The Awkward Silence - 2018-03-20 (page 1 of 2)

« first day (265 days earlier) ← previous day next day → last day (2215 days later) »

12:00 AM

@NVZ I found a useful way to deal with the voting system. I deleted all my answers. They won't be missed anyway.

:(

were you getting downvoted a lot, @Haunt_House?

let's say I got downvoted enough to decide that I stick to networks where voters have an easier time to decide right from wrong

the answer were in the single digit positive range but when I log in, I don't want to deal with anonymous negativity

... You had five posts, only three of which had a single downvote, the other two had none... Can you please explain how that's somehow awful?

If you're going to complain, at least be honest.

Where please have I complained?

2 mins ago, by Haunt_House

let's say I got downvoted enough to decide that I stick to networks where voters have an easier time to decide right from wrong

12:11 AM

yes, it's much harder to judge an answer in here than for example my core network: blender, where everybody in 5 minutes can check whether an answer makes sense

If you don't want to have an account here, please feel free to remove your account but removing all of your posts is considered vandalism and we're expected to reverse it.

If it was 10 or 20 answers. if it was answers that got any relevance, but they were truly inconsequencial

@Catija it would be vandalism if I killed stuff of others or answers that are relevant. I did no such thing

Extroverted Main Man

12:39 AM

0

Q: How to politely and effectively communicate with someone who's deaf, while not knowing any sign language?

Here's the setting: A few nights ago, I was visiting a friend, "Mark" who works at a small, late-night food services establishment. They do takeout orders only and sell your typical milkshakes, fries, hot dogs, chicken fingers, grilled cheese, etc. It was a slow night, so Mark and I were just ...

disability non-verbal-communication

If they can read, writing might work

1 hour later…

1:56 AM

@Tinkeringbell not at all

2 hours later…

4:19 AM

→ 6 messages moved to trash

3 hours later…

7:22 AM

@ExtrovertedMainMan Dupe

1 hour later…

8:27 AM

Anyone around with access to /tools?

here

Would you mind checking if there's anything in the new answers to old questions thing?

@Mithrandir Newest from 17 hours ago

Can I have a link please? I'm trying to test a bot

-1

A: How can I stop enabling my brothers without my mom exploding?

You're fighting the wrong battle I've read every answer so far and even if it got approved and has so many upvotes I don't get how @anongoodnurse 's anwer can be thought to be good. As you said you're usually good to talk with your mother and you didn't give any clue about troubles in your rela...

0

A: How can I stop enabling my brothers without my mom exploding?

Easiest way to make your brothers comply is by snitching, so: Get everybody's number into a family group chat. If you don't mind handling the mental management of the tasks (looking into what needs to be done, reminding your brothers to do their parts), and the only objective is to get them...

8:31 AM

Thanks

0

A: Roommate dating man I have a crush on

Your request is entirely unreasonable. They have been understanding so far, build on that instead of burning the bridge. In psychology, exposure therapy works by gradually increasing exposure, not by isolation. I strongly recommend rethinking your position. Some other answers already gave advis...

I don't have a section for new answers to old questions. but it seems magisch could help.

@Cashbee interpersonal.stackexchange.com/tools/new-answers-old-questions

ah. yes now I see the link in the /tools xD

/tools has a lot of helpful stuff but it's way underdocumented.

8:41 AM

agreed

@ExtrovertedMainMan That one could use some attention, seems like it's written just so they could write their answer and get more attention for it then when adding it to the duplicate

I spent like 3 days on that page when I first got them on M&TV

Nowadays, I use this to help keeping the site cleaning by deleting, closing etc.

I have access to tools since less than a week. What would you want to be documented there? It seems pretty straightforward to me...

@Cashbee it's got almost as much as a confusing layout as the mod tools

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: Really Need some girl advice on what should I do?

This girl and I liked each other and we kind of hanged out all the time but I kind of got clingy and some other things happen so we didn't really talk that much anymore, we worked together she left the job but on her last say I told her that i still liked her and she said she knows. That Night ...

8:51 AM

@Cashbee I explored it in depth. You can't do anything from there, but you can explore it to what to do on what.

@ExtrovertedMainMan edited, but got no idea on giving better title? Anyone?

@AJ Close it as 'what should I do'

@AJ I'm not a magician sry. I can't bend that question into one that isn't asking 'what should I do'..

9:42 AM

@Tinkeringbell sure. just checking

the newest question was just edited

interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/12105/…

ah well, it hasn't gotten better :(

Aaand it has an AIC

That's the first time I used both autocomments on 1 question

@Magisch That reminds me. @Tinkeringbell, did you ever resolve this? Did you try the egg or the sprinkles?

9:57 AM

@SQB Still a drama. They're going away next weekend too, and we're still not getting anywhere. I didn't try the egg or sprinkles, though I did paint the scenario and she seemed to agree. Yet every time she comes back, now we're all three getting a handful if the house isn't clean, even though I did my part, and did it well

I am hopefully getting a new project soon, for a longer time, and that will mean I can go look for apartments again. I hope to be out of the house before summer

@Tinkeringbell Quick! Book a hotel for yourself and let your brothers deal with it themselves.

@SQB That would mean packing up way more than I can carry, and the internet in hotels is usually lousy

I prefer to spend my weekends when mom and dad are away behind the pc, trying out new programming stuff or something

Ah. Well, treat yourself to a citytrip. spoordeelwinkel.nl/nachtje-weg for instance. Sacrifice your programming exercise for some peace of mind.

10:15 AM

@SQB Meh. I have free travel using the boss's business card

But I don't like city trips, and it's cold

So stay inside: hackathon.com/event/…

(Just trying to be helpful here).

@SQB Hahaha that's cool. You know, I have to finish crocheting a blanket before mother's day ;)

And I'm not that good, that I can do hackathons

10:35 AM

Well, at least try managing your mother's expectations.

@SQB Been doing that ;) I haven't cleaned my room for ages

> "Mom, while you and dad are away, I will do X, Y, and Z. I will even remind my brothers to do P, Q, R, S, and T. However, if they fail to do so, I will not do it for them. I will clean up any mess I make. I will not clean up any mess they make. Also, I'm not their parent. I can't make them do it."

@SQB I know, I've tried that ;)

Problem is, for things like the kitchen, everyone is supposed to leave it in a clean state after they used it, if I find a dirty kitchen, I'm not going to clean up what I didn't cause, yet when mom comes home, it's often 'Who used the kitchen last? Oh, Tink. WHY DIDN"T YOU CLEAN IT?

"because the mess was already there" apparently isn't a good answer

"I cleaned the spot of the counter I used" only works once she's calmed down

But that question isn't a good one anyway, now that I look at it... It needs some editing or closure as off-topic

"Calm down. because the mess was already there"

:)

Ever tried telling my mom to calm down? It'll only enrage her more, because SHE IS CALM!

I really need to make some time for my questions this weekend as well... edit them or close them

Find out what can go and stay

I think the same goes for the answers I wrote

10:42 AM

yeah I know the "I'M NOT SHOUTING" all too well :)

@Cashbee Well, that one is real for me, I can be very loud without actually shouting... I just have an amazing capability for creating volume

If I actually tried, people would hurt their ears

@SQB They currently going on here.

Prepare everything you want to eat beforehand and put it in the fridge. That way, you won't be the last one to use the kitchen.

@SQB That might work XD I'd still be using the microwave though :P

Actually, I'm tired of planning stuff in advance like that, just to try and avoid running into my brothers... I just need to move out, hopefully soon

10:58 AM

→ 6 messages moved to trash

2 hours later…

12:33 PM

→ 4 messages moved to trash

@Tinkeringbell Move out and watch the household fall apart

@Magisch I bet that won't happen...

What's more likely is that it will solve the problem because when I'm not there, all of a sudden my brothers can do stuff

Most likely they dislike doing the stuff and have found out they can pawn it off on you and you can't fight back

@Magisch Except that's exactly what I've been doing :) Anyways, the question should be closed, it's not about improving my skills

but editing it will invalidate answers

Morning all.

12:47 PM

@RichardU hey hey

@Tinkeringbell The site seems to be coming under control. It's less of a free-for-all, IMO.

@Cashbee how goes it?

@RichardU it's the lack of a HNQ question that makes it look like that :)

@RichardU I'm still seeing a lot of brainstorming on the questions that do manage do keep open/be reopened

And what Cashbee said

Yeah, HNQ is a pain. When a question made it to hacker news from TWP, we were overrun by trolls for months.

We got the wrong kind of attention

so much so that we had a spate of Meta questions about how to deal with trolls.

We just happened to have a few experts on trolling over there.

interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/12108/1599 NAA?

12:51 PM

@Tinkeringbell NaA + Non-IPS solution

@Mithrandir Thought so

@Tinkeringbell rather comment it and ask for an explanation why it is a good solution. IMO if that is added, it is an answer

oh yeah non IPS :(

@Tinkeringbell + try this

@Cashbee I'll leave a comment ... ;)

Triple whammy

12:53 PM

found this one in mod tools. There are lots of delete votes on lots of answers.

Extroverted Main Man

-4

Q: Tutorials take too long

I'm currently learning Xamarin on Xamarin.University but it is a problem that I have for all of the tutorials I follow and I am wondering if it is normal or not. First and for all to create context: I am a student and this is my third year of studying IT. Before 2015 I have never programmed in ...

@AJ I tend to check mod tools now and then, but it's always the same things there, that I have already voted on

IPS Comment Bot

+1 "ethical reasons" implies absolute ethics. "my values" implies relative ethics. I'm sure many people do horrible things for "ethical reasons", when what they mean is that those things "align with the very specific ethical values they subscribe to". — Tasos Papastylianou 1 min ago

#11770 Tasos Papastylianou (137 rep) | A: How do I answer the question "why are you vegan?" honestly, without making them resent me? (score: 27) | posted 6 days ago by fox (291 rep) | edited 6 days ago by fox (291 rep)

Matched regex(es) [""]

@IPSCommentBot I do like that regex, it hits almost only positives!

flag-pls, del-pls | NaA (Non-IPS solution) | How to talk to a girl who's sitting next to me but wearing headphones?

12:59 PM

@Tinkeringbell not sure if sarcastic. Mithrandir said it looks for +1/-1

@Mithrandir I'm going to make an autocomment for that linking to the non-IPS answer meta I think...

where are all these autocomments stored anyway? is there a site? or do you just have them locally for your use?

Yes, which is why I like it :D All +/- comments are basically often not suggesting improvements/asking for clarification, so it's a good thing to flag them as no-longer-needed.

This regex gives way less false positives than the 'you really should' one we had

Hi folks

Feb 1 at 21:07, by Mithrandir

(again, you can find my auto comments at https://gist.github.com/superplane39/fa2af7132b392d172181df7c3872a2bc, designed for use with the AutoReviewComments script)

Are you on Chrome?

1:01 PM

@Tinkeringbell ofc :)

thx for the link

@Cashbee Install TamperMonkey or GreaseMonkey, add the userscript and import the comments from gist ;)

what for?

It will show an 'auto' button next to your comment button, you can press that and just add the comment with a few clicks ;)

uuuh... will do :)

user image

1:03 PM

which one of those 2 is better? :D

See the little 'auto' next to 'help'?

I already had used TamperMonkey once for work purposes... so I just went with that ;)

I just see you can also add autoreviewcomments as a chrome extension directly ;)

I already had TamperMonkey for the FIRE script, so I added it as a userscript to that...

@Tinkeringbell By definition it hits only positives... ;)

@Mithrandir 'true positives'.. sorry!

@OldPadawan hi!

@Tinkeringbell : since you're around and the Q is originally yours... (let me get the link)

1:08 PM

@OldPadawan I cast the first close-vote on that one ;)

interpersonal.stackexchange.com/review/close/8506

It's not about improving my Interpersonal Skills as it is now, but editing it to make it that will invalidate answers... so better to close and eventually delete it.

what is this "too old to migrate" ? kind of "go to parenting.se" stuff?

If a question isn't too old, you can say choose off-topic and 'should be migrated to'... questions older than IIRC 30 days can't be migrated by definition

2

Q: What does it mean that a post is off topic because it's too old to migrate?

Sometimes, in the close queue, I find some post that is flagged as off-topic becase too old to migrate. The most recent is What was the first trailer to use “in a world”?. What does it mean?

1:10 PM

And indeed, you could have said this belonged on another site in the network, like parenting, if there was an official migration path which we don't have... so we can only migrate posts from main to meta

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: How can I suggest to someone that he may potentially be colourblind?

My colleague recently had a disagreement with a client about the colour of two items. The client claimed both items were the same colour, while to my colleague one was red and one was green. I can confirm that the two items were indeed red and green. My colleague and I know another colleague, who...

work-environment conflict-aversion netherlands disability

okee dokee, never seen that b4

@Tinkeringbell yeah, but that stuff are not getting attention.

IPS Comment Bot

-1 because it involves lying/deception. — mbomb007 52 secs ago

#12046 mbomb007 (168 rep) | A: How can I politely refuse to help classmates with their work? (score: 4) | posted 27 hours ago by Astralbee (8296 rep)

Matched regex(es) [""]

@ExtrovertedMainMan Weird, all the traffic lights over here work red/orange/green, weird that the client never noticed that either...

1:15 PM

thanks for the help. I'm old enough to have seen half of the world but too old to remember half of what I've seen ^^ CU

@Tinkeringbell colourblindness works by seeing shades. Red and green traffic lights are distinguishable shades to my colourblind colleague for example.

@Belle-Sophie Ah, that explains...

Have you seen the comment?

Yeah, I just edited the question

I'm color blind, I can't tell the difference between green, brown, and gray (shades). but red green and yellow are no problem

(BTW, I've been adding a few new regexes last couple days, so you may see some more activity from the bot.)

1:21 PM

@Belle-Sophie Lemme look ;)

@Mithrandir If it gets too busy it will have to go to it's own room :P

Spam-room ;)

@Belle-Sophie Well, the bot is very useful for flagging all the chatter in comments... but the regex leaves something to be desired ;)

Haha, can imagine!

This is the room-room

Shame you don't know the details, but it'll have to make do then. You might get advice though that is exactly what the colleague already tried....

1:23 PM

where you can watch the movie "the room"

I'm still curious, ever heard back from the client that they really were colorblind? :)

@Tinkeringbell Yes! That prompted me to ask the question. "You must be colourblind" sounds like either an insult or dismissal to me, but in this case it was true.

I'm also trying to set up a Natty instance for IPS, I have to figure how to remove the question age check

@Mithrandir why does the +1/-1 regex say "Matched regex(es): [""]" ? is that regex missing a title, description or something?

@Belle-Sophie Might edit that in, that they definitely discovered they were later on ;)

@Mithrandir What is a Natty?

1:26 PM

It's in there
> It turned out the client was, until the incident with these two items, not aware of his colourblindness.

I think we might create a bot room then, have SmokeDetector, CommentBot and Natty in one place?

@Belle-Sophie That sounds exceedingly unlikely

How do you even drive and such without noticing at every stoplight

@Belle-Sophie I'd have phrased that a little more explicitly, what about:

> It turned out the client was colourblind, but until the incident with these two items, not aware of his colourblindness.

Because the first time I read it, it read to me like 'they were unaware they were colourblind' which I went like 'Duh, you told them while they weren't aware or even aren't'... :P

Might just be me though :P

@Tinkeringbell Thanks, I edited that in

@Magisch My colourblind colleague explained to me that he can see two distinct shades of the colour he sees for red/green on a traffic light. A bit like apple-green and pinetree-green.

@Belle-Sophie Which sorta makes sense, but more based on the light intensity... I can imagine the red light looking darker just because the light seems less intense ?

1:35 PM

@Tinkeringbell Yeah, probably something like that

user image

That's apparently what it looks like, kind of

Weird to see the red actually looks brighter in this one ;)

does anyone perchance know where I can find autoreviewcomments for SO? I can't find them with google :(

@Cashbee The pinned chat message ;)

Feb 1 at 21:07, by Mithrandir

(again, you can find my auto comments at https://gist.github.com/superplane39/fa2af7132b392d172181df7c3872a2bc, designed for use with the AutoReviewComments script)

yeah they are for IPS

@Cashbee Click the autoreviewcomments thingy :)

That plugin/script should work across SE

1:40 PM

I can't even find the correct chat rooms for SO xD

@Belle-Sophie I never chat on SO...

So no help there, sorry

@Tinkeringbell ok what i mean is, I am looking for the Text (additional comments) I have the AutoReviewComments plugin installed and it works, but the ones that I would like to use are not in there (i.e. Bobby Tables and such..)

@Cashbee it doesn't have a reason specified, in which case it's supposed to show the regex itself. I'm not entirely sure what happened with this one

@Cashbee Ahhh... I have no idea, maybe you should ask for the specific sites where they store their autocomments, or check their metas?

40

Q: Natty - Bringing 10k moderation to All

Background and History The New Answers to Old Questions tool helps us to find all the answers added to questions which are more than 30 days old. However the issue with the tool is that it is not real time. There are requests on Stack Overflow Meta to not only make it real time but also to enh...

app questions api-v2.2 answers

1:46 PM

I've only been using it for IPS :P

yeah I'm going to do that, I just asked here bc maybe you know. (I mean, who here is not on SO.. :P)

thx for your help though

@Cashbee @Mithrandir is way better with that sort of stuff :P Ask him ;)

I just asked in a programming-language-specific SO-chat. If i get no answer there i will bother Mithrandir :)

SOBotics

This room is dedicated to moderating content on Stack Overflow...

2:01 PM

@Cashbee SO is a full-contact site where the weak are killed and eaten

8

Q: How to convince a family member to stop victimizing themselves?

Situation: My grandmother moved away from the bulk of our family almost two (2) years ago now. As the flights are expensive, she only tends to visit a few times a year. However, every time she visits it causes conflict in our family. This is due to her making herself out as the "victim" in any s...

family difficult-people australia

Why on earth was this reopened? ^^^^^^^^^^^^

Not sure, I see 1 reopen and 3 leave closed in the review of it interpersonal.stackexchange.com/review/reopen/8489

It's not even edited :/ But then again, it also has no comments..

When I reviewed it, there were 4 reopen votes already on it

The 5th must have been someone who came upon the question outside the review queue

It's clearly a rant and has ZERO IPS involved in it.

I wonder how many mischievous reopen votes are floating around

@RichardU With a lot of reading between the lines, I can extract some 'asserting a boundary' or 'effectively set an ultimatum' from it... but it seems more like they're expecting to change the Nana..

2:12 PM

@RichardU I don't know if I would say it has zero IPS, but the IPS is certainly quite low.

I read it much like @Tinkeringbell did

I've tried editing down posts in the past to their IPS essentials and have been lambasted for doing so. I'm going to let someone else do it in this case.

In this case I'm not sure it would be easy for a user other than the OP to edit down to the IPS essentials given how much you have to read between the lines to get to the IPS

> To convey to Nanna (without starting an argument) that -

That is (albeit a weak) IPS question buried underneath 300 characters worth of rant

2:27 PM

@Magisch want to edit it? Go for it

Assuming you are all correct, the question should still have been edited and paired down before reopening

interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/5759/… can use some close votes..

@RichardU not sure if I can do that in a way that won't upset OP

@Tinkeringbell How's that not ips?

You even bolded the IPS part

@Magisch It's not about improving my skills

@Tinkeringbell 4 close votes now

It's one of those that is focused on the other person

And I don't see how to edit it to make it about boundaries or convincing without invalidating a boatload of answers...

2:29 PM

@Tinkeringbell it is though

> How can I get my mom to understand that I'm not responsible for the mess she found when she came home?

I don't think in it's current form it gives a good example for further people coming to the site..

@Magisch Exactly "I want to make someone do something"

'get my mom to understand'

not an IPS

Making someone do something in a generalized circumstance is like, the essence of IPS

2:30 PM

@Magisch no, it isn't

There are several interpersonal skills baked into that

@Magisch But we basically just agreed on meta that the question should focus on the skills the asker is using to achieve it, not on the other person

Making someone do something is the outcome but not the skill.

@Magisch I'd say it's only half-baked

@Magisch Think of it like poker, winning one hand is just luck, not skill

2:31 PM

@sphennings

@RichardU

Anyways, I can see now why people reviewed it as leave open... I should have thrown the meta link into the close message

@Magisch Similarly there are hands that will be lost by a skilled poker player because they are making the correct call and still getting unlucky.

@sphennings LOL, sorry. I meant to post that you nailed it.

@Magisch there is no IPS in causing someone's mind to understand or agree. There are IPS in being persuasive, there are IPS in being articulate, there are IPS in avoiding offense, but there isn't any in making anyone do anything, least of all understanding something. If there were, we'd all have IQs of 200

as the schools would have exploited this long ago

Anyone familiar with deleting closed questions when they are your own? I mean, there's some vandalism rules, do they apply to deleting your own questions once they're on hold too?

Or does anyone have any genious ideas on how to make it on topic without invalidating answers?

2:38 PM

@Tinkeringbell unless it becomes a pattern or they repost after deleting or having had a post deleted.

no

@RichardU Well, I am going to vote to close more of my questions, and I was planning on deleting them once they are closed as well...

@Tinkeringbell we've had to do that at TWP as well (edit questions that invalidate answers) Usually the people who answered either edit or delete their answers

Maybe just get them closed first then, and only delete them all at once

That would probably look more like a clean-up than a pattern ;)

Extroverted Main Man

-2

Q: How can I convey to someone that the way she communicates is awkward?

My sister has a problem where she will interrupt the flow of a conversation with various family members in order to mention something marginally related to the topic at hand. I'd say around 90% of the time this falls flat as what she's talking about isn't particularly interesting, related or some...

conversations awkward-situations

I don't think there's any prohibition against deleting closed posts.

2:40 PM

@RichardU I found this to not be the case

Once you know the goings of people, it's incredibly easy to get them to do what you want. It's almost scary in how exploitable it is at my work for instance

@Magisch Okay, make me understand that your politics are correct and mine are wrong.

@Magisch I completely agree with this. I often think of IPS as "how to manipulate people". I know it's not a healthy way to think, but then again...

@RichardU I hardly even know you

@Magisch Okay, explain what IPS would be required for you to make me understand that your politics are right, and mine are wrong.

see the point?

@RichardU where they're coming from

2:44 PM

You can use IPS to make a persuasive argument, but not to actually persuade.

Everyone has motivations. One important skill is to find them. Once you know that you can infer what you can do to entice people to do something you want. On the surface, this is manipulation.

@RichardU sure, but it works often enough to be a skill, me thinks

I think the distinction between "how do I get X to do Y" and "how do I make the best case for X to do Y" is semantics and nitpicking at best

@RichardU There aren't general patterns to get people to do things, but when you get to know someone, you can often develop skills specific to getting that person to do things.

@Magisch Basically, you should focus on I... not on X and Y.

@Magisch not at all, there is a wide gulf between the two. The former could include threats and intimidation. Both of which I am very skilled at, but I would call IPS. The latter actually requires IPS.

There's nothing there that says what I want to improve

2:46 PM

For instance I can't change the persuasions or opinions of my boss. But I do know how to act to get him to agree with me where he wouldn't otherwise

@Magisch The thing is that make the best case for x to do y is not a good question for this site since we don't know x.

@Magisch Which means you can be persuasive, convincing, or even avoid conflict...

But it's about how you act

Not how your boss is supposed to act

@sphennings agreed. The question should be "How do I make a persuasive argument for Y

@RichardU I'd rather see 'given this context, how can I be more persuasive'

@Tinkeringbell But how my boss is acting is a vital component about that

The firm I work for has 2 owners. And you have to approach each completly differently to get a positive response to what you want

Like night and day

2:48 PM

@Magisch But we don't know your boss, so how are we supposed to know what works here, belly rubs or scratching behind ears?

@Magisch think of the sales profession. The whole field of sales is not about making X do Y but about making the best argument for Y possible.

Basically, that's where 'given this context' comes in

which probably means there will be a load of generic 'how to be persuasive' advice

@RichardU The field of sales is more about figuring out which argument out of N different ones you could make would be most persuasive to your customer

But this site won't ever be able to make it specific about X

@Tinkeringbell not even entirely. Because it isn't going to be for getting boss to do X, but it would be about how to approach a type A personality or a type T personality.

@Magisch You're wrong, I've done sales

2:50 PM

You can broadly categorize people

@RichardU Sure, but for that, we need context...

Some nuances are lost in the generalization but people are really alike

@Tinkeringbell some context, sure, but it's not about getting Nana to put on a shawl.

If you can sufficiently say 'I want to be persuasive, but this personality trait is what makes it difficult for me'... then we can do something with it I guess

Except for changing that personality trait

@Magisch sales is about high IPS, not about getting anyone to do anything. That's swindling, not sales

2:51 PM

@Tinkeringbell In the case in point it would be how to be persuasive to a narcissistic person who sees herself as the center of the world

@Magisch That's not really a good description of my mom

@Tinkeringbell exactly, it's about "How can I improve X and overcome Y", not "How can I get X to do Y"

@RichardU In my idealist mind sales is to figure out whether someone could benefit from one of my products and then explaining the way they could to them by highlighting the most relevant way that can happen

@Tinkeringbell I was talking about the nana person

@Magisch "Do you need dirt with that" > Sales tactic I had to use when working the cash register at the garden center. How it works: People are never sure, so they'll take one anyway. Especially if they look doubtful, press a little by saying 'it won't expire'

Now if that isn't manipulative, and thus not really interacting well (which IPS is all about)... I dunno.

@Magisch So, that would be:

1)Improving listening/ active listening skills
2)How to present an argument
3)Putting things in terms of the interests of the other person.

2:54 PM

@RichardU The #1 part of that is understanding the other person and their viewpoint and needs

Thats where most fail

@Magisch it's about listening, which is a lost art.

@Magisch But that's the skill you should focus a question on then, since that is something you can do... not focus it on getting Y to explain better

@Magisch another thing about being manipulative is people resent the hell out of you once they figure out your game.

@Tinkeringbell I guess an edit could be due then

@RichardU I dislike being manipulative tbh

@Magisch For the Nana question?

2:56 PM

@Tinkeringbell yes

Maybe, but I have to go catch a bus in 5 minutes, so ...

@Magisch I dislike many things that I am very good at doing.

@Tinkeringbell don't miss the bus!

I sometimes use it as a survival strategy when being genuine would get me in big trouble but even then it annoys me that I have to do this

@Magisch I've used my listening skills to find the soft underbellies of people who annoy me.

For instance one of my bosses is a raging sexist so saying anything against that in his presence would be my one stop ticket to getting fired, but not commenting deliberately like that and ignoring remarks is a form of manipulation

2:58 PM

@Magisch that's not manipulation, that's tact

thats choosing your battles correctly

@Magisch actually, one interpersonal skill is to ignore a faux pas and/or to interpret things in the best possible way.

real me would try to talk him out of it, but cynical me does not fancy looking for a new job over this

Real you isn't cynical? huh

@Cashbee

Here lies the body of William Jay
Who died maintain his right of way
He was right, DEAD RIGHT as he sped along
But he's just as dead as if he were wrong.

@Magisch I would love to see you try to talk someone out of something like that. The very next day, I'd look to see where the moon went after it fell out of the sky.

3:01 PM

@RichardU I never said I'd be successful

convincing someone their base beliefs are wrong doesn't work easily anyways. If it works, then over a long time

@Magisch that's why it's important to forgo being right for pragmatism

A man called Cashbee

There once was a man who coded.
He liked Java and he imploded.
It was quite nuclear,
But not mononuclear,
He couldn't say no to the crowe did.

lol limerick generator poem-generator.org.uk/limerick

@Cashbee

A poet who's works though sublime
Were awkward and oft strained to rhyme
He stood on his bed
And proudly he said
"That's just my style"

"That's just my style" - you're working on CSS? :P

3:17 PM

@Cashbee friends don't let friends work on CSS

@RichardU Try working with php with regex generated latex templates for use in dynamically constructed latex compiled pdfs

And then weep as the unholy child enters this plane and tony the pony comes

3:41 PM

What about just Java? :P

IPS Comment Bot

3:52 PM

oh boy, now we are into a discussion on perceptions. If I understand what you have said correctly then I agree a compliment has to be believed to be true by both the giver and the receiver if it is going to have a positive affect on them. — Dan Anderson 1 min ago

#12005 Dan Anderson (6394 rep) | A: How can I respond to well-meaning comments at the gym? (score: 4) | posted 2 days ago by English Student (7532 rep) | edited 59 hours ago by English Student (7532 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

→ 2 messages moved to trash

Off the top of your heads, can anyone think of specific keywords that LQP here tend to have?

@Mithrandir I think the real problem is the absence of them :P

Best to take a look through the queue ...

@Mithrandir also, non-LQP shouldn't contain them? uuuuhm

I can help, lemme look

4:01 PM

If you have any suggestions for the white list that's also good

@Mithrandir Anything that links to a source would be a good start for whitelisting I think...

Or 'from experience' for the whitelist?

But you'd be doing regex for something that needs that language processing thing again

Meh, I have it more focused on body length and at the moment

Like I said, I'm a big fan of sources, but that would mean a spam link isn't LQP :P

Also, we don't enforce back-it-up so it would basically not be of much help

Well, I'll see if I can refine any of my pet projects to an extent where they're actually helpful.

A LQP detector is running in my desk at the moment, although I don't expect it to pick up anything useful at the moment.

@Mithrandir I hope they can be! I don't have any experience on the language processing thing though, so I'm sorry for not being more help :)

@Mithrandir Well, I think short answers are already picked up automatically, right?

4:14 PM

Yeah, but it's looking for longer answers than what I think are automatically put in the LQP queue

@Mithrandir Sounds good

Extroverted Main Man

4:30 PM

0

Q: My friend thinks I'm autistic. What do I do?

I have a thing on my mind that bothers me. My best friend think I'm autistic. I don't know how I need to deal with this. I don't think autism and I'm to scared to take the test. She tells me everyday. What do I do? I'm to scared to confront her with it. Please tell me what to do. I normally don't...

@Tinkeringbell (just catching up on chat now :P) meta.stackexchange.com/questions/5221/… tl;dr the only way to delete that post now is to get a mod to do it, because it is upvoted and has answers. why do you want to delete it anyways? that is, why isn't it enough to leave it closed?

actually... meta.stackexchange.com/questions/50523/… so if you get 15? delete votes it could be deleted without a mod. but you still have to wait 48 hours

4:56 PM

I feel sorry for that person with so afraid of that he's posting about and posting in a manner typical of

@RichardU and now I still don't know what a DX is

@Tinkeringbell "diagnosis", I think

Anyways... How bad is the first spring day?

Did that snowstorm arrive @RichardU?

« first day (265 days earlier) ← previous day next day → last day (2215 days later) »

Transcript for

Mar '1820

The Awkward Silence

Welcome to The Awkward Silence! Here, you can find the general...

join this room
about this room

00:00

06:00

12:00

18:00

all times are UTC

site design / logo © 2024 Stack Exchange Inc; legal

mobile