The Awkward Silence

4:12 AM

0

Q: How to tell an artist friend that you feel their art has been getting worse over the years, especially if they themselves feel they've been improving?

Not long ago, a friend of mine got some rather harsh and even somewhat rude criticism, anonymously, that their art has been regressing for a while and that they're squandering all of their potential. This friend responded by simply mocking their statements. (Note: I will be withholding the identi...

IPS Comment Bot

6:29 AM

As an artist myself (something I neglected to mention because I felt it wasn't relevant, at least at the time), I can only somewhat agree with your statements. (I'm going to be posting my thoughts into separate messages because they're too long for a single message; I'm not versed enough in Stack Exchange to know if that's against the rules or not) — anony 1 min ago

#16606 anony (1 rep) | A: How to tell an artist friend that you feel their art has been getting worse over the years, especially if they themselves feel they've been improving? (score: 0) | posted 59 minutes ago by fkraiem (103 rep) | Toxicity 0.10198723 | edited 24 minutes ago by fkraiem (

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

⚠️☢️🚨 Offensive/Abusive Comment 🚨☢️⚠️

#16606 anony (1 rep) | A: How to tell an artist friend that you feel their art has been getting worse over the years, especially if they themselves feel they've been improving? (score: 0) | posted 1 hours ago by fkraiem (103 rep) | Toxicity 0.6950567 | edited 25 minutes ago by fkraiem (103

Matched regex(es) ["offensive"]

+1. Kids do learn that different adults have different expectations. We have a similar issue here - I am more keen on the "pleases" and "thank yous" than my wife. When the kids ask me for something without saying "please", I'll just look at them until they remember. It works. They do remember. And they don't even forget often. — Stephan Kolassa 1 min ago

#16588 Stephan Kolassa (551 rep) | A: How to get my wife to remember to say "please" (score: 13) | posted 16 hours ago by Chris Sunami (1829 rep) | Toxicity 0.090103455

Matched regex(es) ["+1"]

dhein

7:00 AM

Heya :)

Cashbee

hi o/

Tinkeringbell

Hi :) How's the new job going!

dhein

I just asked this Question: psychology.stackexchange.com/q/20231/19801 I could imagine, most being around here might find it an interesting read :)

Hrmpf... still waiting for an appointment when the test working should take place... sigh

But I have just another phone interview for another position at SAP today. So, I'm still hanging on that :D

Imus

7:16 AM

@dhein It is an interesting question :) And I have no way of answering it ...

Tinkeringbell

@dhein Oh oops, I thought you already had a new job. Sorry :). Hope the interview goes well ;)

Rainb

7:33 AM

so

I feel pretty much left out in the sense that

I don't get invited to things...

should I butt myself in

dhein

So feel left out by The akward Silence? Or what r you refering to? '^.^

Rainb

lol no

dhein

@Imus Thanks, I was thinking so. And I fear that question would just be answerable by an expert of that area, so getting attention to it might at first be already helpful enough :)

Tinkeringbell

@Rainb Nope. Butt in sounds like you're planning to go 'Oh, you're going to go to the movies with your girlfriend? I'm coming too!'. :P A better way might be to go 'oh, that's interesting' when people mention they are going to do something you find interesting

Rainb

I meant school, life, everything

Tinkeringbell

7:36 AM

And maybe invite them to come with you to go do a similar interesting thing.

Rainb

I have a problem with inviting people

dhein

@Rainb Ah, sry I wasnt getting this is part of a previous conversation :x

Rainb

I don't know im getting pretty tired of being left out

I rather get hard rejected than soft bullshit

Cashbee

@Tinkeringbell better to go "oh that's cool! <ask question about that movie>" maybe you get invited when they see you like that movie

Rainb

I think I should butt in more often.

Cashbee

7:38 AM

@Rainb in theory yes. but when actually confronted with cold truth, you always react differently than you thought

Rainb

@Cashbee yeah, you're probably right...

Cashbee

but being left out sucks, I have some experience in that too

Tinkeringbell

@Cashbee True, asking questions might help too :D. Good idea :)

Rainb

I think I should start with small invitations

what is a small invitation

I guess it depends on the situation there are too many possible reasons

Cashbee

I learned a good lesson from that time: If some guy doesn't want to involve you in his life, don't try to involve him in yours.

I found other people who i like hanging around and they like me too. Being left out by a group means you found the wrong group

Rainb

7:43 AM

ok the problem with inviting people, is that I have no idea.. Invite them to do.. what

Imus

@Rainb boardgame night!

"Hey I got this multiplayer board game I wanted to try with some more people some time, you interested in joining me? And know some other friends that might be interested to join us as well?"

Rainb

board games..

Imus

Depends on what you like to do though :)

Going to a movie, watching a movie at your place. Make your own pizza's in the fancy oven that you need an excuse for

fire up your new (or old never used) BBQ

Rainb

so I invite people.. to eat pizza at my place

Cashbee

@Rainb yes

Imus

7:46 AM

sure, nobody says no to pizza

Rainb

I'm very anxious now

Cashbee

do I want to make pizza at a friends place? YES

Rainb

just the thought of it

well yeah sure why not

I would invite people to.. eat pizza or ice cream

take pictures around the city

hmm.. that's pretty much it...

Imus

if you met others whom you know are into photography asking them to search for interesting spots around the city is actually a great idea

Rainb

Talk to random people on the city

Cashbee

7:51 AM

some more ideas, depending on your interests: make a LAN party, a tabletennis tournament, a movie night, a small bbq bring-your-own-meat style, any kind of game night (there are tons of party games that don't resemble "boring" board games). Maybe just a get together with some booze

Rainb

ohhhh

lan party

I mean sure I like computers and all, but most people think firefox is an operating system or something

Cashbee

ok so you're into gaming. great. With my friends we make a BBQ-then-LAN-party day each month

Imus

Cashbee, where do you live? I want in on that friend group! sounds awesome

Rainb

I guess I need to guage ther things

for example before inviting them to the pizza thing

I say, hey do you like pizza?

no, that's too dumb

Imus

You usually invite people you talked with a couple of times (so butt in into the conversations as well and try to find out what they like)

Cashbee

7:54 AM

@Rainb nah that only opens up discussion about what to do. just say "hey, pizza night at my place this saturday. you in?"

Imus

^ Cashbee knows how to do invites :D

Rainb

"Yeah? Who's comming?"

"Uhm, the police"

huh

" Because it will be insane"

Imus

"currently, you! know any others that might be interested as well?"

and if you yourself had others in mind "I'm gonne ask X next as well"

Rainb

I see

Okay now what no one talks about

How to react to rejection.

What I usually do is basically, my brain freezes, so everything turns down awkward.

Cashbee

as in romantical rejection?

Rainb

8:02 AM

Both

Is this guaranteed to happen?

Cashbee

it is quite common i guess. I am more the "okay :(" type

I am probably not the one you want to ask about romance. I asked this question as 26 years old

Imus

8:24 AM

@Rainb In non romantic setting, just inviting a friend or group: "Oh, so no pizza night then, anything else you guys are interested in doing?"

Extroverted Main Man

1

Q: How to explain to a friends child I don't like sleepovers without parents

I have a female friend, whom I've been friends with for over 20 years. Her 12 year old boy is very fascinated by my virtual reality gaming setup at home, and very often and very insistently asks me if he can come play and spend the night so he can play more the following day. I'm a single man, 3...

conflict-aversion children denmark

Imus

General idea is to show you're available. If even that doesn't work you should probably try to find other people with more common interests. Talk some more with people and search for some common ground. It helps if you follow up anything you say about yourself with a question about their opinion on that or what their interests are...

Tinkeringbell

@ExtrovertedMainMan Hmm.. interesting ;) That kinda relates to a question I've been toying with :)

Marcus

8:47 AM

o/

Imus

\o

Mithrandir

o/

Marcus

\o

@Rainb im pretty sure the situation youre talking about has been asked here before OR should definately be asked

like

"How do i invite people to an event and politely react to possible rejection

Rainb

I find reactions in general very hard

I am a very unreactive person, so it doens't go pretty well

Marcus

Exposing yourself to these situations will help

LTP - learn through pain

Rainb

8:59 AM

yeah but it feels like a shit

and in the end it just leaves me thinking

but I would like to be prepared for this shit

Marcus

ever tried not taking things personally

the less you care the better, you get more easy going

Rainb

apathy helps, but it's depressive.

apathy removes the bad things.. and the good things.

Imus

Have you tried seeing the social interactions as a learning opertunity instead? As in: if you don't do it you failed. If you tried and got a negative response you succeeded and need to find someone else (or try something different). If you tried and got a positive response ... wel double win I guess? :)

Rainb

that's a good perspective, I just need to carry it out.

I find it extremely hard to carry a checklist of things that work or not, but that's just personally

I think the method would work if implemented

There is still that kind of fear.

Imus

such a checklist isn't possible to make in the first place ... it depends a lot on the other person, the situation (they might just already have plans for that day), ...

There's also this saying I heard often in my family: "A NO you have, a YES you can get". In your situation that means that if you never ask someone over, nobody will come over, but if you at least ask someone to come over, there's a chance they say yes.

3

Rainb

9:14 AM

oh my god

Cashbee

I think that way too. this is a very rewarding perspective

Marcus

thats basically the same argumentation for why in dating you should ask someone out if youre interested

Rainb

Nevermind, I was talking about something else

Marcus

oh and i wasnt talking apathy with taking things not personally

doppelgreener

A corollary to that is that often when we're afraid of something we're living as though it's already happened. If we're afraid of a no we live and act as though we've already received the no. But we haven't found out yet either way and can still find out.

Marcus

9:19 AM

"no i dont want to come" does not translate to "you are an awful person"

Rainb

@doppelgreener Yeah I find it interesting

I find myself many times.. guilty over not making a move.

Cashbee

life is full of unseized opportunities

Imus

@Rainb I advise you to think of it more as "not made a move yet"

It's perfectly fine to miss plenty of opertunities. Just try to take the next one :)

Once you actually start again, you'll see that there's still plenty more oppertunities to ~~mess up~~ learn from :)

Marcus

i received a rejection -> +1 because i overcame my fear and tried;
i received an acceptance/invitation -> +2 icing on the cake

i cannot get the exact quote from Game of Thrones where tirion lannister said something along the lines of "wear your flaws as armor and nothing can hurt you"

Sid

@Cashbee I find this line very deep

@Marcus "wear your flaws as a badge of honour"

Marcus

9:27 AM

Thank you sid

i only watched the german version so far

Sid

GoT is pretty great. I especially like how well they build up the characters

Marcus

the first seasons were golden but lately i find it too "hollywoody"

its become more of an action series and it wasnt previously

the dialogs and interactions have become more predictable and its more about heroism

my opinion ofc

Rainb

I should watch the german version of GoT

I need to practice german lots

doppelgreener

@Marcus probably in connection to other writers than GRRM having more of a part in the storytelling, since they're diverging further from the books and setting up for an ending that doesn't exist in the books.

I stopped watching the series though during season 4. The characters I liked died, literally removing my opportunities to get invested in the show, as well as telling me I couldn't safely get invested in anyone else or any other part of the show. Then I got invested in one new person, and they died horribly, it was terrible to watch, and I gave up on the show completely.

Probably I wouldn't have watched it even that far if my housemate didn't watch it regularly.

Tinkeringbell

@doppelgreener Is it that bad? I heard a lot of characters die in GoT... but do you really attach to a fictional character that much when watching it?

doppelgreener

9:43 AM

@Tinkeringbell "That much" not so much, but I was completely unprepared to see someone's skull crushed. I had to use a visual memory erasure technique I'd been taught to clear the visual from my memory.

And it was a character I liked a lot for a number of reasons, and was the last one I felt I could safely root for.

Tinkeringbell

@doppelgreener Err... I think I'll pass. They really show it? (It probably was fake :P)

doppelgreener

@Tinkeringbell They show it. It's messy. (I mean, yeah, it was fake, but they're going for very real SFX.)

Tinkeringbell

Well, thanks for the heads-up

I guess I'll stick with watching documentaries ;)

doppelgreener

All I want and need is stories where I can safely get invested in characters and see their narrative and character arcs and, if they lose or die, it is part of a completed arc with catharsis or with the reader feeling OK with it or so on.

which is, like, all the fiction ever over the past century

Cashbee

@Tinkeringbell my favourite one still lives

IPS Comment Bot

9:48 AM

@Jasper I agree with your advice, but I don't think you can really use words like "big" or "small" in a really factual statement. Things are big or small, tall or short compared to something (it's usually implicitly compared to what is considered standard in the context/culture it is said). Is a 1,70m person tall or short? Well, it depends on the locale and the time period. Is a 200k ly galaxy big or small? Is a 10 years age difference in a couple big or small? How about a 30 years difference? There are places (and there were times) where no one would bat an eye. — xDaizu 1 min ago

#16347 xDaizu (266 rep) | A: How do I tell a love interest I'm probably too old for her? (score: 289) | posted 6 days ago by Kate Gregory (25171 rep) | Toxicity 0.09720758 | edited 4 days ago by Kate Gregory (25171 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

Tinkeringbell

@doppelgreener Might explain why GoT got so popular then. It sounds very different ;)

Cashbee

I think guessing which likeable character dies next is part of the fun of GoT

it's exactly the thing that main characters are not safe from plot twists that makes it awesome. In how many movies did you think "oh they're fine, I mean look 3 main characters are on the ship. the ship simply can't sink"

Rainb

so basically got is killing the heores

fun

Cashbee

it's what makes the plot incredibly unpredictable and exciting

@Rainb well, there are tons of heroes

Marcus

@Cashbee it made

by now i dont expect a certain jon to die until the end. previously i wasnt so sure

Cashbee

9:56 AM

@Marcus ooh double negatives :D

Marcus

reeee!

Imus

Does that mean you do or don't expect him to die?

Marcus

fixed

Cashbee

he does

ooh what

Imus

I'm getting too used to people using double negatives where they meant a single negative these days.. I guessed correctly XD

Marcus

9:59 AM

for the past season they rarely removed characters and havent introduced many new ones.

so i expect them to try and close the whole thing down. meaning no messing with characters until the finale

Cashbee

and that is exactly where it gets exciting. so you expect him not to die, because you can see a nice ending where he is a key figure. But you know that the writer is uninhibited from killing off key figures ;D

Marcus

well the major flaw was we had so many characters and storylines that everyone only got 5 minutes in each episode. they killed many to narrow the whole thing down to have 10-15minutes each

streamlined the thing into a tv-series

the previous season indicated that to me

doppelgreener

10:15 AM

@Tinkeringbell my friends describe it as being different because it's a brutally honest story with no feel-good. i consider it a sequence of events, with no story except that the things have happened -- they have no meaning, no arcs, no direction, nothing storytelling includes.

it is a sequence of terrible people doing terrible things, and the good people die and it's terrible, and when the terrible people die we can't even feel good about it because they died terribly.

Tinkeringbell

11:01 AM

@doppelgreener I must admit I'm way more superficial than that when it comes to stories ;) I just stopped reading the books because it felt like I was reading something like Victor Hugo, with huge descriptions of what cities look like and who is where, instead of stories about people. Having lost my interest in the book, I never went for the series ;)

Extroverted Main Man

11:32 AM

0

Q: Worried about developing feelings for co-worker.

A group of co-workers and I have become very close this summer. We hang out all the time, are always talking outside of work, and have even gone on trips together. I am the only girl in the group due to the fact that we work at a small engineering company with seldom women. One co-worker and I in...

relationships conflict-aversion coworkers

0

Q: How to ask my local baker if he is always selling freshly baked bread

Ok, so it may looks like I'm making too much of a big deal of this situation, but as a typical French guy I'm taking this issue rather seriously. The bakery I'm used to buy my bread at was taken over by an other team, and now it seems that sometime, the bread they are selling is not always fresh...

france shopping

IPS Comment Bot

There are several reasons: — foggybottom 5 secs ago

#16614 foggybottom (1 rep) | Q: How should I address developing feelings for a co-worker? (score: 0) | posted 18 minutes ago by foggybottom (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.079989895 | edited 2 minutes ago by foggybottom (1 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["short-comment"]

Extroverted Main Man

11:48 AM

0

Q: How to ask a seller to leave you alone without being rude

When I'm going for shopping (I am not doing that often, sometimes when I really need some new clothes), I'd like to take my time, look to all available staff, and thinking about what I need and what not, or what I'd like to wear..etc In the most of shops, you are feeling free and you can take yo...

germany customer-interactions shopping

IPS Comment Bot

12:00 PM

+1 .. I like this way, the problem I am new here and my german is not good yet, that is why I didn't think about something like that — Moslem Ch 1 min ago

#16618 Moslem Ch (723 rep) | A: How to ask a store clerk to leave you alone without being rude? (score: 1) | posted 8 minutes ago by Mafii (1179 rep) | Toxicity 0.1421851

Matched regex(es) ["+1"]

+1, just I am not quite sure if they'll not repeat the question again.. — Moslem Ch 1 min ago

#16619 Moslem Ch (723 rep) | A: How to ask a store clerk to leave you alone without being rude? (score: 1) | posted 5 minutes ago by Daniel (5084 rep) | Toxicity 0.10978549 | edited 4 minutes ago by A J (6237 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["+1"]

Extroverted Main Man

1

Q: How to tell my coworkers to stop their jokes on LGBTQ+ people

Context I have been in this company for 5 months now and I'm sharing an office with four males (35 to 55 y.o.). They all are white, heterosexual men. For the record I'm a white, 22 y.o., heterosexual female and I consider myself a woman1. There's been a viral video in France in the beginning of...

conversations conflict-aversion coworkers

IPS Comment Bot

@WendyG They are LGBTQ+ phobic. — avazula 1 min ago

#16620 avazula (5101 rep) | Q: How to tell my coworkers to stop their jokes on LGBTQ+ people (score: 2) | posted 15 minutes ago by avazula (5101 rep) | Toxicity 0.7009271 | edited 1 minutes ago by avazula (5101 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["short-comment"]

Tinkeringbell

@IPSCommentBot fp

IPS Comment Bot

Marked this comment as caught incorrectly (fp) Currently marked 0tps/1fps

Mithrandir

@IPSCommentBot WRONGO

IPS Comment Bot

12:14 PM

Registered as WRONGO

Rainb

12:31 PM

I have a gay friend that absolutely loves gay jokes, and has confessed me he feels guilty of making feel uncomofortable

when he says them

for some reason

Extroverted Main Man

1

Q: How to tell a classmate I don’t want to give him a contact for an internship?

Background I am studying mechanics at the university. Last summer, I did a great internship in an auto industry company. This internship was really rewarding, I did a useful job and I learned many things on different subjects. My co-workers were really nice to me and my tutor made me have an inc...

politeness coworkers students

Jesse

hey guys, dumbass off topic question but google isn't helping and i figured you all would know

I have 4g internet. I have a new computer. Can I buy any old wifi card to connect it or do i need something specific?

Tinkeringbell

As far as I know, 4g is different from wifi? I have a tablet that supports wifi, but I can't connect it to 4g (since that's cellular?)

Maybe this is a good question for the more technical site chatrooms ;)

Cashbee

12:54 PM

@Tinkeringbell @Jesse indeed 4g != wifi. I think there are gadgets like special usb sticks and such to receive 4g. For now, you'll have to make a hotspot with your mobile and connect on that with your computer

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: Is it ok to text the girl I like every day?

This might be a very basic thing for many but love is definetly not my strong subject at all! There is a girl I like very much, long story short, we started to text each other around 3 - 4 times a day including weekends (since 3 weeks), we already went for a coffe once and it was a great time, I...

relationships gender texting

Jesse

@Cashbee I already connect to the 4g, and its being hotspotted... kind of. I am trying to figure out what sort of wifi card or usb receiver or whatever I need to buy to connect my comp to this google.com.au/…

yeah, might go searching for some more technical chatrooms, thanks though :)

Tinkeringbell

@Jesse Maybe superuser can help? @JourneymanGeek? (probably asleep now ;))

Jesse

at least this has shown me that i need to find out. and it wont likely just connect if i get something random

Journeyman Geek

@Jesse hardware recs might be the site

@Tinkeringbell one nite shift to go so no sleep for me

Tinkeringbell

1:04 PM

@JourneymanGeek I mean, you can sleep during the day time? :)

Thought this was day time for you ;)

Journeyman Geek

Oh that thing should work with any WiFi card @Jesse

IPS Comment Bot

While I agree with the first paragraph, I have great concern that telling someone who already has low self confidence that they don't know their own mind seems verging on cruel and certainly unhelpful. If the OP tells her that he's breaking up with her because she doesn't really want him in her life, how is that not just going to cause her angst over how she can convince him that she really does? Far healthier to say that for him the relationship has run its course and he is looking for something different in life now. — Spagirl 39 secs ago

#10335 Spagirl (10952 rep) | A: How to prepare my girlfriend for the break-up? (score: 7) | posted 158 days ago by Lee F (71 rep) | Toxicity 0.21929353

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

Jesse

ahh no! i realised my mistake

yeah it will work

because its a 4g adapter, connects to 4g and emmits normal wifi hotspot

Journeyman Geek

@Tinkeringbell in theory

@Jesse think of it as a screenless phone in hotspot mode

Jesse

so its effectively just normal wifi and any card will work. I got tripped up because it has a big 4G pasted on the front so i was thinking that it WAS 4G

hahah yeah

thanks

IPS Comment Bot

1:16 PM

@Daniel thank you for your help ! — AutoJim 1 min ago

#16623 AutoJim (8 rep) | A: How to tell a classmate I don’t want to give him a contact for an internship? (score: 4) | posted 33 minutes ago by Ilia L (172 rep) | Toxicity 0.011387615

Matched regex(es) ["short-comment"]

Tinkeringbell

@ElizB quick question: what makes you think this is a duplicate? interpersonal.stackexchange.com/q/16617/1599 :)

IPS Comment Bot

@sphennings: I mostly agree with you. My idea was for the OP to pretty much tell them what I wrote in my summary. Then wait for them to hopefully "get it" and mature. — James 43 secs ago

#16627 James (1056 rep) | A: How can I try to get my coworkers to stop their jokes on LGBTQ+ people (score: 0) | posted 26 minutes ago by James (1056 rep) | Toxicity 0.12405988 | edited 16 minutes ago by James (1056 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

ElizB

@Tinkeringbell my thinking was that they're both trying to sell the OP something, so they are very similar questions, so I thought I'd say it's a duplicate, and AJ already mentioned that question, so I thought i'd further support it...

Tinkeringbell

@ElizB So, do you really think a store clerk is really that similar to e.g. a street vendor? I can dismiss the street vendor and walk on, that's not that possible in a store...

ElizB

@Tinkeringbell Point made, I understand now. I basically interact with them the same way, just a smile and nod and walk away.

Tinkeringbell

1:31 PM

(TBH, I had the same exchange in now deleted comments with AJ :P )

@ElizB Really? I won't let a store clerk scare me from their store! :P

Unless they ask for a third time, at which time I'd go... okay, I can't shop here quietly, I'm going to work my way towards the exit XD

ElizB

@Tinkeringbell I meant walk away from the store clerk within a store, and yeah, I second what you say XD

Tinkeringbell

So just a nod? A no-nod, I assume?

ElizB

If the store is big enough, that is. I would break eye contact, probably.

Cashbee

2:10 PM

@Tinkeringbell how is this question not closed yet?

Tinkeringbell

@Cashbee I dunno, what do you think it needs?

Cashbee

or, why was it not edited

it needs info why "just ~~ask~~ say so" is not working

Tinkeringbell

(I didn't have the time for another edit ;) ).

Leave a comment then ;)

IPS Comment Bot

@shoover: I agree it would be better to change the colleagues opinion, but that is unlikely to happen. I don´t agree that it reinforces anything - it only turns the other persons phobia against them. The reason why it´s so effective is because it often has a grain of truth! — Daniel 22 secs ago

#16625 Daniel (5194 rep) | A: How can I try to get my coworkers to stop their jokes on LGBTQ+ people (score: 6) | posted 1 hours ago by Daniel (5194 rep) | Toxicity 0.1582005 | edited 36 minutes ago by Chris Sunami (1889 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

Cashbee

ups no i once again didnt read the some key sentences..

there is a goal dfined

Tinkeringbell

2:14 PM

I think this is one of those examples of a Basic Interpersonal Communicative Skills question.... (wikipedia on BICS: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basic_interpersonal_communicative_skills) where OP doesn't master the customs and language of the country they're now in...

IPS Comment Bot

What if they just honestly explain the joke, like "You know, because gays like the 'D' in the ass"? I don't think this is bad advice, just wondering what you would do then. — JohnEye 1 min ago

#16632 JohnEye (284 rep) | A: How can I try to get my coworkers to stop their jokes on LGBTQ+ people (score: 3) | posted 11 minutes ago by whereswalden (131 rep) | Toxicity 0.64452356

Matched regex(es) ["nln"]

ElizB

2:35 PM

Hard to work when there's a good storm going on outside.... :P

Imus

easier than when it's 27° inside ...

I give up for today :p cya

Cashbee

@Imus cya o/

ElizB

cya

IPS Comment Bot

@Imus You miss the point. OP doesn't want to be excluded. They want to change the behaviour. What I said is precisely what you mentioned. OP will get excluded from actively participating in the joking, I agree. If that's fine that's fine. But the joking won't stop. And yes I've tried it, and I also joked about sensitive topics. It didn't stop when someone didn't find it funny. I just did so with people who enjoyed it. And if you will tell them to boringly explain every joke you falsely don't get, that's active mockery on your part. Ofc they changed the subject... they didn't play along. — luk32 27 secs ago

#16632 luk32 (101 rep) | A: How can I try to get my coworkers to stop their jokes on LGBTQ+ people (score: 6) | posted 39 minutes ago by whereswalden (161 rep) | Toxicity 0.23815812

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

apaul

2:56 PM

@Rainb Might recommend Hannah Gadsby's new Netflix special to your friend.

Cashbee

3:13 PM

comment removal pls (all of them) on this question interpersonal.stackexchange.com/q/16607/8077

IPS Comment Bot

3:26 PM

Have you spoken about it with him? Just like some people are afraid of talking to women, some people are afraid of talking openly about what they want. I think it's great that you push your friend if you believe that this is what he needs, he is old enough to say no if he doesn't like it - but you said that you "can see" and not that "he has told you." If you haven't, could you elaborate why not? — Raditz_35 1 min ago

#16636 Raditz_35 (189 rep) | Q: Helping a 26 years old friend who has never dated anyone (score: 3) | posted 9 minutes ago by Hopf (16 rep) | Toxicity 0.30068126 | edited 3 minutes ago by TheRealLester (3854 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

Extroverted Main Man

5

Q: Helping a 26 years old friend who has never dated anyone

My friend is 26 and, when we hang out, he typically enjoys looking at nice girls and he hopes to know them. He's never been in a relationship though, and he's very shy with girls. In the past, he's been rejected by two girls but he's now over it. Sometimes, when he makes me notice some girl he l...

friends relationships shyness

Extroverted Main Man

4:01 PM

-1

Q: Is it unethical to become a passive Member?

I am a member in a sports club where I pay a monthly fee and and therefore can visit a group training of my choice with a paid trainer up to twice a week, which when used to its full extend would be a lot for the money. As I only have time on average slightly less than once a week, I pay about as...

acceptable-behavior

IPS Comment Bot

I just removed the part of it that was only ethics — Gimli 1 min ago

#16641 Gimli (97 rep) | Q: How can I tactfully become a passive Member? (score: -2) | posted 12 minutes ago by Gimli (97 rep) | Toxicity 0.1474076 | edited 2 minutes ago by Gimli (97 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

ElizB

does anyone ever have the feeling of validation the more they research about something they've suspected for a long time?

it feels like borderline obsession because I see so many boxes checked in terms of being correct about my suspicions.

IPS Comment Bot

4:27 PM

@Teri0 It may not be the advice you want to hear, but that doesn't make it unhelpful advice. There are good reasons that this answer and Upper_Case's answer are highly upvoted. — reirab 1 min ago

#16446 reirab (725 rep) | A: How to convince my wife that my best friend and I are just friends? (score: 197) | posted 5 days ago by Totally not a throwaway accoun (1742 rep) | Toxicity 0.22620529 | edited 4 days ago by Totally not a throwaway accoun (1742 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

What did you tell him when he asked in the first place? — Dean MacGregor 29 secs ago

#16622 Dean MacGregor (131 rep) | Q: How to tell a classmate I don’t want to give him a contact for an internship? (score: 4) | posted 3 hours ago by AutoJim (23 rep) | Toxicity 0.039809857

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

IPS Comment Bot

4:42 PM

@apaul agreed, but trying to silence people isn't right either. — Alexandre Aubrey 1 min ago

#16642 Alexandre Aubrey (696 rep) | A: How can I try to get my coworkers to stop their jokes on LGBTQ+ people (score: -2) | posted 12 minutes ago by Alexandre Aubrey (696 rep) | Toxicity 0.12411352

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

IPS Comment Bot

4:55 PM

Agreed. Jokes about <something> implies nothing about one's opinion on <something>. As an overweight individual who gets a kick out of fat jokes, I can personally attest to this. — bvoyelr 18 secs ago

#16642 bvoyelr (676 rep) | A: How can I try to get my coworkers to stop their jokes on LGBTQ+ people (score: -2) | posted 24 minutes ago by Alexandre Aubrey (696 rep) | Toxicity 0.5133964

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

sphennings

@ElizB I experience the same feeling but I try (and often fail) to be cautious because I could be biased in the sources I am using because they are the ones that validate my preconceived notions.

@ElizB What are you researching?

ElizB

@sphennings Thank you for that word of caution. The topic is that I am learning that my dad is most likely a narcissist, and has potential of some kind of personality disorder, including borderline PD and narcissistic PD.

PD=personality disorder

I dont know for sure, and convincing him to go to counseling for his own evaluation seems impossible.

sphennings

I'd be especially cautious about attempting to diagnose people when you're not a mental health professional.

Transcript for