feel abused by people who abuse me (nontrivial things) but I never feel offended. Why would I care what some people say when I am not close to them? =D
 
@WillHunting thats true. But you can still try to be as accommodating as possible
 
@WillHunting There's a lot of conferences and talks in France asking for the removal of the gender mention in greeting ways. So I know for a fact that at least some people get offended by this. So I'm trying :)
 
@Cashbee Yes, so as long as you try your best it is enough. No need to try more than your best.
 
@WillHunting exactly, ava is doing her best right now by inquiring what she should write
 
1:39 PM
@avazula I see. Again, this could be a language specific thing in France and in French. But yes, what we said just now, like "Dear Officer" would be good I think.
@Cashbee Right, and I am also doing my best now to offer my opinion. =D
 
I think the approach of calling them by their profession is great. Dear Professor(s)
 
ThZ
it may sound stupid but what do you think about : "A l'attention du ministère de la Justice" I'm not really sure about the corresponding english traduction here but it sound ok for a formal letter?
 
@ThZ it's quite broad but right now I think it is what would seem most appropriate. Thanks for the suggestion :)
 
@ThZ that's calling them by their profession (ministère de la justice)
i think? anyway, this has to be fine
 
I think calling them by the name of the office they hold is appropriate in all human languages. =D
But then the problem comes with some occupations like actor/actress! =D
 
ThZ
1:42 PM
@Cashbee well as this is a formal request, I guess you calling them by their profession seem a good way of doing it? ^^
 
What if the word in the language you use is not gender neutral?
Does a fireman for example include a firewoman as well?
 
@ThZ my point was, that I said the same thing just before you did. I was not critisizing your suggestion, but rather affirming it
@WillHunting firefighter. But i know, you're asking if the french word is genderneutral :)
 
If I remember my French correctly, a group of people that includes even one man is referred to with a masculine plural pronoun... though that was in 1999, so it might have changed in the last 20 years.
 
@Catija I think that still applies
 
ThZ
to my best knowledge it still does
 
1:45 PM
@Cashbee Actually, the word man in English does include woman if suitably interpreted. Just a side note.
 
Seems off to refer to a group of 200 women and one man as male. :P
 
@Catija germans did it right by "inventing" neutrum gender - der, die, das
 
Also, in English there is the gender neutral singular pronoun they used to refer to him/her, but I don't like it myself, but it is used very often now.
 
ups, genus, not gender
 
ThZ
@Cashbee I didnt see it sorry^^
 
1:48 PM
@Cashbee Then again groups of people have gendered pronouns here, eg "the group of people" is always female. "Die Menschenmenge"
 
@ThZ sorry too for not being clear
 
It's pretty standard to use singular they in many circles. I try to use it pretty much all the time if I don't know someone's gender.
 
I found out that they has been used for decades this way, but I only learnt about this use the last five years. =D
 
@Magisch yea I realized too that my comparison doesnt work. The plural of something will still be the same genus as the singular form. Die Person - Die Personen. no matter how many males and females that includes
 
@Catija It still is. Well, we actually have two rules but the other one is really frowned upon by most people (they would call you extremist for doing that u_u). That rule is: the group gender is the one of the biggest number of people. For instance, with 11 boys and 10 girls it'd be masculine pronoun, but if it's 11 girls and 10 boys then it'd be a feminine pronoun.
 
1:50 PM
@avazula OMG, what if it is 10 and 10???
 
@WillHunting As I said, that rule is very frowned upon so I guess that it'd be masculine anyway
 
@avazula Even worse, those 20 people may not identify as male or female. =D
 
hahaha
 
If there is a group of males and females, it would be OK to address the group informally as "guys".
So guys really includes girls as well.
 
I should go back to writing this darn letter anyway.
 
1:53 PM
I use guys too that way, but I know that this is controversial as well
 
Good luck @avazula!
 
@Cashbee nouns themselves just have "genders" as pertains to pronouns in german
 
@Magisch gender genus
but i think i dont really understand your point
 
@avazula that's the extremist view? To prefer the gender of the larger group?
 
@Catija yup
 
1:57 PM
Weird.
 
it has never been easier to become an extremist, huh
 
@WillHunting depends on the group and country
there's places in the world where you can dude or guys anyone... some places no.
 
My view is that a word is just a word, and a word itself is not sexist on its own. But I also know that other people view certain words as sexist.
 
When in doubt "GREETINGS BRIEF MORTALS!" works
 
@JourneymanGeek I thougt it was 'ALL BOW BEFORE ME'?
 
1:58 PM
@WillHunting but the choice to use that word, when a better word could've been used, can be sexist
 
I think as long as we try not to agitate others, and try not to overreact to perceived agitation, this world will be fine. =D
 
As a matter of fact: until late 18th century, we had both masculine and feminine words for every noun and adjective. Then some guys at the French Language Academy decided "well, no, it's not needed. Let's get rid of the feminine form". And now all our job titles, all our words are masculine by default. Many of them don't have a feminine form anymore. And don't you dare trying to feminize the word, or you'd get tagged as the extremist feminist...
 

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