4th paragraph quite important here! — Lamar Latrell 15 secs ago

Welcome Shannon. You may want to ask a similar question on Academia.SE about your situation. In particular, if you are interested in research, a PhD is not an end, but a beginning: if you really collaborate with your wife, why not publishing articles with her? — Taladris 1 min ago

Asking "What should I do" is off-topic here. I suggest you edit your question in order to ask for a specific goal. For example: "How can we tell them that the house smells urine without offending them (too much) and that if your house smells the same after they staid, they are expected to for cleaning?". However, you are supposed to ask one question at a time and thus, asking the second question separately might be a good idea. — Noon 1 min ago

What exactly do you want to tell them that for? Is it just to state a fact because you think it is your responsibility or do you want them to do something about it for the next time they visit, do you want to complain that your visit wasn't nice, something else? Please note that what you wrote has a lot of potential meaning that could be interpreted subjectively in many, many ways. It's is almost always best to be very clear about what you want to ask, especially if you want to know about how to ask it — Raditz_35 49 secs ago

Thanks that is a great answer! I'll definitely try that. — Q.Q 1 min ago

+1 for the very clear message in bold, at the top. — AnoE 1 min ago

I'm okay with responding with an overboarded response, but IMO your example is a bit too harsh. I think a "softer" approach could also work fine. — Filnor 1 min ago

Damnit Kate. I read the first paragraph, and still went back two more times to upvote before the end of the post. I agree 100% on every point. My girlfriend for instance isn't as emotional as me, and enjoys watching Youtube frequently. When I come in, she always give me the time of day, pauses, and says hello. This means everything to our relationship, especially because she doesn't constantly show affection. Her acknowledgement that I'm there and that she's happy to see me makes our relationship that much stronger, and helps the normally insecure me feel much more cared about. — Anoplexian 38 secs ago

It sounds like your friend has fallen into a crowd of people he's trying very hard to impress, levering himself up on his money and pushing others down to make himself look good, including his previous friends. Truthfully, this can't last. In all likelihood his new friends see straight through him and this bubble will collapse with his finances. My choice would be to step back, watch it happen and reap quiet satisfaction as his life implodes. But a kinder friend would tell him he's been acting like a jerk since he met his new friends and to come back when he's ready to act like an adult. — Ruadhan2300 47 secs ago

I agree that his tantrums aren't acceptable, but it feels to me like he genuinely has some emotional issues. Separating the two is imperative in solving them. — Anoplexian 1 min ago

Any form of 'playing along' will encourage this style of joking! One way to kill a joke without having to use a heavy 'cease and desist' statement is to try and get an explanation for why it's funny. Maybe consider a deadpan 'was that a joke?' or 'what kind of reaction were you aiming for there?' If you can without cracking yourself up, what about a deadpan 'is everything I do funny, or just eating cheese?' like you seriously want an answer to this question. This leaves you an open route towards expressing frustration, but allows your friend to back down gracefully (maybe even humorously). — steveLangsford 1 min ago

It is not about politeness in itself, but whether it's on you to decide. If you were the team lead, you would say: "We're professional here. We have agreed on a decision. It's done. Next step.". But as you are not, you are one of a group of people negotiating a decision. It's not on you to make assertions. You can make your point, even strong so. If you make the decision alone, you disrespected all others, in a very obvious way. That is the problem - even if your solution would be agreeable for all others otherwise. — Volker Siegel 23 secs ago

I wouldn't take that too serious, apologize and perhaps explain why you (if you were your friend) said that as there is an explanation in this case. But keep in mind that something that is common in one region may be not common at all in another one. There it is just a random word that came to one's mind that has nothing to do with a person or your relation to them. So there is no option but to appear like mocking about them, or lack of respect, as they don't know the intention. — puck 1 min ago

@KateGregory or he will be pleased that his demands are being met and they will get more demanding. "yipee she stops whatever she is doing whenever I enter the room, but why doesn't she come and see if I am okay every hour at least, that is what she should be doing" — WendyG 40 secs ago

"The rest of the team - save one - has joined the server, so I assume it went over well enough". They have joined the server, but that does not imply they liked it. Maybe everybody else was angry, but just did not want to start an argument! That's not "well enough.". — Volker Siegel 1 min ago

I agree with @EmC, there is a chance this will simply embolden the friend, which (bets case scenario) will just lead to more lame jokes! — DoritoStyle 1 min ago

@Leatherwing: In addition to DoritoStyle's comment . . . the personal nature of the jokes complicates the matter. If one of your friends starts a running joke about your (putative) soft spot for auburn-haired women, you may find it annoying, even if you don't find it offensive. — ruakh 39 secs ago

The last paragraph is good, but I suspect the rest of this answer will do the opposite of what OP hopes to achieve. If I was the friend making these jokes and someone responded this way, I would assume that OP is signaling that they find these jokes funny and don't mind playing along with jokes about their own ethnicity. — Totally not a throwaway accoun 1 min ago

Don't just walk away. Run away! — Eternal21 31 secs ago

Agreed that this is an answer. The first two sentences make it clear how (s)he suggests approaching the situation. It could possibly be made a bit stronger by providing anecdotal evidence that this works...but it does not strike me as strictly necessary, as that is presumably what people are doing by upvoting the answer. — Beska 1 min ago

If I were you, I'd answer with the same type of jokes. Ask him if he know a random Dutch guy from the bus, or where you can buy weed etc. You can use any cliché about Netherlands. — s.alem 1 min ago

However, just to be clear... if (a) a person is not comfortable with this type of humor, or (b) the jokes are made in bad faith (meant to demean or hurt the recipient), then I would completely agree that this behavior is racist. I also believe that OP's friend is in danger of falling onto the wrong side of a fine line, and that in the least, their jokes are in bad taste (given this question exists). — John T 5 secs ago

bad advice. This is literally just playing along and fairly humorous. — Steve 2 mins ago

what was your reaction? What have you tried already? — Fildor 25 secs ago

To add up with this answer (and @swbarnes2 comment), if they get defensive and defend their "jokes", point out how wrong they are. Don't try to make them feel bad, but try to tell them that's not what friends would do (aka. you're supposed to laugh together, not him laughing at the expense of a friend). — Clockwork 1 min ago

@NicHartley I get the tone he is meaning but still sounds like it could be confused with taking part to me. How about throwing in some talk about body language / eye rolling as well? But agreed, it's all in the delivery with this one. — RyanfaeScotland 40 secs ago

How old is your friend? Years ago, when just out of my teens, I (very mistakenly) believed that I could demonstrate that I was not racist by being comfortable enough to tell racist jokes to my minority friends. It took a slap in the face (very nearly literally) for me to understand just how stupid that was. — Michael J. 8 secs ago

Have you tried cooperative board games? — NotThatGuy 48 secs ago

Now imagine you are Austrian and you hear the same stupid jokes... — gnasher729 11 secs ago

I agree, adults don't change (much, without extensive effort). Comparing him to a toddler (as the poor, accepted answer did) is irrelevant. Comparing them to an elder is relevant. — Jamie Clinton 51 secs ago