This site really needs content for the help center's "On Topic" page and since it didn't seem to be happening, I did it myself but it needs your voice. We won't be able to make everyone happy with all of the rules here because... well... what the rules should be is something we're probably not al...
So you are at a social event and you meet some one*.
You start with the usual questions: Hi my/your name is? What do you do? How do you know the host?
Which are all good to get started.
Then you might ask some other small talk questions.
What makes a good question?
What are some examples?
S...
it depends on what you want to know and what questions are meaningful to you and them. If you don't wonder anything, just keep silent. I hate people ask me irrelevant small questions just for talking ad hoc then making useless compliment or response.
@CaptainBohemian I think that question up there ^ will get closed anyway. Something about boating or whatever - SE doesn't welcome questions that ask for "lists" of things.
@D.Hutchinson There is eatery called Northern China Eatery which I often go to solve hunger trouble. Its female boss really likes to ask me irrelevant personal questions. I feel annoyed by her.
Nice - I have a big bag of Doritos that I will munch on later ...
Yeah, I hear ya ...
Just tell "white lies" if you're uncomfortable; that's how I deal with it ...
questions like "how much rent do you pay?" feels really intrusive ...
one person even asked "how much money do you have in your bank account" and I'm pretty sure they weren't joking or teasing me -- you have to be careful
she likes to ask me whether I am still studying and where I am working many times. I know she doesn't understand my career issue but she keeps asking. One time I just replied her I am working on research and she's like she doesn't have idea what I am talking at all.
she indeed has asked me something about my accommodation because here renting a house is very costly. And I told her I live in family's house so don't pay and then she considers it's good bonus. She also has asked me how much money I earn each month. I feel she is really annoying.
she heard that I live family's house and followed up by asking ''doesn't your mother cook?" I replied her "nobody cooks at my home." I actually had words in mind "why don't you come to my home to cook as Mother? There is nobody glad to serve as Mother at my home."
I would speak out those impolite words when I am irritable. But that time I am not by chance.
I have got tired of these jerks.
I have had a quarrel with some customer at the eatery one time because that day that customer blamed me for not putting some flavor dish back to a table, but I think that flavor dish can be put anywhere and customers move it from table to table.
that day I had been irritable by someone else, then that customer just brought me a chance to vent my anger.
I was going to post a question tonight but got this notice instead:
You have reached your question limit It looks like you might need a
break - take a breather and come back soon!
You've asked 2 questions recently, some of which have not been
received very well by the community. Ev...
I won't even share any of my time with my roommates, @CaptainBohemian - I like to be alone with my thoughts, even doing unproductive things on Stack Exchange is better than communicating with people near me or who live with me.
some eatery managers like to talk about their children. One talked to me about the activity his child had in school.
I think he'd better to talk that to someone interested in child raising. I have heard one eatery manager talked to a customer about each other's children.
I saw they talked enjoyably. I am not their category.
they talked about what their children like to eat.
I have a friend in a group (Group is rather large and diverse but a core 8-9 people meet up the most frequently, she is part of that), let's call her Wendy.
She and i dated in the past, but didn't go very deep. Some dates, we didn't go pass holding hands.I tend to make a lot of jokes and tease p...
but I think if he just doesn't want to do it, he can always use excuse to delay. So this kind of question has no effective answer, but maybe there is, I am not sure because I usually think it's not a scientific question and thus has no real answer.
the best way is just having a scientific conversant person who can discuss the scientific issue in my research fields.
Because I can't sleep well due to frequent anxiety and worry, when I am wake, I can't work efficiently, and that leads me to further anxiety and worry.
you never know how stressful during that period I prompted him.
and there is just nobody helpful to me. So I become irritable.
I may easily throw my temper to anybody on the street saying something irritable to me.
these people on the street can just ask me personal questions for curiosity.
What really bothers me, the paper prompting issue, is beyond their understanding, not to mention to bring strategy to help me.
Here's a little back story :
There's a girl from my school that's a year older than me that I got really close to.
Eventually, she ended up telling me that she liked me. Thing is, I don't know if I like her romantically, but she is definitely one of my favorite people.
Now she's graduating, and ...
@D.Hutchinson Wake. I think you misunderstand me. I of course would put him as coauthor if he can finish the review and we agree with each other on the final version of the papers. But the problem is that he never finishes the review.
@D.Hutchinson I didn't understand what your offer means until now.
@D.Hutchinson If I don't want to put him as a coauthor, I wouldn't ask him to review.
I'm not sure why it's voted for deletion. It looks like an answer geared towards the OP, and also has a bit of an explanation. To show disagreement, please downvote, not delete. Am I missing something? interpersonal.stackexchange.com/review/low-quality-posts/6426
Apologies for the large amount of run-up; the context feels very relevant:
My wife and I live in a 1930s block of flats in London. We are on the ground floor, of a staircase of 8 flats, so we're at least slightly familiar with everyone in the block.
We own our flat, but I believe several of th...
Btw, @Snow: meta.stackexchange.com/questions/5280/embrace-the-non-googlers .... I don't think there's much I can do against that :/ Next time, just add a link to your sources... If people start downvoting/commenting because it's a straight from google answer, we have a bigger problem :S
That meta post was from almost nine years ago, and has a context rooted in stack exchange. It also doesn't really address the issue of whether people should do some basic searching before posting a question here. I totally get the notion that SE is foremost a Q&A repository, but I personally believe that in many cases, the needs of the user outweighs the demands of the stack.
And IPS is about helping users with their actual problems, the last I read.
So the fact that it's a community wiki that has been kept up to date till 2017 doesn't count as much? (I'm new to this whole meta.se thing) I'll be putting up a meta about that question.
The needs of the user don't outweigh the needs of the Stack. That's why we close questions, why we delete answers in comments when the question is closed, delete answers that no matter how correct they may be don't meet our quality standards...
@Mithrandir which are practices that in the end are meant to benefit the users of the stacks - deleting bad stuff to bring out the good ones to benefit the users.
@Catija or @HDE226868 when one of you has had their morning coffee, could you help me? I'm trying to write a meta on this question (interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/9259/…)... If I remember correctly there were some comments from Snow and the OP there, that are now deleted. Could you help me remember what was said?
Thanks @Catija for quoting that. That was the comment that got me riled - the implication that he only added the question in order to add to the Q&A repository and it wasn't an actual situation.
@Mithrandir I'm sorry if I appear to be ignoring you, but I kind of feel that if you want to have a hand in administering a community, it would be pretty good if you actually contributed to it. You're not listed as a user here on IPS, you've made no posts that I can see out in the open. IPS is a humanist stack, it's not empirical like the rest of the network. Again, it's only my opinion, but leaders should be seen to lead. Gaining reputation involves some level of gaining reputation.
This started with this question and a few of the comments there: How do you communicate efficiently with someone who is stuttering?
One of our community members wrote a good answer to that question, listing the do's and don'ts of communicating with a stutterer. (link to deleted answer)
The OP o...
@Snow Why not hide? I picked a different username for SE than for all other online stuff I do ;) I can imagine wanting to stay anonymous on a site where you share lot of detail about personal life ;)
Plus, I'm actually very active here in flagging and stuff... I leave comments on posts that then get deleted, I've got the most helpful flags on the site... I don't need people following me elsewhere.
(mostly comment flags. And then I leave comments requesting that people not answer in comments)
I do behind-the-scenes stuff... I don't post the most.
Is there some public place where I can share my "micro-annoyances" with the world, perhaps online?
(My plan is to phrase these in the form of questions, to make them seem universally applicable.)
Thx!
To establish the background of the story, let me explain who is the flirt and what is the relationship between each other in my case.
I'm a 23 years old male and my flirt is also 23 years old but a female. Me and she are both open-minded about anything and we are funny. We always make jokes abou...
Recently I've trying to be more active on social media and forums by posting some original content. Naturally however, among the supportive comments have been negative, non-constructive comments. As I have mostly limited my social media to places like Facebook where my audience has been friends, ...
@Catija Oh, no, it wasn't delivered negatively, but it was a criticism. Which, I guess, is not what the OP was actually talking about, they specifically mentioned "non-constructive." So it's good that I didn't leave that comment because my point would be moot. xD
This started with this question and a few of the comments there: How do you communicate efficiently with someone who is stuttering?
One of our community members wrote a good answer to that question, listing the do's and don'ts of communicating with a stutterer. (link to deleted answer)
The OP o...
@apaul I guess I don't see that? I mean... people post stuff like "Why do people always feel the need to ______ around me?" on twitter all the time. That doesn't mean they're looking for someone to actually answer. They just want an outlet for a rant.
user15026
That question feels very much like "Where can I rant about things and not get in trouble"
@TheTinyMan I understand that. I don't think that's the only way to interpret it. I don't think it's a good question but I don't think it hast to have nefarious meaning.
@Catija Yeah, I'm kind of on the fence on this one too...which usually means it's a real troll because I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. :-P Sorry, I thought you were having trouble understanding what he was saying about it.
(sorry, I'm having trouble understanding what the relevance of that phrasing is, too, and am grasping at straws, and that seemed a viable straw because the term 'micro-aggression' came up in a recent conflict involving him.)
@TheTinyMan "micro-annoyances" is likely a loosely hidden version of "micro-aggression" it's obfuscated in order to draw people to take it as borderline.
Looks like they're taking a jab at IPS not SE as a whole. As in "it looks like this is what you're doing here..."
@Tinkeringbell Oh, I don't mind you explaining it, nor would I mind explaining it myself...although I think that @apaul meant polyamory in general, not the specific frustration I had yesterday.
@Ash Well my partner has a "flover" friend/lover who also happens to be our ex-girlfriend, both collectively and individually. As in we were all together, then we each dated the other/s individually at some point. It's a hot mess, but we all sorta love each other, so we're all sort of family regardless.
@apaul One of my bestest friends who I love dearly is someone who I dated (and I also dated his wife kinda sorta at the same time) when I was first with my husband - I get you about hot mess but love is what it is, and family just finds you and that's that :P
@apaul Oh, just communication. Had what I shall term a 'cuddle date' with someone I have a crush on, and I've had a talk with her husband and my nesting partner about moderate-term boundaries, but couldn't pry from her what she was looking for exactly, and had a lot of trouble reading her...and normally I don't have any trouble reading people at all.
@apaul You're completely right, but she also has very visible social anxiety, to the point where she has a severe stutter in almost everything she says. Also she's not a native English speaker, although I don't know exactly when she moved to the US. I met her and her husband about five years ago.
@TheTinyMan If they say yes to another cuddle date it's probably safe to assume that they're looking for at least cuddle dates. You could be putting them on the spot or signaling that you're only in this for more if you're pressing the issue if you're wanting to know where it's going.
@sphennings Well, my nesting partner has asked that I only have one other partner, and to her a cuddle buddy qualifies...so while I'm patient, I do have other things that I'd like to see happen.
@sphennings No, it's not a problem, it's just - probably falsely - triggering my 'oh gods I fucked this up' anxiety. :-)
I suspect that she's going to want to increase the pace much more quickly than she thinks she will, if I know her - but that's for the future to decide, not my prediction.
And we met when I was seeing someone else and was polyamorous with her ... but that relationship was falling the heck apart when I met my current nesting partner, and my former partner was...controlling.
It helps that there's a solid "diplomatic backchannel" between my two partners. @apaul is right sooner or later plans need to be talked about. Still it's useful to know when partners are on call for a weekend and won't be making it to this or that event.
I'm just forgetful and I know if I don't put it somewhere, I'll never remember and then I won't know that I wanted pot pies for dinner, just that I wanted something tasty
Assuming you have consent from your girlfriend. Often picked up on by the look in their eyes. The placing of her hands on you. I don't know the fact you're in a relationship already...?
I think the issue is in the over communication during sex.
My recommendation is to try to be less inquisi...
@apaul To be fair my partner and I have our scene negotiation down to a couple eyebrow wiggles at this point. But that's only because we've spent 3+ years clearly defining what that eyebrow wiggle means.
Ughhh... The beatings will continue until morale improves...
Unfortunately, in some countries the law changes towards a certain direction where consent does not carry over between different sexual acts. Also that verbal resistance is enough - if ignored - to substantiate rape charges. — Randolph Carter8 mins ago
@apaul because it makes conversations like that neccessary DURING sex, which, as you have correctly pointed out, kills the mood for some (id say a lot of) people. It is unfortunate not only in the sense that the laws completely ignore the nature of sexual encounters, but also in the sense that your answer might be the reasonable one (and i fully agree with you), but legally unsafe. — Randolph Carter28 mins ago
I have a friend who I'm very close with and this has been something that truly, truly bothers me since I've met her. I've known her for about 4 years now and I have never gathered the courage to tell her that the way she chews is loud and obnoxious.
Once she was having an altercation with a cow...