The Awkward Silence

1:10 AM

Wouldn't you know it... Actually talking to people can sometimes be productive: meta.stackoverflow.com/questions/367091/…

M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ

@apaul still generates quite some drama

But some meaningful and constructive discussion in posts from people I suspected

apaul

I said "sometimes" ;)

M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ

45

Q: What should the user community do about incivility on Stack Overflow?

Incivility on Stack Overflow is not a new topic. But apparently it's been given new life. So here's your chance to sound off on what we, as a community, can do about it. But first, some of my own observations and opinions. As a diamond moderator, I have cleared thousands of flags on Stack Ove...

Good stuff, for example

I hate how a chance to addressing the root problem got lost in debates of finding out who's on which side

95 percent of the discussion was polluted with emotions, whose net result would just be an "us vs. them" stance for people on all sides involved

I'm saying because that's how I feel, and I didn't even engage

Helping users who post crap not post crap can help the situation greatly, and the possible solutions are much more quantifiable and workable than trying to help regulars not have bad days and post snarky comments

SO is not sexist or racist. Okay, that's controversial. But what we all agree on is learning the ropes of how to ask is a very tough curve and people usually just don't bother climbing.

There's lots of potential to work on here. The only reason work hasn't been done is procrastination.

And we already have some ideas how. I've seen loads of meta.

dilbert.com/strip/1996-12-13

apaul

2:04 AM

@M.A.R.ಠ_ಠ Either Stack Overflow is the first group of humans in recorded history to have solved all the issues of race and gender, or... There's room for improvement.

5

Discrimination and bigotry aren't just a Stack Overflow problem, or a Stack Exchange problem, they're human problems. Where ever you have large groups of humans together, you're going to have to deal with these problems sooner or later... Or not.

We can choose to react, or not.

We can only react - and how we react defines us.

Extroverted Main Man

2:20 AM

0

Q: How to convince my girlfriend to be open about the discussion of political topics

My girlfriend and I have been together for about 5 months. She tends to be more left leaning in her beliefs and I tend to be more centered. Every now and then she'll ask me something related to something she agrees with politically (often to do with feminism/race etc), and I would end up disagr...

conversations relationships

A J

2:51 AM

@M.A.R.ಠ_ಠ Is it plural of "thanks"? :P

Extroverted Main Man

3:29 AM

0

Q: How to politely tell a friend that I only want her to hang out?

I have a crush on my collegue friend and want to take her out to cinemas or other places. When I ask her out, she always tell me if her friend could go along with her. I know it's not a date just hang out together. But, I really only want the two of us. How do I politely tell her about it?

relationships

IPS Comment Bot

3:45 AM

It sounds like you want to ask them on a date. What's preventing you from just asking her out? — sphennings 1 min ago

#13889 sphennings (5257 rep) | Q: How to politely tell a friend that I only want her to hang out? (score: -1) | posted 31 minutes ago by Vahn (99 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

justathought

6:46 AM

@Rainbacon I commented before it was migrated

SQB

7:16 AM

> "It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."

IPS Comment Bot

7:47 AM

It seems clear that the OP's crush is female.: agreed. my point was that she could bring a MALE friend to the date: agreed. as a message she's not interested: agreed (but then, why not just say "no" to the "date"?). IMO, be it a female or a male friend, it's exactly the same: I bring them to feel safe before going any further. My advice isn't misleading at all in either case I believe :) — OldPadawan 47 secs ago

#13891 OldPadawan (9982 rep) | A: How to politely tell a friend that I only want her to hang out? (score: 1) | posted 59 minutes ago by OldPadawan (9982 rep) | edited 26 minutes ago by OldPadawan (9982 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

Mithrandir

8:19 AM

@Tinkeringbell or @AJ, you around?

A J

@Mithrandir I am.

Mithrandir

@AJ Alright. Do yo mind if I do some science about the above meta question? Are you available to refund a bounty if needed?

A J

@Mithrandir I don't know how to refund the bounty?

Mithrandir

i'll walk you through if needed

alright?

on this question interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/6588/…

A J

@Mithrandir ok

Mithrandir

8:22 AM

Actually, I could probably do this on Lit.

A J

@Mithrandir I ain't sure about it.

can you refund your own bounty?

Mithrandir

not my own, my sock. want to test something, for science

A J

@Mithrandir ah. ok.

Henders

#forScience!

A J

@Mithrandir Though, I have answered it, but I don't know pretty much about it, so I only posted what could have happened.

Mithrandir

8:25 AM

alright, that did nothing. experiment concluded :p

Henders

Undefined variable 'did nothing'.

Mithrandir

bounty didn't go through

A J

@Mithrandir check my answer and see if I have to add more.

Mithrandir

Your answer seemed to cover it, I was just curious about something that made me think of.

Henders

THanks :)

Mithrandir

8:31 AM

I was also curious about something to do with spam flags, but I'm not going to science that for reasons.

Extroverted Main Man

8:56 AM

1

Q: How can I accommodate my in-laws in a hotel without making them feel uncomfortable about paying the room?

I want to invite my in-laws, who live in another country, to visit me and my wife. However, we do not have enough space in our apartment for so many people, so I would like to accommodate them in a nearby hotel instead. Unfortunately, given their financial situation my in-laws lack the money to ...

money in-laws

IPS Comment Bot

I also noticed back when I was going to a university and while I lived in that city afterward (between 2004 and 2011) that college students (those I didn't know) would rarely wave back or say hi if I said hi or waved to them as we crossed paths (while walking to and from campus)—I said 'hi' and/or waved a lot. That was a new to me (I was used to people responding in my home town, then). That was in Utah, but the students were from all over, but for people I knew, they would normally respond. (But people over a certain age where I live now usually respond, while the younger ones, not so much.) — Shule 1 min ago

#13662 Shule (145 rep) | Q: How to politely ask someone why they didn't say hi back? (score: 2) | posted 5 days ago by bighouse (243 rep) | edited 5 days ago by bighouse (243 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

Extroverted Main Man

9:13 AM

-1

Q: How to Strategically decide to continue dating

I have been friends with this Amy for 3-4 years, since college. Recently we have started going on one on one dates couple of times a month. When we are out we really seem to connect, as we have been friends for long and have a somewhat common friend’s circle, field of work, play the same sports s...

relationships friendship

M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ

10:27 AM

@apaul the opposing side's argument is not that these problems are non-existent. It's that they're not the main issue, and if we want to be making SO a better place, they're not our primary concern

And damn right.

Most of the SO user-mods, meaning, people who do the regular janitorial work, are NOT racist or sexist, at least most of the time.

And please don't bring up the "you are sexist and you don't know it" argument. I hate that

Extroverted Main Man

10:55 AM

0

Q: How to convey seriousness in conditions when gifting money to brother

TL;DR: I want to give my brother some money with a few conditions on how it is spent but believe he is unlikely to realise that I seriously plan to enforce those conditions. How can I convey my seriousness to him? I have an older brother whom I do/have gotten along well with for all of my life...

conversations family boundaries money

Jesse

@ExtrovertedMainMan Longest question I've seen in a while :D I just kept going on and on, there was a more and more context I thought was relevant that came to mind as I was writing it

If I need to its no big deal to condense it down

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