The Heap™ – Consultancy ©® - 2018-01-19 (page 4 of 4)

TpmPresent : True
TpmReady : True
ManufacturerId : 1229870147
ManufacturerIdTxt : INTC
ManufacturerVersion : 11.0
ManufacturerVersionFull20 : 11.0.11.1003

ManagedAuthLevel : Delegated
OwnerAuth :
OwnerClearDisabled : True
AutoProvisioning : Enabled
LockedOut : False
LockoutHealTime : 2 hours
LockoutCount : 0
LockoutMax : 32
SelfTest : {}

you can't clear it through the BIOS AFAIK, you have to unlock and clear the tpm chip itself

sp_BlitzErik

TpmPresent : True
TpmReady : False
ManufacturerId : 1314145024
ManufacturerVersion : 1.3
ManagedAuthLevel : Delegated
OwnerAuth :
OwnerClearDisabled : True
AutoProvisioning : Enabled
LockedOut : False
LockoutCount : 0
LockoutMax : 32
SelfTest : {}

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

7:20 PM

TPMRead : False

:(

sp_BlitzErik

yeah

how do i hack that?

:D

(don't worry paul, this isn't on the thinkpad)

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

tpm.msc

Lamak

@sp_BlitzErik I mean, yeah, I hope the same

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft and free surfaces

Paul White

Y'all have more surfaces than @ypercubeᵀᴹ

Evan Carroll

Microsoft should send me a Surface Pro 4. They only cost them like $100 anyway

sp_BlitzErik

7:23 PM

do i need to clear or reset? @SeanGallardy-Microsoft

i hit "prepare" and it said it's ready

i've never touched this idiocy before

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

1) have backups so you're not locked out lol

sp_BlitzErik

backups of what? (this is my travel laptop)

if i have to boot everything from scratch i don't care

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

ok good

is anything encrypted with bitlocker right now?

Lamak

that he doesn't care?

sp_BlitzErik

d drive is, c drive throws the error

Paul White

7:25 PM

@Lamak typical MS support eh

Lamak

that breakfast was with extra sarcasm

Paul White

mate you have no idea

sp_BlitzErik

hey, i'm actually getting support!

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

If you clear it, you'll lose all the stored keys which seems fine

Paul White

invoice to follow

sp_BlitzErik

7:27 PM

oh there's a clear-tpm cmdlet too

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

yep, it should restart the pc

and ask if you want to clear (or it may just clear it)

Paul White

@EvanCarroll yeah you'd think for all you've done for them they'd just give you the keys to the microsoft store and say help yourself

@sp_BlitzErik are you using powershell?!

sp_BlitzErik

@PaulWhite i tried but couldn't figure it out

Evan Carroll

@PaulWhite you'd think so!

sp_BlitzErik

as usual

Paul White

7:28 PM

ah PS is working as designed then

Evan Carroll

@PaulWhite or at least work out a deal with me. If they give me a Microsoft Surface thingy, I won't scratch off the logo.

Think about how many more they'd sell.

Paul White

Short sighted

sp_BlitzErik

should i remove bitlocker from the d drive first?

Evan Carroll

"The Evan Carroll uses one just like this!!"

sp_BlitzErik

i'm guessing so

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

7:29 PM

@sp_BlitzErik That would make sense

sp_BlitzErik

YEAH YEAH

there was a stern warning screen

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

Haha "Stern"

Paul White

Somebody's job is to write stern warning screen messages

That must be cool

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@PaulWhite Yeah, our lawyers :(

sp_BlitzErik

wonder how long this will take to decrypt

you'd think it'd be less work than encrypting

only ~200gb ont here

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

7:36 PM

Bueno suerte

Lamak

@sp_BlitzErik why would one think that?

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft Buena suerte

sp_BlitzErik

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft are you waiting for gddr6 ram?

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

:) Ty, stil llearning

@sp_BlitzErik gddr11023 ram

sp_BlitzErik

@Lamak idk, it's a lot easier taking my pants off than putting them on

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@sp_BlitzErik L M F A O

That's at least what the other men tell you, eh?

Lamak

7:38 PM

@sp_BlitzErik too many jokes here

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@sp_BlitzErik Depends though, if you chose full drive it has to do the full drive. If you did just used space then just the used space :)

sp_BlitzErik

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft hard to tell with the ball gag

nah i only encrypt consumed space

swasheck

ehrmagerd

sp_BlitzErik

ain't got time for that

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

should be less then

sp_BlitzErik

7:40 PM

my kingdom for a progress bar

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

Erik only encrypts the used space, that's like thin provisioning his storage on a SAN, sigh...

sp_BlitzErik

maybe if i reboot while it's decrypting...

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft at least i don't defragment it

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

erhmahgawd

sp_BlitzErik

→ 1 message moved to Trash

swasheck

@Lamak you have a new job?

Evan Carroll

7:42 PM

@sp_BlitzErik don't you have a database you can be pretending to maintain or something

swasheck

no. @sp_BlitzErik is a consultant.

sp_BlitzErik

i have a database of your mom jokes

swasheck

Evan Carroll

@sp_BlitzErik If it's running on SQL Server good luck on keeping it up long enough to make use of it.

Wouldn't be the only thing that was useless because you couldn't keep it up long enough.

sp_BlitzErik

i'm at like nine nines bro

think baseball

swasheck

7:45 PM

you should put your db of your mom jokes on mongo

sp_BlitzErik

your mom's so old she saw you next tuesday and last tuesday with a fish and egg in it

swasheck

sounds about right

Evan Carroll

It's too SQL Server doesn't have gonorrhea, I'd hate for that to be the end of my metaphors; but, I'm out of ideas.

sp_BlitzErik

@EvanCarroll are you having a stroke?

4

Evan Carroll

when it comes to strokin' you're the king fish.

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

7:49 PM

@swasheck then eventually it'd lose all the data and the schema changed so much no one can get the data

swasheck

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft but the writes are blazing fast!

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

exactly!

sp_BlitzErik

bitlocker off!

let the clearing of the tpm begin

swasheck

clearly @Lamak hates me now, too

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

once it's cleared, any OS should be able to initialize it

well, that supports TPM - so probably none of that Linux crap

Evan Carroll

7:55 PM

"nonadditive join or lossless join property,"

does anyone really use these terms

Lamak

@swasheck what?, why would I?

@swasheck I'm gonna start one soon

Evan Carroll

"dependency preservation property"

swasheck

@Lamak i was kidding ... what's your new job?

Lamak

@swasheck I'm gonna be a BI guy at a ticket sales company

or something like that

swasheck

sweet. accepted a position doing something, but you're not sure what it's going to be

sp_BlitzErik

7:59 PM

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft no dice. still says tpm ready false after clearing, rebooting, and preparing it.

swasheck

i like your style

Lamak

@swasheck no, I'm actually sure...I just don't know how to translate the position

;)

sp_BlitzErik

bitlocker goes through all the motions for the c: drive, tells me it'll encrypt after reboot, then i reboot and get an error

at least my d drive is decrypted

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

what's the error?

swasheck

@Lamak you cant speak my brand of idiot. i get it.

McNets

8:02 PM

@sp_BlitzErik do you need c: content?

swasheck

@Lamak BBBBRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSS

sp_BlitzErik

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft the bitlocker encryption key cannot be obtained from the tpm module and pin - c was not encrypted

swasheck

@Lamak seriously, though. congratulations.

Lamak

@swasheck thanks...it's not Sentry One, but it's good enough

sp_BlitzErik

they're paying him in bitcoin too

his salary has gone down 50% since he accepted

Lamak

8:05 PM

@sp_BlitzErik I think you mean chaucha

swasheck

@Lamak if it's good for you then it's good for you. no sense in comparing to other places.

@Lamak do you get early access to copa tickets?

Lamak

I don't think so....but maybe

sp_BlitzErik

@Lamak what was that blood dish you showed me a little while back?

Lamak

@sp_BlitzErik ñachi

Evan Carroll

sp_BlitzErik

8:15 PM

isn't that the guy you have a body pillow of?

Evan Carroll

Lol, Larry Wall creator of perl 10 years ago

wBob

@PaulWhite Thanks Paul, I'll have a look.

ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells

8:43 PM

@sp_BlitzErik If you de-normalise data in an application then you really can't rely on the devs to keep it in sync. Be prepared to use triggers or something they can't screw up.

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@sp_BlitzErik when was the last time you updated your bios? Seems odd you'd have an issue after clearing it... unless you didn't prep it?

it should have asked for you ot initialize and prep it though

ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells

@sp_BlitzErik Wallfu?

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

Also you're set for EUFI bot, correct?

sp_BlitzErik

@PaulWhite reading this article, it looks like he's hitting the obvious problem that i hit. the where clause is totally unsupported (regionid= whatever) by an index, so the whole thing stinks. with an index the issues don't seem to arise in the same way.

@ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells that's something i would screw up :)

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft i think i turned that off to boot from usb to install windows.

hrm

and yeah, updated bios yesterday

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

sooo yeah, turn uefi on silly goose

2

ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells

8:46 PM

@sp_BlitzErik Once I did the data model for the largest java project in Australasia (at least it was at the time). It had 560 tables and exactly 4 pieces of de-normalised data in it. Two of those pieces were search tables.

sp_BlitzErik

that's an absurd requirement! and error message.

ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells

If one of your devs comes whining to you wanting to denormalise something because they can't be arsed doing a join, I have a simple two-step method:
1. Be firm
2. Tell them to fuck off.

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@sp_BlitzErik Absurd error messages are like, "An error occurred - you should never see this"

But we do pride ourselves on extremely unhelpful error messages and codes

sp_BlitzErik

@ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells was this before nosql was cool?

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft i mean, if it said "you can't turn this on because uefi isn't enabled"

ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells

@sp_BlitzErik Yes. Oracle 8.1, JDK 1.2 or 1.3 and Weblogic 6.

sp_BlitzErik

8:48 PM

i would have not wasted your entire leg day

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

bi's oday

sp_BlitzErik

@ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells holy cow, back before it was self-tuning ;)

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

I'll do legs Saturday, that way when DOMS kicks in (pun intended) on Sunday I don't need to go anywhere

ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells

@sp_BlitzErik Uphill both ways.

TL;DR - if a massive public sector java project can get by with 4 pieces of denormalised data (two of which were flattened search accelerator tables, one of which was actually a materialised view) then your pissant little web application doesn't need to proliferate that shit across the database.

'Joins are too hard' is not a valid excuse.

sp_BlitzErik

@ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells i'm not actually building anything to do this, i was just talking about bad things that happen in apps when certain anti-patterns are followed (like needing to page over a heavily normalized data set with dynamically supplied search and ordering conditions)

ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells

8:53 PM

@sp_BlitzErik Search accelerator tables are one of the (relatively few) legitimate reasons to denormalise data in an application.

But they should be implemented as materialised views or maintained by triggers.

And you need to test the buggery out of them.

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

@ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells they make cache tiers for that if you really need accelerated search

sp_BlitzErik

i agree! i especially liked the view

or like... elasticsearch

:D

ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft This predates that tech by a few years.

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

ah, that old...

sp_BlitzErik

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft enabled uefi, cleared tpm, prepared tpm, still the same error

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

8:54 PM

what the literal ef

sp_BlitzErik

is there another bios setting related to uefi i need to mess with?

ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells

@SeanGallardy-Microsoft 2001

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

as long as it's enabled in uefi

yeah that makes sense

ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells

Now get off my lawn

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

is secure boot enabled?

@ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells but it's sooooo brown...

sp_BlitzErik

8:57 PM

is that the enable legacy rom stuff?

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

No, it's secure boot

sp_BlitzErik

oh this is screwed

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

sp_BlitzErik

hang on this, is funny

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

/holding

That's some lovely hold music.. is that AC/DC?

sp_BlitzErik

9:00 PM

alright, so under advanced boot options i have "enable legacy option roms" and "enable attempt legacy boot"

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

you want negative on both of those

sp_BlitzErik

if i uncheck "enable legacy option roms", i can enable secure boot. without doing that, i get a conflict error message.

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

secure boot and fast boot on

sp_BlitzErik

right

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

Erik is no longer allowed in the BIOS/UEFI's

sp_BlitzErik

9:01 PM

so if i do that, i get a dos prompt saying "no bootable devices found" with f key options to go into bios, retry, etc.

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

after you enable, set your boot managers

sp_BlitzErik

i have no idea what that means

when i try to add a boot option it tells me file system not found

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

there should be a boot order

you've really done it this time

I have an AMI one and for me

I go into UEFI hard disk drive priorities

Then set it to windows boot manager

then set my boot sequence ot be that drive

I tell you what, go to LGA and fly down here. We'll look at the laptop and do leg day

sp_BlitzErik

i think i'm just gonna not encrypt anything ever

security is hard

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

lol

sp_BlitzErik

9:07 PM

i guess i don't understand why the d drive encrypted fine, but the c drive wouldn't

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

most likely because D was unlocked with a password

C has to be usb or pin booted

sp_BlitzErik

hrm

that's not the case on my thinkpad

and they're both bitlocked

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

then how do you unlock c?

sp_BlitzErik

it unlocks automatically on boot

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

you don't get a blue tpm pin screen on boot?

sp_BlitzErik

9:13 PM

nope

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

what kind of bass ackwards security is that?

sp_BlitzErik

i suppose the kind paul is inheriting in a few months

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

LOL

sp_BlitzErik

i can't seem to figure out how windows is installed in a way that can't be booted securely

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

sp_BlitzErik

9:16 PM

those are just absurd drive letter choices

were you trying to spell something

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

O is for Old VMs, V is for VMs

O is the older SSD

V is the nVme

sp_BlitzErik

today has been a total failure

security failed

demo failed

i succeeded in giving away a laptop

that must mean it's time to go to the liquor store

Sean Gallardy - Microsoft

or hit it harder with a baseball bat

sp_BlitzErik

9:37 PM

I need to take a walk anyway

I did lmao3pl8 paused rep squats Wednesday that made my legs feel like a recovering *plegic

Evan Carroll

10:05 PM

0

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