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12:59 AM
0
Q: How to tell users flush the toilet often without being rude?

userSanitation of the Restroom at workplace: Water should not be wasted, so do not keep tap open when not using or when done close it properly so that water would not leak...etc. However I find it hard if people flushes the toilet only when they are done using it instead of flushing it often as lo...

 
1:15 AM
0
Q: How to phase someone out of my life

f1sh234To keep the issue brief, there is someone in my life who I would like to interact with less. I don't have any ill will against her, but given the way she has developed as a person over the years it's becoming clear to me that she is someone that I don't need around anymore. To preface I've known ...

 
1:32 AM
0
Q: Close relative refuses to acknowledge being deeply in debt

AsangNote: the text uses "they" when talking about the person in question to preserve anonymity. A few years ago I was living with a close relative of mine and their parents, and I became aware that the relative was involved in some sort of a cult/sect. Relative was claiming that they were learning t...

 
 
5 hours later…
6:14 AM
morning
 
A J
morning
 
30 messages moved to Trash Daily housekeeping
 
7:06 AM
@Magisch Hi :) Thanks for keeping stuff clean ;)
 
o/
 
\o
(awkward! :P)
 
A J
o/
 
@WordsLikeJared There's a running joke for random downvotes: Tim lost his keys again.
 
@Tinkeringbell haha yeah those damn keys
^this has been open for too long
 
7:17 AM
@WordsLikeJared I didn't downvote your answer, but I usually like to see why people answer the way they do, is this something they usually do and did it work for them? We've had quite a few meta posts on back-it up (like mentioned in that blog post I linked you before), and that's one thing you could do to improve your answers... Not just give your opinion on what should be done/should work, but actually offer some experience/expertise on the situation.
Also, if you can, take note of the cultural background (if there is any) in the question, and think about whether things are very different in your culture
 
@WordsLikeJared I would wait with getting too focused on that answer, since the question itself is off topic (What should I do?) currently. I don't know why it is still open, I guess that will change soon unless OP edits it.
 
This sounds like a "What should I do" question, which is why it attracts close votes. I don't think it actually is a should I question, but your last sentence is kinda formulated like one. I suggest reformulating the question to sound less like "should I help him or not?" — Cashbee 17 secs ago
#15801 Cashbee (3352 rep) | Q: How do I respond to a former co-worker asking for help with his resume? (score: 1) | posted 13 hours ago by D. A. (6 rep) | edited 12 hours ago by D. A. (6 rep)
Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]
 
7:37 AM
Can anyone remind me how we're supposed to respond to answers that are frame challengers?
*challenges
Should I upvote something that's a decent answer, but also a frame challenge and therefore doesn't answer the question (especially when other people have managed to)
 
7:56 AM
@Philbo Is this a case of 'I agree' or 'This answer explains an experience and outcome I've had too?'
What answer are we talking about?
 
@Tinkeringbell this one https://interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/15750/11561

Where the answer basically says "make female friends" when asked how to keep relationship with married male friends
 
@Philbo I wouldn't upvote that one... 'go segregate yourself into a female only group' isn't really an interpersonal skill IMO
But you're free to use your votes as you'd like ;)
 
@Tinkeringbell No they're my thoughts too, I just couldn't recall how we felt about frame challenges in general.
 
@Philbo They are very, very hard to write. Basically, a good one contains an answer to the actual question, then a solid explanation (preferably with back up) on why that's a bad idea and then another approach and a good explanation of the consequences of that approach I think... We once started a 'checklist' on meta but to me that still feels a little incomplete
I think the whole idea of a frame-challenge came from the RPG stack, and I think they don't do those anymore (or don't refer to them like that anymore?)
 
@Tinkeringbell Cheers
 
o/
 
@Marcus Hey Marcus
 
@Tinkeringbell Have you ever thought about how the availability of coffee at work changes your productivity?
 
@Marcus I think internet is more limiting, but talks at the coffee machine can be a pull on productivity as well ;)
 
8:20 AM
@Tinkeringbell In the Workplace, we still do frame challenges, although I'm not sure if there's any official literature on the subject.
 
not having internet access would render my productivity into being nonexistant
justprogrammerthings
 
@Cronax I think Workplace is a lot different from IPS though... I spent some time there, and it didn't convince me that 'this will work for IPS too'.
 
@Tinkeringbell In the workplace things are often a lot more clear-cut, it's often very obvious that someone is basically asking "how do I shoot myself in the foot?" so it's relatively easy to explain this fact and provide the right answer instead.
I do think that can work here too, but it's going to require better arguments and sources
it's the difference between "you are wrong" and "I think you are wrong"
 
@Cronax "how do I shoot myself in the foot?" ?
 
@Marcus load gun, point gun down, barrel towards your foot...
 
8:26 AM
@Marcus professionally speaking that is, yes :P
 
I have to visit that SE more regulary to see examples of that
 
@Marcus For instance, we get a lot of people over there that want to badmouth their previous employers in some way. That's never a good idea.
And yet we get a lot of special snowflakes that think it's alright because they really want to and their socks are green instead of red so it's okay for them to do it in their situation
 
I agree its a bad idea but also it is an unwritten rule so there is always going to be someone just not aware of it
if you are new to work environment there is so much youre supposed to know
i wish both workplace and IPS had some sort of "etiquette / tips and tricks / faq"
 
@Marcus True, but that's why the site has a search function, you'll find a whole lot of duplicates for the question you're about to ask if you do the research first :P
 
so people that doesnt have these things naturally have a place to look
 
8:31 AM
They do, they just have to search for it
 
@Cronax I think that's part of workplace that's bothering me... people getting 'labelled' like that, instead of being treated like just another person unaware of the rules...
 
@Marcus that's kinda broad. Not sure if you can community-faq it effectively either
wait
are we talking site, or life?
also
 
@Tinkeringbell I don't think it's unreasonable to ask people to do a little research on their own before writing a question. A simple search query is all that's being asked.
 
this is the most epic foot-shooting in SE history
@Cronax there's a few things. Our search... sucks
ironically the thing that suggests related questions works better than outright search
and most new users are not going to read meta, or get the concept of dupes
 
@Cronax It's not unreasonable to expect that, but calling people 'special snowflakes' because they think they're in a different situation is the kind of harsh behavior that always managed to ruin my mood and didn't really positively affect my general SE participation either.
 
8:34 AM
@Tinkeringbell that... issue - of trying to balance quality and newbie friendliness has been something various parts of SE have been struggling for years
 
I think doppelgreener wrote a nice thing about that, how the language you use in a chatroom can influence the general vibe on a room/site. Lemme see if I can dig that up.
 
and "special snowflakes" isn't the worst description I've heard
 
@JourneymanGeek I've had stuff flagged for using that word, and I meant the winterbash button instead of actual people... so, it's not the nicest word either apparently
 
@Tinkeringbell When someone willingly ignores all the evidence that's in front of their nose in favour of the idea that their situation is somehow different, I'm not sure what other word to use for that kind of situation
 
@Cronax oh so very human ;p
 
8:36 AM
@JourneymanGeek :P
 
admitting you're wrong, or different, or that your question didn't meet some arbitrary criteria that you don't get is... hard
on the other hand after a while, so is seeing stuff from the perspective of a new user
 
@JourneymanGeek I think it's a very difficult issue to be sure, but in the end I think it's stackexchange as a platform that needs to make the effort to be more newbie friendly, 'we' users can't just let new people 'get away' with things just because they are new.
 
@Cronax maaan
that has literally been a issue we've been trying to deal with forever
 
@Cronax It's not a question of 'letting people get away with it'. It's a question of 'being as nice as possible when stopping them'.
 
@Tinkeringbell I'd say it in dog training terms
if your dog poos on the floor, you can rub it in his face, you can whack him... and that results in a scared dog who'd probably poo the moment he sees you
the trick is to positively reinforce what we need, rather than trying to punish newbies
 
8:41 AM
@Tinkeringbell In my experience, if you don't set clear boundaries when moderating a site, you're going to end up with a mess on your hands.
 
@Cronax I found the chat message I was thinking of:
Apr 20 at 9:45, by doppelgreener
Our perspective is that when people are regularly making joking jabs and swearing, the tension and confrontation level of the room is raised to a higher norm than it otherwise would be. That means when a sensitive topic comes up, we are already starting that discussion from a higher point of tension and escalation, wherein swearing at people is fine -- and that's a great way to see a discussion escalate out of control into a flame war almost immediately.
 
@Cronax on the other hand if you're focused on getting rid of folks who don't fit in, as opposed to educating them...
 
I'm not saying its necessary to be an ass about it to be sure
 
cause unless you're an early adoptor (and I was), you're basically plonked down in an unfamiliar environment
heck, I had a bit of trouble, and a ton of help asking a good skeptics question
 
@Cronax Trust me, I know that part. I've also seen/been on the other side, regularly using this chatroom to rant about what was happening on main. In reference to doppelgreeners message, this room cleared up a lot after people started ranting about things, and I think I can see that reflected on main as well
 
8:43 AM
and well, my actual participation here is still low since the subject is fundamentally different from every other site I am active on
 
@JourneymanGeek That's exactly my point though. When you're in an unfamiliar environment, is it reasonable to expect that environment to change to fit you, or should you be the one making the effort to figure out the lay of the land and act in tune with the environment?
 
(but I have time, and no quick burning questions)
@Cronax The latter... is hard
Even in environments you know
 
Is it though?
 
I don't think I agree...
 
8:44 AM
It requires a certain degree of patience, excellent social skills...
and you can still mess up sometimes
 
I'm not saying you'll get it perfect, but that's no excuse not to make any effort at all
 
So, put yourself in the feet of a new user
You have a burning problem, you type in the right search parameters, and it dumps you into what looks almost like a forum
Back when I was new, the FAQ was one page
 
For sure, getting it perfectly right on the first go is not realistic, but looking at some other questions and reading some of the materials sounds like basic due dilligence
 
@Cronax So let's say I drop into a new environment, and that environment has a habit of labelling me 'special snowflake' instead of explaining me that there's a search bar, that they're going to close my question because it already has an answer somewhere... I'd rather have the second than the first
 
we have... a very large FAQ
I ask a question and its closed...
and no one really told you why, or what this duplicate thing is and... all I wanted to do is ask a question...
(yeah, there's supposed to be a new user pop up..... but eh, I don't want to make a second sock to see it)
 
8:47 AM
@Tinkeringbell I'm not saying you should call them a special snowflake, I'm saying they are acting like one. In the end, I'll still use neutral language to inform them that their question is a duplicate, point them to the right answer and even explain why it still applies to their case if need be.
 
@Cronax well, in a sense that's already slightly wrong thinking IMO ;p
now, if they do it after a half dozen attempts to help... sure
 
@JourneymanGeek I have a very high resistance to not calling a spade a spade :P
Quite possibly it's a cultural thing
 
@Cronax Yet you're putting that thought in a chat room... where I might drop in...
 
@Cronax Well, is it?
it could be a trowel
or a very very large spoon
I mean
I don't disagree special snowflakes exist
 
If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck...
 
8:50 AM
It might be a goose with a sore throat.
 
at some point you should be allowed to call it a duck :P
 
@Cronax But rather not out loud in a chatroom the user might eventually visit.
 
@Tinkeringbell I disagree. When someone's being a duck, I really don't mind if they learn that I've called them a duck. I'm not out to intentionally hurt people, but there's a line there somewhere on how much I'm willing to change to accommodate the feelings of others
 
Hm
And there's another issue I have here is the SE way of doing things is never to call out a user in public. It's about problems not people
 
Well, I've hopefully made clear to you where the line lies in this room. I'm not going to hunt you down in others... it's perfectly fine to discuss behavior in here and ask for guidance on how to communicate improvements.

If you want to rant about a specific user or group of users, that is not welcome here. Please remember that.
 
9:01 AM
@Tinkeringbell That's...very unfortunate. That feels like a rather heavy-handed statement.
 
@Cronax Why? Would there be a benefit in ranting about how user123456 is pick-a-name-to-call-them?
Or would there be more benefit in asking how to handle/communicate with someone that repeatedly done X
 
@Tinkeringbell At no point did I suggest going on a tirade about how user123456 is being a pick-a-name, but if pick-a-name describes how they are behaving and you're trying to communicate that and looking for help on dealing with that, I don't see a point to avoiding saying pick-a-name just because it might be interpreted in a way that will hurt
 
@Cronax We literally have a meta post about that: interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/a/1389/1599 > Mention the behavior, not your label for it.
 
@Tinkeringbell I respectfully disagree with that post
In this context at least
 
9:18 AM
@Cronax its networkwide policy
If you're unhappy about that, it might do well to realise this is the environment you are in, and disagreeing with it, and acting on it can have people very unhappy at you.
 
9:31 AM
I have a lot to say about this, but most of it is not going to be constructive in the end, so I will refrain and say this instead: if there's no room for discussing policy in a chatroom like this one, is that really the best way to ensure the community grows?
 
If there's nothing constructive that will be said, good! Let's not have that discussion.
We can discuss policy here, but that doesn't mean all policy is appropriate to discuss here.
(and I dunno how like 5 people discussing policy in a chat room that is in no position to decide or enforce policy -- that's for meta -- even connects to a community growing)
 
@doppelgreener Simple: by sharing thoughts and discussing arguments, you can achieve a better understanding and come to a consensus. That consensus might be that the policy is right, or it might be that the policy has room for improvement. In the latter case, you can then take action to try to improve that policy.
It's very valuable to know whether or not your viewpoint is sound before you challenge policy in a more official setting like meta
 
Nobody's saying we can't discuss policy. But people are reminding you we have policies to follow about not being a jerk.
And those ones aren't up for debate in whether we follow them, just how we do.
(because like... a policy against being a jerk isn't going to go away)
I don't really know what you're trying to go for here, and what you think people are saying, at this point after lurking this conversation.
(whoops, don't be a jerk is the way the rule phrases it, I mixed that up with wheaton's law.)
 
9:49 AM
I'm not trying to challenge 'don't be a jerk' policy, I'm trying to challenge the interpretation that the behaviour we were discussing constitutes being a jerk.
 
If you'd like to change that policy I think you ought to be doing that on meta, instead of getting a private chat discussion agreement that we can call people special snowflakes (in breakage of rules the community agreed to).
 
Okay. And we've had about an hours worth of back and forth, you saying it's not, other people explaining why it is/could be. At this moment, please consider your interpretation challenged, and to take further discussion to meta. Because going around in chat with different users over and over isn't going to help.
 
Wow I go away for two hours and you have a party in here
 
@Cashbee Of course we're having a party, it's my brothers birthday.
And I got my vacation money today, and ordered a sweet pair of noise cancelling headphones
 
@Tinkeringbell /me is jealous
 
9:53 AM
I'm also going to order a bulk-load of yarn, but I'm going to do that when my parents are on holiday, since mom doesn't really like bulk loads of yarn arriving :P
 
A J
@Tinkeringbell Say Happy Birthday and my best wishes to him. :)
 
@AJ Will do :)
 
A J
@Tinkeringbell I had one, but I no longer use it.
 
🎈
🎉
I've got some noise cancelling headphones but the faux leather lining on the cushioning around the ears is flaking off and I'm not sure what to do about that.
 
10:24 AM
@doppelgreener get some kellogs flakes and glue them on
 
marvellous
 
@doppelgreener those are often replacable
not much to do, really, pleather and sweat don't mix
that's one thing I like about my current headphones
I can buy spares
though they don't list em any more :(
there's only one part that breaks anyway, so if I can find someone i can bribe in food to model it, its probably worth it for me to get a 3d printer and just churn out my own XD
 
@JourneymanGeek ooh. what's the spare part called?
 
@doppelgreener oh I just order a new headphone band
but the plastic bits connecting that to the cups breaks
and at one point you could get different wooden cups as well
and the cable's replacable tho not that standard
you used to be able to buy almost any part seperately off the manufacturer
 
10:42 AM
oh sweet, amazon lists some bose headphone cups
 
@doppelgreener Maybe Arts and Crafts can help with that :P Or Lifehacks ;)
 
There's a few idenical models
;p
ya, worth considering
also see if they have velour replacements
aka fabric
they can be better for some folks
 
I already have a pair of noice cancelling headphones, but they require a battery. This one apparently has that built in, and I can control the level of noice cancelling with an app :P
 
@Tinkeringbell most active noise cancellers need power
and have some circuitry including an amp built in.
 
@JourneymanGeek My headphones always end up looking gross due to either makeup or hairgel getting on it :/
 
10:44 AM
@Tinkeringbell hah, my pair's kinda babied since they don't make em any more
also, I don't wear either.
 
Hahaha :P I think that's a nice project for this weekend though, trying to see if I can make the blue fabric on my headphones look blue again :)
 
for non srs listening...
I have a pair of 9 dollar Mi earbuds
 
I'm still using the $10 headset I fetched from a store like 2 years ago
 
(I actually have a nicer pair but the cheapies do the business as a throw in a bag and not worry too much pair)
(also Xiomi/Mi's audio stuff is really good value XD)
 
I don't really like earbuds... They get nastier even sooner than my headphones do :P
 
10:49 AM
Oh my last pair got grotty
I still have them somewhere. The metal bits are fine, the rubber bits are falling apart.
 
I still have a pair of earbuds, for emergency cases :)
@Magisch If it fits nicely, and the sound is good, why not? :)
 
@Tinkeringbell also there's only one style I can use
the sort with the silicone tips
 
the problem I have with higher quality headsets is that they always have these really big ear pieces
 
nothing else will fit
@Magisch that's part of the point... but there's good headsets without em
 
@JourneymanGeek I'm the same.
 
10:54 AM
But my head is kind of wide and I wear glasses so those always press my glasses against my head and it aches after a while
 
@RoryAlsop wouldn't you get customs? ;p
 
@JourneymanGeek for on stage - absolutely!
I hate earbuds for general use, but there is one type that fits. And on ear phones just cause pain. Over ear's feel best, but get hot and sweaty.
 
(sorry, audio is kind of my usually neglected hobby XD)
customs - literally earbuds that are moulded for people's ears
@RoryAlsop quite
 
@JourneymanGeek I need to get a new pair, actually - my left ear canal has changed shape after exploratory work post-labyrinthitis a couple of years ago
 
I used to wear over ears outside when i was younger, in the tropics to boot ;)
 
10:55 AM
@JourneymanGeek I like the sound - but the sweat!
 
quite
also, as I mentioned, my current and beloved headphones are OOP so... I'd like to keep em usable as long as possible XD
 
none match up to a proper 4x10 cab though. Like I have 3 feet behind my chair here in my home office
heh
feel the music
 
@JourneymanGeek until pc manufacturers declare them unsupported hardware
 
@Magisch 1/4 inch or 3/5mm cables
and I still haven't bought my dream DAC yet :(
 
My new headphones will be over ear, but the pair I have is on-ear so I already planned on keeping them for the few especially hot days ;)
 
11:08 AM
1
Q: How can I convey to my technologically inept parents that my IT job is mentally draining

Fitzy(As this is my first question I apologise if this doesn't fit the guidelines) To preface my question, I am an Irish 21 year old boy currently on a college work placement. I am working Monday - Friday from 7:30 AM - 5 PM as an RPA Developer and Business Analyst. (To get to my work I also have to ...

 
@RoryAlsop I actually don't like it when my desk wobbles like there's an earthquake going on ;)
 
@Tinkeringbell I agree with that :-)
 
11:54 AM
@IPSCommentBot is that the "just" regex?
 
@Cashbee Probs. But you owe us cake now nonetheless! :P
 
@Tinkeringbell it's my last workday before my vacations, ofc I will make you a cake
 
@Cashbee Ugh, I'm jealous! I'll need to keep strong until th end of July before my three week vacation :D
 
Don't trust him. THe cake is a lie.
 
no, the cake is a lie.
@JourneymanGeek i love you
 
11:57 AM
;)
 
now i need to listen to that end credits song again.. * hums* this is a triumph...
 
12:20 PM
1
Q: When I'm involve with a girl some other guy always interupt which happen to be her friend

Mike ShaikhThis happens with me often times in school and now in college too. When ever I'm interested in someone girl some other guy from his class or friends with her try to stop me from talking to her. See for instance what happened to me recently- A little build up background I was involved with a ...

 
1:02 PM
@IPSCommentBot wow they are gone fast :)
 
1:27 PM
@Cashbee no, way too long for that
It's "no idea" that tripped it.
 
@Mithrandir ah. I guess that makes sense to catch that.
I work with the IT version of this guy; thank you for asking — Mike Pennington 55 secs ago
he is trying again, without the +1
 
@JourneymanGeek The cake shouldn't be a lie - if you trip the bot you owe the room a cookie ;)
 
@Cashbee I have no idea, but maybe the bot could eventually be trained to recognize a second, similar comment by the same person on the same post?
 
@Mithrandir before I give you a cookie, you need to agree that this chat uses cookies
 
1:40 PM
@Mithrandir I have no time for that :P
 
@Tinkeringbell idk about that. this is the first time I see this happen. this user seems to know about that regex or similar, and additionally he changed his phrasing
 
Pretty sure TSM said he'd be working on stuff this weekend, so now's the time to throw up issues :P
 
@Mithrandir Not under my real name ;)
And I'm not going to log out, make a new account, log in, throw up issues, then forget to change back etc :P
I think if I log out I also have to request a new password :P
 
@Mithrandir did I trip the bot?
 
@JourneymanGeek lemme check
 
1:44 PM
@Cashbee I wouldn't immediately assume they know about the regex ;)
 
@Tinkeringbell seems to. he rewrote the comment as soon as it was removed (which was fast
 
@Tinkeringbell well, short +1 comments have an auto delete regex that Shog added for me built in to the SE system
 
@Mithrandir So they're 1 flag deletes? Maybe this guy knows too then, they have some pretty impressive network profiles ;)
 
I think its documented but you know how scattered these things are ;p
 
@JourneymanGeek Well... most of the SE population is still programmers I guess XD
 
1:49 PM
I'm not lol
 
@JourneymanGeek You haven't tripped the bot, but only because those specific regexes were added after those comments were left.
 
@Mithrandir but I didn't comment much!
 
Right. You have 4 comments recorded by the bot, and I think 3 of 'em would trip the regex. I'm not sure, I didn't count characters.
 
...
ya, I'll just not comment ;p
 
@JourneymanGeek Yay, free comments to delete :D
Maybe you should stop commenting indeed, and start suggesting improvements :P
 
1:58 PM
@Tinkeringbell maybe ;p
 
2:09 PM
It looks like people are suffering from Friday-chattyness :P At least over here (at the office) they do, I wish I had my headphones already!
 
@Tinkeringbell actually, Thursday gets more comments
 
@Mithrandir Oh :( There goes my credibility down the drain...
 
@Tinkeringbell You had credibility? :o
 
what credibility
ducks and runs
 
okay... should I worry, now that you've teamed up?
I mean, when I say someone owns me chocolate, cake or a cookie, trust me, it's true!
 
2:16 PM
@Tinkeringbell When was the last scheduled mutiny? Maybe we need another one!
 
It happens to be that right now is the peak of the day for comments, though.
 
@TheTinyMan If you want to, I'd do it in an hour or three, when I'll be celebrating a birthday :P
 
@Tinkeringbell you can just look at the graphs here chat.stackexchange.com/users/331423/ips-comment-bot
 
@Tinkeringbell Oh yeah? A work birthday?
 
4 hours ago, by Tinkeringbell
@Cashbee Of course we're having a party, it's my brothers birthday.
 
2:19 PM
@Tinkeringbell Oh, yeah, it's way later over there, I always forget. :-P Tell him a random stranger from across the world said 'happy birthday!'
 
make that three random strangers
if you include AJ (i think) who also said that and now me
 
I will do that :) He really should get his own SE account XD
The younger one already has, although he's messing up quite often :P
 
lol
suspend him! ;p
 
@JourneymanGeek He's not on IPS :P If he were though, I'd probably ask someone else to moderate him ;)
He asked a few homework questions on several sites... then came to me asking 'people don't want to do that? Why?'
 
hehehe
 
2:22 PM
'I thought you said that SE thing was useful' :P
 
Ya fooled him! ;-)
 
@Cashbee Yeah, you can't really ask :/ I think there's some leeway during Winterbash, but not much, on that rule :)
 
ok
whats so special about winterbash that it is 'allowed' then ? :P
 
@Cashbee You get hats for posts with a certain score or for e.g. getting a gold badge (which you can get by getting 100 upvotes on a post).... so you'd see messages like.. 'Oh, I sure hope I can get that hat by having <link> at 100 before winterbash ends'.
It's just a kind of relaxed holiday cheer I guess (mind you, I only ever did one :P)
ask Mithrandir, they know :P
 
meh, hats.. overrated
 
2:31 PM
Technically? It's not disallowed, but is seen as bad form to beg for votes. During winterbash, the atmosphere is lighter and there's a bit more social leeway for "I'm so close to a hat! Will you look at this to see if it's a good answer?".
 
@Mithrandir but I'm not after votes, my ulterior motive is to get some traction on the question. :)
oh, I just found out I misused "ulterior motive" my whole life.. ulterior means hidden, secret.. why did noone tell me
I meant higher-level motive / superior motive
learning is fun
 
Unless you have to learn stuff you don't want to know :P
 
but.. I want to know everything!
 
@Cashbee No you don't.
 
@Cashbee first step: read the Oxford English Dictionary.
second step: read the Encyclopedia Britannica.
third step: read every question and answer on SE.
 
2:47 PM
@Cashbee I have two books for you:
 
fourth step: I had bread with butter for breakfast.
 
@Mithrandir okay done. and now?
@Tinkeringbell haha
 
@Tinkeringbell You've asked that I justify my answers based on my experience. I find that hard to do. My answers aren't based on my experience directly. My answers are based on my mental model. My mental model is somewhat based on experience. But it's also largely based on logic. When I'm asked to back up my answer, immediately I think: state my premises and give a logical proof for why the answer is implied by the premises. Something tells me that's a bad idea.
 
@WordsLikeJared It's difficult, that's true. But surely, you apply your mental model in real life, and get certain reactions?
(maybe this would be an interesting read: interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/a/183/1599)
 
Yes, I am constantly applying my model. I'm also refining it. Although it's largely refining where someone sits in the model.
 
2:58 PM
@WordsLikeJared So, giving some experience can be as simple as 'when I do X, people react like Y'. People often get confused about the experience part, thinking that they need to have specific experience with that exact (or a very similar) situation. I think this is a good example that proves that isn't really necessary: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/2899/1599 (sorry, self-promotion :P)
So, if a question is an employee asking how to interact with their boss, the answer doesn't have to come from fellow employees with the same job, it can come from the boss, or perhaps even the cleaning lady that overheard a great interaction...
Also note that there's still some controversy in the community as to whether it should really be required or just encouraged... so for now, just go with 'encouraged' ;)
 
All that was helpful. Thanks!
 
You're welcome! :)
 
@WordsLikeJared also for completion here is a newer meta about whether adequate explanation is enough to back up an answer: interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/a/3040/8077
 
3:26 PM
Also it's okay to not be able to answer everything. If it turns out your mental model is based on experience so different from the OP's situation that it's hard to present as support in an answer, that might just be a sign that someone else may be in a better position to answer, and while your planned answer might be good, it might also be completely unintentionally off base.
 
I'm off now, holidays here I come. I wish you all o/. (I'll probably be around here a little bit though)
 
3:45 PM
@Cashbee Have fun, Enjoy, and make sure to gather some good question material out there!
 
 
2 hours later…
5:24 PM
Lot of comments that could use some flags on this question
 
Oh may, so many flags
@IPSCommentBot Anyone have any thoughts on whether this is NLN or R/A?
 
R/A could be subjective, but it's definitely NLN (that's what I went with)
 
@Rainbacon I'd go with nln.
 
@Tinkeringbell Oh good, I picked the right one :)
 
I deleted the small discussion ;) if there's more, just flag, and someone will have to clean up. For once, it won't be me :D
 
5:32 PM
I flagged a few others as well. I'm sure they'll make their way to the retirement home soon enough.
 
5:45 PM
I believe my edits are no longer peer-reviewed, so I thought I would ask here first:
Is this okay to edit?
1. Is that similar enough to OP's intent (I think it is)
2. Is it enough of an edit to make it a fit for the site?
-1
Q: How to deal with a girl who "toyed with my emotions" and with guys who "stole" her from me

Mike ShaikhThis happened to me a number of times in school and now in college too. When ever I'm interested in a girl some other guy from her class or a friend of hers try to stop me from talking to her. An Example I was talking with a girl for semesters 1 & 2 ( 6+6 months). In semester 1 she was in...

I've been through similar situation in school, and now college.

I will be interested in a girl. Another guy shows interest in her, too.

***Example from college***

I spent 2 semesters talking with a girl. We were in different classes.

I am a good person: I do social work often.
I have an attractive personality.

I texted her. She texted back. Sometimes I would call her when I was lonely. Sometimes I would leave voice messages. She would never be the one to call me.

She shared her life happenings and memories with me. I believe she only did this with me. So I felt special. I bel
 
6:29 PM
I noticed the tag "non-verbal-communication" wasn't filled out yet, so I wrote an excerpt: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/tags/non-verbal-communication/… does it look ok? since people sometimes get confused about what non-verbal stuff is/isn't good for this site, it'd be good to get more opinions :)
@WordsLikeJared it still sounds like the same question to me tbh. "I hate them now but we have class together, what do I do"
modifying that to "how do I avoid interacting with her" just begs for the answer: don't interact with her. so that's not really helpful. it's like the "how do I tell person X something" questions, they need to explain why the obvious answer ("just tell them") doesn't work
which OP has not yet done.. so it sounds like an intrapersonal problem at this point
also ... I am really curious why working a part-time job is to blame for weak emotional intelligence
 
7:09 PM
@EmC depends on the job, I think?
I can't make that connection either
 
well I'm not sure we'll get answers, based on their latest edit :/
 
If it happens again, ping me... I'll lock it.
 
will do!
 
7:36 PM
@EmC

The question is no longer "what should I do", but "what should I do to accomplish my goal". What about the "avoid similar situations in the future" goal? That was the main goal imo - there's a lot to be said ("don't assume someone likes you just because you like them" etc.)
 
Heya everyone :)
 
@WordsLikeJared What goal? Honestly... I don't see a goal here.
 
"[As my goal] I would like...to avoid similar situations in the future."
 
@WordsLikeJared seems way too broad IMO. does OP want to know "how to make her like me back" or "tell her how I feel" or "ask if she is texting other guys" or...
 
@WordsLikeJared That's not anywhere in the question.
 
7:43 PM
I mean a valid answer to that could be "don't text any girls ever again" which I'm sure is not what OP wants to know
 
@Catija it wasn't in the original - it's in my edit. I assumed that's what OP wanted since OP said this has happened before
 
@WordsLikeJared I'm all for heroic edits but yours goes way too far.
 
Hence my question 1
Thanks!
 
 
4 hours later…
11:31 PM
0
Q: Arguably useful comment was deleted

JamesI made a comment on this question: My mom is being "nice". But it's unwanted. How do I get her to stop? I had some advice and started writing an answer, but after starting to write it out I realised I couldn't answer in a solid way without getting more info from the asker. There was already a co...

 

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