The Awkward Silence

4:51 AM

A new kid is in town:

I need to make it more smaller.

@HenryWHHackv2.1 Aww cute, your's?

Well I am only a young boy. (Teen) sooo:

No.

Clue: chat.stackexchange.com/users/139041

Ohhh

Q: How do I isolate a group of my friends from a group of theirs

1

Me and my friends all play Dungeons and Dragons (don't judge). They all are friends with a few other people who also play D&D. I find their friends very obnoxious and they are not people who I would want to play a game with. This is from experience as I have previously tried playing with them and...

friends difficult-people friend-groups

@HenryWHHackv2.1 Not so much a "new" kid as a new photo of the same kid.

(and Hippo).

5:01 AM

OK.

@apaul Would a question like that actually be welcome on RPG? I don't know their scope ...

@Catija I haven't spent much time there, but it looks like they have a tag for it? rpg.stackexchange.com/questions/tagged/problem-players

there's also the social tag.

Finding the right tags for it over there is... hard.

We probably have plenty of users who could answer it here, just thought pointing out that there's an RPG specific site could be helpful.

Sure. :)

5:15 AM

@TheTinyMan @TheSnarkKnight your expertise is required lol

Hm, eh?

Oh, haha

Q: How do I isolate a group of my friends from a group of theirs

1

Me and my friends all play Dungeons and Dragons (don't judge). They all are friends with a few other people who also play D&D. I find their friends very obnoxious and they are not people who I would want to play a game with. This is from experience as I have previously tried playing with them and...

friends difficult-people friend-groups

Did anyone noticed the chat went offline? (Was it just me?)

I heard another ding as I was reading the question

Man, I got nothin', though. "How do I isolate a friend from his friend group without telling him that's my intention?" My answer would be "Tell him that's your intention, because you've already tried being subtle and someone blundered over the attempt."

@TheTinyMan Sounds like a reasonable answer? I was thinking the same, but I haven't played more than a handful of games... Figured there might be some additional gamer etiquette to be aware of?

@HenryWHHackv2.1 No problems here?

5:20 AM

OK.

@apaul Not really. "How do I keep problem players out" is a question that comes up a lot but there's never a good answer to it.

@TheTinyMan Gamers don't have meta discussion about the sort of game style they're looking for?

@apaul Well, to be honest I don't know what goes down in the RPG meta ... I've only ever been over there to read a very few questions and occasionally try my hand at answering one, but I'm not exactly a part of the community over there, less so than I am here.

@TheTinyMan Nah, I meant amongst a group of people who DnD together.

@TheTinyMan Like pregame discussion about what sort of gaming experience everyone is interested in?

@apaul Oh, I misunderstood you. That kind of thing does happen - though not frequently enough - and there are in fact tools on the Internet to help get people on the same page, but when I read his question I don't read that that's the skill that he needs. Sounds more like "these guys annoy me" than "our gameplay styles are at odds." To be fair, the latter CAN sound an awful lot like the former.

5:25 AM

I don't have much experience, but I've definitely noticed that some people enjoy a more comedic game style and some people take it very seriously.

Then again I am reading between the lines...

@apaul Yeah, and the variance can be more than that, too. I'll put this link in my answer, but there are tools like the Same Page Tool, to help people identify and communicate what kind of game everyone wants to play. bankuei.wordpress.com/2010/03/27/the-same-page-tool

But even a simple "I don't get on with these folks" seems like something an established group could/should talk about before adding new players?

Possibly, it should be I suspect but not every group would do that.

My experience with role play comes from a rather different place... Where communication tends to be more important... seems like the same tools would apply though lol

As with any group, it probably depends on your "status" in the group and how much the common person between two groups is willing to accept your feelings.

If that person is really close to the others and doesn't feel at all like they're obnoxious, they may have a difficult time accepting what the OP feels about their friends.

5:30 AM

Well I just re-read the question and now I'm reading that the person in question doesn't have a friend in common with the other group, but it's the whole group?

Yeah, I'm thinking that the OP is SOL on this one

Actually, I'm not going to link the Same Page Tool, because the RPG SE would fuss at me for suggesting that it can be used for anything at all after a game starts...and I only learned about it a month ago, from the RPG SE. :-p

@TheTinyMan Eh, one can always role the dice on openly communicating about a social problem. Better to speak, than to forever hold your peace.

@apaul I agree, but I think that the OP's concern that they'll push away the group that they DO like is a valid one. I think that's what they should do - friends shouldn't alienate you entirely just because you don't like other friends - but the OP expressed concern.

@TheTinyMan True, just better out than in with these things sometimes.

@apaul I absolutely agree.

Honestly this kind of thing was what ended my experience with gaming. One of the most involved players stomped on my last nerve... Later it was poly game nights that were just kinda creepy...

5:37 AM

@apaul Oh? Three or four people in a pile while everyone else had to sit awkwardly?

@TheTinyMan No lol, poly social events where gaming was used as a "get to know you/ ice breaker" the meat market atmosphere just made it weird and not much fun.

@apaul Wooow, haha. I wish that's what the poly events where I live were like. :-P Then again, the poly scene itself is kind of, ehh, not...really a scene. All I could find in the way of community or organization was basically a discussion group. Not counting, shall we say, other related communities.

@TheTinyMan I dunno if "poly" was really an accurate term for the group I met. More geeky swingers? Not my cup of tea when I was still poly, I was more poly-romantic.

@apaul Fair. You know, I'm really surprised to learn how common poly in one form of another is. It wasn't that many years ago that I didn't realize it was actually a thing, you know? Now it feels like a third of the people I meet are poly.

Poly was a lot of fun, but way too much work.... Too much drama and balancing for my taste. But my inner idealist would like to think it works for the right people.

5:46 AM

@apaul I can get behind that. I'm in a monogamous relationship these days myself. And most of my history with polyamory...well, most of it's not good, but to be honest, most of my past relationships haven't been excellent, that's why they're past and not current relationships. :-p

Kinda feel like that's the pattern for most people, too

My best friend is still in a poly relationship. It mostly works, most of the time? Still loads of drams.

Haha, yeah. And I also LARP, and between those two communities, and the other related lifestyle community I've been a part of? I think I've found the three most dramatic populations on the planet.

To be fair, one should expect it of LARPers. We literally play a game to make drama happen.

@TheTinyMan I was in a poly marriage for 2 years. It was hard, but I wouldn't trade the life experience for the world.

Well married for 5, poly for 2.

@apaul Yeah. :-) I've been in a few poly relationships over the course of the last, ehh, five years? With one girl consistently through most of that time.

Was married, monogamously, for a couple of years to someone else before that.

My wife/husband/partner and I have been reconciling more recently, it's been really nice.

All the same person they're just gender-fluid, so terms are a little odd lol

5:54 AM

Yeah. :-) That's always nice. I'm on good terms with almost all of my exes. ...Almost all. :-p

I got it :-)

Are you still seeing your primary partner? (I realize "primary" is a crap term, but it shakes out that way a little too often)

No, we broke up in February. Man, I didn't realize how much time had passed...

And "primary/secondary" was actually the model that we used. :-)

@TheTinyMan Ah, sorry to bring up a sore subject.

@apaul Nah, it's not sore these days. :-)

@TheTinyMan I always hated that whole primary/secondary thing. Someone always feels neglected, or well... secondary.

6:00 AM

@apaul Yeah. That's what she wanted, though, in order for her to not feel neglected. And honestly I think it's a fair description when you live with one and not the other, you know? :-P

But, uh, she definitely used veto power on my other relationships waaaaay too often

@TheTinyMan That seems to be a common breaking point. No two relationships are ever on equal footing, yet it's kinda messed up to "back burner" people.

@apaul Yep. You're telling me.

@apaul But yeah, the actual breaking point was somewhere between there and when she started hiding people from me so she wouldn't have to talk about how to meet all of everyone's needs

@TheTinyMan yup you're telling me lol

@TheTinyMan communication is the only thing that makes all of that craziness workable. Once it breaks down, everyone gets hurt.

Damn

Here I thought you were one of the kids, sounds like you've had some adventures lol

@apaul Haha, I suppose! :-) I've been around for a handful of decades now I guess. :-) I'm stlll younger than a few people in here though I think!

@TheTinyMan Married, divorced, and still laughing, is a sure sign of being grown if you ask me.

Got any crumb snatchers?

6:11 AM

@apaul Haha, I had to look that term up. Nope, and I've had the vasectomy to keep it that way. The former primary did, though. I was that kid's dad from the ages of 8-13.

How about yourself?

@TheTinyMan I don't have any biologically, but I've raised a heap of kids over the years.

8-13 you got the "fun" years under your belt lol

@apaul A whole heap, huh?

@TheTinyMan Two girls and two boys.

@apaul That sounds like quite the breadth of kid experience. :-p All at the same time?

The eldest would be 17 now...

@TheTinyMan nah only the boys at the same time.

6:18 AM

@apaul Ahh, so what ages were you parenting them?

Birth on up collectively?

@apaul Haha, wow, no gaps at all huh?

The first I met when she was 2, the second was an infant, the boys were 5 and 8 back when we first met.

All review queues are up.

My eldest boy is taller than me now and learning to drive... Blows my mind.

6:25 AM

Hahaha, yeeeeah..I'm kind of glad that I won't be around to see the ex's kid's fist girlfriend or first driving experience...the kid has zero self-control, zero sense of consequences, and zero patience. :-p

@TheTinyMan kids these days, they're just like kids when I was a kid ;)

@TheTinyMan I'm sure you remember being young and immortal?

@apaul See, that's why I think I'm still young, I'm still immortal!

@apaul But that's partially because I'm cautious. :-p

@TheTinyMan I've already lived longer than I'd honestly planned to.

@apaul Hahaha, somehow, when I was in high school I felt certain that I would die before receiving my first bill in my name. :-p

Hmm. Morality is very important to me.

@TheTinyMan Me too, that's why I liked the quote.

6:38 AM

@apaul Yeah :-)

"Be not simply good, be good for something"

Yeah. Seems like a lateral move almost.

I'm a good paperweight.

@Catija try harder;)

If I tried harder, I'd be a less effective paperweight.

6:44 AM

I love things that lead me to question whether things really matter. Being good is easy, being useful is much harder.

A Zen paperweight?

The "why does it matter?" Is usually more fun.

Yes. I would be much better at this conversation if I were more awake, though. :-p

Well, it's almost 2 am... so...

Good night.

6:48 AM

I'm going to go be a pillow weight.

@TheTinyMan psh, try harder ;)

@Catija Lame...

Q: How can I politely get my friends to pay their share when I invite them to dinner?

@Catija pillow weight?

Anne Daunted

7:07 AM

7

I am coming from an oriental culture. It's a sign of appreciation to invite friends for beers, coffees etc. Currently, I am living in France. I have lots of friends from here. I still enjoy inviting my friends, but recently I realized that nobody puts their hands in their pocket when we are pay...

friends france

Just got reopened

I wonder if this is really the question, the OP actually wants to ask

It was not edited by the OP and the questions asked in the original question were: "How to handle friends who never invite?", "What should I do?", "Am I being taken advantage of (which will disappoint me)?", "Am I overreacting?".

10:21 AM

close-pls | Too Broad | How do I elegantly discard a friend?

Q: How to deal with a Boss that is leaving the company

10:55 AM

0

Background I am working in a medium sized company in southern Europe. My team is composed of ten people and is the most technological of the company, with a know-how hardly found in the rest of it. It is like an R/D department of the company, but more engineering oriented. The team is roughly co...

work-environment southern-europe

Jesse Barnett

11:30 AM

^ id vote to move to migrate to workspace but it wasn't available so I flagged as off topic and included workspace in the comment

1:14 PM

quiet-chatroom

considering asking a question, but hesitating

Q: How to handle question 7850 (about friends who always let the OP pay)?

1:38 PM

flag-pls, del-pls, dv-pls | VLQ | How to deal with someone secretly taking pictures of you

flag-pls | Comments | this comment and all below

Introverted Meta Man.

2:04 PM

0

This is about the question How can I politely get my friends to pay their share when I invite them to dinner? In short: The OP migrated to France and whenever he "invites" friends to go out for a drink, they let him pay the bill. First version The original question contained four different que...

discussion editing

@Mithrandir Did two out of three.

@Mithrandir done

@Mithrandir It's no longer now.

2:27 PM

@JesseBarnett there's no such site.

Jesse Barnett

@Catija in the comment i said "workplace.stackexchange.com"

just typo'd here

and that IS a site.... right?

Yes.

2:53 PM

@mathreadler: I mean, it's not a question of "believing". People have eyes and ears. Just object loudly enough and they'll see/hear/remember the order of events. But if everyone else on the bus is also going to play idiot in your hypothetical scenario, then you're deliberately setting me up for failure. There's nothing anyone could say or not say that would guarantee any kind of result. Heck, you never know if someone on the bus might decide to just come lynch you either. At that point, committing suicide would be the only way to guarantee you won't have to deal with more crap on Earth. — Mehrdad 2 hours ago

Uhm.. What?

Q: How to make a trusted and understanded friends

3:21 PM

0

As the questions states, How can make friends you understand and trust each other.

friends

Anne Daunted

Voting to close as too broad.

3:39 PM

del-pls | dv-pls | flag-pls | interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/7894/29

Q: How to tell my current project advisor that I want to try working with someone else next semester?

3:50 PM

0

I have been working with Professor 1 for a semester. I enjoyed working with and also find his research interesting. However, there is also this other Professor 2, whose work I find interesting too. I want to work with Professor 2 for a semester before deciding whom to stick with. So, how should I...

etiquette professionalism teachers

Q: How to tell someone what they're doing is a bad idea?

6:39 PM

0

My Tae Kwon-Do instructor is looking to make a little extra money on the side. He's hired me to do some graphics work for him, which I'm more than happy to do, but now I'm beginning to wonder if he's done his research. The area he's looking to get into is very niche-oriented - there isn't a lot...

conversations work-environment politeness

Q: How to talk openly about sex addiction?

9:10 PM

-2

My freshman year of school, a stroke of unfortunate luck landed me with a roommate who was—for lack of a better word—an addict. The substance in question? Pure, unadulterated sex. Though I'm usually not one to judge a book by its cover, the first time I met Beth, her sturdy frame, bushy hair and...

awkward-situations housemates young-adults sex bad-news

@ExtrovertedMainMan I just googled the first paragraph, it's a copy and paste from a story...

@apaul needs one more closevote, I'll start deleting right away

nevermind, HDE got it

HDE 226868

Closed and killed.

That's . . . a first.

I've never seen anyone try to pass off fiction as an IPS problem here before. At least, not this obviously.

@HDE226868 Every question I write here feels like writing fiction :P

HDE 226868

@Tinkeringbell You can't make real life up. :P

9:24 PM

@HDE226868 Nope :) But when you write about it on the internet, it feels a bit more unreal ;)

HDE 226868

@Tinkeringbell Quite true.

@HDE226868 TBH, my only question on this site is fictious, but a plausible situation I could find myself in.

@JarkoDubbeldam how much snow did you get today? I measured 13 cm :D

We made the traditional snowman all the way to the gutter :P

We didn't get as much

turned into rain at like 4pm as well

but there is like 5cm

@JarkoDubbeldam No way! It was still snowing here at 8 pm...

At least I can work from home tomorrow ;)

like 5cm left after the rain?

9:29 PM

ye

But we were at the Midwinter fair at the Archeon in Alphen

Was nice in the snow

Was nice and sunny today, with a bit of a chill in the air ;)

but im definitely working from home tomorrow

@JarkoDubbeldam Sounds cool... I spent the day huddled underneath the blanket until like 5pm, when the little kids needed someone on the ladder to help... So I went outside with my brothers...

Then we spent some time sleighing (mostly pulling sleighs, those little kids are lazy nowadays :P )

:)

And after dinner I went to my grandparents and cleared their driveway. I'm definitely keeping the status of favorite grandchild :D

@JarkoDubbeldam Cool pic, but looks cold! :P

9:32 PM

nah, was a warm cloak

well, not as much warm, but it definitely kept me dry

@Mithrandir Hahahaha :) Well, if you didn't know: when it snows in the Netherlands everybody apps, texts or puts a message on Facebook to tell you it snows, in case you don't have a window to look out of ;)

@JarkoDubbeldam Wool?

Nah, cotton

@JarkoDubbeldam Wool is better ;)

mytholon.com/en/costumes/coatscloaks/6276/aaron-cloak?c=1227

I like woolen stuff for weather like this... cotton soaks up water, wool is more waterproof

9:34 PM

We treated this with waterrepellant

Oh, cotton canvas... that's different than the cotton I'm used to working with :P

Somehow that cloak looks handmade ;)

so after a full day it still had little water droplets on top of it

@Tinkeringbell uh, doubt it. At least the fabric itself isn't

@JarkoDubbeldam Cool. I still want to make my own someday...

I'm definitely going to waterproof it :D

Expect for the hood, they're pretty easy to make

no difficult patterns or anything, just big sheets of fabric

@JarkoDubbeldam I already got a pattern for the hood :D

I made one of these 2 years ago.... from alpaca wool. I love when it gets cold enough to wear it :)

9:39 PM

Hmm, it's got holes in there though. I guess it is pretty hard to knit something that doesn't pass through wind

@JarkoDubbeldam That actually was very easy to do: Just double up strands of wool until you don't see holes

lol

use so much wool that the strand is twice as big as the needles?

Anyways, gonna go to bed

gn o/

Goodnight :)

Night!

@JarkoDubbeldam crochet is done with one needle ;) And depending on how tight you pull the wool, it doesn't have to be twice as big ;)

9:43 PM

@Tinkeringbell Cute!

@Catija Nah, I prefer to think I look badass wearing it :P

Well... those colors don't really scream "badass". ;)

@Catija Mine is chain mail armour grey :P

The pic is from the pattern, mine is looking a bit worse for wear and I don't have such a fancy mannequin

Ah. That makes more sense.

Jolenealaska

10:54 PM

Well, I can't log on to check my mail. I've lost all my friends in the building. I have no car, no driver, no money to pay the bills I intended to pay by now, and I have no phone to arrange for a ride tomorrow to solve even one of my problems.

I have my military ID, but that won't help me sell my camera or buy a new one.