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8:00 AM
@PaulWhite separate room? sounds great! Do I get an invite?
@SeanGallardy-Microsoft Try out The Brain
> not affiliated
 
wow, you read all that crap
you get the award for dedication!
 
@EvanCarroll Delphi was single-threaded at one time (or still is)
had an issue with a program that wouldn't go above 50% CPU on Citrix.
Good morning everybody. :-)
Possible counter to watch in VMs (VMware-specific)
> CPU Ready Time is a vSphere metric that records the amount of time a virtual machine is ready to use CPU but was unable to schedule time because all CPU resources (on a ESX host) are busy
going to grab my morning coffee now
@EvanCarroll Yes. Got to keep in the flow.
;-)
 
@McNets At this point both are rubbish.
 
@AndriyM yep
Plenty of funny comments today...
 
8:37 AM
That's really dumbbbbb
So if you use INSERT INTO t VALUES () in a database that isn't PostgreSQL you can't actually increase the amount of columns on the table without changing the clientside code first
terrifying
@sp_BlitzErik another SQL Server spatial question dba.stackexchange.com/a/195766/2639
 
That's merely a spatial answer to a non-spatial question :)
 
It's spatial, he just doesn't know yet.
I'm pushing him to PostgreSQL, mate in 2.
 
There's really no need to add irrelevant tags
The problem is about inserting into a table variable.
 
8:53 AM
I've changed the question title
@EvanCarroll you should sleep a bit
I have no idea what was being asked here. — Evan Carroll 8 hours ago
@EvanCarroll lol.. you figured that 3 months after you posted an answer? — ubi 7 hours ago
;)
 
@McNets good idea =)
Ok, I hereby place my trusty steward and proven channel-caretaker @McNets back in charge of My Heap.
 
 
1 hour later…
10:35 AM
@hot2use Depends on your on-site comment quality/quantity :)
@EvanCarroll Where's my accepted answer tick?!
You created 4 column with NOT NULL behaviors – actually they didn't. None of the columns is declared with an explicit NULL or NOT NULL, which makes the former the default, so all columns are nullable and there will be no error. I'm not sure why two sets of columns but maybe that's part of the problem (how to populate two sets of columns from two rows) — Andriy M 2 hours ago
@AndriyM The default is configurable via database and connection level settings. Drives me nuts; people should always specify NULL or NOT NULL to avoid ambiguity.
 
@PaulWhite Oh, wow. Thanks, didn't know that.
 
@PaulWhite :)
 
I've actually started specifying NULL explicitly in column declarations, though not always. Now I can see I should be more persistent and consistent.
 
Includes gems such as:
> Both SET ANSI_NULL_DFLT_OFF and SET ANSI_NULL_DFLT_ON cannot be set ON at the same time. If one option is set ON, the other option is set OFF. Therefore, either ANSI_NULL_DFLT_OFF or ANSI_NULL_DFLT_ON can be set ON, or both can be set OFF. If either option is ON, that setting (SET ANSI_NULL_DFLT_OFF or SET ANSI_NULL_DFLT_ON) takes effect. If both options are set OFF, SQL Server uses the value of the is_ansi_null_default_on column in the sys.databases catalog view.
Model of clarity.
 
10:44 AM
If I don't get an invite I'll come and thump you in December
 
Well that's just lovely.
 
Or I might bring along a bottle of Chardon-hey.
2013 Crazy By Nature Shotberry Chardonnay, Millton Vineyards, Gisborne, Certified Organic
 
Great day to be watching cricket.
NZ completed a 5-0 series whitewash over Pakistan, and the Poms have just smashed the Aussies to take a 2-0 series lead in the ODIs.
@hot2use Sounds very nice.
 
Poms?
Pomeranians?
 
Noun: pom (plural poms)
  1. (Australia, South Africa, New Zealand, sometimes pejorative) An Englishman, a Briton; a person of British descent.
  2. 1987, Linda Christmas, The Ribbon and the Ragged Square: An Australian Journey, page 27,
  3. I could see more than mere humour in car stickers that read ‘Grow your own Dope: Plant a Pom’ ... ‘Keep Australia Beautiful: Shoot a Pom’.
  4. 1989, Tony Wheeler, Australia: A Travel Survival Kit, Lonely Planet, page 10,
  5. The prize for being Australia′s original pom goes to the enterprising pirate William Dampier, who made the first investigations ashore about 40 years after Tasman and nearly 100 years before Cook.
(2 more not shown…)
Sense #1
I don't drink posh wine; I'm happy as with a bottle of Lindauer Summer Blush in, er, summer.
 
10:54 AM
aye
 
kay
 
Alternative names for people from the United Kingdom include nicknames and terms, including affectionate ones, neutral ones, and derogatory ones to describe British people, and more specifically English, Welsh, Scottish and Northern Irish people. == Terms for the British in English == === Brit === Brit is a commonly used term in the United States and elsewhere, simply as a shortened form of "Briton." === Britisher === An archaic form of "Briton," similar to "Brit", always much more used in North America than Britain itself, but even there, it is outdated. An equivalent of the word "En...
@PaulWhite What was the previous game in the series that Poms played? I remember listening being smashed but can't remember who from? Pakistan? Or you?
 
@ypercubeᵀᴹ The brits got smashed by the Aussies in the Ashes Test Match series (5 games, score 4-0). They're now playing a series of one-day cricket (ODI) matches, where Eng are 2-0 up against Aus.
So to be clear, each series is multiple games between the same teams.
 
ah, thnx!
 
11:40 AM
@PaulWhite s/brits/poms. Fixed that for you.
@hot2use Can you do a Riesling?
In unrelated news, seen on the interwebs today ...
"if the earth was flat, the Russians would be hanging off the edges taking selfies."
 
11:56 AM
"If the earth were flat, cats would have knocked everything off of it by now."
2
 
@EvanCarroll I think I already mentioned that I have to get back in to Postgres for an internal project this year
@PaulWhite this is why you're so hard to shop for ;)
 
Or easy!
@ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells Read up a bit :)
 
@TomV Do you have/do Brown Bag meetings while being agile?
@ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells The Taster’s Guide to Riesling Wine
@ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells ...and possibly: Ten exciting dry and off-dry German Riesling wines
@PaulWhite seeing as @ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells got an overview: Six New Zealand chardonnays you should be drinking now
 
12:29 PM
@hot2use I've never seen a project implementing Agile, I've only seen projects using Agile as an excuse for not planning shit
3
 
12:43 PM
Nov 28 '17 at 11:08, by gbn
https://community.spiceworks.com/topic/37597-project-management-quotesand others
> 47. If you don't plan, it doesn't work. If you do plan, it doesn't work either. Why plan!
...but I generally agree that agile is not suitable for certain complex projects.
Agile = Apps
Projects = Software Products
 
1:05 PM
All right, after the substitution: "...but I generally agree that apps is not suitable for certain complex software products." – what?
 
1:25 PM
@hot2use I actually saw some similar a year or two ago, but it wasn't for me :(
@hot2use There is also a counter for when multiple cpu's are needed by the guest but the host can't free them up.
Additionally VMWare does time skewing
so you can actually have some cores run, up to so many micro seconds ahead, while the other cores still need to execute.
Start coding your apps to be cool with time skews.
 
hehe
@AndriyM No, what I meant is: Agile is for Apps, whilst Projects (Management) is for Software Products
 
@hot2use Yes, silly me.
I mean, not silly because I didn't understand that but because I did and made a silly joke, of course.
Some kind of a side effect of having a lot to do at work and no desire to do anything.
 
8-)
 
it looks like once a week someone is finding an old question of mine to downvote
quite an interesting game
 
Is it an upvote gone down or a new downvote?
 
1:34 PM
new dv
 
Oh. Sorry, that was on the question.
 
heh, yeah
 
fixed one
 
votink rink be of actvatink!
 
2:03 PM
@MaxVernon don't you want to turn this into an answer? dba.stackexchange.com/questions/87665/…
 
but it's a perfectly good duckduckgo link ;)
at first i read this as "you can also delete yourself"
You can also delete the question yourself ;) — ypercubeᵀᴹ 1 hour ago
 
2:27 PM
I added a possible solution to your OLA question on the long running UPDATE STATISTICS thingy.
 
was just reading -- already had the only modified syntax in there
 
Oh ICUhaveCnit
Thanks.
 
the issue really was that the function (even in limited) took a heck of a long time to run on large tables
that was when i started falling severely out of love with index maintenance
 
Yep. I have a script that lists all indexes and physical stats in a database. When run on larger systems even in LIMITED mode it took up to 4 hours to complete, but I got a hell of a lot of information.
 
@sp_BlitzErik If I ever became a DBA again, I highly doubt I'd ever do index maintenance again
especially given SSD/NVME
 
2:34 PM
screencapped fyi
:)
 
lol
I was going to do a blog series on it
The only thing it really help is...
1) Index size - compaction of LOB object, etc.
2) Range scan queries for read ahead
people think it makes things faster because rebuilding an index does stats too
it's just a waste of time if not #1 or #2
IMHO
/end rant
 
right, and 1 was a whole lot more important when you only had 4gb of RAM and 2 is mostly important in DWs which aren't typically fragmented from updates/deletes
 
yeah, if your oltp is based on large range scans.... ummm... yeah
 
BUT WE NEED TO DO REAL TIME REPORTING
DAMMIT SEAN
 
COLUMNSTORE + HEKATON
 
2:37 PM
I NEED TO TURN ON RCSI IN TEMPDB FOR MY TEMPORAL I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE
 
I've had multiple databases where the table fragmented to 50-70% in a day. Quite LITERALLY not need to do maintenance, just let it fragment and be.
 
@sp_BlitzErik And we need to do historical reporting in realtime too. I know! Let's make our data warehouse refresh in realtime!
>(smack)<
 
@ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells you read my mind!
 
@sp_BlitzErik TEMPORAL LOBE
 
@SeanGallardy-Microsoft yeah, it's a lot of hamster wheeling, but it gives low information users the impression that they're accomplishing something :)
 
2:38 PM
@sp_BlitzErik I think we need to take this offline. Can we have a quick chat in the stair well after the meeting?
 
I was going to do a blog post on fragmentation... but... I'm pretty sure I'd get a big kick in the gonads for it and fired
 
@ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells page me with your longitude and latitude at zero niner niner neener weiner
 
@sp_BlitzErik Yeah while they lock the freaking table and waste cycles
I mean... Enterprise edition has online index and resumable index rebuilds ;)
for the low low price of your soul/core
 
what an excellent use of development resources
HAVING SOLVED ALL OTHER PROBLEMS...
 
@sp_BlitzErik I'm not yet a PM on the SE
I can't help you yet
If I did though, I'd fight the good fight
Index maintenance is key in AzureDB though
you have a certain size/price point
 
2:41 PM
-_-
 
Only due to the size limits
 
managed instances 5lyfe
 
lol
I have a feeling many more will start turning to managed isntances
kinda best of both worlds
 
one of our larger clients is amped on them
 
so you manage the manged isntances ;)?
 
2:43 PM
no, we're not touching them
lol
they're the people who like discovering thing electronically
 
@sp_BlitzErik hey. So....what sp would you recommend as the first thing to use to see performance issues with a database?, sp_blitzFirst?
 
about your outlook files
etc
 
ediscover, wooooo
Haha one of the companies was like "So, if we don't keep the data - they can't discover it"
 
@Lamak yep, run with @sincestartup = 1 to see what overall waits are and then @seconds = 30, @expertmode = 1 to get sampled waits etc.
 
2:44 PM
"Let's just keep retention to 14 days"
 
@sp_BlitzErik great, thanks
 
@Lamak np, lemme know if you need anything else
@SeanGallardy-Microsoft no dust cloth? weird.
 
@sp_BlitzErik I probably will, so thank you
 
@SeanGallardy-Microsoft please blog the hell out of that -- folks look at us like we're crazy when we talk about it. having someone from the mothership put it out there would be a big help.
 
@sp_BlitzErik I make no promises... I'm sure someone will kill me for it... but I'll try
 
2:52 PM
some people may question your uh... sql skills
iykwim
 
ikwym
"To be faaaaaaaiir" it obviously helps with buffer pool... but who uses 16GB of memory? The new standard I've been seeing for memory is 256GB
 
on the plus side, i think if you got fired for that brent would hire you just to make a point
 
LMFAO
Then he'd fire me 1 week later for being me
 
dude... i've been there three years
and i'm awful
in every regard
 
hehehe
He'd fire me because I couldn't eat dinner with you guys
"You're allergic to everything.. and for that reason, I'm out"
 
2:54 PM
look as long as you can drink
who cares about food
 
there's an old Irish saying...
Why eat what you can drink?
 
it's a wonder anyone can remember that
 
lol, the last wake I was at... yikes
 
@sp_BlitzErik L M F A O
 
3:02 PM
quincy, ma is like irish mecca or something
 
there were two main groups that came over, one went to MA the other to PA then spread through OH
My family was the one that came to PA
Which I can't really blame them, PA looks a helluva lot like Ireland
 
hahaha
"why'd you leave MA?"
"too many irish"
 
3:23 PM
@sp_BlitzErik jeez
> The act is broken down into eleven chapters, 99 articles and 170+ recitations
 
no problem for a data professional
with nothing else to do
and a law degree
 
4:04 PM
5 percent processed.
11 percent processed.
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26 percent processed.
32 percent processed.
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56 percent processed.
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71 percent processed.
Msg 3183, Level 16, State 1, Line 2
RESTORE detected an error on page (1:92454) in database "Corruption_Test" as read from the backup set.
always test your backups.
 
that looks like fun
 
4:21 PM
indexed views have too many rules
 
@SeanGallardy-Microsoft nice increment step :)
 
@Marian RESTORE WITH FIZZBUZZ
read the manual!
 
@PaulWhite you make me do all the hard work.
 
4:38 PM
@EvanCarroll You deserve it!
@sp_BlitzErik @ypercubeᵀᴹ Actually they can't - delete is a vote and unregistered accounts can't vote.
> You can’t delete any of your questions or answers if you haven’t registered your account
(in the FAQ)
 
makes sense to me
 
IF YOU ARE UNREGISTERED YOU SHOULDN'T GET THE BREATHE PRIVILEGE
 
Reminds me of hot2use's meta question
11
Q: Policy Change : Disallow unregistered users from asking/answering questions?

hot2useI'm just wondering why unregistered users are allowed to ask questions? And then I keep on wondering and think: Why are unregistered users allowed to answer questions? IMHO it might be more adequate to have only registered users ask questions. The reasoning behind this is that we would have less...

 
jeez
 
4:54 PM
@dezso done. @sp_BlitzErik - I've added a DDG link to my answer especially for you ;-)
 
@MaxVernon haha. i generally like ddg, but it does add some extra steps for searching maps related stuff. like i'm used to just typing in "hardware store"
 
@PaulWhite oh, I hadn't checked if he was registered or not.
 
@sp_BlitzErik use the "!gm" shortcut
 
Not that I knew that detail either!
 
It's a wrinkle that's easy to forget.
 
ah, yeah, cool, i'm not up on all the shortcuts yet
kind of a recent convert
 
!gn is good too. There are several that work nicely.
 
stupid vote limit
I WANT ROLLOVER
 
@EvanCarroll if you sleep later you'll have to wait less time
no denormalization project is complete without a data synchronization project
2
dies
 
@sp_BlitzErik that sounds like something that @ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells could verify
 
5:10 PM
hahaha
you always forget that not between is valid syntax
 
@sp_BlitzErik and contrary to common logic, 4 is not between 5 and 3 ;)
 
sweet boogie, that's bizarre
@ypercubeᵀᴹ dbfiddle.uk/…
 
It's always worked that way. Might even be documented somewhere.
 
5:25 PM
except maybe in Access
 
@wBob Something you might be interested in: dba.stackexchange.com/q/195809
Aaron Bertrand wrote about the BETWEEN behaviour in his bad habits series
 
i recall that
i need to come up with a pet name for the optimizer
i'm tired of writing "the optimizer"
though perhaps franchising a sandwich shop from paul is the easier plan
 
Once again, postgres surprises:
x=# select true where (4 between symmetric 5 and 3) ;
 bool
------
 t
(1 row)
 
@ypercubeᵀᴹ between symmetric? Is that standard SQL then?
 
@PaulWhite yes
 
5:39 PM
Well how interesting!
 
<between predicate> ::=
    <row value predicand> <between predicate part 2>

<between predicate part 2> ::=
    [ NOT ] BETWEEN [ ASYMMETRIC | SYMMETRIC ]
    <row value predicand> AND <row value predicand>
 
hot damn
 
and the default is ASYMMETRIC of course
We can do a blog post about rare and useless SQL syntax.
 
I suppose it's useful if the two values are parameterized, or come from another table/query
 
I guess. Otherwise, we'd have to write (x BETWEEN @a AND @b) OR (x BETWEEN @b AND @a)
 
5:43 PM
Yes or a CASE/IIF expression e.g. x BETWEEN IIF(@A <= @B, @A, @B) AND IIF(@A <= @B, @B, @A)
 
@MaxVernon duly upvoted
 
@dezso cheers!
 
@sp_BlitzErik maybe even a trivial plan
 
Shop with two sections: trivial sandwiches and cost-based sandwiches
2
Ooo and possibly a third area for bulk orders: batch mode sandwiches
heh
Thank you for the charity star whomever
 
that didn't go well at all
 
5:55 PM
Chat formatting ftw
 
@sp_BlitzErik Ctrl-K is your (only) friend
 
too true
recompile clarifies a bit
this is interesting, i'd not noticed it before
introducing a row goal to filter on row number
 
yep, can be annoying since fixed guess is 100
 
better than 1?
heh
 
6:07 PM
see for example queryprocessor.ru/window-functions-and-row-goal (translation required)
 
this is of making difficult query for glorious demonstration of tuning
 
indeed
 
i suppose i could make the indexes worse
 
Isn't that your speciality?
 
damn
 
6:15 PM
😀😀😀
 
someone's been hitting the summerwine
 
After breakfast. It's 7am
 
it's nearly impossible to tell how long you've been up for
 
I empathise
 
i suppose i'll have to make this more realistic
 
6:25 PM
@sp_BlitzErik whatcha up to?
 
@PaulWhite we had some old material (circa 2012?) to dissuade people from doing the cte > select *, row_number > select where n between low and high
it used to demo better -- ignoring indexes, sorts spilling, the works
of course they were written before brent hired a professional ;)
 
6:40 PM
@sp_BlitzErik Is it a CE model thing? Any public repro?
Not that I want to ruin the fun you're having
 
i don't know, not even sure who wrote it originally
it's using adventureworks
it might have been using 08r2?
i can't repro any of it
 
Sweet
Are there comments saying what should be seen?
If you flick it over to me I'd be happy to look
 
tbh i don't even know if it was
OH SON OF A
 
sounds good
 
the index was created on a date column and the query is ordering by a different date column
> mfw
 
6:43 PM
Is it running on a VM?
Sorry, force of habit
 
on linux
 
@sp_BlitzErik Apropos of nothing in particular, are you an Apple or Android person?
 
i've got android, but only because that's what i got when i finally gave up on blackberry and i've just kinda bought into the ecosystem
considered switching many times, but then i try to type on my wife's iphone and run screaming
 
@sp_BlitzErik does your android have an exclusive chair too?
 
Yeah I've only ever had Android (cheap ones) but I bought Mrs. a new iPhone for Christmas and she's offered me her old iPhone 5.
 
6:46 PM
@Lamak it has a dog bed, not sure why it matters to you
 
@sp_BlitzErik You can add the Google keyboard to iPhones we discovered recently. She was always envious of my swipe typing thing.
 
@sp_BlitzErik not sure either
 
you're making me feel so rotten because my daughter has an iphone 6
 
And she's what, 5?
 
she'll be turning five shortly, yeah
would you like her old phone?
 
6:48 PM
Well that was a spooky guess!
 
you're a spooky fellow
 
@sp_BlitzErik Ha no (but thank you!). My wife is too emotionally attached to her first iPhone to sell it.
 
@PaulWhite which version is it?
 
2 mins ago, by Paul White
Yeah I've only ever had Android (cheap ones) but I bought Mrs. a new iPhone for Christmas and she's offered me her old iPhone 5.
 
on a more serious note -- i am likely going to hw budget a newer laptop this year. would you like my thinkpad?
 
6:49 PM
Reading skills, Lexmark.
@sp_BlitzErik Does it have one of those silly mouse nipples?
 
no spyware, i promise
 
Yeah right!
 
@PaulWhite probably, i hardly ever use it opened (have it docked at my desk)
 
@sp_BlitzErik No trackpad below the keyboard?
I'm so fussy eh
Ungrateful bloody kiwis
 
i've upgraded it a bit though
dual 1tb SSD, 32 gb ram
 
6:53 PM
@sp_BlitzErik Ooo shiny.
 
shrug
yours with free shipping if you'd like
 
@sp_BlitzErik Wow I don't know what to say! Thanks!
 
cool, i'll give you a heads up when i pick out a new one
it'll be after bits
 
How exciting. Looks like today's gonna be a good day.
 
@PaulWhite lol
 
6:56 PM
@sp_BlitzErik I have Android now (Would rather have Windows but..) and my phone rebooted twice today. Android, so far, has been crap. I refuse to use Apple mostly because I can't figure out how to use it with no buttons.
 
@SeanGallardy-Microsoft which phone do you have?
 
is it a vm?
 
probably with how fast it runs
 
odd. that's the one i have. no issues so far.
 
6:57 PM
It's no Paul White phone that's for sure
 
have you tried reboot... wait
 
@SeanGallardy-Microsoft The trick is to have extremely low expectations :)
 
I'll look down and it's asking for my encryptionpin because it rebooted allon tis' own
 
Looks like the keyboard's encrypted too
 
6:59 PM
there's probably a trace flag
anyway, what sucks about mobile phones is that front line troubleshooting will always suggest you factory reset
 
Apparently the S8 goes much better if you get the NUMA config right
 
which is like the most emotionally draining thing
 

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