Fun times in ignorance: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/7116/…

@apaul part of flagging and walking away is not responding...

@Catija ... puppy kicker :P

Doing that feels cowardly. Like I know I should, but it's really hard to not say something along the lines of "I know what you're doing. Stop it."

@apaul I know. But doing it isn't good for the site. Type it out, don't hit submit.

Not sure if it makes sense to you, but sometimes it makes a difference to fight for yourself rather than quietly waiting for others to do the right thing... Not on SE neccisarilly, but generally. It's a hard habit to break.

Sort of a Malcolm X vs MLK sort of thing... Maybe not the best way to put it, they both spoke up and were heard, but I tend to think that both messages were needed to affect change.

Taken together it ends up being a "we can do this the easy way or the hard way, but we're not putting up with your shit anymore."

I understand. I don't think SE is a good place for that, though. It's too easy to misinterpret what people are saying and too easy to get into an argument. Plus... eh... it's easier for me to defend you (and anyone else) if you actually walk away. That comment you wrote looks very baiting to me.

And he responded in kind... so...

Ya I get that. I was just trying to share where that trouble comes from.

It's that whole pick your battles thing.

Also... you don't have to fight them alone. We're here for you and the CMs are here for us. I've never met an organization so dedicated to diversity and acceptance.

They understand what you're dealing with.

@Catija That's part of what gets me when I see things on SE. It's always tempting to say that if you're against diversity and acceptance then using a the wrong network. I know there are those that "get it" it's just frustrating when people who get it aren't vocal about it... Again one of those situations where doing the right thing for the world conflicts with doing the "right" thing for network.

@apaul If you flag and walk away, the mods can see repeated actions by people and act on them. If you respond, we have to come up with a justification for why you shouldn't also be acted on.

@Catija False equivalency is a bitch ain't it?

If it looks like you're regularly baiting people - even if you're on the right side of history - people are going to complain.

Think of me and my greying hair before you post.

Do you all pull these people aside and explain why you're deleting their stuff?

@Catija hey now, I tried, I gave warning and everything today.

If they make a habit of it.

@apaul the question was fine. I mean comments responding to people.

We're here for q&a. Focus on that. If a comment doesn't seem to be coming from a good place, don't respond to it.

It just sucks that any question about these things attracts those comments and answers. Sometimes I take the beating because I know others are afraid to and people need answers to these questions and their should be space for them.

*there

Stupid me...

@apaul Absolutely. And I respect your willingness to do that. The questions you're asking will likely help lots of people. Focus on that and let us keep it clean.

I guess I'm trying to say that any question about interacting as a queer is treated like bait. Doesn't seem to matter how carefully worded it is.

Still on mobile, by the way. At my dad's house.

That doesn't justify not trying.

Oh... Sorry. Do your thing, I'll stop ranting.

?

@Catija If you gotta do the family thing, I don't want to keep you.

@apaul Tell me why you picked "dead name" over "birth name" or "former name" or something else like that.

@apaul We stay in a little grandmother suite and I'm alone watching Bennett sleep while everyone is at dinner.

@Catija because that's the term and reaction I've heard/seen from the people I've dated.

@Catija nothing like watching your baby sleep. Good stuff.

@apaul So what do you think about the recommendation to change it because it might be construed as disrespectful to those people's parents?

@apaul You have kids?

@Catija had?

@apaul step kids?

@Catija none biologically, but I've raised a heap of kids.

Ah.

@Catija I tend to think it's the parents being disrespectful... They know they're hurting their kid and do it anyway... It's a really shitty thing to do.

@apaul That's not what I asked. Let's look at a family who loves their child. Born male. That child realizes that they are really female. They transition. Their parents are respectful. Accept them.

@Catija and?

How is calling it a "birth name" disrespectful?

@Catija please don't say "it"

What?

The name... is not a person.

If they were born "James", transitioned to "Jennifer", how is it disrespectful to refer to "James" as their "birth name"?

It = name.

@Catija it's disrespectful because they know where their kid is at now. In my experience, the parents have been told over and over and refusing to use the name and/or pronouns is incredibly hurtful. The people who are supposed to love and support you unconditionally have sorta placed a condition...

@Catija ah, sorry.

I can't believe after all this shit I've done that you would fucking think I would ever call a person "it".

You're being a dick.

@Catija I'm sorry. I'm just kinda used to people being shitty about these things. Not a judgement on you, it's just what tends to happen.

I don't do that shit.

@Catija I really didn't mean to be... Most people are incredibly cruel, so that can be the anticipated reaction.

Again, I'm really sorry about that.

@apaul you are missing my point. The parents call their child "Jennifer" use the appropriate pronouns. Why not say "My birth name was James but my name now is Jennifer"?

@apaul I appreciate the apology.

With impeccable timing an example of that: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/7116/…

Ugh.

@Catija because often people use the birth name as a weapon. The woman I'm seeing now still deals with that after being out out for more than 5 years.

"I hereby render your question invalid" gtfo

Such a... what’s the word.... FUNNY chat for once.

Her mom still refuses to use her name and insists on dead naming her.

@apaul that's still not explaining why one term is preferred over the other.

@Firework skating on very thin ice, might wanna watch your step.

Thanks for that.

Sure.

@Catija because one indicates how hurtful doing it is and the other doesn't.

Ah. I see. So if everyone was accepting of her and it was a true part of her past, she could call it her birth name without fearing that?

@Catija in her specific case, most likely.

Interesting.

That's not always the case though. I dated an agender person who wouldn't even tell me their dead name, knowing that it would be held in the strictest of confidence and knowing that I would never do that to them.

Denying someone's identity cuts to the core of who they are as a person. It's more than offensive. That's why people call it violence...

I try to avoid the violence label because I'm familiar with actual violence...

It's completely ugly and disrespectful.

Voyeur much? You could be a decent human and not do that @Firework ...

Chill.

@Catija exactly

Sorry.

Okay. I hate to literally do what you know who did earlier but... I have some pies to bake.

@Catija fair enough. Hope they turn out well.

hi

Let me know when you've read that.

could you please solve my problem --> math.stackexchange.com/questions/2530908/…

@Catija I've read that?

@Sadhu you're in the wrong room; this room is about mathematical logic

@apaul Sorry... I need to be careful about how much I talk about it.

I'd be more than happy to help, if I knew what sort of help was needed

@Sadhu Yup. Please read the room description. Your question does not seem to be about logic.

← 9 messages moved from Charcoal HQ

@Catija ?

@apaul It's a lot of medical and mental health stuff.

Yes I need logic of how to find quotient if mod is also present

The CMs are aware but we're trying to be as gentle with it as we can.

You don't have to tell me, but if I can help feel free to tap me.

that isn't logic; that's number theory

Thanks.

modular arithmetic, to be precise

okay, sorry to disturb you

Right now she's got the two Cooking mods along with some of the other mods, and some of the Cooking community.

@Sadhu I'm guessing that problem is an online programming problem. In that case, you should state where it comes from. Note that I do not condone cheating.

Lot's of experience with mental health and such... Most of it isn't good, but I guess I'm good for a voice of experience when it comes to some things...

If you see her around, feel free to engage her. Just don't ... trust? a lot of what you see her say.

It's not a programming problem. We are implementing in our project to calculate trajectory movement of a eclipse, but it's giving wrong output when values exceed mod

I do not believe that. Calculating trajectories has nothing to do with mod 10000019.

^or factorials, for that matter

@Catija been there done that.

because result can be very large that why we are using prime number 10000019. We are calculating relative to that number

Crazy people are

More trustworthy generally speaking?

We do not believe you. Even if we are wrong, it is definitely off-topic here so that's it.

That's why I apologized.

You can read this if you want... to get an idea of what we're dealing with... chat.stackexchange.com/transcript/68795/2017/11/15

Make a friend, be a friend... I've lost my shit pretty hard a few times over the years...

@Catija all I can see is a description, without joining, in the link

@LeakyNun: Ok back to transcendence degree...

Looks like a case of went off the meds and got paranoid?

@apaul She's never been on meds.

That I know of.

So the lawsuit against the drug companies?

Probably not going to happen.

@Catija I was asking where that comes from

She was treated for something that caused a condition that ruined her hips... but it was a known side effect.

Any idea what her mental condition is about?

Or their...

Her. I'm not sure and I'm not entirely comfortable talking about her medical history. Part of the reason we're on Discord is to avoid it.

Fair enough. Dealing with crazy is a short arms reach away from dealing with trippin... Sort of a 6 vs half dozen... And I know both pretty well..

I'd appreciate not using the word "crazy" if you will... She's normally a very lucid person and this is a very unusual event, triggered by some very complicated stuff.

"Well, I got friends in low places where the whiskey runs and the beer chase's..."

"the blues away. It'll be ok."

Yes that.

@Catija having been there it's easier to relate sometimes...

"crazy" is a high compliment in my book. Just means you're more interesting than most.

I guess. It's still often used pejoratively.

@Catija a lot like "queer' ;)

Yeah. But I don't think that the "crazy" people have started reclaiming it.

@Catija What

@Catija Depends on who you ask...

To some degree... I think? the "queer" community has worked to reclaim the word "queer" as their own... you use it, for example...

@Catija "queer" was a mental illness not so long ago.

Ah. Interesting. I don't know the history. I have seen half of the show Queer as Folk, though... :P

Embracing madness is an adventure. You should try it.

I cling to my sanity :P

As did I...

It's really overrated.

LIES!!!!

@Catija ever done mescaline?

Oops filter problems...

My bad... I know normal people don't respond well to that...

@apaul I don't even know what that is.

I have trouble understanding that the reason I'm good at this is because I'm so bad at this.

If it's a drug, I've not "done" it.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mescaline

no

@Catija mhmm

Read too much Hunter S Thompson as a kid

Ah.

@Catija it's all good. I know you're judging

Eh. I try not. I'm not into mind alteration but I'm all for people doing what they want if it doesn't hurt me.

@Catija adventures take many forms. Most aren't chemically induced. But knowing what that's like helps in some cases.

Mhmmm...

lolol

@apaul I don't know. The last time I was in the room with someone smoking pot it made me feel nauseated. I had to go outside.

← 18 messages moved from Logic

chat.stackexchange.com/transcript/message/41310488#41310488

Nice

what is this chat

@kenorb Question: