I've been on vacation.

Back tomorrow.

The most noticeable thing is that you use the wrong "Its" pretty much always. Possessive "Its" has no apostrophe.

Also "as you’re bent and broken into your new phone" WTF? I don't understand that.

And in general, there seems to be a great deal of exposition and pornography which seem to come across as exposition and pornography just for the sake of having it there, which is probably because the plot is impossible to follow.

Do you write with an outline?

It is very unclear to me what you are trying to do with this piece, although it is reminiscent of the last Lovecraftian story I read that you wrote.

It seems like you are trying to do several things all at the same time.

Anyway, the next time you are in, we can talk some more about it.

Here is mine for tomorrow's chat.

sets out cookies

good morning again

Hello. How are you?

good. My daughter starts school today. So, I haven't done the assignment nor will I be able to stay for the whole chat.

Oh! Exciting.

My son starts next Monday. Really late compared to everyone else.

I mean, compared to other schools.

But I read your story. I like it, it's like something I might have written, only, Kit-flavoured.

Hahaha.

Thanks.

some schools started last week

Yeah, I know. This is what I'm saying.

It's funny. I spent a pretty good amount of time on the assignment, but I didn't particularly like it, nor did I like the end product much.

It didn't feel self-contained.

It felt like an excerpt of something else.

most really really short stories are like that though, right? I mean, you have to infer the beginning or the end.

Right, but there's not really a complete story here.

There's no resolution.

There's not even much of anything.

Well, it's a beginning, I'd say. And you infer the ending.

And whether you infer a happy or disastrous ending depends on how you rate the girl's assessment of her abilities, I'd say

I suppose. But it doesn't satisfy me.

There should be more substance to it.

grumbles

I felt that way about my story last week too

like it was the "back of the novel" text for a larger story.

tries to remember last week

Well, it should be a larger story. It was interesting.

room topic changed to The Overlook Hotel: On Tuesdays, we write and discuss. On other days, we discuss and write. All are welcome. [chat] [hot] [juicy]

So we moved Chat to 1pm local. Will you be gone by then @Mr.Shiny?

@KitFox Hm, I might even be back by then.

In an hour?

at 12:30 I am going to walk my daughter to school, but she starts at 1, so I won't be staying past 1 and it's only a 10 min walk

Wow. That's handy.

well, gotta get going. I wrote a little something but I'm not sure I like it. I'll think about it and maybe post it here when I get back.

OK. See you soon.

hi! sorry I'm late.

hmmm. seems I'm too late

You're not late!

We're just getting started.

I was finishing a question on English Meta.

And trying to get my codez to work.

I see @Mussri, @ΜετάEd, @Nathan too.

@DForck @Gigili Are you joining us today?

@Robusto said he might come today as well.

@Neil could come too, if he's about.

So...

Hello! Welcome to the Chat today.

Here is my assignment for today, if anyone wants to give it a read.

Anyone else have something they would like to share?

Hello, I'm back

Hi @Mr.Shiny.

Hey, can you pop over to the jQuery room for a sec?

Here is mine

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 sniffle

It's not much of a story...

It speaks volumes.

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 wells up

I guess it has no plot. That's what I don't like about it. There isn't even an implied plot.

Haha.

And I was complaining that mine did have a plot.

What is athame?

A ceremonial dagger.

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 it's got enough of a plot to carry it for 600 words. you're building up the little girl and then punching the reader in the tear duct.

@MattЭллен did you know right off the bat that it was a little girl? Or did you think that maybe she might be older, until her father arrives?

I thought the "pencil" might say too much.

@KitFox: My feeling is that it felt too talky in the first section. I would rather find out that information in the course of the action of the second part. In other words, perhaps you didn't have to separate the two, and combining them might make it stronger.

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 I guessed under twelve, then younger once you mentioned a kindergartener.

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 I thought she was a young child, because she was concentrating hard. I didn't feel certain until she was bumped by a kindergartner

@Robusto I guess I'm not sure what you mean by talky...there's no talking in the first part.

Hm, I was hoping that you might think she was just near kindergarteners rather than being one herself.

@KitFox You're talking. Or rather telling.

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 She shooed them, that gave her away.

Oh, wait, I see what the exercise was. Start with "She did her best, but she was young." How did you arrive at that exercise?

And hi!

@Robusto I don't remember.

Yeah. I dunno, I guess I wouldn't start a story that way.

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 I think I assumed you would write about a young girl. I have preconceptions about you.

@MattЭллен perhaps. Plus the writing prompt. Plus I wrote this on my daughter's actual first day of school, though her situation is not as sad.

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 nice! write what you know :D although, happily not the ending

So to rehash what I discussed with Mr.Shiny earlier, I found this exercise unsatisfying.

Sorry. I miss the point of this. I'll go.

@MattЭллен well, my life is boring, otherwise I'd probably write more about it :)

@Robusto Thanks for coming!

@Robusto The point is to write stuff. Then we discuss what we wrote.

Hi @cornbread, hi @Gigili!

@KitFox yeah, it definitely feels like you haven't finished

@KitFox hello!

@Robusto if you have suggestions for exercises, I'd love to hear them actually.

I like it in here; it's blue.

@MattЭллен I wanted to have a self-contained story, instead it came out feeling like an excerpt.

daboo de daboo da

@cornbreadninja aba-dee aba-die

jinx

0_0

:p

Not satisfying. So, I suppose the lesson is that microfiction is harder to write than it looks.

@KitFox Hello, boss.

@KitFox yeah, your main character has a plan, but you don't have space to execute it

Yeah, sorry. I meant I missed the point that it was an exercise. I thought it was just writing.

@MattЭллен I guess I need to narrow the scope.

@Robusto Well, it's still meant to be good writing in the end. So if you have something negative to say about, eg, my exercises, please say it.

@Robusto Hey, you could tell me your thoughts on Spider. That's the first thing I've written that I'm toying with maybe trying to publish.

@KitFox That's one of the reasons I didn't think it was an exercise. I thought it was part of a larger story.

@Robusto Yeah, I know right?

Whatcha talking about? What was the exercise for today?

OK, star wall. Got it.

So where were we? Who else did the exercise?

"She did her best, but she was young." This sounds like something that begins a standard prologue for a novel. We encounter a character who either isn't in the story or will appear later on, setting up just enough of a tease to make us feel the person's predicament, and then we begin the novel proper, which deals with an entirely different character and narrative.

Also, when you're given actual words that you have to use, that's where the bandage sticks to the wound. What if you would never use those words that way?

@Robusto Yes, I did find that the sentence didn't really fit with how I'd write. But I wrote it down and moved on for the sake of the exercise.

Anyway, like I said, I missed the point of all this and I didn't bring an exercise with me, I'll probably just be better off leaving you all to it. Cheers!

@Robusto We write, we share, we talk. You are welcome anytime you are interested.

sorry folks. I have no food - bbl

So...anyone else?

Do we want to do a ten-minute write like last time?

About what?

About something that we will figure out if people want to do it.

Matt picked the topic last time.

I missed it last time, how does it work?

Well, we get our pastebins/blog entry ready, then we announce the topic, then you write for ten minutes and paste your link here.

If you want to.

@KitFox May I suggest a mechanism for 'random' choice?

It's like loosening up your writing reflexes.

@Mussri Is it Wikipedia?

@KitFox Damn it!

@Mussri Then no.

:-P

Umm.

Sure, I can probably spare 10 minutes

OK. You want to pick a topic?

Hm

Last week, Matt picked "walking to and possibly riding on the subway"

oh THAT

Man I spent 1.5 hours writing that one

smiles

Oh you men.

Never read the instructions.

Well, I must have read part of the instructions :)

But I don't remember if I read yours.

It involved a statue... here it is

Oh right!

Yes, I quite liked it.

@KitFox yeah, I liked it too, which is what happens after you write for 30 minutes then edit for 60 :)

Hahaha.

mainly I had to remove words

it was 1000 words or so after the first draft.

well... maybe only 700 words. Still nowhere near 300

okay I have a topic. "Labour dispute".

OK. Go.

See you in ten minutes.

My lightning fiction: metaed.blogspot.com/2012/09/adamah.html

Just shy of 300 words.

Hi Ed!

We're doing a ten-minute write. Want to join?

I have no idea about that topic. I'll join you next week.

Tschau!

@Gigili blows kisses

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 Even on its own, there's a plot. The crisis when daddy has all those things in his mind, and can't say them. And a little denouement.

@KitFox Well, my linked exercise took me maybe 15 minutes just now; can it squeak by?

Oh, I see, on the topic "labour dispute".

@Robusto A good exercise will drag you out of your comfort zone.

OK. Ten minutes. It's topic 2, in case you missed my clever scheme there.

@ΜετάEd I dig it. That was very entertaining.

Here is mine

Hahaha

pastebin.com/69Z5pQQ9

giggles

@ΜετάEd :D

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 "What." Classic.

That was impossible not to believe.

@ΜετάEd But I like my comfort zone.

@KitFox I've always thought there should be a good explanation.

So, now that we've all subverted the meaning of "labour dispute", what happens next?

@KitFox I want more of that.

Oh sorry. I wandered off to do w-rk.

@ΜετάEd Of the boys? Really?

Hmm. Thanks.

@KitFox You bet. I'm already wondering what kind of trouble they get in.

Plus, I think I might have cracked a filling.

@KitFox time to skip those teeth-clenching-required meetings

Probably from grinding my teeth too much over w-rk stuff.

Jinx.

hahaha

So should we do an exercise for next time?

And is anyone planning to participate in NaNoWriMo?

@KitFox I wish I had time for that

Me too.

Maybe if I had no kids

or no job

Ach. If only your parents had taken the kids for November instead.

yeah I was just thinking that. But it's not like I didn't fill August up with non-writing as well.

as far as next week goes, personally I have to finish the three-parter from a few weeks back. Has anyone completed it yet?

Oh yeah. I was still working on that.

Do you still want to?

I'd be happy to.

I am going to finish the story whether we make an exercise out of it or not. But when... that is the question.

OK, well let's make that next week's then.

For the 9/11/2012 chat, we will review the work on the three-part August exercise and discuss any other work as requested.

Why do you get to give out the assignments?

Because I host the chat.

Your house, your rules?

We can do something different if you have a suggestion.

@Robusto Not really. I'm just hosting.

You could host if you want.

The lightning writing seems to be the only thing that works for me. I guess I'm – ooh, shiny!

@ΜετάEd yes?

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 chuckle

@Robusto - KitFox is the one who took the lead on this, that's all there is to it. You'd be welcome to make any suggestions you like, or set up an additional chat if you want to try something different.

But the mods have no complaints with how KitFox's chats are going, and getting people here is good for the site.

@KitFox - I notice the recurring schedule has run out; I can make this a recurring event for however long you want, what time are you guys meeting here on Tuesdays?

Or are you able to create events directly? (I see a bunch of past events.)

Gah! I set it up as a recurring event two weeks ago. I wonder what happened to it?

Maybe it needs a mod's touch.

@NeilFein Chat on Tuesdays from 1700 UTC for 1 hour is what we ended up with, I think.

We moved it to 1pm Eastern.

@KitFox - Done, it's a proper event now. I can't make it infinitely recurring, but I scheduled it for through the end of the year.

Would it be proper to do a community ad for this chat on English or one of the other sites? I can do the graphic.

How's this?

@NeilFein Oh, that's lovely.