In my experience (as a Brit) Germans are usually quite "direct" when communicating, so I would just reply "Which part of NO didn't you understand?" to the second (and any further) questions. — alephzero 40 secs ago

"why not look for some kind of recreational activity in which you think she would legitimately kick your backside" - in past experiences where I've purposefully picked an activity I'm bad at, I've found it can ultimately backfire because you might end up doing better than them at an activity they deemed themselves skilled at, which can come across as rubbing salt in the wound, a sort of 'not only can I beat you in this, but also the things you're good at too'. I've found cooperative rather than competitive games work best. — SSight3 44 secs ago

This is a good answer if you don't mind never being invited anywhere by this person again. — ESR 6 secs ago

It sounds like you should ditch the dude, he sounds like unnecessary hassle. — Callum Bradbury 1 min ago

+1 make sure you have the last laught! — Mixxiphoid 32 secs ago

I find the behavioral analysis correct here, but the conclusion is not fully justified. Abuse is a problem, a poison, to relationships, but if it's stemming from something solvable, you might prefer and it would surely strengthen your relationship to help him solve it rather than leave him for this admittedly significant flaw. Besides "trajectory", another factor I would consider heavily is if the abuse stems from jealousy or resentment. Displacement from his issues onto you is much easier and more likely solvable — Eliot Gillum 1 min ago

အဖြေကောင်း :) ............. — Rahul 1 min ago

@JAD: that's the point yeah ;) — OldPadawan 1 min ago

Perosnally, I think you went wrong at step 2), as in 1) Him: hey, want to go to the movie? I'm gathering some friends. 2) Me: maybe, what movie and when? — Mawg 2 mins ago

Recognizing his pattern, been into relatioships of this kind. Twice, until I put more thought into chosing my partner. So much I wish I had learned from it sooner... Just what's likely going to happen: you will lose time and emotional comfort, the ability to enjoy life and everything in it will gradually decrease due to the persistently repeated emotional irritations. You may gonna keep trying to save it all, to invent something, to discover some secret key that will fix the situation and miracuously reverse the already well rehearsed patterns. Ask yourself right now: how much longer is okay? — noncom 1 min ago

@Mugen and to point 3: Do you have any reason to think that your colleagues are intending to compete with your website? If so, that in itself is a fair enough reason to tell them you'd rather not help out. Your financial situation is unfortunate but I struggle to see how it's relevant to your non-commercial website. — Chris H 6 secs ago

This behavior in adults is not a norm, and it does not change for the whole life. However, it is a known and well-studied phenomenon. If you're seeking for a real advice, I encourage you to visit a specialist on family health and a mental health professional, and talk to both of them about this situation, try to clarify what is really going on. As far as the current situation goes, I think that you may first (or at all) prefer an individual visit. — noncom 24 secs ago

I feel this answer played into the OP's hands really. You said what they wanted to hear - that they shouldn't freely share the information because it is like a child cheating on their homework. It is contrary to the spirit of this site, and I'm not sure that charging a colleague money to learn something work-based from you won't get the OP into trouble with their employer. Imagine if a doctor asked to confer with a fellow doctor in order to help a patient, and they charged each other for the information they shared. They'd be dismissed. — Astralbee 18 secs ago

I disagree with the comments from vojta and Astralbee (especially @Astralbee's doctor comparison). They may be colleagues, but the topic doesn't seem to be work-related. I'm a programmer and do some photography in my spare time. If my colleagues ask me about some programming technique I'd certainly feel I should help them (if I have applicable knowledge). If they asked me how to take better photos of their pet cat I'd probably still be willing to give some advice, but I certainly wouldn't feel any obligation to do so. Being colleagues isn't important when it's nothing to do with work. — Chris H 1 min ago

@Mugen I have just passed 100k on math.SE, and let me tell you: it's not the points, but the knowledge that I helped someone out that really keeps me going. In my commute I often overhear students discuss their math tests etc, and I fantisize about going up to them and offering my help, because I really want to. But I fear it would come off as strange / creepy, so I don't. I love teaching people the stuff that I know well. You might not be that kind of person, and that's fair, but it might be what people expect from you, simply because there are so many helpful people on the internet. — Arthur 29 secs ago

As a swiss person, I can support this answer. We're not that blunt either, but everybody, including myself, does often not get the subtle attempts. I would suggest though, that you make sure to not only tell them straight up what bothers you, but also that the other jokes are funny to you. Being blunt is only useful if the other person does not feel attacked. — lucidbrot 9 secs ago

@Astralbee I get that you're intending to 'lead by example', but as someone who has played online games competitively (where it's no fun to play against someone constantly losing), purposefully making it harder for yourself (by switching game or setup) can be seen as insulting. There's even a term for it in games: "sandbagging". en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sandbagging_(racing) — SSight3 47 secs ago

Reading this excellent answer (+1), I thought to myself, why am I am member of SuperUser. Do I solely give answers to help others, NO. In providing answers to others I actually challenge myself and understand things better than when I first learnt them. By helping others you often help yourself. — PeterH 22 secs ago

@Astralbee piano playing is a bad example, If you look at the history of keyboard music, it took people more than 200 years to work out basis of modern piano technique, but you can be taught that technique in a few weeks. But many beginners never do get taught it - which is why it takes them years to "learn to play," even if they don't give up because of the frustration of failing to make much progress. — alephzero 1 min ago

I think you missed pretty obvious, easy and most rewarding solution, in your checklist: tell them that you have much work for now, but you will post an full answer to this question in spare time on your own website. Which is deeper version of your bullet point 3. — Sanctus 7 secs ago

Just agree with him! annoying people hate it because they seek a reaction and it makes them realize their game is not working, frustrates them and there is absolutely no escape for them since they can't contradict themselves. Is there ghee on your sandwich? absolutely, do you know that Indian guy on the train? "of course, we all know each other, probably a cousin".. he will look stupid and get tired real quick... done that for 20 years, never had to change strategy It works in bars, at work, etc.. Done it for years. — Thomas 1 min ago

@Astralbee "because you can improve upon that skill" - if you improve faster than they do, it can come off as 'you're not just good at this game, but any game, even if challenging'. I'm saying this as a person who tried such approaches before and they tend to backfire more often than not. — SSight3 28 secs ago

I was going to upvote you until the date sentence, why is everything about dates. — WendyG 2 mins ago

It could also be that she simply didn't want to impose any more than what was already offered. Hard to say without being there, of course, but lots of people just on principle don't like to inconvenience others and can be uncomfortable simply accepting gifts of assistance from others. — J... 7 secs ago

+1 for RBF. Accurate and made me smile. — empty 50 secs ago

There are systems that compensate people for taking the time to make esoteric knowledge available to strangers. Have you considered publishing in some profitable way? You could write up your answers to the most frequently asked questions in a blog, with advertisements, then not only do you get to shutdown the in-person inquiries with the more helpful and socially acceptable "Here's a link to the answer on my blog", you also at the same time get ad revenue to compensate you for sharing the knowledge. — Jared K 51 secs ago

Sharing knowledge generally improves one's reputation as a knowledge expert, sometimes not at all and sometimes a lot. It also helps prepare you to teach others that you may care to help. — Mark Rogers 38 secs ago

Questions that ask "what should I do?" are generally seen as off-topic for the Interpersonal Skills stack. This also sounds like it might be about your own ability to cope with an unalterable situation, which might be an intrapersonal skill, and also out of scope for this stack. If you can edit your question to narrow it down to a specific question about a specific approach that you'd like to take, we might be able to help you out. I might also suggest the Workplace stack if we can't help you here. On a personal note, you have my sympathy for your situation. :-( — TheTinyMan 51 secs ago

Holy moly y'all make a mountain of a mole hill. He just said "Might get a date" - It was a kind thing to do and the two shared small-talk. The chances of returning the umbrella and/or getting the call are 0.0000000000000001%, but hey. There's a chance :D — iDeal 7 secs ago

Have you tried praying to one of your 5,000 gods to make him stop? — Pierre B 1 min ago

Somehow in Spanish saying uncle 'tío' is equivalent to saying 'dude' and people do not associate with the name of a relative, nor with any issue relating age, but it's quite informal. Does uncle get used in your language always from younger to older people, can't it be simply informal for guy? — Pierre B 1 min ago

You people are all childless weirdos. — Jamie Clinton 37 secs ago

@Tinkeringbell Maybe it's just that I live in Chicago, but typically offering your umbrella is either done to elderly/disabled people, or people that you might consider dating. Offering to share an umbrella outside of those scenarios seems less common. That might be why that aspect was brought up, but I'm not sure why there is such hostility to that aspect of the answer. If the OP isn't interested, he can just ignore that part. The important part is in the first paragraph. — Greg Schmit 54 secs ago

Yeah..since it sounds like the OP find the jokes more annoying than offensive, I like this approach. This reminds me of the "joke" where someone starts to hand you something, and then jerks their hand away at the last minute with the "hahaha". It's not hurtful...just incredibly irritating and stupid. And it also tends to go away when you show your genuine reaction to the joke (eye-rolls/frowns/etc) — zzxyz 1 min ago