« first day (5032 days earlier)      last day (97 days later) » 
00:00 - 17:0017:00 - 23:00

17:00
And it's just the gerbil incident
It keeps coming back
And it's like a telltale heart kinda thing
There are rapid cuts that show me descending into madness
Then we cut to a flashback
I walk into a lecture hall, and slam a tub of water onto the table. I thank everyone for their midsemester feedback, then pull a gerbil out of my pocket
I say stuff like "It's alive. I can feel it's heart beating against my palm." with a bit of creepy laughter
Then I'm like "at this point in the semester, you might feel like you're drowning. [submerges 'gerbil' (it's a sock dw)]. some of your professors might let you catch your breath. they might see the life behind your eyes [takes gerbil back out and looks in its eyes during this line]"
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
That's like
that's eerily almost plausble
17:03
okay I'm sorry but I need you to explain the context for this right now
It's a sketcjh
about Wikipedia pages written by one person
then I plunge it back in super aggressively and start fucking shouting. I'm like "but this is MY CLASS. I CAN DO WHAT I WANT. I HAVE FUCKING TENURE"
safd,.mk;lsfadgk;lmj
rydwolf wikipedia page controversies section gerbil murder comedy sketch/educational system commentary was not on my bingo card for today
17:04
And then I realize with horror what I've just done and step back like "midterm's on tuesday" and walk offscreen
Cuts to me getting slapped in the face and waking up from the flashback. After checking on me, my student's like "I think I just failed this test real bad" and I'm like "no worries I'll curve it to a C" and fin
@UnrelatedString okay but how do you come up with this
Put like four insane people in a room at 10 PM
so I like what you've got here but I think it would be improved by putting a "based on a true story" title card at the start
Also we're at one of the top drama/film schools in the country so this is like professionally filmed. Insanely good camera, boom mic with operator, we're getting an absolutely brilliant editor on this, we had a director
it's a bit weird sitting in class in the same lecture hall you pretended to drown a gerbil while shouting at the top of your lungs about having FUCKING TENURE
and this wasn't even notable enough for you to mention it here until someone said something that reminded you of it
amazing
17:07
all things considered it's been a pretty minor part of my week lmao
@rydwolf when you said you pulled a gerbil out of your pocket I originally assumed a rubber gerbil which then made me imagine you Ozzy Osbourning it but like in a meta way where you put fake blood inside the rubber gerbil then bite its head off and act shocked because your character thought the "real" gerbil was a rubber gerbil when it was in fact also a rubber gerbil in reality, that's being used as a prop to represent a real gerbil that was mistaken for a prop rubber gerbil
ALL THINGS CONSIDERED
it's been a hell of a hundred and sixty eight hours
@rydwolf that was THIS WEEK?
upgrading you to "guaranteed wikipedia article"
yeah everything but the flashback was filmed before one of the fences we painted (can't remeber which fucking one), and the flashback was like two days ago
on election day actually
Come to think of it, does anyone else CGCC-adjacent have a Wikipedia article? I know there's an article that prominently mentions ais by name but he doesn't actually have his own page
we were originally doing it in a lecture hall that had a class at 5...and we started filming at 4:40. Thank god someone checked the schedule for the room, otherwise someone would've walked in on a scene
I know for certain people studying outside the one we ended up in could hear us. We had "filming in progress" on the doors though so hopefully they didn't think too much of it
17:10
Also my ambiguously-adopted great uncle has a subheading on a Wikipedia page
I might join scotch'n'soda
now that I have some time freed up from ROTC
and I got like a very clear invite from several people in it last night
also they have some fucking tea lemme tell you
How would I go about getting McAfee to shut up about my protection expiry?
I mean nothing y'all would have the context to find interesting but oh boy was it fun to mildly eavesdrop on them last night
@TheEmptyStringPhotographer uninstalling it
and I may or may not be like third cousins with some random actor I've vaguely heard of who's apparently also married to an actress I've heard of less vaguely but still can't name any roles for and also for some reason assumed was lesbian but no she's straight married to this guy who might by my third cousin if I can just actually fucking find records about my great grandfather who wrote a book that's literally in my university's library system for some reason
@UnrelatedString whoa
lore
17:12
I would make some crack about my week being boring in comparison but I think everyone's weeks were boring in comparison
I'm going to drop dead by 30
maybe by 20 actually
My week was AMAZING (aside from--no, including--how I spent like an hour sobbing uncontrollably over something that was believe it or not completely unrelated to the election on Tuesday) and still insanely boring in comparison
"Ryan Matthew Tosh (2005-2027) was an American computer programmer, media personality, professional trespasser, and felon..."
5
@rydwolf and you'll have lived like 200 years worth of experiences holy shit
17:14
I think the only thing of note that happened this week was me figuring out I'm demiromantic(?)
...why did it never occur to me that being that age means you were probably born in 2005
@UnrelatedString Anything amazing in particular?
@UnrelatedString indeed
September 23, 2005
@UnrelatedString oh no I just spent ten seconds searching TNB to find one of the instances where he's told us that
also nice message id
Always crazy to think about because my sister was born in 2005 and I just always think of her as Young™️ even though she's also in college
@Ginger "This article is currently being heavily edited because its subject has recently died..."
17:15
ooooooh that IS a nice message ID
@Ginger Oh interesting
@Ginger unfortunately it seems we just barely missed 66588888
it is a testament to how laissez-faire you are with your personal data that I was able to find it so quickly with chat search of all tools
OH YEAH THAT REMINDS ME
when you were talking about degrees of separation
I was going to be like
in English Language & Usage: Multi-Layered Discourse Room, 1 min ago, by GratefulDisciple
Sorry to distract with a completely different topic. Anyone with experience in IT here knows what part of Sarbanes-Oxley Act is related to the rule that the software developer should NOT also be the one who deploy things to production, and should NOT have access to any of the systems and databases in the production system? When I skimmed through the Wikipedia article, it's all about financial accountability.
17:16
Wait how does demiromantic work? The extrapolation that comes to mind from demisexual for me is pretty tautological
This is the message that stole the id
hey, since you share basically your entire identity with us anyways, wouldn't it be fun if we collaborated on doing genealogy stuff for you
@rydwolf romantic attraction only after being close friends for a while
Ooh interesting
but yeah I felt my brain slip a gear too just then lmao
17:17
because I've been doing on and off genealogy binges on WikiTree and it's really fun
My dad's done quite a bit, and it took me like five minutes of looking through it once to notice that I'm a second cousin of Sam Houston lol
and frustrating sometimes
oooh
Also the guy who was with lincoln when he was shot might be a direct ancestor of mine
Depends on if a judge in 1600-something correctly ruled which of two men was the father of one of my ancestors lmao
17:19
actually the problem with you getting a wikipedia page is that I have even odds of being mentioned in it
"In rydwolf's personal communications, a mysterious individual known only as 'Ginger' seems to have shown up often, possibly as an arms dealer"
no, lyxal's the arms dealer
Actually a message you sent did impact the trajectory of my life in a very real way literally several days ago lol
insert finger guns
@rydwolf yep
I thought I might be a direct descendant of Shakespeare's sister but then I complained about one of the links along the way being really poorly attested and then it turned out there were a ton of records about her but the ancestor of hers who was supposedly linked to Shakespeare was mixed up with a completely different guy from a completely different part of England who I don't think even had a similar birth year
17:21
and consider that other people have probably said similar things before :p
I told a few people at the fence yesterday my new tentative career plan and they were unanimously like "awwwwwww" (in the "that's so cute/sweet" way) which I've never gotten before
AAAAAA
niiiiiiiice
our actions have consequences we can't possibly fathom! but I try not to think about that too much because it makes me paranoid
@rydwolf but yeah www.wikitree.com
I hatched a butterfly from a cocoon on september 25, 2024, big mistake
17:22
too true
pfft
oh yeah I've been sitting on this drafted message for like 25 minutes SHIT
how am i that time blind I JUST TOOK AN EXTRA ADDERALL
deadass I kinda want to he/him me from 10 years ago, not because I don't feel looking back like I was in fact a girl all along or because I put too much effort into acting masc that I became the mask (in that regard) or anything, but just out of disrespect :P
Does it make me feel icky when I see other people misgender other trans people they don't like, as if being gendered correctly is a privilege you earn? Very. Do I have the moral capacity to generalize that to the unique hatred I have for my past self? Fuck no LMAO
I'm happy to live a life of relative obscurity because it makes it easier to pull the strings from the shadows
being a person of power and prestige mostly sounds like an annoyance, but if you know people with power and prestige...
17:25
@UnrelatedString That last sentence killed me...you're starting to sound like some of the people I lived with in my apartment lol
I don't think past ginger deserves disrespect; I can feel happy that I've grown over time, but demeaning the person I used to be feels wrong. she didn't know better
That's a really neat perspective
objectively she was obnoxious, but out of ignorance, not malice
and I'm willing to forgive her that
past ginger is still ginger, and hating myself because I was a pain a few years ago isn't a useful sentiment
Oh also idk what reminded me to say this but y'all will always be the og community :p
Like when I try to build communities and places that are welcoming and inclusive, this is the place I look to
saying "thank you" feels wrong because you're thanking all of us, but you know what I mean :p
I like that you phrased that last sentence like building communities is just a thing you do casually
17:31
@Ginger This is so insightful ngl
which does seem to be the case
@Ginger yeah that's fair
Not casually, but it does seem to happen pretty damn often lol
@rydwolf you missed an extended conversation in discord about almost exactly this
now I have to go find the transcript, one second
Past me was definitely suffering a LOT but I can't think of any excuses for a lot of the actual behavior
17:32
oh my god I'm so stupid..._today_ is friday
that explains why everything is so disorgsanized
and what really pisses me off is how much some people just validated it instead of gently pushing back and encouraging growth
I made the spreadsheet for planning the fence holding start at noon friday
which is not eysterday
it's today
pffffffffffffff
my philosophy on things is annoying to articulate because I'll come up with something pithy and then immediately find a case that invalidates what I wrote lmao
realllllll
17:35
@UnrelatedString but consider this: you know now that your behavior was wrong, which means that you wouldn't have done it then if you knew it was wrong... so it's ignorance and not malice
no I absolutely knew back then too
if anything I thought it was even worse back then
honestly at some point the distinction between malice and ignorance evaporates
well, I don't believe that people are inherently evil, and I certainly don't believe that you're a bad person
since ignorance can cause malice
so what am I missing here
17:37
...like, I am getting so much better at sympathizing with who I used to be and understanding how I've grown, but also seriously fuck them. I want to take who I was 15 years ago and hug her and give her a healthy home to grow up in because she's amazing and deserves the world (and I'm starting to cry a little typing this) but ALSO to prevent me from 10 years ago from existing
actively doing something with intent to harm, when you know what you're doing and that it's wrong, is a thing that happens and conflicts with what I said
ah right people don't always behave rationally :p
I don't want to try and explain away how you feel about your past self, since I'm not you and I'm not them
but I can at least offer solace in the fact that you're not them now either
@Ginger I would dispute that who I am now is an outright good person--see the lack of moral capacity lmao--but yeah I'm definitely chill
I'm just chill in ways that make it fairly clear how I could have been worse in the past
imo you're being too hard on yourself
17:40
ehh
I can't name any one thing that was inexcusable but it just feels like it was all Wrong™️
...which admittedly could be in part the dysphoria speaking because I was actively going through puberty 10 years ago...
a problem I have a lot is thinking something along the lines of "but I'm actually <xyz> inside and I've somehow hidden it from everyone!", but like. my internal perception of myself is the one thing that isn't visible to everyone else, so it doesn't actually matter
of course see the bit about brains not behaving rationally, but if to everyone else I am how I act consciously than my subconscious doubts can't be valid if I don't let them affect my conscious behavior
this is hard to put into words... like, I define my sense of self as how I appear to everyone else, discounting any thoughts I m
idk, I don't take long enough showers to be a philosopher :p
:p
I define my sense of self as "too vague and impaired for me to clearly define"
🫂
golf together (here for hopefully not much more) now has languages in the database, this means that when you are posting a solution you choose a language from the list (you can add your own) so they can be grouped
eventually this'll mean that each language can get its own scorer
(manually by me, probably)
@Ginger wink wink nudge nudge @rydwolf
17:52
@Ginger also I've gotten waaay better at not feeling like I'm some kind of monster inside or whatever, but my internal perceptions of myself are still meaningful for judging hypotheticals
do pings still ping in formatted text?
@UnrelatedString
2
...though the hover doesn't work
That did ping me though
wacky
17:53
Also the hover does work there actually
so maybe the problem was that I specifically had to zoom the page out to see his last message
and maybe the hover highlight is just hardcoded to the real screen size
chat is the only platform I've ever used that has, like, fractal edge cases
something something feed autodeletion
something something user attribution for moderation events
Leap years kinda has fractal edge cases
something something MessageStarred
17:55
@Ginger and also other people's perceptions of me can just be radically wrong because I put undue effort into hiding things about myself that still do affect my behavior so long as I'm also actively hiding that behavior
:(
wish I could be of more help
thanks <3
I've been HAUNTING a club I'm in for like two years at least by just putting random bullshit in the room ahead of meetings in the hopes of starting a conversation that way, and it became a habit half because of the thrill of the secrecy and half because they just never noticed before the last month or so
and I'm not like guilty about that
yeah cause that's funny as hell
xkcd 666 type shit
can someone explain to me why "an SE mod" looks wrong but "a SE mod" doesn't, yet in speech I say the former and not the latter
because the letter is a consonant
nvm I know why
18:03
But also it looks wrong to me the same way as it sounds wrong
I say "SE" like "ess eee", and that starts with a vowel, so of course I would say "an"
but in text it looks wrong because S is a consonant
wacky
english sure is a language, eh?
18:19
0
Q: Stackable and unstackable numbers

Sophia AntipolisConsider boxes stacked on top of each other. Boxes on the bottom row are labeled 1. Boxes not on the bottom row must be supported directly below, and are labeled as the sum of the 2 or 3 boxes they are directly above, including diagonally. Examples: The first 9 numbers can be generated like this:...

so much as I just regret it, since now that they have finally started noticing but still not especially looking into it the way I'd hoped they would I can't resist the temptation to kinda blatantly prod them which does make me feel guilty about actively misleading them about my involvement or lack thereof (although I think I've TECHNICALLY avoided actually lying)
and because I'm in another club now with a small but significant overlap in membership and I so want to be more honest with them about my interests but I don't want to out myself to the one other person who's in both given I've alr
@Ginger but yeah it is funny as hell to me :P
And just mildly confusing to them 😔
also the character I butchered was 死 of all things which is like
NOT A HARD CHARACTER
literally 6 strokes and super iconic
which is why I THOUGHT I could write it from memory but no I managed to make the fourth stroke perfectly horizontal instead of diagonal and even though I specifically had just reminded myself of the stroke order of ヒ like an hour earlier for other reasons I just TOTALLY blanked on that obviously also being the stroke order for the spoon radical
and since I was writing it after a meeting instead of before I did this goofy pseudo drop shadow thing with different marker colors so I think people just think it looks too cool to erase and I frankly AGREE even though it also mocks me by existing
Also two nights ago I did the ACTUAL most unhinged thing I've ever done, which was trace an entire manga panel in blackboard chalk from a projector image, and then be record a dramatic reading of "Ozymandias" in front of it in ironic appreciation of how I just spent the better part of an hour on something that some poor professor (who I probably have met before because that's the room most ling classes are in and it's a small department) is going to have to erase to write something in a lecture
@UnrelatedString this was an order of magnitude longer than I expected it to be before clicking read more
18:35
and I have ZERO regret about that because it was fucking LEGENDARY
but nevertheless
@Ginger ...same
...by "be record" I meant either "record" or "be suddenly inspired to record" and just forgot to decide :P
@Ginger And containing exactly one comma 😭
@UnrelatedString you and james joyce would get along great
2
@Ginger so anyways this was supposed to be just a Small Example of how I'm kind of pathologically secretive and indirect/manipulative in general but I guess I REALLY needed to get that off my chest
LMAOOOOOO
and I can't even remember where I was going to take that thought after that
can I offer you a 🫂 in these trying times
@Ginger (I would so star this if there weren't already four stars from the last three hours)
Thanks 🫂
@UnrelatedString don't let that stop you :3
19:04
and also I specifically did it with text from the Japanese localization OF SOMETHING THAT WAS ORIGINALLY CHINESE so there's no purism excuse
and the reason I specifically did it that way was because I figured the furigana would make it more stupid in the way I was hoping people would just have a good chuckle about but again people are just confused and one guy who's actually taken classes even wrote a confusing note on the side to correct the verb conjugation (even though in informal speech you can LITERALLY JUST CONTRACT ている to てる THIS HAPPENS ALL THE TIME THIS IS NORMAL HOW HAVE YOU STUDI
so it's all like fractally my fault
and maybe it's not as big a deal as it seems like it is, but the only way to make it seem like less of a big deal is to continually expose the repeated poor decisions I made every step of the way to get here, and even to the extent that most of those decisions weren't actively harmful or malicious it's still just embarrassing and I've never done anything kind or intelligent enough to offset it in a way that would make people willing to make what's already a leap of faith to treat me as a peer
@Themoonisacheese I did here codegolf.meta.stackexchange.com/a/26572/125340. It appears that there are some already similar ones, so it might get closed for duplication. If you think it is different enough, I can throw it on the main feed
(and then even independent of the impressions I personally make on others I still just feel stupid for the ONE thing that makes an impact being the ONE thing I just thought would be funny instead of it having any personal significance to me at all if nobody else even thought it was funny)
20:10
@Ginger some would argue that you take too many showers
@UnrelatedString 🫂
@emanresuA what did she mean by this :3c
Just the usual making fun of philosophers, nothing to see here :3
:stare:
20:14
@Ginger did you get pinged by any of the two messages above?
the first but not the second
[Secret ping?](https://example.com/@Ginger)
att
att
20:30
@UnrelatedString weeb…
oh i didn’t expand oops
sorry if that hits the wrong way
Yeah no problem LMAO
I get it's not with disrespect from y'all
20:49
@att no clue who this person is
From what discord server is this?
21:05
the cgcc discord, probably
wait. There's a cgcc discord server?
yep
att
att
21:28
@emanresuA yeah me neither
 
1 hour later…
22:36
@rydwolf
is this your schedule
also vm when
I would never gamble with actual money, so
@Ginger I love evenings
Evenings are the best time
Thursday afternoons too
I aspire to be that 10% that does not quit
00:00 - 17:0017:00 - 23:00

« first day (5032 days earlier)      last day (97 days later) »