@scohe001 that is an answer i will need a computer for- I'm finishing up dinner at the moment! I love that you're curious!! You'll be pretty amazed, i think
I recently found out that my brother spanks his son, who recently turned four.
Growing up, my parents spanked my brothers and I occasionally. This was usually done after a warning, and usually by the other parent (so the angry parent wasn't doing the spanking). Usually, but not always. I presume...
Someone edited this question to include what I consider a confidential personal detail about the original poster:
How to convince my wife that my best friend and I are just friends?
I then edited the question to remove that detail, but my edit was rejected.
The original poster chose to not inc...
I am going to use made up names.. John was born in Belarus (not actually, but country close in culture and economic development) and moved to the US 20 years ago. John went back to Belarus and met Oxana. They married in Belarus after spending a summer together (John did know Oxana during his scho...
@apaul Let me be clear: I agree with you on this 100%
But the content there was 1) not relevant, 2) distracting from the otherwise very good answer, and 3) causing extended discussion in the comments, and a number of flags.
I'll be honest: It's soapboxing. The OP's already well aware that those jokes are extremely offensive.
As I said . . . I'm behind you on the position you espoused. Totally.
user15026
5:30 AM
If nothing else, it made for an extremely long wall of text, which means that a lot of people are going to go "nope too much" and not even get the barest bit of good from it.
People need to hear what you have to say. I have heard the same sort of crap jokes and it's not funny. And I know people who have been very hurt by them.
But that answer isn't the place to reach the folks making the jokes.
We're not here to change the world. . . Well, I guess we are. That's why I'm here. But the SE way is to change the world by addressing one person's problem at a time. Right here, that's the person asking the question - and they're already on your side.
user15026
5:35 AM
Basically, this needed a teaspoon, not a shovel
user15026
I get it! I'm queer, I've had these sorts of jokes weaponized against me more than once. It HURTS. But this question didn't need the hurt elucidated, it was already stated.
I'm hugging this other girl a lot and now my wife is jealous. How can I tell my wife that my romantic affair is nothing to be jealous about? (sounds familiar?)
@JourneymanGeek Although I was actually trying to make a refference to a certain recent post here about that wrestling "affair", there is an actual non hypothetical girl I am hugging a lot as well :p
@Imus Sounds like a decent arrangement. My partners and I try to balance out who's making the decisions most of the time but sometimes it's nice to not need to be constantly calling shots.
@M.A.R.ಠ_ಠ shhh! don't ask him questions directly. Soon he'll start answering, next it'll develop a conscience. And we all know what happens when AI's become sentient ...
@refbobby, I agree with the "equal rules" idea. I just think, in reality, they see it as "their" house and you are a renter - i.e. you are not equal occupants, despite what you might think (or want). Ultimately the advice is the same: if they won't compromise, you need to move. — Will Appleby23 secs ago
Thanks :) I've received [this comment](https://interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/16620/how-can-i-try-to-get-my-coworkers-to-stop-their-jokes-on-lgbtq-people?noredirect=1#comment68717_16620) on my latest question today, and I don't want to satisfy their request. I think it was important to disclaim our "skin color" because we're claimed to be the most priviledged people in the world (I'm not saying it's fair, not at all). Do you think I should edit my question to delete this part though?
@avazula I would let it stay. With the sentence "They all are white, heterosexual cis-men. For the record I'm a white, 22 y.o., heterosexual cis-woman." you want to exactly state your and their privilege.
it is not offensive, and could be of use for answerers
I am an elected union representative in my company. Sadly I do not know about french conditions because I work in Spain, but in my country when the company exceeds a certain amount of workers is required to have a "equality plan" that must ensure to protect against gender and other possible discrimination causes. I am part of the tracking commision of it. I deeply hope the french legislation is similar. I would encourage, if its the case, to either get informed from your labor representatives or talk to HR. — bradbury930 secs ago
"The inclusion makes it seem like you are just parroting standard internet rhetoric" why are people on the Internet so rude? I'm clever enough to have my own opinions!
explain that you may have to look at moving elsewhere Hmmmm, always be careful about pre-warning a landlord you might start looking for somewhere else - they might decide to go looking for a new tenant (the terms of your lease/agreement affect how quickly they could do so). — Grimm The Opiner28 secs ago
@avazula Hmmm. I dunno. Maybe it would've been worse without. At least this helps me to say 'shoo, bad comment' because we have a notice saying that we can do that ;)
@Marcus We ask every question to include as much detail as possible on cultural context. ;) That's been that way since the beginning, I can't help that not everyone is as detailed as that question ;)
@Marcus I'm asking because in France the people who are most likely to have discriminative statements towards anyone are the most priviledged ones, aka white heterosexual cis-men.
If you're operating from a good faith attempt to have a respectful discussion, avoiding labeling groups is crucial, because you end up debating the label and statistics and not your actual argument or gripe.
I always say that if I have to rely on perspective or group membership to counter an argument that I've either already lost the argument or am trying to bypass having to explain myself properly or don't have the energy to deconstruct a complex falsehood. In these cases falling back on appeals to emotion and group membership might get you a positive response from those already agreeing with you but will do nothing to change any minds (and rather serve to fortify previously held opposing views)
@avazula I don't think it serves any juncture in your question. Their behavior wouldn't be any more acceptable if they weren't white men. So it's not really pertinent to your issue or its resolution.
It can make sense from a fairness perspective (For instance if you're debating about access to birth control with a man and they field arguments that aren't theirs to make because they have no relation to the problem) but it won't change minds or deconstruct the argument.
@avazula I wouldn't say it's an attack. It'll be percieved that way though and risking that is unnecessary imo.
Would that conduct be any more appropriate if they were all ethnic indians? Would the proposed resolution of avazula's interpersonal problem change based on that?
I have had so much hate directed at me for my sexual orientation (I'm asexual) and for some of my mental problems (especially on the internet) that these days I block out insensitive comments or treatment almost on instinct
these days the standard "people like you should be drowned at birth" or similar variations only elicits a disinterested "unoriginal and old" meh from me
One thing I learned early on is that it's not in my power or purview to demand change from those around me. I can only control and act on myself. I can choose who to associate with, I can choose to disengage, I can modify my treatment of others. But if others need to change, that change needs to come from within
@Magisch Hahaha. Yeah, breaking stereotypes is fun. Not just for bigots :) I love the faces of some of my friends when they get to know me a little better and I break some s stereotype they had of me ;)
If someone where to have a scientific theory independent of any organisation and not employed by any university. Would it be better to try to publish it yourself or have someone else in the field review it first? And in latter case how would one approach a university or professor/researcher in a ...
Nothing changed in the attitude of those you antagonize this way. Only now they feel they're being victimized. And now you've strenghtened their belief that they're the underdog.
As long as someone is not obviously actively maliciously mocking me (and even then, I could probably care less, but only a tiny bit)
There's a flowchart "Will this offend magisch?" that goes like this "Is it some heinously depraved stuff that offends every form of common decency? No? -> it will not"
Purely out of interest: Do you actually "get" jokes? Asking cause my dad had an autist in his class (he's a teacher) who never got any jokes, nor made them. At one point that student did make a joke where another student said: "hey guys, hold on, student 1 just made a joke" followed by appreciation of the rest of the class
Y'all may want to keep in mind though that making a lot of jokes about a certain person's characteristics, even though they are fine with it, might come across as something that deters new people from participating in chat :)
@Tinkeringbell I do keep that in mind somewhat. But I prefer the other way that if the target of the joke is fine with it, the general feel might be more welcoming here as well
i think german language would use "wortspiel" and "wortwitz" for play of words and pun. they are synonyms there and as far as i understand in english as well
> The pun, also called paronomasia, is a form of word play that exploits multiple meanings of a term, or of similar-sounding words, for an intended humorous or rhetorical effect.
> Word play or wordplay[1] (also: play-on-words) is a literary technique and a form of wit in which words used become the main subject of the work, primarily for the purpose of intended effect or amusement. Examples of word play include puns, [...]
(where is this line from? it always pops up in my head)
> Examples of word play include puns, phonetic mix-ups such as spoonerisms, obscure words and meanings, clever rhetorical excursions, oddly formed sentences, double entendres, and telling character names (such as in the play The Importance of Being Earnest, Ernest being a given name that sounds exactly like the adjective earnest).
I have accepted a wedding invitation from a friend in January but I am planing to travel to a different country at the time of the wedding. And I don't know how to tell him I won't come to his wedding politely.
googles spoonerism examples (didn't know the word yet) Runny Babbit: A Billy Sook was the last children's book written by Shel Silverstein and, as the title indicates, the book is crammed full with Spoonerisms: "Runny Babbit lent to wunch and heard the saitress way, 'We have some lovely stabbit rew, our special for today.'"
Someone edited this question to include what I consider a confidential personal detail about the original poster:
How to convince my wife that my best friend and I are just friends?
I then edited the question to remove that detail, but my edit was rejected.
The original poster chose to not inc...
I have accepted a wedding invitation from a friend in January but I am planing to travel to a different country at the time of the wedding. And I don't know how to tell him I won't come to his wedding politely.
