The Awkward Silence

apaul

12:21 AM

@Catija Are you around?

Catija

Getting ready to drive home.

apaul

Had a more practical idea about enforcement, but I wasn't sure if it would be possible with the current set of mod tools.

Catija

Even if impossible, good ideas for improvements to mod tools are useful.

apaul

More or less was wondering how granular suspension reasons were. As in is there an actual difference in the system for suspensions by reason for suspension?

Thinking about suggesting that more serious R/A suspensions carry a network ban, rather than a per-site ban. A way to combat users drifting in with the association bonus, acting like crap, and not really caring if they get suspended on that site.

Catija

The only difference is which reason is shown on their profile. I think there's three? Maybe only two. I can think of "rule violations" and "to cool off". Which is assigned depends on which mod message template we use.

apaul

12:29 AM

Kinda suspected that may be the case.

But network bans are a thing, so I thought that could potentially solve some problems.

Catija

They won't go for a network ban. That's CM only and requires bad activity across multiple sites.

Ugh.

Back in 30.

Drive safe

12:49 AM

If they won't go for a network ban, what about sending anyone that site mods ban for R/A into a queue for the CMs to look at and determine if a network wide ban is needed?

apaul

@Rainbacon I suspect that the CMs would frown on additional work at the moment.

Catija

1:11 AM

CMs see all mod messages and suspensions. It's possible that they have something in place to see users' full-network profile status/history.

apaul

1:35 AM

Just seems like we could use an all for one and one for all mechanism, to remind people that they're still taking a dump in the community pool. Of course there's the individual sites, but SE is still in some ways one big community.

Rainbacon

I definitely like the idea of having corrective measures apply network wide for people suspended for being abusive.

Catija

I think network-wide user annotations might be useful... and much more likely.

42

Q: Share annotations and suspension information network-wide for repeat offenders

One guiding principle in the moderation of SE sites is that users deserve a second chance. This means we avoid shaming them if they were suspended once, in the ideal case the user learns from the suspension and we never mention it again. I think this is a very reasonable guideline for the common...

curiousdannii

3:14 AM

Are those who are posting abusive comments getting site suspensions? I have to say that having every comment I post get deleted has turned me off the site. It's very much baby out with the bathwater at the moment IMO. I don't see how comments could be such an issue unless users weren't getting suspensions from them.

If users are getting suspensions and the problem is that the HNQ list is bringing in an uncontrollable number of trolls etc, has asking to be taken off the HNQ been considered?

Catija

Most of your deleted comments were deleted because they'd served their purpose. Why should those stick around?

If you're curious, out of 141 comments, only 40 or so have been deleted.

curiousdannii

@Catija Those aren't the ones I'm thinking of

@Catija Oh, it's easy to overestimate how much has been deleted when you can't see them. Sorry for that

Catija

No worries. :) That's the problem with comments... many of us post them without really thinking about it, so it's difficult to know how many there are and there's no way to see which were deleted.

@curiousdannii Links to reddit aren't really helpful, either.

curiousdannii

@Catija I was thinking of one recent one I think on this answer, or maybe another answer on the qn

But anyways, that doesn't matter, I just think I don't quite fit in the site culture.

But I was concerned seeing everyone else's concern on meta.

Catija

> And even if you do, you shouldn't care! – curiousdannii Apr 26 at 4:39

curiousdannii

3:27 AM

@Catija More flippant than I remember! Definitely appropriate to delete

Catija

If there's really a problem/concern, we're happy to talk about it! Please don't hesitate to post on meta or ask in chat, though we may not be here.

curiousdannii

I still think the site's comment policy is an overreaction, but it wouldn't be productive to argue that.

Catija

It's actually not a reaction. Robert started us on this path before we were even installed as moderators. Are you aware that we've removed over 16 thousand comments in 10 months?

Most sites don't have that many total comments in a year, let alone deleted ones.

... and those don't include comments deleted entirely by users, either self-deletions or flag deletions.

curiousdannii

Right. Lots of comments. But that doesn't mean in the ideal world that a more typical comment policy wouldn't work at IPS. I wouldn't think it's the quantity of comments that's the issue, but people not buying in to the site's particular comment culture.

If you feel that 40 of my comments warrant manual mod deletion, then I'd expect to get a suspension from that.

Catija

The first thing I told you was that most of your comments were simply no longer needed... meaning they'd served the purpose of getting a post edited or were from a misunderstanding that was cleared up. They were clutter - not something to punish you for.

It's also worth noting that we have no sort of automatic flag for when users get too chatty in comments. We have to remember them... which is simply impossible with how many users we have. The only autoflag we get is for users who post 3 rude/abusive comments in 7 days that are flagged and deleted.

When you delete 1K comments per month, you're not looking at who posted them most of the time.

curiousdannii

3:42 AM

@Catija Something like /admin/users but showing users with the most deleted comments could help. Then it would be possible to periodically review commentors to see if there are particular problem users.

but only if a substantially proportion were deleted for reasons other than being clutter

I gotta go, appreciate the chat. Good luck with the continuing flood of comments etc!

Extroverted Main Man

4:32 AM

0

Q: How to contact to partner after breakup who does not want to talk

My partner broke up with me few days ago and it is very surprising and devastating for me. For last 6 months we were in a great relationship and everything was going good. So, little bit about the history. I met her through matrimonial website through our parents,(both of us) and we were trying ...

relationships friendship online-relationships life-partner

Extroverted Main Man

4:49 AM

0

Q: What does it mean when a friend wants to take a break?

Recently a friend of mine revealed something that changed the way I think about them. A couple days after the shock I wanted to talk about it but they don't and said we needed to take a break. I'm not sure if it's for their sake or mine. It won't do any good in my case so it's probably for their ...

friends

Jesse

5:51 AM

@ExtrovertedMainMan What are we suggested to do about the comment responding to an answer saying "thank you, can I send the letter with flowers?"

physically, sure. if OP is asking whether he should.. we don't really answer that and lastly I think that if the answer suggested sending flowers then they would have included it in the answer already

M.A.R. ಠ_ಠ

6:38 AM

@Jesse flag as "too chatty"

Or unnecessary

Or whatever the one-word label is

SQB

8:09 AM

Shouldn't the "add a comment" line be "request clarification" when commenting on a question? Although I bet it's not possible using the current system.

Tinkeringbell

@SQB It's already renamed to 'suggest improvements' on main, it's still 'add a comment' on meta

the hover text is still the old text, but Shog said we first get that button for 30 days and they'll do more work only if it works

interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/q/1528/1599 Tahdah! :D

SQB

Yeah, I voted up the proposal, but now I'm wondering who user288 used to be.

Tinkeringbell

@SQB Hamlet, I think ;-)

SQB

Ah.

Tinkeringbell

But if you think 'request clarification' might work even better than 'suggest improvements'... well.. ask ;-)

Mithrandir

8:14 AM

→ 12 messages moved to Trash

SQB

I've deleted this answer I gave since I think it (no longer, perhaps) is a good answer for this site. Am I correct in that assessment? Should I delete other answers (or questions) of mine as well, if I feel they are no longer a good fit for this stack?

Tinkeringbell

@SQB Err.... It's nice, but not mandatory.

As for that answer, it was salvageable as in 'don't ask directly, instead, you could try something playful, it is much more likely to be perceived as a form of goodwill'?

But that kinda depends on whether you want to edit (and push that question to the frontpage again) or not

Deleting too much may be seen as a form of vandalism too I think (especially for questions, you should close them, not delete)

Mithrandir

And cleaning up old stuff, while also important, takes a backseat to making sure all new stuff is up to scratch.

SQB

@Mithrandir Oh sure, but having such a bad answer sitting there with a score of 14, shows to new users that these kinds of answers are welcomed here.

Jesse

Kinda relevant with cleaning up old answers. If its an accepted answer is there any issues with fundamentally changing its contents?

Tinkeringbell

8:29 AM

@Jesse Not really, but let the OP know what you did and ask them whether they still believe it should be the accepted answer? How old is it, and what is 'fundamentally'?

SQB

-1

Q: Lying to a car salesman and getting caught - should I apologise?

TL;DR - A car salesman found out that I went behind his back, so I gave him a little lie (thinking it would save his feelings) about why I did, but suspect he knows the whole story and actually lying made it worse. Should I come clean and apologise to him, or just forget about it? We're in the...

conversations awkward-situations united-kingdom

Jesse

perhaps it would instead be best to make a new answer if the change is drastic enough

if its still essentially the same I guess edits are fine. hmm

SQB

I think we could use a custom off-topic reason "ask how, don't ask what".

Has that been proposed on meta yet?

Tinkeringbell

@Jesse Yeah, like I said, I'm kinda curious what answer we're talking about and what the edit is going to be ;-)

SQB

Can we even have a custom off-topic close reason? I know some customisation is possible, but I never remember what and where exactly.

Mithrandir

8:30 AM

Yep, three of 'em.

Tinkeringbell

@SQB I don't think we've had that discussion, asides from the discussion on professional help...

Latest meta on custom close reasons: interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/q/2679/1599

Jesse

@Tinkeringbell ahah, I was just spitballing thoughts. Not making any big changes to any of my answers... yet ;)

Mithrandir

interpersonal.stackexchange.com/admin/flags/close-as-off-topic

Jesse

@SQB the question was deleted

SQB

@Jesse good.

Tinkeringbell

8:33 AM

@SQB No? We like people to improve their questions, not rage-quit on them? :P

SQB

That's true. However, I don't think this one was salvageable.

Tinkeringbell

@SQB It could easily be changed into 'how should I apologise' :P Although I don't like those questions a lot, they're still on-topic ;-)

SQB

@Tinkeringbell It could be, but that would be a different question. And perhaps not one the querant would ever seek an answer to.

Tinkeringbell

@SQB True, true... ;-) I've been there, seen that... But there wouldn't be any harm in asking ;-) I usually frame it as 'we can help you how to apologise, and if you're not satisfied with any of it, you don't have to'

Extroverted Main Man

8:51 AM

1

Q: Gentle way of asking for feedback after the first casual date?

I've met someone online, and after a few very pleasant exchanges we decided to go on a casual date, which I also quite enjoyed. Ever since that moment, our online exchanges started dying down. As of now I'm uncertain whether that other person did not enjoy our time together as much as I did and ...

politeness

1

Q: Bringing up concerns when it's hard to address them in the moment

Background info: I live in a large shared house (more than 10 people). Honestly I would like to move but given my lease we're stuck together for a few more months. The company that rents the house tries to rent it out to international students or people on working visa. Though I've lived with sev...

relationships conflict-aversion roommates

SQB

9:20 AM

5

A: How to better communicate site policies to users?

Changing the wording in the comment box to be more definitive. Currently it is "...avoid answering questions in comments". Changing it to something like "...comments are temporary! Answers in comments and discussion in comments will subject them to be flagged and deleted.". Inclu...

That's a very good and hopefully easy to implement solution.

Regardless of the exact wording.

I think that should be adopted across all stacks.

Tinkeringbell

@SQB Well, for that to happen I think we need to make sure people are posting less comments first, with the 'suggest improvements' ;-)

Mithrandir

we can check the the bot's DB after thesecretmater is available and compare things

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: How can we convince people not to take systemic issues personally?

I've noticed that when talking about systemic social issues like women, people with disabilities and people of colour feeling unwelcome there is a tendency for some people to take it personally. A great example is the reaction to this extremely non-accusatory blog post over at SO.Meta. Numerous ...

conflict-aversion

Tinkeringbell

@ExtrovertedMainMan Ugh... that's a tricky one, one of those 'it's about SE but it's not'... :/

Sid

9:39 AM

Anyone know how to upload pictures using mobile version of the site/chat?

Tinkeringbell

@Sid Switch to desktop site... that's the only option.

Mithrandir

There's a button on the main site.

I use that and then copy/paste to chat.

Tinkeringbell

What do people think of that one? To me, it reads a lot like this is about a specific thing on SE (which is at the very least heavily discouraged, if not off-topic? https://interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/questions/1685/can-we-re-open-the-question-about-stack-exchange) and primarily opinion based because it's more about influencing other people than
about improving their own interpersonal skills?

Loki

Aren't "how to convince" question a bit tricky ?

Wow. I should have refreshed before speaking

I was back in time

Tinkeringbell

@Loki Yep... and I think reassure is too..

But we do allow questions on being convincing :/

Loki

9:52 AM

I'll read the question now

I often see questions which boils down to some kind of "how to talk/ask about touchy subjects ?" those questions are pretty straigthforward on my part but this one feels weird.

Maybe because of the pretty broad question in the end. Narrowing it down would probably help.

Tinkeringbell

10:06 AM

@Loki I've put it on-hold as too broad, there's several things there that need refining for it to be a good question :) Thanks for thinking with me! :D

Mithrandir

The review queues have a red dot, but I can't review anything. I assume it's because the LQP has stuff that I put in there.

Tinkeringbell

I'm only seeing close-votes

Extroverted Main Man

11:09 AM

0

Q: How do I tell a girl that I'm not leaving her country and that I'm interested in her?

So I've been traveling around Europe for about a month or so now. During this time I've been using Tinder to go on casual dates with a few different people. I recently had a date with a girl that I liked and I can tell she liked me. I didn't make a move or anything and we just enjoyed each other'...

relationships

A J

11:29 AM

@Henders o/

as well as to @sphennings @RichardU

Good morning

'fternoon

evening

'morning

Introverted Meta Man.

11:51 AM

0

Q: How do I delete my account and all questions/answers on IPS, but keep it on all other SE sites?

I want to delete my account and all my questions/answers/activity on IPS, but keep my account open on all other IPS sites. How do I do that?

support feature-request

Richard U

Peace and love to all. have a blessed day

Loki

1:07 PM

I like how I received a notification to join "Trash"

Is this my new home now ? :D

Tinkeringbell

@Loki Hahaha oh sorry, ;) No need to go poking around in there (you can't talk there anyways)

Henders

@AJ Hello! :)

A J

@Henders Wassup? Been busy? ;)

Henders

Yeah, I fell into this room earlier then had lunch and forgot I was here :P

A J

@Henders LOL. Lunch? It's almost 7 pm. One would have dinner now. :P

Richard U

1:20 PM

I'll live off of the fat of the land. At least another 20lbs

or about 9 kilos

Loki

THE METRIC SYSTEM WILL PREVAIL

Hmm sorry.

I had to learn the imperial system when going to new zealand it was entertaining

Sid

@AJ who has dinner at 7PM? That's snacks-time. :P

Rainbacon

@Sid Some places eat dinner much later, for example, I've heard that it's quite common to eat dinner around 9-10pm in Spain

Sid

@Rainbacon Same here. (where here=local region)

Rainbacon

Oh, you were referring to before dinner snacks :)

Sid

1:34 PM

@Rainbacon He he. :P

Extroverted Main Man

1:46 PM

0

Q: Politely requesting the office lights remain on?

I work in a small office, there's 6 of us in total, so it's not possible to turn of "some" of the lights, without turning them all off. In the UK, we're now in the Spring season, which generally means brighter days, because of this, one of my colleagues recently asked if the lights could be tur...

politeness united-kingdom

IPS Comment Bot

@rbsdca if you like my answer please upvote. If you really like my answer please mark as answer. Thanks! — empty 50 secs ago

#13218 empty (109 rep) | A: How do I rebut my Dad's political Facebook posts that are factually untrue and offensive, without destroying a fragile relationship? (score: 0) | posted 14 days ago by empty (109 rep) | edited 14 days ago by empty (109 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

Extroverted Main Man

2:12 PM

-2

Q: Is it cultural appropriation if I wear a qipao?

I wore a qipao to a holiday party earlier this year. I am an American with Vietnamese parents (They were born in Vietnam, escaped to America during the Vietnam War, and I was born in America) I do not know of the history/traditions/meaning/etc. behind the dress- I wore it because I thought it was...

cultural-appropriation clothing

Richard U

@Loki remember, the Imperial system got us to the moon, the metric system got us.... confused?

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