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12:55 AM
0
Q: Should I suggest a friend's self-published book needs editing?

jvriesemAn acquaintance of mine and his wife just self-published a very short book. Unfortunately, it has scores of grammatical mistakes on most pages. My friend and his wife have a great message to share, so I'd like to see their book improve. I'm also concerned about possible (or likely?) image plagiar...

 
 
5 hours later…
NVZ
5:34 AM
...
 
...!
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1 hour later…
A J
6:46 AM
@Mithrandir o/
 
Hi.
 
A J
@Mithrandir how did the flashmob go?
 
10 hours ago, by Mithrandir
'twas fun, although I forgot my lunchbag and so I was hungry all day :P
 
A J
@Mithrandir got a recording?
There is no need of you be in it. ;-P
 
7:05 AM
morning
 
A J
7:18 AM
afternoon
 
Changed the clocks, so it felt like I was getting up an hour too early :|
 
7:57 AM
0
Q: Hire someone that could put my job in risk or not?

DryadwoodsI'm in a place that I am not feeling comfortable with. I am the responsible to hire someone to the company, however, I have found a candidate that matches the requirements, but that person has other skills that for sure will put my own place at risk inside the company. I am facing the dilemma of...

 
8:15 AM
-1
Q: Giving up smoking - how to replace social contact

StatsanalystI am planning on quitting smoking. I have already reduced my nicotine intake substantially by switching from machine cigarettes to roll-ups, using tobacco which is less strong. Having analysed my smoking, I think that one of the things which I will miss most is the social interaction which smo...

0
Q: How to address a guy talking toxic about women

JanSource is this twitter thread: https://twitter.com/MalwareJake/status/976848126987374593 Excerpt: She said that the guy who appeared to be the unofficial group leader started talking about one of the (very few) female conference speakers like a piece of meat. The other guys jumped in and des...

 
8:52 AM
0
Q: how to get past small talk?

miyokuI've some trouble with small talk and i know that (remember my roommate). But as the small talk is quite difficult to me, I'm wondering how to go in more deeptalking which is more easy to follow. To be a bit clear, that's how i see small and deep talk: Small talk is when we exchange mostly on...

 
9:09 AM
-1
Q: How do I avoid being questioned when i respond to a question?

claireSome members of my family will always question my answer to even basic yes no questions. How can I avoid this happening as I find it judgemental and it is causing conflict.

 
10:04 AM
@Tinkeringbell frame challenge time \o/
 
 
1 hour later…
11:17 AM
@Magisch cool. Can you back it up? :P
What's the 'similar'? What culture was that in?
 
11:35 AM
@Tinkeringbell One american tech conference (one who spoke up got fired because one of the guys he spoke out against was a friend of a manager at his company) and a friend of mine in canada got thrown out of a conference because they made some stuff up
Not exactly the same situation but sufficiently similar
 
Add it! Be a good internet profile please? :P
 
I don'T think adding anecdotes does anything though
answer is already too chatty it feels like
 
@Magisch It's not too chatty. But it might be nice to add more what you say (random guy speaking up to random guy? Seem to be first case, since they didn't know the friend of manager thing? ) I asked a question about that too, are we talking about being on the sideline and overhearing random strangers do this (in which case I think your answer is perfectly valid) or are we assuming these people already know each other (which the twitter thread seems to imply after reading it through)..
Have you seen random guys stand up? Or people in a friendship?
 
@Tinkeringbell All random guys mostly
My answer assumes OP doesn't know these people
 
Well, that is at the least some valuable info ;)
 
11:41 AM
If you're friends, you usually have more license to speak out and be taken seriously
 
It at least explains what you think is similar :)
@Magisch Exactly. Which is why I left the comment, because I got the impression that this was a group of friends/co-workers in a bar (outside of the event?) being overheard by the woman.
 
The point is, people who are this brazenly doing this at a conference are usually well established or know people who are. It's a conference, everyone wears name tags. Some industries are pretty close for comfort
 
@Magisch Oh sure, so if you think that's relevant to mention it, do so :)
@Catija go back to sleep :P You're up early a lot this week!
 
11:54 AM
@Tinkeringbell what??? It's the normal time. It's nearly 7.
 
@Catija Really? I'm somehow used to you only popping in around 4 here :P Which means you're 3 hours early :P
Guess I've not been paying enough attention lately ;)
And nearly seven is an excellent time to sleep another hour or two (In my defense)
@Magisch it might be time to update your frame-challenge ;)
 
Oh. Well. I get to work at ten. So often I don't show up until then. My laptop was open and Bennett started poking at it which caused ff to rejoin all of the rooms.
 
@Catija Ah, so I'm talking to Bennett now? :)
Kids these days, they know how a laptop works before they can even read or write :)
Hello @B.M!
(I can see you! :P )
 
@Tinkeringbell I'll rewrite and undelete it or write an new one when I'm done flagging stuff
 
@Magisch Good idea ;)
 
12:19 PM
Morning
 
Afternoon!
 
4
Q: How to address a guy talking toxic about women

JanSource is this twitter thread: https://twitter.com/MalwareJake/status/976848126987374593 Excerpt: She said that the guy who appeared to be the unofficial group leader started talking about one of the (very few) female conference speakers like a piece of meat. The other guys jumped in and des...

@Magisch why did you delete your answer? I thought it was a very good response to the question
 
@CrazyCucumber Context changed. My answer assumed the OP was an outsider
Don't have time to entirely rewrite it right now
 
Hmm, I can't find a good query for finding chatty/obsolete comments without manual keyword searches.
A nice one would be finding comments that contain an @ping and were left after an edit.
 
12:46 PM
I have an interpersonal question about me being falsely seen as racist but I am afraid if people are going to falsely see me as racist on here :|
 
NVZ
Ask in main
 
Oh, not in this chat. I meant in main.
 
@NVZ no, help in chat ;)
to make a good question for main
Now, goal? Avoid making racist remarks in the future or effectively let people know they misunderstood you?
Such a question is probably all in the phrasing. If you're going at it like 'they're wrongly accusing me of racism' that's going to be a lot harder then 'I said something that offended them, I want them to know I didn't do it deliberately'
There's some research being done on regrettable messages ;) onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/…
> Knapp et al. conducted interviews about things that people wish they had not said in the real world, and they found 11 types of regrettable messages:

" blunders, direct attacks, group references, direct criticisms, revealing or explaining too much, reneging on agreements, expressive or cathartic remarks, lies, implied criticisms, behavioral edicts, and double entendres. " They also found the reasons people said these things ranged from stupidity and selfishness to humor [29] . Our findings on regretted Facebook postings overlapped with their findings on regrettable messages in that both
Now, the alleged 'racist remark', did it fall into one of these categories? :)
 
0
Q: Should I leave my girlfriend for a while?

t51n08I have a girlfriend of about a year and things are starting to get more serious and I'm not sure what to do about it. Part of me wants to commit to her because she is great in a lot of ways, but part of me fears the downsides of committing. There are many variables going through my head and I app...

 
Because I for one thing that 'how to effectively follow up a regrettable message' is a very, very interesting IPS question :D
 
A J
1:00 PM
@ExtrovertedMainMan why
Good evening to all!
 
1:12 PM
@AJ good morning! ;)
 
A J
15 minutes to weekend. \o/
 
has anyone written a meta about the "please use custom close reasons" discussion? I was thinking of doing that so it is not just here in chat
@AJ hooray :D
 
@AJ I'm jealous, I still have 8 hours
 
A J
@Rainbacon But it'll last 8 hours longer than mine. ;)
 
@EmC I don't think it's on meta yet ;) Feel free to write one, because one of the reasons I pinned it was that I was thinking the same :D
 
1:15 PM
@Tinkeringbell ok, cool :)
 
@Rainbacon An hour and 15 minutes here
 
Here too, but my weekend starts early :)
 
A J
A Note: Can we have a close reason for "what should I do" questions? I have seen plenty of them, so we can use a close reason here. The first one links to a pretty big page. So, a new one can have a link to proper meta post and help center page. Do we have a meta post or chat discussion already? Cause I have been busy and have to catch up a lot. If yes, give me link for it
 
(Are you talking about the should I autocomment meta link?)
 
A J
@Tinkeringbell No. A close reason in the off-topic section right below "This question does not appear to be about interpersonal skills, within the scope defined in the help center. "
 
1:21 PM
@AJ The first one links to a pretty big page. > Is that the one linked in the autocomment some of us have been using?
 
A J
@Tinkeringbell no
but it is specified there under the section "Questions must be specific enough to be answered"
 
I've been using autoreviewcomments to do off-topic, because. We haven't discussed 'what should I do' as a custom close reason yet I think?
chat.stackexchange.com/transcript/message/43521969#43521969 is interesting though, we need to use off-topic because a lot before we can get a custom close-reason
 
A J
@Tinkeringbell well, we had a lot of these questions recently
I guess we can gather a meta consensus on that close reason and get that one implemented.
Same goes for "professional help" one.
Once we gather enough consensus, mods can create a custom close reason. which is not a big thing
 
@AJ Take a look at what Catija said, I just asked her recently about professional help. We need to use it before it gets implemented by voting off-topic, because.
So you don't have a chance with professional help yet.
You might have some small amount of luck with 'should I', but only because we were using the autocomment before the close-reason
 
I think a lot of the professional help questions I've seen have been closed with the "Should I" comment because they've all been "should I get professional help"
 
A J
1:31 PM
@Tinkeringbell yeah, I know. That's why I am not asking to get that one right now.
@Tinkeringbell Yes.
I am logging off now and got a busy weekend. So, let's discuss it later. Or you all can and let me know. See y'all later. :)
 
2:10 PM
@AJ when you get back, I just posted a meta about custom close reasons: interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/questions/2679/…
 
5
Q: Can we use custom close reasons more often for "off-topic" questions?

Em CIf you've been around for a bit, you have probably noticed that we close a lot of questions! Sometimes the default close reasons are fine, but we've also developed a few guidelines that can feel shoehorned into those categories, or that aren't obvious from the close message. This is especially pr...

 
@EmC Hey! I really like your new question. I worry that it could be a bit confusing since you say it's a discussion but your title is pretty "do this"-y? Maybe a title that's a question?
I don't really have a suggestion on how to reword it, though.
 
@Catija oh good point, I edited it
 
A J
@EmC looks good
 
@EmC Looks good :D
 
2:24 PM
pesky titles.. I always forget to double-check those :P
 
A J
I am really busy to contribute in it. So, I might try something on either Sunday or Monday.
 
@EmC You're not the only one :P I think my last meta question got a bit of negative attention because the question title was just too strong..
 
@AJ no worries, I just wanted to let you know since you seemed interested :)
 
A J
@EmC I am always interested in doing things to make this site great. :)
 
0
Q: How to act out of concern for safety in group setting with an individual showing aggressive tendencies?

cr0Not sure if this question is better for martial arts or what. The goal is personal safety, but I find it interpersonal because it's a matter of maintaining personal safety using 'soft' strategies (decisions & discussion not body armor) while also maintaining group relations and norms and not burn...

 
2:33 PM
@ExtrovertedMainMan I do hope that get's edited to ask specifically about de-escalation skills! :)
 
B.M
Hahah.. Hi @Tinkeringbell, how are you ?
 
3:18 PM
Have you spoken to them since then? It sounds like they were amused by the experience. What did Mike do afterwards to make you think you had caused lasting offence? — Kozaky 1 min ago
#12277 Kozaky (686 rep) | Q: How to recover from being falsely seen as a racist? (score: 0) | posted 5 minutes ago by Crazy Cucumber (3369 rep)
Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]
 
0
Q: How to recover from being falsely seen as a racist?

Crazy CucumberSo here is the story: It was a Saturday night and my wife and I were sitting outside, drinking. We've already had a few drinks and we were talking, listening to music, in a good mood if you will. I see about 5 or 6 houses down from ours (we live in townhouse apartments, so the houses are stacked...

 
This is my first question on IPS.SE. Any feedback? Any suggestions?
 
it sounds like you already decided.. — Val 1 min ago
#12272 Val (226 rep) | Q: Should I leave my girlfriend for a while? (score: -3) | posted 2 hours ago by t51n08 (1 rep)
Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]
 
A J
@Catija Is that a Batman t-shirt?
 
@AJ Yes.
 
3:25 PM
@CrazyCucumber When you edit your question there's no need to label it as an edit
 
A J
@Catija Trying to make him DC fan already? ;D
 
It's pretty shameful, actually... all of my shirts that are comic-related are Marvel... so Bennett is... not following the family preferences.
 
@Rainbacon took them out, thanks
 
@CrazyCucumber You might consider mentioning your own ethnicity in the question?
 
@Catija Sounds like you need to set him straight
 
A J
3:27 PM
@Catija Lol
 
@Rainbacon Well, we have him well started in on Star Wars clothing... so that's fine... the Batman shirt was a gift. But licensed merch for kids that will only wear the clothes for 3-6 months before outgrowing it is expensive!!!
 
A J
@Catija Teething is the reason why he wasn't looking at items in the shelves?
 
@AJ He's chewing on the cart.
 
A J
@Catija Ah. Didn't notice.
 
For those who are unsure what we're talking about: instagram.com/p/Bgq34Y9gPPS/?taken-by=catija
 
3:31 PM
@Catija That is cute! Mine just chewed on my hand :)
 
A J
@Catija Insta got chat feature. It can be used.
 
@AJ You mean for oneboxing?
@CrazyCucumber Yeah, when he was under a year, that was OK... now... we try to encourage him to chew on things that aren't animate.
 
A J
Hmm.
@Catija That reminds me. How does that hippo look like now? ;)
 
@Catija LOL mine is about 20 months old now and she stopped chewing like a year ago. She never stopped chewing on me or my wife. The other day, I was laying down with her. She slowly crawled up to near my head and bit a chunk of my hair. Then gagged on it for 5 minutes!
I was glad I had just shaved my head off and didn't have a lot of hair
 
@AJ We're going to the beach this weekend... maybe I'll get a new photo. :D
 
A J
3:37 PM
@Catija Yay!! \o/
 
You take a hippo to the beach. O... kay.
 
A J
Don't forget to make a home from sand for Ben. ;)
 
@Mithrandir Actually, usually we don't. He used to travel everywhere with us... France, Germany... all over... but now I'm really afraid to lose him, so we usually leave him at home unless the risk is low.
 
3:57 PM
0
Q: What to do when a friend's close relative dies

KurtAs a seventeen years old I have never had to face this unfortunate and sad situation before . My friend's grandad just died what can I do to support him.

 
4:41 PM
interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/questions/2673/… bold post suggesting we change the help
quite frankly im impressed they had the guts
 
user15026
I'm not sure what's so bold about it
 
I'm not sure where it's suggesting that the help change.
 
on-topic section of help
 
How can I talk to X to achieve Y? please not! I think the example as is now is fine.
 
this is the paragraph in help @Catija understanding theories and concepts commonly associated with interpersonal skills. - What is [theory/concept] or How do I use [theory/concept] to achieve [goal]?
that is largly what my meta question was about
people raising issue that my question said "use [theory/concept] to achieve [goal]"
and this is where they suggested to change it @Catija: I suggest that the IPS community adopt a template question of "How can ___ help me __?" ...instead of "How can I use __ to __?"
 
 
1 hour later…
5:59 PM
0
Q: How to respond to a person asking for payment after they were non-responsive for 6 months?

SkoddieApproximately 6 months ago, I placed an order with a friend of a friend for laser engraved dog tags to distribute at as a keepsake at an event I attend. We agreed on a price, I provided art, and they let me know that they would send me a sample before filling the order. They also let me know that...

 
 
1 hour later…
7:19 PM
Agreed. You need to tell him "sparring with you is no fun, I don't want to do it." Do not try to defend or justify your feelings, just stick to your guns. — swbarnes2 39 secs ago
#12254 swbarnes2 (410 rep) | A: How to deal with someone who doesn't learn? (score: 2) | posted 19 hours ago by Stephan Branczyk (1991 rep) | edited 19 hours ago by Stephan Branczyk (1991 rep)
Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]
 
7:36 PM
Downvoted for implying that the presence of women makes any difference to the uncoolness of this nauseating behavior. — Beanluc 1 min ago
#12289 Beanluc (295 rep) | A: How can I address a male talking inappropriately about women? (score: 4) | posted 1 hours ago by Mykazuki (858 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Mykazuki (858 rep)
Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]
 
8:21 PM
@Magisch Sorry to see you didn't make it to the final round of mod elections, better luck next time :)
@ArtOfCode Congrats on making it to the final round, you got my vote
 
@spiralsucculent Cheers :)
 
Everyone else, go vote!
 
Where can I vote?
 
ty :)
I don't have points on the stackoverflow so I can't vote, too bad
huh 100 free rep, cool
still can't vote though
 
8:27 PM
@Peter association bonus probs won't count ;) you want actual community members to pick their mod :)
@ArtOfCode good luck!
 
Association bonus counts, but you need 150
 
yea makes sense :)
 
 
2 hours later…
NVZ
10:17 PM
...
 
NVZ was here, indeed
 
10:40 PM
@NVZ ... .. ........... . ... .. .... ......... . .. .
 
user15026
Looks like we all know where the . button is.
 
... ?
 
Crap I lost mine
 
user15026
Awww noooo here I have some extra ...... you can copy and paste what you need ;)
 
user15026
(I had a friend who's M key was broken and they couldn't get a new keyboard right away so that's actually what tehy did, jsut copy and pasted when needed)
 
10:48 PM
Actually, I lied - I just figured that I could balance things out a bit by not using them
 
okay im done
 
What are you testing?
 
in retrospect "okay I'm done" after three removed posts looks like I got smacked down for saying something rude
 
Eh, I can see what you did... I am curious what you were trying to ascertain.
 
I was figuring out when chat collapsed whitespace and when it didn't
the one I found interesting was leading newlines it showed them for a second and then collapsed them
oh, one more
nevermind I can't star my own posts
I can always do this in my own chat and not spam this room so I'll stop
Generally I spend a lot of time with a new chat/messaging service finding out how I can use and abuse formatting rules
a casual chat with some of my friends in the app we use at work is full of my experiments with its implementation of Markdown
such as
 
10:56 PM
You know, there's actually a room for that... I think it's called the Sandbox.
 
that is unsurprising from SE so have a sandbox room
 
... It's do, re, mi...
 
I was in band, not chorus
 
 
1 hour later…
11:59 PM
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