The Awkward Silence - 2018-10-19 (page 1 of 2)

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user15026

1:33 AM

@user405 I am not sure why you are bringing this here. Trust me, SE is aware of all of the various facets of this, and bring it in here just feels like it has the potential to cause more misunderstandings and hurt feelings than it is worth.

1:47 AM

@user405 There is already a discussion going on, please refer to that for now. Thank you for your awareness and consideration, but we don't want to jump to conclusions here in chat and have a good, productive discussion on the meta. :)

3 hours later…

5:07 AM

@avazula Hey there, I have a list of autism reference for you, ping me when you are here :)

@Noon autism reference?

@Termatinator Website and books you can read to know more about the topic (most of it is in French though)

@Noon ah okay, I got autism myself so that’s

why i got interested

I’m gonna hate that return button on the phone

@Termatinator I know, it's funny how a lot of us here are on the spectrum

@Termatinator Ahah, that's why I don't like touch phones :P

@Noon i think because it’s easier to (dis)connect to people here

Coupled with the fact of acceptance and that you can ask questions yourself

5:17 AM

@Termatinator My theory was that people on the spectrum tend to need more help with interpersonal skills when interacting with neurotypical and so, we tend to stay here because there is some much we want to learn about this topic.

@Termatinator And I totally agree with this second point

@JAD meta.stackexchange.com/questions/317011/… someone somewhat did that

@Magisch What a beautiful trolling :P (not sure about the use of trolling here, feel free to correct me if you have a better word for it)

5:35 AM

not really trolling, they asked it as a genuine question

trolling is more deliberate incitement with malicious motives

5:55 AM

In any case, I think it's beautiful post :p

6:33 AM

@Magisch no self-answer though, so only half points

and yeah, trolling would be to post twitter as answer to that question as a self-answer

@Noon this, along with the fact that many are helped by specific rules. The SE format is a nice way to get those rules

Yeah, absolutely true (I was just watch a kitten video, too much cuteness :P )

7:15 AM

Good morning

I like that it's socially acceptable to ask questions here and you get nice, detailed answers without getting laughed at about stuff that's completely obvious to other people.

And little judgement usually. Usually.

we deal with unnecessarily judgy answers

eyes @Tinkeringbell with her big hammer labeled "DO NOT"

I like that. Outside of the site the judgement is tolerated. Here, it's not accepted.

For the judgement thing, I also like that it's not tolerated but, when you hit HNQ, you sometimes have to read them anyway because the community doesn't had the time to remove it :/

That's why being alove to say "I don't want my question on HNQ (anymore)" would be nice

@Magisch Just keep the morning good, thanks :D

@Noon Not an issue anymore... :P

7:23 AM

Quite true :P

btw @Magisch about civil disobedience. I read in the MSE thread that apparently at TWP, they had similar drama and ended up upvoting stuff in HNQ to forcibly keep random posts in the HNQ for much longer than intended

not like we can do anything atm can we

Do we have some kind of "abreviation dictionary" somewhere? I still don't know what the "O" and "P" in "OP" mean and site abreviation can be a bit tricky to figure out

Original Poster

234

Q: Stack Exchange Glossary - Dictionary of Commonly-Used Terms

What are the common phrases, words, abbreviations that are used on Stack Overflow, Server Fault, Super User, Meta Stack Overflow, and the other Stack Exchange sites? This is meant to be a very quick overview, not an in-depth tutorial. When considering whether a term ought to be included, please ...

support faq glossary

El'endia Starman

7:27 AM

In this case, OP = Original Post/Poster and TWP = The Workplace.

in The Water Cooler, Sep 12 at 13:45, by gnat

@Lilienthal the point is not to have hot questions off of our site - that's impossible. The idea of our "work to rule" experiment back then was to use voting to make questions from other sites stick in the list for too long. Back then, changes were made not because something went wrong with Workplace questions but because some bland PHP question from SO stuck in hot list for about a week and that made people laugh at Atwood in twitter or wherever else he was active online

El'endia Starman

I've used acronym finder to look up abbreviations before.

Thank you all, I will be able to sleep in peace tonight :P

@JAD I don't think coordinatedly sabotaging HNQ is going to get us anything but a ban these days

7:48 AM

@Magisch oh yeah, wouldn't surprise me either

@Noon I won't

@Termatinator Why is that?

@Noon going to an amusement park tommorow with my crush, and I saw a gruesome video the other day

I'll spare the details of that

Why a so hight toxicity? Is it the "escalate pretty quickly"?

@Termatinator Thank you for that :P

@Noon let's just say that it's difficult to sleep after I saw that

7:53 AM

@Noon Probably the 'damn'

@Termatinator Well, good luck with your amusement park day anyway :)

@Tinkeringbell Interesting, I always thought that 'damn' was some sort of a "regular swear word", like "Good Lord" or something

@Noon thx, hope that'll balance it out, but it's also during a halloween event

@Noon Had an interesting discussion on that a few days back in another room... 'damn it' or 'damn you'... the second is way more offensive than the first (You're basically wishing damnation onto a person then)... but damn in general is considered cursing ;)

'Good Lord' would be using God's name in vain...

"a damning event" or "the project was damned by this action" is not cursing though

There's plenty of people that don't see them as just 'regular swear words' :P

8:00 AM

@Termatinator Well, unlease it's an amusement park where children aren't suppose to go, you can probably avoid the stuff that are too scary

@Tinkeringbell my guess would be that there is a significant overlap with members from a certain religion

@JAD Sure :)

Most Abrahamic religions most likely :)

@Tinkeringbell I will try to remember that. I must admit that the fact I don't believe in the religious rules may have played on have I perceive the "Damn" and "Good Lord" words

Also, we have an expression in French which is "Enfer et damnation!" ("Hell and damnation!") which is see as quite ridiculus, so that may have played too

@Noon Hel en verdoemenis!

Exactely :P

8:10 AM

@Noon That was actually a bit of a joke (probably failed on my part)

@JAD ooh, dutch

wouldn't hel be hell though?

oh I'm wrong, guess I read too much english then

@Termatinator Nope, in Dutch, only one l

@Tinkeringbell just looked it up haha, though I think most dutch would write 2 "l"s instead of one

@Termatinator Well, you might want to add a smiley next time so that I know you are writting this in a happy/funny way (I'm a bit to literal otherwise ^^ )

@Noon I like smilies :)

@Termatinator I can't think of any example of a dutch word with double consonant at the end

surely there are exceptions

8:18 AM

Woop, just voiced my concerns to another manager. He took it well. He's going to discuss some things he heard from an anonymous source with my manager :)

@JAD stresssituatie. sss

@Belle-Sophie Oh that's a nice one :D

To be honest, all the relevant words are loan-words

@Belle-Sophie end of the word, but I guess stress counts

Slechtstschrijvend is also a favourite word of mine. Can't pronounce it though.

@JAD internetpoll

8:21 AM

@Termatinator poll is a leenword though

true, but still. combined with a dutch word and accepted in our language

yeah, I admit it is moving the goalposts

Although imo internet is also a leenword

There's quite a few more. Jazz, Watt...

@JAD ovengrill then?

Hi there!

8:30 AM

@Termatinator sure

@avazula ola

Hey @Noon :) sorry I was in a meeting this morning.

@avazula Hey, no need to apologize, I'm the one with all the free time :P

Just let me put the document in google drive before I give all the reference to you

No problem :)

@avazula Here it goes: drive.google.com/file/d/1gJPggD9dAZfOHBcWxp0wpfu4CFyhB-o8/…

@Noon Wow. You really put your heart in it. Thanks Noon, that's ... that's awesome.

8:39 AM

@avazula Well, I'm not the one to thanks, I just ask someone in an autism association and she sent me that ^^

@Noon Ahah, ok. Still, you sent it to me :)

@avazula I was glade I could help :) Also, the information I found on Medium were (and still are) really interesting

@Noon I really like that media, indeed :) there's a lot of good stuff on it. I'm surprised it's not more famous in France.

@avazula I have a lot of not French source of informations and I didn't know this one before so I can confirm that it's not very famous here

Medium has a bit of an issue with spam not getting removed... I sent them around 3k posts and they removed those but that's just the tip of the iceberg

8:47 AM

@Mithrandir I see that your love for flagging stuff isn't just stack exchange related :P

Heh yeah. This was through email, though, I tired of using the internal system after about a hundred

XD

what is pretty funny is that I am the only one in my classroom who didn't have a one-on-one talk with the main teacher. I'm also the only autistic person in my classroom

I noticed that my chat user doesn't have a parent user. What.

@Termatinator Why was that?

8:54 AM

@Noon what, not having a talk or why it is funny?

@Belle-Sophie yeah, it returns a 404

@Belle-Sophie For me, it shows yours is on SO (but the link shows a 404 indeed)

@Belle-Sophie I always thought you did it on purpuse!

Did you delete a profile?

@Termatinator Not having a talk (I'm guessing it's not really funny, is it?)

8:55 AM

Get things merged? Anything done to your profile lately?

@Noon Just because I don't have any problems as of yet, He'll actually have a talk with me soon just for the sake of completion :P

I thought it was funny, seeing as I'm autistic and they're considered as "normal" (my classmates)

@Tinkeringbell Yeah, I had strange things happening with a second profile a while back, so I got that one profile deleted.

@Termatinator Oh, then it's indeed "funny"! Nice done on your part :D

@Belle-Sophie You'll need to poke a dev then, to fix that.

@Belle-Sophie Hmmm. Lemme look.

8:57 AM

I already tried to fix it. No dice.

I just opened a ticket

@Mithrandir Ah... Beat me to it then

I was still looking up what people were suggesting we do in those cases XD

@Tinkeringbell I tried yesterday :P

@Belle-Sophie Just wait then :D 6-8 weeks

it's funny seeing all those colourfull avatars and then I see mine :P

9:06 AM

@Termatinator I'm green. Hulk Smash.

Seems we lost give or take 60% traffic

@Belle-Sophie I used to be green, lol

@Magisch damn, that's a lot

@Magisch This is actually a good thing.

We can finally keep a handle on things and clean up broken windows before opening up the floodgates again.

So, like, it's time to scour our answers with a vengeance.

Remove all the "try this" answers.

Clean up comments everywhere.

Close any remaining "what should I do" questions.

(Just... no flooding the mods with flags until at LEAST after the weekend please... We need some time to calm our heads too ;) )

This is a reprieve from the usual flood of bad stuff. This is a great opportunity.

@Tinkeringbell heh, point taken :P

9:13 AM

It also means our stream of new users is cut off

this site now has 0 discoverability

No, it has the same amount of discoverability that other sites do.

which is close to 0 (if speciality field that you can have external sources of discoverability) or actually 0 (other cases)

It no longer has an overwhelming flood of new users who don't know the rules, upvoting each other's posts and making enforcing things impossible.

@Magisch 11 new users in the past 2 days... :)

Which.. isn't all that different from the numbers when I look at the time IPS was still in HNQ. (You can go to users/newest too and see for yourself)

Out of HNQ is the best time to go "4k+ers: this could use some attention: data.stackexchange.com/interpersonal/query/880455/…;

(I haven't looked at all of those yet. Always use your head when voting.)

9:19 AM

@Mithrandir That's a good link but we might want to want to after the weekend to avoid flooding the mods ^^

well, 4k+ers can VTD directly - takes 3 of them (e.g. Magisch, avazula, Belle-Sophie, scohe001) to delete an answer

I like the delete votes :)

@Mithrandir (currently doing a bit of cleanup over there. Thanks!)

I'm usually pretty lenient with questions, but not with answers

I noticed that I have 4 gold badges because of the HNQ

@Belle-Sophie All my questions went to HNQ ._.

10k+ views each

Yet lots of answers saying "you shouldn't do that!"

Jalapeno Nachos

9:30 AM

sup

del-pls | 2k+ | How to tell a sensitive friend that they apologize too much?

Jalapeno Nachos

I just saw that Meta post

bout IPS being removed from the HNQ

K.

Jalapeno Nachos

I haven't been active on here but it almost seems like a ... penalty for success

Any questions?

Jalapeno Nachos

9:36 AM

A penalty imposed for good questions

because of some Twitter complaints from non-community users

seems unfair to the community here

Hey @Noon, have you ever took the aspiequiz?

@avazula Be careful... online tests aren't the best way to get information about yourself :P

Jalapeno Nachos

Imposing such a penalty trivializes the efforts of this community

@avazula Yes, I guess you did too?

@Tinkeringbell I know, that's why I took nearly a dozen :p

9:38 AM

@avazula And?

(Do you want to share the results/insights? If not, feel free to ignore :P)

@JalapenoNachos There's a meta thread with 5+ answers sharing your sentiment

@Noon @Tink yup. I was wondering if you would be willing to share your score with me? I got 156/200 to this one (on the dozen I took, only one said I'm not very likely to be an aspie)

@Mithrandir Done

@JalapenoNachos We all feel that way, pal. That's why we discussed it in fro and through the last days :p

@avazula Link? I got a diagnosis, but these tests always tell me I'm not an aspie

9:40 AM

@avazula Well, I will need to do the test again be give me some time and I will happy share this with you :)

@Belle-Sophie weird ._. Here it is

@Noon okay :)

It's asking for my ancestry ._. No idea?

@avazula Before I do that, we are talking about this one, right?

Jalapeno Nachos

@Magisch @avazula ah, didn't know that - thanks

i'll read up on it

@Noon yup

@Belle-Sophie ha right, the English version does that. I put caucasian in mine

9:53 AM

@avazula I'm of very mixed ancestry, up to the point where I have no idea, except that I'm basically everything but "from here".

lol "You are very likely neurotypical"

@Belle-Sophie lol

53 out of 200. My diagnosis disagrees.

@Belle-Sophie If I may, at what age did you get diagnosed?

15

Well, I got a "probably autism spectrum but we're not sure" diagnosis when I was 5. I actually got an aspergers diagnosis at 15.

@Belle-Sophie Did getting a diagnosis helped you?

9:57 AM

@avazula Somewhat. Some things clicked in place and I got to meet other people "like me". I got to read resources and I'm no longer ashamed of "being me".

@avazula I got 166/200 :D

@Noon wow!!

@Belle-Sophie I'm glad :)

@avazula Well, you had a very nice score yourself :P

But please note that your score is likely to evolve depending on how you perceve yourself and how much introspection you have done

You need to be aware of what you're not good at to improve it. I've done a lot of improvement on my aspie traits.

Oh, if your diagnosis was somewhat recent: beware of companies that promise "help"

@Belle-Sophie What do you mean?

10:05 AM

I don't know how it is in other countries. In Netherlands, if you need help with anything, you can get a budget for help. Since I can technically not live on my own, when I moved out to study, I got one of those budgets. It allowed me to pay for full time supervision.

We're talking about quite a lot of money here. 35k a year. Rent comes on top of that. Thing is, you don't need any qualifications to start a company like that over here.

They employed students to help us. Most of the time it was okay. They tried. But sometimes they actively (not intentially, I assume) harmed. One time, I had a horrible day at college, came home, and found the living room rearranged.

Living room. Rearranged. In a house with 7 aspies... No prior communications.

Arf, I can clearly see the problem here :/

My boyfriend knows to not even put the scissors in a different drawer than the one they belong in, lest he get a rant from me.

Most of the time it wasn't harmful, though. But it was definitely not worth the money. It was government money, so I didn't suffer direct negative concequences, but it does feel very wasteful on taxpayer money.

@Belle-Sophie Well, how are you suppose to found anythink is things aren't in there place?

@Noon Exactly!

Extroverted Main Man

1

Q: Balance being respectful with cutting off non-sense

Three of us at the table. A buddy is making a long-winded presentation about a business idea ha has. The idea is pretty unoriginal (import anything from China and sell it on Amazon). As he has no actual experience in the area, there is little insight he can offer. Why make the presentation so lon...

10:18 AM

I live in my parent house right now and the cutlery basket in our washing vaissell can be put in two different ways (either the fork are on the right or on the left) and they keep changing the way they put it, it's driving me crazy ><

10:29 AM

@Noon :(

@Belle-Sophie they might as well have set a bomb off in it

I know if I came home to that someone would be flung out the window

10:51 AM

@avazula I could try one once I'm home :)

@Tinkeringbell That'd be interesting :)

11:02 AM

@Magisch I've been on anger management training. Before that, I would've done that too.

1 hour later…

12:29 PM

Also remember that we sort of do have a delete vote queue, for those with the reputation necessary - interpersonal.stackexchange.com/…

@Mithrandir I'm lacking any motivation to vote or review on IPS atm

del-pls | 2k+ | Is omission of a singular letter in an email handle professional?

@Magisch :/

We can be sore at SE and make the best of it at the same time..

@Mithrandir that means they'll keep getting away with it

they don't need to care as long as we just take it and maybe moan on meta

Alright. No pressure.

@Mithrandir It's hard to call that a "review queue", IMO... ^^

Anyway, is their rule for deleting closed questions?

12:34 PM

If they're not useful at all, they can go.

Well, that's a bit vague ^^ I know we aren't supposed to delete duplicate but do we delete closed questions with answer(s)? And what if an answer has a positive score?

12:54 PM

@Noon it's intentionally open to interpretation

Hum, not sure I like things that are "open to interpretation" but alright ^^

1:12 PM

@Magisch Hey, you're not the only one. I asked for not too many flags this weekend ;)

@Tinkeringbell woops. Sorry.

@avazula (mainly for old stuff though, if there's new content requiring attention, flag away ;) )

@Tinkeringbell woops......

Good thing is now I know haha

It'll probably be pending for a while then, unless the community manages themselves! :D

They're in the queue. And we can always summon people like @scohe001 to help... :P

1:20 PM

@Tinkeringbell do we have a word to say in comments? I mean, it's not like we could VTD them (you mods can). Community'd manage themselves only if we ask people to flag them as well so we get enough flags for they get automatically deleted. Right?

@avazula Yep!

@Tinkeringbell Ugh. Here we go again, flagging raids ... :p

So either all of you flag them... or, if it's old posts and not r/a, please just wait until after the weekend on the massive clean-up ;)

@Tinkeringbell well, at least you have no HNQ to mess with every single post

@Tinkeringbell Should I had a free weekend, I would have organized such a raid, but I'm gonna help sisters #2 and #4 to put the heating wood in the garage :p

1:22 PM

@JAD There's other messes now ;) Including one in my own head. I've been running around like a headless chicken these past few days ;)

@Tinkeringbell oh no! because of our current troubles or other stuff?

@avazula Nah, mostly because of the online stuff indeed ;)

@Tinkeringbell :(

But I'm also wrapping up this project, Monday I'll be starting in a new team

Huh! Still Magik stuff?

1:26 PM

@avazula Yep. Budget reasons. This team is out of budget, so they're going to park me in another team until the end of year, and then I am supposed to go back to this one.

@Tinkeringbell ugh :( not cool. I got privated of my old cool projects because of lack of budget.

@Tinkeringbell you're too expensive :O

@avazula Oh, this is okay.

I'm working on a specific part of a new codebase, and am now moving to the team that works on the same part, in the old codebase

So lot of learning

@Tinkeringbell Cool! :)

Yeah, especially because I do get to go back to the current team ;)

And it's quite the compliment that a manager doesn't want to lose you, so they do a lot to find you a spot until the end of the year ;)

1:31 PM

true that.

@Mithrandir you called?

@scohe001 GET TO WORK data.stackexchange.com/interpersonal/query/880455/…

2

(kidding)

user image

Sir, yes sir.

Well now I know what you look like

@Mithrandir This is a good base for his drawing

1:43 PM

:D

@avazula I must say, I like the ava's you made for users here :)

Lol I'm quite a bit ~~harrier~~ fuzzier :p

@Tinkeringbell I was planning to do yours soon :p

@scohe001 isn't that the rock music teacher in that funny movie?

@avazula Go for it ;)

My avatar in several places was updated :P

1:45 PM

@Tinkeringbell But I'm biased by your Twitter account D:

@Mithrandir Good Lorde, I didn't see you mentioned me in your bio!

blushes to dark red

@avazula haha I like that School of Rock is what you think of when you see Jack Black. You have good taste

@avazula you also got a mention on Science Fiction & Fantasy Meta

@scohe001 My SO has. He made me watch that movie :p

Lol your SO is giving you culture :p

user image

@Mithrandir ^

1:49 PM

:D

@scohe001 Yup :p

(In the meantime, Ava's computing arctangent stuff for work)

(One should notice how passionate about it she is)

@avazula @Mithrandir That is actually a good idea, I just did the same ^^

@Noon :o :$

Dear Lorde I'm gonna be famou$$

@avazula Ahah, everyone will be jalous of us for having an avatar made by you!

@Noon Erh, I'll start feeling bad if I draw one for someone who then doesn't use it as profile pic haha

1:56 PM

@avazula Hmmm. People are pretty used to seeing the parrot though, and as a mod I tend to not lightly change my profile picture. No pressure! :P

@scohe001 Did you just litterally do what @Mith suggested? I just got a review queue filled with 2017 answers to delete haha

@Tinkeringbell My idea for you was to draw you with that parrot on your arm

(partly)

@avazula There were a bunch that needed to be flagged!! I can't turn a blind eye to NAA's!

@scohe001 :p I was already out of delete flags so I could only recommend deletion ^^

@Tinkeringbell but you could print it and color it :D

(it'd be pretty boring to have a room filled with alike avatars anyway)

I'll just wait patiently! Don't tell me too much (yet :) )

@Tinkeringbell hehe :D

2:10 PM

@avazula ahh same here! Mith's list ate all of mine up reeeeaaaal quick

2:21 PM

@scohe001 You're welcome.

2:40 PM

Nooooo

user image

@avazula it's okay, mine says -349

@Mithrandir haha

Extroverted Main Man

3:00 PM

0

Q: Interpersonal Communication Styles

When you are dealing with a person who answers a yes or no question with a contextual answer, and you lack the contextual knowledge to decipher it into a yes or no for your own purposes, is there a polite way of being bullheadedly obtuse? I have tried rephrasing the question a few times and I ke...

1 hour later…

4:01 PM

Should we change the title to this question in order to remove the "Is it right" part which is primarily opinion-based? I would have done it but, since it's an old question, I rather ask first

@Termatinator I just found this, I thought it might interest you with your crush situation

@Noon that's so cute!!

@scohe001 Yeah, I thought the same :D I found it on the answer ElizB commented and who was caught by my regex on the bot

That's interesting

4:21 PM

I've found even more elaborate ones, especially for those who are in the kink community- communication is definitely a priority there.

@ElizB Do you have some to share with us?

@Noon uhm, I can go digging

flag-pls | unkind | interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/19434/…

I don't have any I personally use

@ElizB but then how does @El'endiaStarman ever understand you?!

4:27 PM

@scohe001 We communicate quite well, we know many languages! :D

There's American Sign Language, Pidgin Sign Language, Spoken English (provided we have our cochlear implants on), body language and gestures, and finally, last but not least- bed language! :D :P

@ElizB ...is Pidgin pronounced like "Pigeon Sign Language?"

@scohe001 you're asking a deaf person how they pronounce words? I'm honestly not sure. I'm gonna go ask google :P

user15026

@scohe001 generally, yeah (pidgin being a linguistic term: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pidgin)

I am not a reliable resource for word pronunciation :P

Ahh I didn't realize it was actually a linguistic term

I was just imagining two pigeons trying to sign to each other about the quality of bird seed

user15026

4:32 PM

giggles

El'endia Starman

@scohe001 It's close, yeah. There's even a piece of IM software named Pidgin that supports messages between it and a bunch of other messaging services (AIM, Facebook Messenger, GTalk, etc...) that has a pigeon as its mascot.

user15026

@El'endiaStarman This is the thing I always think of first, yeah.

@scohe001 bahahaha

all i know is that it's a mix between Signed Exact English and American Sign Language.

El'endia Starman

> Pidgin derives from a Chinese pronunciation of the English word business,

I had no idea!

Really?!

user15026

4:35 PM

@El'endiaStarman That was new to me too

user15026

@ElizB which makes sense, pidgins are effectively a bridge between two languages that don't have a lot in common!

El'endia Starman

Anyway, yeah, the way I communicate in Pidgin Signed English (PSE) is basically ASL signs with English grammar.

@Ash Yeah, exactly!

El'endia Starman

Full on ASL is generally incomprehensible to me unless I have a lot of time and its signed slowly.

I sign PSE and ASL, and use spoken english, depending on who I'm speaking with.

hehehe @El'endiaStarman can't handle me when I go full out hardcore ASL and especially if I'm wound up

user15026

4:38 PM

That makes sense, any language is harder when there's intense emotion stuff stuck in it, because the "rules" tend to start falling out the window

@Noon found a website, there's multiple types of contracts, but it's for BDSM, so I don't know if that is too much...

but the level of consent in the kink community is astonishingly detailed. I really, really like their concepts of knowing yourself and the partner, and knowing what's a safe limit and all that

@ElizB Probably not what I'm looking for but it can still be interesting.

@Noon i just looked into it more, and I can't get the PDF without paying so i'm gonna look elsewhere

@ElizB Don't go into too much trouble, it's okay if you don't have anything :)

point is, there's a lot out there, not just for BDSM relationships, but that type of relationship is excellent for seeing what kinds of questions to ask, what to expect, etc

one article I like here: lovense.com/bdsm-blog/bdsm-contract

user15026

4:46 PM

@ElizB It kinda has to be, all things considered. (If it ever doesn't come with a giant pile of discussion and agreement and all of that, that's a giant red flag pile!) :)

@Ash absolutely! :) That's why one of the cornerstones in mine and @El'endiaStarman 's relationship is communication.

user15026

In general, a lot of the contracting and checklisting and revising comes down to having a lot of of the conversations people should have with partners of any sort about what is good/okay/hard no etc for various aspects, even stuff like how I do the cat litter scooping all the time even when my husband is around, because that's a pretty hard limit for him, and he does a lot of the dishes, because I struggle with doing them in a way that is acceptable to us both.

user15026

But a lot of people seem to assume that each other should read their mind or intuit these things, so it all falls apart. Kink communities just make it extra clear because there is a different set of dangers and risks.

user15026

I mean really, a lot of life would benefit from abiding by the "safe, sane, consensual" rule.

@ElizB Thanks for the link, now I will know to look for this kind of stuff :)

@Ash 100% agree with that

4:50 PM

There are a bunch of questions that i hadn't even considered, when I first started researching

Journeyman Geek

@Ash heh, that's probably useful even outside relationships

@Noon haha, thank you. that's real nice of you

Journeyman Geek

There's a few behaviours from my family I hate and have been trying to get them not to do XD

@Termatinator Your welcome :)

user15026

@JourneymanGeek Oh, for sure! It's a good anytime sort of rule. :)

4:52 PM

and I'll actually see her tommorrow

Journeyman Geek

(not that I get listened to XD)

I know, good luke with your amusement park day!

thx, hope it'll bring up some memories as we both have went there in our childhood

user15026

Basically, going "is this safe (or as safe as we can make it within the bounds of the activity)? Is everyone aware and able to consent, and not under the influence of anythign that would prevent them from consenting (and continuing to consent or being allowed to revoke consent if needed)?" is never bad :)

that's why I also chose to do that

4:53 PM

@Ash This. I have absolutely no problem stopping and thinking and responding to this if anyone asks me

@Termatinator I like talking about memories, I hope she will like that too :)

Journeyman Geek

@Ash heh, that, in particular should be a 'fun' talk for hypothetical future mrs geek

@Noon yeah, and our childhood is a bit complicated. We were lovers as little children

got apart due to distance and technology at the time

and she did keep those photo's of us and also has one of me in sort of a special snowball

noticed that when I was at her house

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