@Astralbee I flagged your answer due to the (now removed) content because I found it to be very accusatory and offensive. In the comments as well (and even with your last comment here), you are showing yourself as someone who is resorting to personal attacks as a result of their bigotry. This is why you got a flood of downvotes, some of your comments removed, and your post edited. — forest 24 mins ago

Being a step parent is challenging and scary but also highly rewarding and however you may feel about it you’re amazing for taking that step. As for your question, it is quite broad and it seems to me you and your wife need a good heart to heart. — Matthew E Cornish 2 hours ago

Truthfully, while I agree with most of the sentiment, I think the hard "no" will act as a wall between OP and his girlfriend. By blocking her you're essentially admitting you did something you don't want her to know, especially now you've already revealed part of your past, she'll be working overtime imagining what sort of thing you're hiding. it'll eat at her worse. She's poking at it because of insecurity, any response should therefore reinforce that she has nothing to be concerned about because anything else you say will fuel her paranoia. — Ruadhan2300 2 hours ago

And if someone is at a loss to understand the reasons behing the response, then I feel asking a new question is the thing to do. I apologise for having ranted a bit (especially as you have nothing to do with it), but, like Steve, I too feel a bit frustrated this question was closed. — Sara Costa 3 hours ago

Hi saw that you edited your question to try to make it on-topic but, as it is, it sounds like inTRApersonal question (and not an inTERpersonal one), which is off-topic here :/ So, I suggest you try to find some other place of the internet to post it or to try the chat (chat.stackexchange.com/rooms/61165/the-awkward-silence), you might find people able to help you — Noon 13 secs ago

I disagree that the reasons are solely selfish - the guilt from maintaining a lie is likely to be detrimental to the relationship long term, and it's unlikely that the lie can be maintained forever so it's better to resolve it now by being honest than wait for it to slip at some later point where it will be seen as much more of a betrayal of trust. — DaveMongoose 1 min ago

I agree he has been unfair with her, but distancing himself that suddenly might not be that great. It is the fine line between making her feel lost and supporting her in being independent. — ArtificialSoul 1 min ago

These are excellent points, but they don't don't address how the OP can deal with the lie(s) he has already told. — DaveMongoose 2 mins ago

That strongly depends on her. I know women who are very sexual in nature and suffer from not having any sexual attention - even without romantic interest. Of course it would still be somewhat romantic interest on her side, but it might outweigh the downside of lack of attention. Personally, i think not sleeping with her is the better option. Unless she is that type of girl - which is rare. — ArtificialSoul 57 secs ago

@MartinArgerami - Can you link to some of those jurisdictions where children can dictate to their parents how the parents choose to disburse their estates after death? I'd be interested to read about that. — PoloHoleSet 19 secs ago

I've told him he didn't have to do this -> but did you tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable? As any gentleman would immediately stop this behaviour because of being a gentleman!... — OldPadawan 14 secs ago

Well, i believe you could tell him that because of the fact these might be romantic gestures it makes you unconfortable. If they are in fact romantic as a gentleman he will play the "oh ofc i didn't have that in mind at all" card and you both can move on and apreciate each others company. If he is a "nice guy" he will most likely give you all your space back and stop interacting with you. both of which resolve your problem. Maybe, just maybe, his mother really did teach him to act like this and therefore it makes Bob a great person to have in your life. One of the best actualy. — José Matos 26 secs ago

@Ruadhan2300: while I agree, for some people, having (or not having) a particular kink might be a "dealbreaker" so establishing the answer early can save time, money and lessen heartbreak (from less emotional attachment) if a breakup is inevitable. — sharur 25 secs ago

@Mugen From your question, it sounds like you put a lot of work into not only making the choice, but also into learning how to use your tools effectively. The latter is something you won't pass on by answering a one-line question. They won't be able to jump straight to where you are in your ability. They'll have to learn most of what you know the hard way, through trial and error, or they'll skip it and create a crappy web site that barely hobbles along and is off-putting. That's what this answer is about. — jpmc26 44 secs ago