The Awkward Silence

D.Hutchinson

12:40 AM

400 more reps to go and then I'm done :)

moving to Tibet to live a monastic lifestyle - forever ... 🏰⛰🏔

user15026

Have fun with that

user15026

It doesn't sound like my kind of fun but heyc

apaul

12:57 AM

Sounds completely believable.

Extroverted Main Man

1:42 AM

0

Q: Can't get over ex-girlfriend who was being disloyal for me?

Now, bear with me on this one, and please have mercy it's first time I post here but I just need someone that I completely don't know to tell me that I have to forget her. I must stress for me, not to me. See, we met at October the last year, even though we had been in the same section in scho...

IPS Comment Bot

1:57 AM

Unfortunately we can't tell you what to do you need to decide that for yourself. — sphennings 1 min ago

#11453 sphennings (4685 rep) | Q: Can't get over ex-girlfriend who was being disloyal for me? (score: -1) | posted 19 minutes ago by Rolin Azmitia (1 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["you\\W(really)?(need\\Wto|should)"]

Extroverted Main Man

2:15 AM

0

Q: Secrets spreading via the "don't tell anyone, but..." phenomenon

Yesterday, I received some news. My mother was quite affected when she heard it, so she shared it by mistake with a few of her friends at the spur of the moment. However, it's supposed to be top secret as it's a touchy subject, and my mom herself forbade me to share it with anyone, after discussi...

conversations assertiveness

HugoBDesigner

3:32 AM

@D.Hutchinson Though it's not what you asked, I think this question covers some topics that might be of help: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/10831/…

Can I just say, I love how this chat goes "N hour(s) later..."

Extroverted Main Man

5:44 AM

0

Q: How to convey to a person that I am not interested in talking to him?

I have a senior colleague at work with whom I do not wish to talk. He makes it a point to come over and talk to me despite me giving him a very clear cold shoulder. It makes me feel quite uneasy and irritated. He is older than me, I think he is about 50 yrs old. I would like to know if he is doi...

work-environment difficult-people

Tinkeringbell

5:56 AM

@HugoBDesigner It needs one of those SpongeBob SquarePants pictures to go with it, and that voiceover XD

AbhigyanC

6:08 AM

@ExtrovertedMainMan this question is now marked duplicate, but as the linked question is mine, I would like to add that when I asked it I got answers on how to prevent it from starting in the first place, not how to stop it from spreading

Basically, I don't agree that it's a duplicate

NVZ

6:20 AM

@D.Hutchinson I retire from IPS too. It's easy. I have already retired a few hundred times. ;)

Tinkeringbell

7:48 AM

→ 12 messages moved to trash

Stupid chattering bot.

@Mithrandir maybe it's time to disable the you-really-should regex...

It's giving off way too many false positives

NVZ

@Tinkeringbell you really should have said "you really should..."

JAD

@NVZ Is that a "how do I say X to Y to accomplish Z" answer?

Tinkeringbell

@NVZ You need to back up your answer...

JAD

delete-delete-delete-delete-delete-delete

Tinkeringbell

What makes you say this common sense thing works? Is it a known skill? are there any resources on it?

How are we on enforing the back-up rule anyways...

I think 'try-this' doesn't really cover that, we ask for explanations on how or why it works but not for back-up?

JAD

8:01 AM

odd, the delete delete delete delete delete delete tag doesn't exist on IPS :(

Tinkeringbell

@JAD Maybe add it to one of the very off topic questions once they pop up ;)

NVZ

@Tinkeringbell I don't make backups for my answers. :P

JAD

@Tinkeringbell no, don't do that ;)

NVZ

@JAD what are you doing?

@JAD Tags never existed.. Tags are an illusion.

JAD

55

A: What's the difference between an obvious homework question and one tagged plzsendtehcodez on SO?

"plz send teh codes" is a meme coming from the Daily WTF. It really doesn't belong on SO, as that's not what tags are for. I would consider using that tag to be abuse of the system, personally. The difference between "send me teh codez" and "homework" is the nature of the question. Usually home...

Extroverted Main Man

8:38 AM

1

Q: Dreamt of another girl, want to tell my girlfriend, but how without getting smited?

So, I've recently dabbled in D&D, which is basically a bunch of people hanging out and talking (punching goblins aside). So this opened up my social circle. During my time doing this, I met this new girl who loves programming like me and we really clicked. While I do not have any romantic or sex...

relationships

JAD

that's a minefield if I ever seen one

ArtOfCode

the correct answer to that question is "you don't"

which should be my tagline

sphennings

@ArtOfCode "you don't" is up there with "use your words" for most common IPS answer

Magisch

@ArtOfCode Art of "You don't" answers

Tinkeringbell

(Stop upvoting my comments before I finish them)

(And I should not go posting them before they're finished, true)

@ArtOfCode Do it. Change your name :P

sphennings

8:53 AM

@Tinkeringbell Are you sure there are codified "skills"?

Tinkeringbell

@sphennings Well... if not, how is the question about Interpersonal Skills?

sphennings

@Tinkeringbell There's a difference between saying we don't do how should I word this questions, and demanding that people identify a particular skill.

Tinkeringbell

Then it's just another dear-abby, gimme-the-linez ...

sphennings

Or is phrasing a skill?

Tinkeringbell

@sphennings Oh sure, that's why I'm poking at a root cause here, because otherwise it is a 'how should I word'

@sphennings Not in the lessons I had...

sphennings

8:57 AM

You had interpersonal skills lessons? Lucky. I just screwed up a lot for 25 years.

Tinkeringbell

@sphennings Yeah.. well.. depends on your definition of Lucky I guess. Most of what I learned did screw me up pretty well too

Magisch

@sphennings same here, but not quite for 25 years

a decade of bitter trial and error, though

sphennings

@Magisch I picked an arbitrary number greater than 20.

ArtOfCode

236870325623

Mithrandir

Keep an eye out for Moose swag!

sphennings

8:59 AM

@Magisch At 20 I had some skills but was still making complex higher order mistakes.

Tinkeringbell

@Mithrandir I've been doing that since February 9th XD

Mithrandir

Tinkeringbell

@Mithrandir That needs a spoiler alert

Magisch

@Mithrandir mine hasn't arrived

ArtOfCode

speaking of swag... @Catija have the US' stickers made it to you?

Tinkeringbell

9:01 AM

Did we get tracking info? Never saw that... or is it just a complete random surprise :)

Magisch

I also haven't gotten the charcoal stickers yet but I assume thats just dhl being lazy

Mithrandir

I didn't get tracking info or anything, although I checked my spam folder and discovered that an email about the Google Code-In stuff being shipped was marked as spam by GMail

Tinkeringbell

Nope, nothing in the SE Gmail..

I signed up with the private e-mail though, and didn't see anything there either

Good spam in my gmail, apparently people know I like chocolate

ArtOfCode

@Magisch it's Royal Mail sending them, but I don't know what carriers they use overseas

A J

@Mithrandir when?

JAD

9:11 AM

@ArtOfCode RM links to USPS for their international carrier in USA

but I'm not sure if that says much

Tinkeringbell

Apparently my new way of commenting isn't really working interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/11467/…...

I dunno... but I think I should just give this up.

Extroverted Main Man

9:33 AM

0

Q: How to deal with a person who always tells me every time that he is better at work than me and always abuse on this topic?

Also he is proud that he has a lot of woman and sex and I don't have it all. He abuses me all the time. He tells me all the time how he successful is and how he is cool and i am not. I've encountered with this whole my life (from many people), how to deal with it? P.S. i am not eloquent, i can'...

conflicts abuse

Tinkeringbell

@ExtrovertedMainMan That's lacking a whole lotta detail.

curiousdannii

11:22 AM

@Tinkeringbell It's not working because of the high rep users on this site who'd prefer to write answers and get rep rather than ensure the quality of questions on this site

Very similar to ELU in many ways

Tinkeringbell

@curiousdannii So it isn't solved on ELU either?

Jesse Barnett

@curiousdannii whats ELU?

curiousdannii

@JesseBarnett English Language & Usage

Jesse Barnett

aah

i think its an issue on most SE sites

Tinkeringbell

I'm wondering... what is a bad ELU question then, have an example?

Jesse Barnett

11:24 AM

not much of a way around people doing whatever is best for rep

curiousdannii

@Tinkeringbell It's slightly better because for at least one category of poor questions there's very clear standards for closing questions, but even the mods sometimes blatantly abuse their power because "Never stand in the way of useful answers."

Tinkeringbell

*Sighs* Well, I'm going to give it a few more tries (because otherwise I'll probably be accused of giving up and letting the site die)... But right now I don't know what people want. The meta question is currently at +8, meaning people seem pretty in agreement that the questions are a problem.

My answer to my own question however is at -4/+4... which means that people don't like the solution I proposed that much..

Also. I flagged a question as off-topic this morning because it was clearly asking 'how should I phrase' and that is still open too.

curiousdannii

@Tinkeringbell I think the site would benefit from being taken off the HNQ for a while, until these issues can be sorted out better

IPS gets an absurd number of HNQ for the size and age of the site

Tinkeringbell

@curiousdannii I don't know. Might help. 660 of our questions were written by users that have exactly 1 question

(data from last sunday, don't know how many were added this week).

curiousdannii

@Tinkeringbell Right, but the issue is more that people rush to write a flood of answers on them, and then people are reluctant to close them

Tinkeringbell

11:31 AM

@curiousdannii True as well

curiousdannii

"It can't be a bad question, look at all these great answers" is how I'd assume people think

Tinkeringbell

@curiousdannii Well, then we really need to start working on moderating our answers. Everything without back-up has to go

Take a look at this one:interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/11469/1599

No skill, no experience, no sources

curiousdannii

@Tinkeringbell A big call to action on that would probably help quite a bit

Tinkeringbell

I think we need another meta on enforcing a back-up policy on common sense answers..

curiousdannii

Would be good to get the mods to explicitly say they'll accept NAA flags on such answers

Tinkeringbell

11:33 AM

@curiousdannii Fat chance

curiousdannii

@Tinkeringbell Well if you can't get the mods onside, then there's no hope of a good solution

If the mods are united against you, you might as well give up

Tinkeringbell

@curiousdannii If we're going to do that, it should be done carefully. Meta call to action first, make people aware that e.g. next week the fun is done..

curiousdannii

I haven't been following this site enough to know if that's the case

Tinkeringbell

@curiousdannii Nah, the mods are always nice to me, I just don't think they will ever agree on NAA-ing answers without back-up though

But you don't know till you ask.

curiousdannii

Each site gets to determine its own rules, and a back-it-up rule would make a huge amount of sense for this site

Tinkeringbell

11:36 AM

8

Q: Why doesn't this site have a back it up rule?

I'm looking at the answers on this site. I've found that very few of them are supported by any sort of evidence. For example, in the question How to discourage missionaries?, the top voted answer doesn't back any of its claims up: Have a no cold caller sign. While yes it might irritate them, ...

discussion

Apparently, we have one ? :?

But apparently, we also don't use it to delete answers

curiousdannii

@Tinkeringbell Right. It needs an enforcement plan, or else it isn't a rule at all

8

A: Do we want references in our answers?

I think I'm agreeing with most of the answers here but I would like to add some more detail to flesh this out a bit. Personal experience is great. It's very helpful to share those experiences and note how you think it will relate to the issue the OP is dealing with, particularly as there may not...

Tinkeringbell

I might start that fight someday... right now, I'm pretty worn down by all the fights that have already been fought ;)

@curiousdannii Well, that means at least 1 mod might enjoy a full LQP queue

curiousdannii

I think there's enough consensus there to say that we should have a back-it-up rule, so asking "Okay, how are we going to enforce the back-it-up rule?" might be a good question to ask.

Tinkeringbell

Still. it's all so easy to say 'from experience, I know that... and spitball your solution'

@curiousdannii I might... someday. Someone else is free to fight a fight sometime too

curiousdannii

Shifts it from the issue of problematic questions (which not everyone agrees about) to something already established that needs more clarification

@Tinkeringbell I don't think I'm regular enough anymore to be the voice for this on Meta sorry

Tinkeringbell

11:40 AM

@curiousdannii Would love to see you become one again ;)

What happened?

(if you don't mind the prying XD)

curiousdannii

Just noticed you're one flag away from double Marshal! Well done!

Tinkeringbell

@curiousdannii Really? You think that many flags aren't a problem? XD

JAD

the amount of flags are not the problem

curiousdannii

@Tinkeringbell I'm up to 2275 on ELU, and I've slowed down from fatigue

Tinkeringbell

I still have a post flag and 2 comment flags pending. Sooo..

JAD

11:42 AM

the amount of content in need of flagging is

given the amount of content in need of flagging, the amount of flags is good

curiousdannii

2618 on Christianity, which is another site with strict answer rules

Tinkeringbell

@JAD Yeah yeah... I'll make a round flagging posts/comments tonight. I have 100 flags a day XD

@curiousdannii Hmm.. yeah, I spent some time there rummaging through meta after Shog compared this stack to it.

Also, I loved the questions on the unicorns in the bible, since that has always baffled me ;)

curiousdannii

@Tinkeringbell Mostly just lost interest. As well as a frustration over that not having a close reason for "be assertive". And sometimes I feel like I'm lacking empathy for many of the dumb questions here

I don't hate the site as much as Parenting though. Ughh.

Tinkeringbell

@curiousdannii Wait, what... Parenting doesn't sound so bad..

curiousdannii

@Tinkeringbell I can't stand it. Another bad advice site with what seems like low standards to me

I think another worrying IPS factor is the lack of downvoting. Very few high voters have what I would consider a balanced number of downvotes

Tinkeringbell

11:50 AM

I cast more down than upvotes...

But yeah, I think we even have someone robo-upvoting every new question, since no matter how off-topic stuff is, it always gets at least 1 upvote

curiousdannii

@Tinkeringbell Well the top voter has 0 downvotes, and hasn't earnt any rep so they couldn't downvote if they wanted to

Tinkeringbell

Another problem is a lot of users can't downvote

@curiousdannii Yeah, I know, I saw that profile too

A J

@curiousdannii Good luck for your mod nomination.

curiousdannii

@Tinkeringbell Well, but it's established users who cause confusion in the site purpose/policies, not new users

@AJ For conlangs? Thanks :)

Tinkeringbell

@curiousdannii Hey, wasn't @Mithrandir trying to get a diamond there too?

curiousdannii

11:53 AM

@Tinkeringbell He/she's nominated too.

Though they've got some haters apparently, 5 downvotes on the nomination post with no explanation

Tinkeringbell

@curiousdannii Cool (They pick 3 right? Then good luck to you too :) )

@curiousdannii Do they count equally heavy to downvotes with an explanation?

curiousdannii

I would've expected I'd be the one to have haters for all the ruckus I've caused on ELU

Tinkeringbell

@curiousdannii Even I have haters, and I'm not even trying to get a diamond :/

curiousdannii

@Tinkeringbell Well it's the CMs picks, the votes don't really matter much, except I guess by indicating if someone really wouldn't have the community's support. But with a net positive vote score and no actual explanation of downvotes I don't think they'd matter whatsoever

Anyone know why Mithrandir would have any haters?

-12

Q: Name & Shame: Top users who don't vote, edit or use the review queues

I think we normally consider a user's reputation to be a fairly faithful representation of a user's value for this site. But it isn't enough. Valuable users of this site post good questions and answers, but they also vote, and edit, and use the review queues. I've realised this is a problem beca...

discussion editing voting users community-building

Mithrandir

There are a lot of good candidates who've been nominated. No matter who gets picked I'm sure they'll do a good job.

Tinkeringbell

11:56 AM

@curiousdannii There was someone causing trouble here related to their age a while ago... but that was just one... And I would be seriously disappointed if it were because of that...

JAD

@Mithrandir so diplomatic <3

curiousdannii

@Mithrandir Oh you're online, hello!

Mithrandir

@curiousdannii Hi :D

Tinkeringbell

@curiousdannii Naming and shaming isn't really something meta is for XD

Mithrandir

You can usually assume I'm online, with the exception of Saturday ;)

I... don't sleep much :P

@JAD I try ;)

curiousdannii

11:59 AM

@Tinkeringbell Oh, but sometimes it's fun

Tinkeringbell

@curiousdannii Hmmm... I don't often find my mood seriously improved by it.

Guess I'm just weird

curiousdannii

@Tinkeringbell I was more trying to highlight what I saw as a problem. But noone likes the implication that they're just chasing rep

Tinkeringbell

@curiousdannii I know... I tried calling the behavior out with a comment once (leaving comments on answers to closed questions/questions that should have been closed).. that went wrong entirely.

Sadly, we have a huge problem preventing answers to questions within 5 minutes there will be 2

Mithrandir

@Tinkeringbell Eh...

It definitely made an impact

Tinkeringbell

@Mithrandir Yeah, as in 'people got mad'... sure. Community was disrupted, and we're back to how it was before

Not a very constructive kind of behaviour now, was it?

I managed to upset a lot of people, without making a difference

curiousdannii

12:05 PM

@Tinkeringbell Close early and often I say

JAD

and downvote bad answers

curiousdannii

Yep!

I don't consider it healthy that IPS doesn't have any custom close reasons yet.

Tinkeringbell

@JAD Yeah, well, that was the whole point, and I was told that just because the question wasn't good, that didn't mean I should go downvoting every answer to it

@curiousdannii We tried for 'need professional help' for a while, but those questions dried up before we had to implement it

Mithrandir

@Tinkeringbell No, that's not what I meant.

Sure, it wasn't the best idea, and it caused some arguments, but I think it did make an impact in letting people know that there was an issue.

Tinkeringbell

@Mithrandir Well, I don't think we did. There's still the same people being a FGITW..

answering bad questions

For those people that don't have seen it yet: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/q/11467/1599 is asking 'how should I phrase it' and I can't seem to get to the root cause of the problem with the OP, making it nothing more than a phrasing request... shouldn't that be closed as off-topic, or am I missing something?

curiousdannii

12:16 PM

@Tinkeringbell Until there's consensus about flagging unsupported answers as NAA, another option would be to write custom flags asking for the needs references post notice to be applied. It would be hard to dispute that that's an appropriate course of action

Jesse Barnett

speaking of bad answers... there is a +36 score answer that literally tells OP to never put down his personal barriers or he will become an anxious wreck, surely not everyone is not on board with this...

curiousdannii

This site is just one giant brainstorming party :/

Tinkeringbell

@JesseBarnett Well, the problem, again, is that it isn't backed up

JAD

@curiousdannii I'm not sure if that's the way forward. That's a lot of flags for mods to handle. Plus they said something about post notices being a pretty big tool to use left and right

curiousdannii

@JAD If they get overwhelmed more mods can be added

Tinkeringbell

12:18 PM

@JAD Yeah but if a question has 10 answers and 9 have such a notice, at least the answer that does meet the quality standards can be found..

JAD

I don't think this is something that needs to be deferred to mods though

curiousdannii

Again though, if the mods don't see any of this as a problem, it's not possible to win

JAD

Users should be able to handle NAA cases

Mithrandir

@curiousdannii there kinda is

Tinkeringbell

@JAD That requires a consensus on the enforcing of a back-it-up rule, and calling out users that vote against it in the review queue

it is very frustrating to know that I have time windows in which I can be sure a VLQ/NAA flag gets approved by the community, and time windows where I can be pretty sure it won't happen

JAD

12:20 PM

@Tinkeringbell then work on that. Don't bypass the existing systems just because they don't do what you want

Tinkeringbell

@JAD @curiousdannii and I just discussed that...

I am not in the mood right now to start another fight for this site

curiousdannii

@JAD One way of working on it is to do a trial run and then present the results afterwards. You're always allowed to custom flag and ask the mods to anything you like. That's not a bypass

Mithrandir

My method is this: 1.) leave a comment. 2.) flag as VLQ/NaA. 3.) wait. 4.) if it's disputed, raise a custom flag.

@curiousdannii There's a decline reason available to mods: "Please use standard flags"

curiousdannii

@Mithrandir Sure, if you're flagging with a standard reason.

Mithrandir

Completely unrelatedly, I had a bit of an interesting day with my bike yesterday.

I managed to get lost on the bike trail, met a horse and a jackal, had my bike need repair while on the trail and then have the tool that I had break and need fixing itself before I could fix my bike.

JAD

12:29 PM

rip

Mithrandir

So I was sitting there in the middle of the forest, near dusk, trying to put the Alan wrench thing back together so that I could fix my handlebars.

It took half an hour but I finally managed to put everything back together and got home before nightfall :D

So... if you're visiting a random old couple on their birthday and you don't really have a language in common, and the person who can translate has left the room, how do you decline when they keep shoving a plate of chocolate in your face?

This was an awkward situation last night.

Tinkeringbell

@Mithrandir shove back?

Cashbee

@Mithrandir hold out your hands palm outwards, smile friendly but shake head

Mithrandir

I tried that, actually o_o

curiousdannii

@Tinkeringbell I gotta go. Let me know if you do start a fight

Tinkeringbell

12:36 PM

@curiousdannii Will do :)

Mithrandir

And said "I took already" in two different languages

Cashbee

@Mithrandir so they pushed your hands aside, probably chained them behind your back and pushed the chocolates down your throat?

Mithrandir

Pff

That would be quite impressive for an 80-year-old woman.

Tinkeringbell

I don't get the 'decline chocolate' part... can you clarify?

2

Mithrandir

I don't like accepting food and stuff from people like that o_o

Besides, I had already taken a piece when she offered it the first time.

Cashbee

12:40 PM

@Mithrandir it's hard to refuse chocolate for that reason, after you already took 1 :)

Mithrandir

I took the first and second time because she was so insistent... By the third I was kinda ready not to take

ArtOfCode

Chocolate... refusal...

cannot comprehend

Mithrandir

Anyway, it worked itself out, her family told her she was being too insistent :P

Tinkeringbell

Can we cast some no-longer needed flags on the comment thread here? interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/11452/1599

That one is going a bit too wild

Magisch

@ArtOfCode chocolate too many carbs

ArtOfCode

12:43 PM

@Tinkeringbell no but I can cast a mod flag asking for some sacred fire to be rained upon it... will that do?

Tinkeringbell

@ArtOfCode Figured there was enough people online to get those deleted if we all flagged them, but if you prefer the mod flag, sure :)

BlindSp0t

@Tinkeringbell You failed me there. Posted a comment right after your chat message, deleted it and was about to drop it in chat when I realised it wasn't a chat dedicated to that thread.

Cashbee

another way to make your point that you've had enough: start again by holding out hands in refusal, but tremble your arms and make a stressed face as if you are fighting. Here is what you say: "I... I can't.. resist.. ARRGHLnomnomnomnmomnom"

Tinkeringbell

Then it'll have to wait until the sun shines in America again..

Sorry, that probably wasn't a good idea then... First time I wrote such a comment ;)

Got the link to chat out of it ;)

@BlindSp0t Better?

BlindSp0t

Well I have no idea how to make a chatroom out of a comment chain, and in any case my clipboard lost the comment. But you're right, it was getting pretty chatty without regard to the answer anyway so not a great loss.

Tinkeringbell

12:48 PM

@BlindSp0t Well, if you have enough rep and are responding to the same person over and over, you can create an answer specific chatroom and move the comments there... otherwise, only mods can create an answer-specific chatroom (I don't have those tools)

So, yeah, dropping a link to the general chatroom wasn't very smart of me...

BlindSp0t

Ah yeah I get it. Well thanks for the comment anyways.

Tinkeringbell

@BlindSp0t You're welcome, feel free to leave them yourself too... Keep the chatter to a minimum ;)

@Mithrandir Any way we could make that into an autocomment? 'Don't chatter in the comments'? :P

Mithrandir

That's kinda included at the end of the AiC

Tinkeringbell

@Mithrandir Yeah, well... the AiC is for questions.. I'm talking about discussions underneath an answer stating why it is so good or bad..

without suggesting improvements or requesting clarification

Mithrandir

1:04 PM

Comments are not for extended discussions, or for chatting. Comments are for clarifying and improving the post; please don’t use them for other purposes. Please take other discussions to [chat].

Tinkeringbell

@Mithrandir I think the chat link has to go... that is confusing, since people think they will be in an answer specific chat.

Mithrandir

It'll link to chat.stackexchange.com/…

It expands to Interpersonal Skills Chat

Tinkeringbell

@Mithrandir So basically, it invites people to make their own room?

They need the rep to do that..

But that'll work I guess...

Catija

@ArtOfCode not yet. :( I got my hat swag, too... along with the SE Charcoal celebration swag... but nothing from you.

ArtOfCode

@Catija ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ guessing it's still a couple days out, then. I forget when I posted it, but it's probably not quite 7 working days.

Magisch

1:15 PM

grml

Tinkeringbell

@Magisch Am sorry, don't understand?

Catija

@ArtOfCode Monday last, I think you said.

Magisch

@Tinkeringbell Swag takes forever to ship to germany, apparently

Catija

I'm really surprised that @Mithrandir got his already.

Tinkeringbell

@Magisch Netherlands probably isn't much better ;)

Mithrandir

1:23 PM

@Catija so am I TBH

ArtOfCode

@Catija So 6 working days today. Should be with you today or tomorrow, then

Tinkeringbell

If I'm lucky, it'll get dropped off at the post-office and I'll have to pay to pick it up :/

Catija

They seem to customize the stickers you get. Mine were for M&TV, SFF, and Cooking.

Magisch

in b4 workplace stickers because I have 15k there

Tinkeringbell

Excuse me, am I misunderstanding this comment or is someone suggesting questions shouldn't be about Interpersonal Skills on this site?

Catija

1:24 PM

Which makes it a lot more work for animuson but really sweet for them to take the time.

Tinkeringbell

@Tinkeringbell He's more or less asking for help screening whether this is or not a good idea, which it seems to me is a good question. Why does it have to fall into a specific skill? This is interpersonal skills, no need to be so robotic. — Agustín Lado 16 mins ago

JAD

@Catija didn't know you were active on SFF?

Catija

@JAD I've got about 1500 rep there and I used to spend a lot of time in their chat.

JAD

ah

I'm pretty much only active in 2 tags

Catija

They have to work with which sites they have stickers for, too.

JAD

1:27 PM

yeah fair enough

Catija

@ArtOfCode Yay! I'll be on the lookout.

sphennings

@Tinkeringbell I think that a lot of people (myself included to some extent) are reacting to the idea that there is a specific set of interpersonal skills.

Tinkeringbell

@sphennings There is? Otherwise language would probably have refrained from making a term for those skills

Also, asking for help screening whether this is or not a good idea, which it seems to me is a good question. > I don't think that'll stand up against the guidelines SE provides for good subjective questions...

Which is why we close 'should I' questions as off-topic

so why is that one still open?

phrasing request: Off-topic. should I: Off-topic.

and the edit that is proposed isn't confirmed by OP yet, that that is what they really want.

sphennings

@Tinkeringbell I completely agree with what you're saying and trying to do.

I think that asking for someone to list specific skills is counterproductive.

Catija

I agree. That seems to require a degree of familiarity with IPS that most don't have.

Tinkeringbell

1:37 PM

@Catija Still.. why is that post still open?

I can refine the comments, sure... but that doesn't mean we should keep that crap open?

Catija

Because five people haven't voted to close it yet?

Tinkeringbell

Yeah...so what makes it not a phrasing request?

what makes it not a should I?

what makes it on-topic?

I'm not seeing it

Catija

Are you asking me to close it? Because I'm confused otherwise. I haven't even read it.

Tinkeringbell

@Catija No, general questions

To be honest, I find this very frustrating... So if someone could convincingly show me why this (and others of it's kind) is such a good question, I'd be a lot more relaxed....

JAD

You're viewing this as a binary thing

Either it's on-topic and open, or off-topic and closed

while it could very well be that it's somewhere in the middle, such that no 5 people have yet come across it and thought it to be so off-topic to close it

Remember, only a Sith deals in absolutes

Tinkeringbell

1:46 PM

@JAD It has enough upvotes and comments to make me sure more than 5 people have seen it.

So, if this isn't off-topic enough, I don't know what is anymore.

Really, we set a guideline and a few days later no-one seems to be paying attention to it anymore

But if it is what it is, I'll just keep my mouth shut from now on.

After all, I'm supposed to listen the community, not the other way around. So, let's see what the community does then...

JAD

This isn't the first time this happened. Not everyone looks at meta. You can't expect everyone to be 100% up to date with everything on meta. It takes time and constant reminders to get that to work.

People aren't flowcharts, they don't make this open/close classification right away when they read a question

and when they are done reading the question, all they see is a bunch of bickering in the comments

From the comments, I'm not able to parse what exactly is the thing that was discussed a few days ago. Why do you then expect other (newer) users to be able to find it and vote in your favour?

3

Again, there are two extremes here: either get into a fight in comments or on meta, or " keeping your mouth shut from now on". You make it seem as if there are only these two extremes, and nothing in between. Pick your fights, and don't get too invested in each of them.

4

IPS Comment Bot

2:11 PM

Is it really worth trying to change the way this person is talking ? If you encounter her frequently I can understand, but if it's just for a few hours perhaps it's just the kind of thing you should tolerate. Trying to avoid the person should be enough. — Tim 54 secs ago

#11431 Tim (101 rep) | Q: How can I tell someone I don't like the way they speak? (score: 7) | posted 20 hours ago by Ice-9 (185 rep) | edited 19 hours ago by Ice-9 (185 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["you\\W(really)?(need\\Wto|should)"]

Tinkeringbell

@JAD You know, people keep saying that, so apparently I do need to keep my mouth shut...

Otherwise, I'm too invested or throwing tantrums. I'm not that kind of person. So, better to shut up

D.Hutchinson

👍

sphennings

@Tinkeringbell There's a difference between knowing when to keep your mouth shut. and always being silent.

Tinkeringbell

@sphennings Trust me, they tried to teach me that. Apparently what I was taught doesn't work here. So, I'm going to shut up.

I would appreciate some support on the matter, because every time I say I will, people keep bringing stuff up.

That's not how that's supposed to work.

sphennings

What do you want support with? Choosing your battles? Not participating on the site?

I don't think anyone wants you to silence yourself.

I'm more than happy to remind you to go and get coffee/tea if things seem to be devolving into an argument.

3

JAD

2:28 PM

@Tinkeringbell did you read the rest what I said? I'm genuinely trying to help here...

But if you keep taking everything as a personal attack, not much I can do.

A J

2:49 PM

What just happened here?

MetaEd

awkward silence

Rainbacon

@AJ I tried to figure that out myself, and then I thought better of it.

sphennings

3:31 PM

Can we get this closed as too broad? interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/11489/…

It's a touchy subject so I think it would be a good idea for it to be on hold until the question is clarified.

Extroverted Main Man

1

Q: How to adapt to a coworker changing their gender identity?

I have a coworker who I have worked with for a few years and known as a male. A few months ago I was made aware by this person that they are gender transitioning. This person officially "came out" to the entire company a couple of weeks ago and immediately was addressed as a female and by a new n...

work-environment gender coworkers

0

Q: How can I tell my friend her boyfriend is a rapist?

My friend Alice is going out with Bob. Myself and others have seen Bob acting inappropriately with other women (getting very close and caressing) multiple times and we strongly suspect he has slept with other people. Recently, Bob was acting inappropriately with another women at a bar when Alice...

relationships friend-groups sexual-assault

sphennings

3:57 PM

@ExtrovertedMainMan Can we get this question closed as well?

sphennings

4:20 PM

Hey @Catija Can we get this question closed interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/11490/…

It's not a good fit for the site as it's currently written and is going to attract a lot of strong opinions.

Philbo

4:42 PM

@sphennings I agree. This is a level of advice beyond IPS. IF she ends up getting hurt because she goes around calling the guy a rapist, or he's innocent but the accusation drives him to hurt/kill himself, I'd rather it couldn't be tracked back to advice our beta site gave out.

sphennings

@Philbo If the question was a better fit for the site I wouldn't be trying to get it closed.

The current problem is that both answers provided don't really answer the OP's question.

Bad questions tend to attract bad answers.

Philbo

@sphennings I just don't think we're at the level of Interpersonal Skills when the main advice given is "Talk to the Police about getting someone arrested for rape"; and if that does seem to be the correct action, ignoring that to give advice that actually answers the question seems wrong.

sphennings

@Philbo Neither answer addresses the question the OP asked.

The OP isn't asking about the correct course of action. The OP is asking how to tell their friend.

Questions asking about what to do are explicitly off topic on this site.

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: How can I make my partner understand that I am not being passive, but assertive?

My partner in love is really passionate. I love that in her, but from time to time she enter in a circle of neverending with another persons who are as passionate as her and the discussion never ends. When that happens, I try to be polite and asertive, I try to calm both parts and expose the poi...

relationships politeness assertiveness

A J

@sphennings done

sphennings

4:53 PM

@AJ I saw.

A J

→ 9 messages moved to trash

apaul

@sphennings Been trying to nudge them to narrow it down to a single aspect, and/or break it into a series of questions. Here's hoping they get it.

sphennings

They seem interested in editing the question, which is a good sign.

IPS Comment Bot

5:13 PM

You are asking multiple questions. "Should I tell them I'm uncomfortable?", "Should I talk to coworkers?" "Is it normal to be confused?" All three are off topic for this site. We can't tell you what to do you need to decide that for yourself. — sphennings 1 min ago

#11489 sphennings (4720 rep) | Q: How to adapt to a coworker changing their gender identity? (score: 0) | posted 1 hours ago by sillygilz (503 rep) | edited 28 minutes ago by sillygilz (503 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["you\\W(really)?(need\\Wto|should)"]

@sphennings brings up a good point, we can't really tell you if you should do something, but if you decide what you would like to do, we can help you figure out how to do it. — apaul 27 secs ago

#11489 apaul (30668 rep) | Q: How to adapt to a coworker changing their gender identity? (score: 0) | posted 1 hours ago by sillygilz (503 rep) | edited 31 minutes ago by sillygilz (503 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["you\\W(really)?(need\\Wto|should)"]

apaul

@IPSCommentBot Such a useful tool...

sphennings

@apaul It's certainly a tool....

apaul

Buh dum tiss

apaul

8:07 PM

Well this is awkward.

TheTinyMan

@apaul And silent.

Rainbacon

The channel is named as it is for a reason...

D.Hutchinson

Hi @TomChurch :)

D.Hutchinson

8:22 PM

@NVZ how'd your penpal meetup go? :)

NVZ

@D.Hutchinson postponed.. but video calls are going fine, I think.

D.Hutchinson

Nice 👍

NVZ

8:38 PM

NVZ's pro-tip: I know of a phase that some users go thru.. They join a site, become a top contributor real quick, but then get emotionally invested in the site a bit more than what would be healthy, which is what I think some users here are going thru, which is what I think all the heated chitchat here has been a result of... which is often met with a "meh" from me... so.. yeah, that's off my chest.

2

user15026

@NVZ That's good :)

Extroverted Main Man

1

Q: Two friends and their wedlocked affair

I currently live in a house with 3 other people, my girlfriend Julie, and 2 friends Bob and John. Outside of our household, we have a friend named Jane, who is our only friend that is married in our group currently. Bob and Jane are brother/sister respectively. About a year ago, John, and Jane s...

conversations relationships conflicts friend-groups housemates

Rainbacon

@NVZ That's why I tend to turn my emotions off (among a few other reasons)

IPS Comment Bot

This answer is on hold, and probably should be re-opened. This is not a full answer, but I would like you to consider the bigger picture. You're goal isn't to inform Alice of the alleged crime. You're goal is to protect her from the terrible person Bob likely is. You need to ease into this, and it's going a prolonged plan to ensure no friendships are broken. If you make it your goal to directly tell Alice about the alleged rape, it's going to come off as an accusation, which will be based off a third-hand rumor. And that won't work, not with Alice, not with Bob, and not with the police. — Clay07g 18 secs ago

#11490 Clay07g (1142 rep) | Q: How can I tell my friend her boyfriend is (allegedly) a rapist? (score: 0) | posted 5 hours ago by F. Smith (7 rep) | edited 4 hours ago by F. Smith (7 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["you\\W(really)?(need\\Wto|should)"]

apaul

8:55 PM

@NVZ Meh meh meh...

NVZ

@apaul Et tu, apaul?

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