The Awkward Silence

spiral succulent

12:13 AM

Here's the highest res image of my avatar I have right now

I think I tried to look it up once and failed

user15026

I am just amused that Google was like "this is not a plant it is a computer monitor."

Extroverted Main Man

1:02 AM

0

Q: My sister has gotten favors from my parents and does not want to give them up because I am moving back home

I get asking a question when you are upset is not optimal but I am upset. I have taken pretty much nothing in $ from when I was 16. I bought my own clothes, car, insurance, made honor role, worked in a restaurant where I got food, and got financial assistance in college based on family income. ...

family

spiral succulent

1:38 AM

@Ash This is the weirdness of image recognition software that we will be living with for the rest of our lives lol

Also, please VTC the above question

Jesse Barnett

2:00 AM

"How do I tell her button up butter cup my turn?" - good kek, although I can't imagine a person that would actually feel entitled to an entire house from their parents... maybe troll? i don't know

Catija

Nah, that's just paparazzi.

A J

5:07 AM

@Tinkeringbell I have a way to find them all. And if you have voted in anyway (including close, reopen, delete etc), you can find them that way too.

A J

5:19 AM

→ 9 messages moved to trash

Pritt Balagopal

6:01 AM

Hi

I have a question

How do you respond when someone refuses to mind their own business, even after you tell them to.

Magisch

:morning

Jesse Barnett

6:18 AM

@PrittBalagopal I like to make up some over-the-top stories... that usually brings attention to the fact that they are being nosey and I don't want to talk about it

Pritt Balagopal

Sorry, I dont understand what over-the-top means @JesseBarnett . Can you give me an example please?

Jesse Barnett

"why isn't there a second date" - "idk man, stop asking" - "but surely there is a reason" - "maybe it has something to do with when I kicked her in the shins, stole her ice cream, took one bite and then threw it in the bin"

bad, sarcastic joke to show how unamused by their pry-ing you are

you could go the other direction too

Pritt Balagopal

Ahh okay, this usually works when they ask you a question right?

Jesse Barnett

"so will there be a second date?" - "we are getting married in the morning and then I will fly to romania and live with her mother"

yes, in response to a question

Pritt Balagopal

I had some situations where I might be doing something like deriving an equation, and some guy comes up and says "Oh look! Pritt is deriving an equation!"

Jesse Barnett

6:24 AM

im just having a laugh man.. if you want a proper answer with explanation you should ask a question on the main site

Pritt Balagopal

I'm not sure if it would be on-topic.

Jesse Barnett

yeah, it does sound like its in risky territory

for being closed

give it a go, and make the suggested edit

edits*

Pritt Balagopal

Okay then

Magisch

6:35 AM

@PrittBalagopal depends on how keen you are not to piss them off

Pritt Balagopal

6:48 AM

@Magisch Will they get pissed because they failed to mind their own business?

Extroverted Main Man

7:49 AM

0

Q: How do you deal with someone who's pushing you without explaining yourself?

There are certain people, especially familly members you see from time to time or other close relatives, who simply don't know where to stop when offering you something. Usually it's about drinking alcohol, eating cake or other things I must do because everyone else does that too. When they ask ...

conversations friends family saying-no rudeness

Magisch

@PrittBalagopal Some people don't like being told off

Depending on your situation, you may be in a situation where you need to keep those people not pissed

A J

8:14 AM

→ 12 messages moved to trash

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: How to ask someone not to use a voice that irretates me?

I work with a lady who sometimes uses an extremely irritating voice. She is very friendly, and I enjoy talking to her, but when she uses this certain voice I just want to pull my hair out. I try to get busy with something else but this seems to confuse her and she persists. The voice is high pitc...

conflict-aversion

A J

8:38 AM

-2

A: How can I communicate to friends and family that I don't want a specific type of birthday gift?

How about telling everyone that you don’t want any gift. Or this year instead of a gift you’re asking people to donate to charity

Tinkeringbell

10:38 AM

→ 15 messages moved to trash

A J

Argh! I was doing that too

LinuxBlanket

@PrittBalagopal I use the same approach of Jesse

Tinkeringbell

@AJ Hah, I just dropped in on lunch break ;-)

LinuxBlanket

"So, do you have a boyfriend?" "Yes, I have five of them, one for each day of the week. On weekends I take some rest"

A J

@Tinkeringbell LOL. You seem too busy at work. ;)

Tinkeringbell

10:41 AM

@AJ I'm deliberately staying away, actually I'm without a project now, so it's really calm. But I want to see some community before I get super-involved again.

Magisch

@LinuxBlanket I guess I'm the grumpy variant to that

"No, I don't want to talk about it" "Don't ask me this again" "go away"

A J

@Tinkeringbell Oh. Okay. Take a break. Or come to M&TV ;) We have cookies (and Pokemon apparently).

LinuxBlanket

@Magisch My philosophy is "stupid questions get stupid answers" :D

@AJ we have POKEMONS???

A J

10:58 AM

@LinuxBlanket No. Actually we have a question about Pokemon in HNQ.

7

Q: Why do Pokemon evolve?

Most Pokemon go through 3 stages. why do they have to evolve? I mean, it does make it a bit more interesting, but Pokemon would still be interesting if they did not evolve and just stayed the same their whole life.

pokemon

LinuxBlanket

Pokémon creationists alarm

IPS Comment Bot

11:42 AM

Great subjective questions tend to have long, not short, answers. The best subjective questions inspire your peers to share their actual experiences, not just post a mindless one-liner or cartoon in hopes of being rewarded with upvotes for being merely “first.” Sharing an experience takes at least one paragraph; ideally several paragraphs. — Spagirl 1 min ago

#12446 Spagirl (9311 rep) | A: How to ask someone not to use a voice that irritates me? (score: 2) | posted 2 hours ago by Spagirl (9311 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Spagirl (9311 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

Magisch

11:56 AM

@AJ What about interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/12264/… makes a duplicate there?

Imo the dynamic is entirely different

IPS Comment Bot

12:15 PM

Agreed. Giving an excuse that can be remedied by someone else just makes it harder (and more rude) to refuse later when they e.g. prepared another type of dish or bought fancier wine especially for you. — Llewellyn 2 mins ago

#12440 Llewellyn (101 rep) | A: How do you deal with someone who's pushing you without explaining yourself? (score: 3) | posted 3 hours ago by Magisch (6797 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

I also disagree that maintaining "good" eye contact is a solution. If someone's gaze is wandering despite your sustaining constant eye contact with them, it's likely because that eye contact is making them uncomfortable. Doubling down won't fix it. — Rozenn Keribin 20 secs ago

#12387 Rozenn Keribin (101 rep) | A: How to stop people from looking at my mouth when we're having a conversation? (score: 2) | posted 24 hours ago by Astralbee (8751 rep) | edited 22 hours ago by Astralbee (8751 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

Richard U

Just so you don't think the problems here are unique. This Q hit over 100 before it was closed in TWP

109

Q: How to convince my boss that 6 days work-week is detrimental?

I work in a Startup where I was hired at the first employee, after the founder. Naturally, after the company started growing, I rose the ranks quite fast. I am still quite young and the founder of the company was an experienced Regional Director of a very big and famous multinational company. H...

work-time

Magisch

@RichardU that ... reads like a rant

not entirely unconstructive but a rant regardless

Richard U

12:46 PM

@Magisch right, a rant and completely off topic, and hit 100. That's going to be a problem for all the "soft" sites. It is for TWP, and it will be here. That's the challenge for softer sites.

IPS Comment Bot

@RozennKeribin Well this is why I gave several suggestions. We all have to take these questions at face value, and answer them as posed. The OP suggests that the kind of attention his mouth gets is unusual, so while I agree with your comment in general I don't think that is the issue. He mentioned his beard - I believe the glances are deliberate and opportunistic, not to do with awkwardness. — Astralbee 2 mins ago

#12387 Astralbee (8761 rep) | A: How to stop people from looking at my mouth when we're having a conversation? (score: 2) | posted 25 hours ago by Astralbee (8761 rep) | edited 23 hours ago by Astralbee (8761 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

Richard U

1:09 PM

NOT cool....

Just read back the first sentence of your second paragraph. You sound arrogant... — AJFaraday 3 hours ago

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: How can I explain to someone that they are not being bullied, that instead he is bullying?

Names in this question are not actual names, not even online pseudonyms. I am the leader of a mediumsized online gaming community (about 50 active members). Alice and Bob assist me in running this online community. A subgroup of this community runs a particular weekly gaming session. They have ...

conflicts difficult-people online-interaction rudeness how-to-help

Extroverted Main Man

1:31 PM

-2

Q: How to make better jokes to my friend from India?

So I have a friend who is from India and we have more or less the same kind of humor. However, I often make very good jokes about India (about some stereotypes) but he never finds them funny, even though he knows I'm not being racist and he doesn't even like India himself (he has been living her...

friends humor

TheTinyMan

1:55 PM

Gosh darn it, as long as I've been around now you'd think I wouldn't accidentally type a comment in the answer text box still.

To be fair the very first time I did that I was already relatively veteran. :-P

16

Q: How to stop people from looking at my mouth when we're having a conversation?

Context I am a male in my early 20s. My work requires me to frequently communicate face-to-face with customers that are often strangers to me. Because of this I tend to take good care of my appearance. I neatly trim my beard, put product in my hair and work out a few times a week. When I'm in a...

conversations

This question sounds OT to me, why is it highly rated with no VTC votes?

(Understanding that it's okay that people do this is on topic, but trying to directly stop other people from doing something sounds like something that the community would usually regard as not an interpersonal skill)

IPS Comment Bot

3:15 PM

You're hurting your own point here, which I agree with. While many are not appropriate for the work place, no jokes are flat out "not OK". If something is funny, and people laugh, it just might be a good joke! Go look at any top stand up comedian right now, they're not talking about knitting and kittens. Controversial, extreme stuff is funny when done right. — coinbird 53 secs ago

#12289 coinbird (232 rep) | A: How can I address a man talking inappropriately about women? (score: 18) | posted 4 days ago by Mykazuki (1024 rep) | edited 49 hours ago by Mykazuki (1024 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

Extroverted Main Man

3:40 PM

2

Q: My friend wants me to dance at her wedding but I don't feel comfortable dancing. What should I do?

A dear friend of mine is getting married in a couple of weeks. She's such a extrovert person, always ready to party. Above all she loves dancing. On the other hand, I'm the exact opposite. I don't feel comfortable when dancing, because I don't like my body, I don't like the way my body moves, I d...

friends

IPS Comment Bot

3:57 PM

I disagree with the way this answer tries to avoid the whole "looking down on" feeling (admittedly, the OP did mention this idea in his question, even if I don't truly believe he feels that way). It's perfectly acceptable to mildly look down on poor behavior. It doesn't mean that you will always look down on the person. People are capable of changing when they realize their behavior is unacceptable, after all. And understanding that your behavior is looked down on can be very strong pressure to change. Much more so than having the behavior overlooked. — Kat 1 min ago

#12188 Kat (101 rep) | A: How to helpfully react to a male coworker's sexual comment about a woman (score: 3) | posted 6 days ago by Arthas (1627 rep) | edited 6 days ago by Arthas (1627 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: Should I pay back a loan that turned into a gift?

My partner and I have lived together for the last few years and during that time we have occasionally asked her father if we could borrow money, ranging from $500 to $5000 (roughly). The reason for this has always been something significant and (as we see it) non-frivolous such as moving house or...

money parents gifts loans

IPS Comment Bot

4:46 PM

I agree with the intent of your answer but I feel like you're contradicting yourself. In your first sentence you state, "The best way to resolve a misunderstanding or confirm everybody is on the same page is to clearly communicate about it with all parties involved" but then your suggestion is (in my opinion) very indirect, "When should I plan on having this camera back?" and you even point out it's making an implication (versus being direct). I agree on directness being important, why not just say "hey, did you mean for it to be a gift?" — dwizum 1 min ago

#12423 dwizum (101 rep) | A: How do I clarify that the gift someone gave me is mine when they are asking for it back? (score: 4) | posted 18 hours ago by spiral succulent (519 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

IPS Comment Bot

6:08 PM

Okay, I missed your clear stating of a frame challenge on first read through, my mistake. I'm leaving my downvote because I disagree with your challenge, OP feels that its important to communicate this to David and their comment on this answer continues that disagreement. — spiral succulent 2 mins ago

#12383 spiral succulent (519 rep) | A: How can I tell someone who's in a vulnerable state the truth? (score: 0) | posted 31 hours ago by AllTheKingsHorses (3354 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

spiral succulent

How is that chatty?

Also, how is dwizum's chatty?

Rainbacon

You'd probably have to ask Mithrandir how they set that regexp up

spiral succulent

yeah

sphennings

@spiralsucculent It's a regex based heuristic, the goal of the bot is to bring potential issues to chat not to cast definitive judgement.

spiral succulent

@sphennings I was typing this

you beat me to it

:P

Rainbacon

6:11 PM

I think I remember them mentioning that the regexp was looking for "agree" and "disagree" because such comments are often chatty

spiral succulent

thats probably it, but it will definitely pull alot of false-positives if it matches everything with agree/disagree

sphennings

I think the most accurate pattern is to filter on [+-]1

Rainbacon

They talked about updating it, but I don't know if they've had the time

spiral succulent

6:23 PM

finally crossed that 500 rep threshold, I can now participate in all the drama!

sphennings

@spiralsucculent Congrats.

spiral succulent

ty

Richard U

6:38 PM

Rep capped today.... how on earth did that happen?

@spiralsucculent the true drama doesn't start until 25,000

TheTinyMan

@RichardU Th...this isn't even its final form!?

Richard U

@TheTinyMan wait until I perform my Fusion with MaskedMan and we become MASKEDU

TheTinyMan

@RichardU Oh, man...someone's gonna have to stop that. Hey, uh, I hear he's VTCing all of your questions today!

Extroverted Main Man

7:49 PM

0

Q: How to ask for honest opinion of my teammates

I'm student from Polish university. One of my projects require big team (10 students) and one of us is manager. This role was offered to me and I accepted it. I am responsible for assigning tasks to my colleagues and controlling that each of them is doing their job. I know very well half of my ...

school feedback-methods

Extroverted Main Man

8:06 PM

0

Q: How to politely tell someone in a professional setting to stop using lazy English in his e-mails

I have just received yet another e-mail from a technical contact at one of our business partners. He has a list of questions that I need to provide answers to but he uses such a lazy form of writing that I can't even understand the questions. I don't have the time or inclination to decipher his p...

work-environment politeness online-interaction

Rainbacon

8:17 PM

@ExtrovertedMainMan would that be better suited for TWP?

Richard U

@Rainbacon it wouldn't be out of place in TWP, but not sure if better

IPS Comment Bot

@JuanCarlosOropeza Basra — Doktor J 31 secs ago

#12328 Doktor J (101 rep) | A: How to shut someone up while being only moderately offensive when they incessantly criticize my house? (score: 72) | posted 2 days ago by RyanfaeScotland (719 rep) | edited 47 hours ago by RyanfaeScotland (719 rep)

Matched regex(es) [""]

sphennings

@Rainbacon I think that could work on either site.

Extroverted Main Man

8:42 PM

0

Q: Methods of resolving highly emotional conflicts

With my significant other, occasionally emotional conflict arises where one of us feels like their needs aren't being met. Under normal circumstances, one of us could just make an extra effort to validate or support the other. Recently, a conflict arose where both of us felt hurt by the other an...

relationships conflicts

0

Q: My close "online friend" has become colder towards me. How should I handle the situation?

Context Over 8 months ago I met this girl from Germany (I'm from the Netherlands) in an online game called "World of Warcraft". We met pretty randomly but got along really well. She's exactly my age, shares the same interests and has the same kind of humor as me. After playing together for a few...

conversations boundaries online-interaction online-relationships friendship

Catija

8:55 PM

Hey @sphennings I really appreciate you using custom close reasons. If you can, it's more helpful to the asker if you include some specific guidance on how to improve their post. You can do this in a separate comment if it's a space issue. For example, what I will often do is post a comment first to explain how to improve the question and then cast the custom close vote explaining why it's a bad fit (including a link to meta is great, too).

Rainbacon

@Catija That was why I added another comment on the online friend question

Catija

Appreciated :D

sphennings

@Catija Most of the time I don't really have more specific guidance besides "figure out what you're actually asking" which is a rather confrontational sort of advice that I don't feel is suited to dump on unsuspecting new users.

Richard U

@sphennings nice answer, too bad it was FGITW.

sphennings

@RichardU What's bad about the fact that I was able to answer promptly?

Richard U

9:08 PM

@sphennings no, that he picked it as best answer so soon. That tends to kill upvotes. You won't get the rep you deserve for it.

I upvoted it though, FWIW

sphennings

@RichardU Perhaps they'll revoke their acceptance. Sometimes they do after you comment sometimes they don't

I will say it feels damn good when they revoke their acceptance and then a few days later they re-accept your answer over all the others that came in.

Richard U

@sphennings I've gotten the "populist" badge a few times at TWP. That one is satisfying when someone comes in convinced that they're right, vote for the answer that validates their opinion, then watch as an opposing opinion gets voted into the stratosphere.

sphennings

It seems like that badge could be easier to get on this site given how HNQ works.

Richard U

@sphennings this site is still getting settled in. Expect some strange badges to get earned quickly in the mean time.

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: A female friend of mine comes in my appartment for a weekend

Small introduction. We have met around 4 moungts ago, we both are from the same country and do an internship abroad. She lives quite far from me (around 400km). Whe have chated a bit since we've met, and our communications in real life was nice. We are in our early 20's and I dont know if she is...

friends relationships awkward-situations boundaries romance

spiral succulent

9:38 PM

is this on topic?

its already attracted a really crappy answer

IPS Comment Bot

9:55 PM

Sure, i agree, there is no hurry. To have her trust is very important. The question is how to read this signals if there is any? — Deutche Knabe 1 min ago

#12493 Deutche Knabe (24 rep) | A: A female friend of mine comes in my apartment for a weekend (score: -1) | posted 23 minutes ago by aks (107 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

Rainbacon

@spiralsucculent I think it is on topic, though it's not of the highest quality

Catija

Par, meet course. :P

Rainbacon

I'm trying to think of a good comment to leave to help the poster improve their question. I'm thinking something along the lines of focusing on the interpersonal skills involved in flirting.

Extroverted Main Man

10:15 PM

0

Q: How to handle people at a nearby table talking too loud?

I'm sitting alone in a restaurant when a group of teenagers or young adults comes in and takes a table near the center of the restaurant. We're the only customers in the restaurant, and I'm listening to an audiobook using earbuds. There are six of them, all men, and they're practically shouti...

conflict-aversion restaurants

Extroverted Main Man

10:50 PM

0

Q: How to deal with Friends With Strict Parents?

I have a friend that I'm quite close to and I'm in danger of loosing her as a friend. Her parents are very strict and protective in spite of her being 19, they let her go out as often as my parents let me go out when I was 14; even less so. Before in school it was fine because we saw each other ...

friends parents friendship

Catija

@spiralsucculent Keeps getting worse as it goes.

spiral succulent

@Catija I stopped reading as soon as I saw no punctuation other than ellipsis and random capitalization

IPS Comment Bot

Im absolutely agree, i cant let her down. As i mentioned, I dont know how to read signals properly. Maybe she likes me more or less than i think. But in my opinion, her decision to come over, is already a signal in my favour. — Deutche Knabe 35 secs ago

#12499 Deutche Knabe (29 rep) | A: A female friend of mine comes in my apartment for a weekend (score: 2) | posted 15 minutes ago by swbarnes2 (440 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

spiral succulent

its a referral bonus user too, how did they get 500 rep posting answers like that?

Catija

They only have 105?

spiral succulent

11:04 PM

I thought you needed 500 somewhere to get the referral bonus on other sites

oh god, they edited it into a massive text wall

Catija

You need 200 on one site to get the association bonus.

Rainbacon

The problem is they haven't answered the actual question

Catija

I may have written the FAQ on it... meta.stackexchange.com/questions/141648/…

Anyway, being good at writing answers on sites like SO doesn't necessarily translate into quality answers on a site like IPS.

spiral succulent

please VT Kill interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/12493/12145 please end it a

@Catija did you see the first version of the answer? It was a stream of conscious with some of the worst formatting I have seen since last time I went wading in SO VLQ

Catija

@spiralsucculent Still not the same type of writing. Tech writing vs more narrative.

spiral succulent

11:08 PM

And answering the question is required across SE afaik

lol

Catija

Not arguing with you...

I really don't like to use my mod delete for answers because the users can't undelete them when I do if the post is fixed.

IPS Comment Bot

The point made by @swbarnes2 that she is at your mercy and you should not take advantage of it is very important....BTW, She agreeing to come over to your house might not really be a signal for sex, there can be many possibilities other than that......a few possibilities are .......she may be going through some tough phase or may be looking for someone to be by her side.....she just wants to beat her boredom by sharing some time with friends and she is treating you just like any other friend etc — aks 2 mins ago

#12499 aks (101 rep) | A: A female friend of mine comes in my apartment for a weekend (score: 4) | posted 28 minutes ago by swbarnes2 (460 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

Rainbacon

I flagged the comment below this one as R/A. Should this one get an R/A as well? interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/12491/…

spiral succulent

11:26 PM

Mystery solved, this aks fellow has only answered 2 questions in their whole SE career

and we got the second one

Catija

And third.

spiral succulent

oh no