@KitFox lmao

@DForck42 Your spelling is a little unusual. Is this intentional?

@KitFox at least i didnt' write "Pull down your pants and let me see your taco""

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 what spelling?

"Give me the whole enchilada!"

@DForck42 Well, you were writing "exercize" and "curios" instead of "exercise" and "curious".

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 typos

exercise is one of those words i just cant' spell right

Speling is overated.

That would be my suggestion to you, then. Make sure you have as few typos as possible. I realize that you JUST wrote exercise 2 just now. But every misspelled word or typo is jarring to me, as a reader.

@KitFox it's a really sweet story. It give a clear image of the child and the narrator's affection for her

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 yeah, it'd probably help if i proofread it

Ok, now where should I put my oar in?

@MattЭллен See? You got it. My husband was like, who's this Julie? Ima kill her.

@MetaEd Where would you like to?

@KitFox I felt it could be read both ways.

I have a fourteen year old daughter ... for me the connection was very easy.

@KitFox Wherever it would be helpful.

I don't have a girl baby, but I thought Julie seemed too sweet and innocent to be an adult.

Anyway, I don't think that story is going anywhere, so let's not spend too much time on it. Thanks, though.

So...we haven't covered @Matt's yet. Would you like some critiquing, Matt?

@KitFox yeah, sure :)

Can you post your link again?

sgdi.tumblr.com/post/27901099171/allotment

does you guys know what an allotment is, WRT to gardening?

It's like a plot, eh?

I wasn't sure if they're things in countries outside the UK

@KitFox yeah

Oh, there were two things in the first. "It was tall." What was tall, now? And I'm not sure you can bask in shade. I think you can only do that in the sunshine.

I figured basking in shade was ok, because it was like the behaviour you do in the sun, but done in the shade

"Hammered fast into the pillar was a rusty nail. The pilgrim removed a couple of things from his pack, a deck chair and a smaller object, and then hung the pack on the nail" this reads odd to me in the context of the writing around it

@KitFox Yeah, I agree about the it I didn't know what to call it. It's just a structure

@MattЭллен Hmm. Yes. I read what you meant, but then I started thinking about it too much.

@DForck42 what is it you find odd?

@MattЭллен Maybe "They were tall" and then I can see that you are talking about the pillars?

@KitFox yeah, I want to give the impression that it's a thing, rather than a collections of pillars on a stone floor

@KitFox Yes. Or else identify the pillar-structure as one object. Actually I think that without a roof or at least some kind of horizontal structure at the top, you'd get shade at some point in the day.

@MattЭллен I haven't heard of it myself.

these are allotments

@MattЭллен the structure of the sentence. was the nail already there, or did he jsut hammer it into the pillar? it's kinda ambigious to me

I imagined the pillars were giving the shade.

afk

@DForck42 It was already there.

I like the mix of beer and incantation.

@MetaEd But if a pillar is a vertical cylinder, and the sun moves across the structure, wouldn't the sun peek through the pillars?

Pants and tacos... A tale of daily trips to the washroom!

hmm.... oh well. i'm no good at criticing so just ignore me

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 Yeah, but he kept moving his chair.

@MetaEd yes but there's supposedly a circle in the middle that is permanently enshaden

@DForck42 ok. As MetaEd says, it was already there. I use fast to mean strongly , as "His hand was stuck fast in the jar"

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 Oh, I failed to get that.

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 yeah, due to the clever way the pillars are positioned

I thought there was't any roof.

there isn't a roof

@MattЭллен I am having a hard time imagining how this works

really tall pillars

I don't think it matters how tall

I think you'd actually need some kind of arch

when i read it it almost had a temple feel to me

@DForck42 excellent!

especially in the context that he was a pilgrim

Because, say, at noon, the sun is directly overhead of any desert region

your pillar would have to extend into space

shadows are still cast

I think we may be overanalyzing the structure of the building.

perhaps.

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 maybe it's not an illusion then. I don't know :D

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 Umm, could you explain what are they supposed to mean in this context?

OK, I'm back. Catching up...

@Gigili What do you mean?

@Mr.Shiny, "To be honest, “garden” was a strong word for it. I never weeded it or planted things. Stuff simply grew there; that stuff wasn't grass, thus it was a garden." My absolute favorite!

@Mussri It's a true story too. My garden is actually like that.

OK, caught up.

@MattЭллен I don't like the sentences where the pilgrim takes things from his pack.

I was just going to say that.

I like what you're doing with the narration but now how you are saying it.

The rhythm falters there.

"...removed a couple of things from his pack, a deck chair and a smaller object, and then hung..." I expect to read more like "...removed a deck chair and a can from his pack and then hung..."

For instance.

For one thing, the word "deck chair" doesn't, to me, convey an image of something that can be stowed in a pack.

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 "containing a rusty nail, a tulip" ...

@Gigili In MetaEd's story the tulip is the woman and the rusty nail is the man.

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 @KitFox Yeah, I can see that

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 that was cute

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 Yeah, seems like it ought to be that kind of fold-up bag chair.

I wanted the beer can to be a reveal, though

@KitFox which I would carry along with the pack, not inside the pack.

Hmm, yes.

Perhaps a beanbag cushion?

In leopard print?

:D

> He unslung his folding chair from his shoulder and set it aside; hanging his pack on the rusty nail he reached in and grabbed something, then unfolded the chair and sat in the shade

or something

Yeah. Only Matt can do it more surreally.

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 Yeah, I like that

Did I mention that I like @Matt's surreality?

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 so what you're saying is I need to work on the believeability of the physics in my story

@KitFox surreality... hm. yeah... I guess the story was either not concrete enough or not surreal enough

@KitFox oh! thanks :)

What the hell does this mean? A story which contains a tulip and a rusty nail? I don't undertand

Also, I'd split this sentence in twain: "After consuming about half the can, he placed it beside the chair, stood up, went over to the pack, and rummaged around, withdrawing three more small objects..."

@MattЭллен I was actually going to say that in almost those words :)

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 :D

@KitFox oooh, i like that

@MattЭллен Unless you're going for unbelievable physics. It wasn't really clear.

Yes. I like the idea of permanent shade, but I can't see how that would work. It adds to the surreal feel, but it niggles in my head and makes me want to draw diagrams.

@KitFox yes! this.

Maybe if you drew a diagram to go with it...

The sun moves in an arc throughout the day and a figure-8 over the course of the year

Or maybe it is lit by the sun at one critical moment during the year!

@KitFox if the pillars are tall enough, then they will cast a pretty long shade during nay time of the day (even noon), since the sun would have to be directly above the pillar in order for the shadow to be straight down

Maybe the pillars rotate very slowly!

@KitFox Or maybe the shade isn't really all-day, just most of the day.

@DForck42 But what about when the sun is between the pillars?

Maybe they are turned by lizards!

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 I had this in my head at the start

Oh.

Well, OK, that would work.

but then I thought - maybe they're so tall they blot out the sun all the time

OK, nice. I'll leave you alone to continue talking nonsense.

maybe, because it's Tuesday and I forgot to save the other thing I was working on, I'll just go with it! :D

@Gigili Not nonsense. We're talking about Matt's story.

@MattЭллен Oh noes! Lost werks!

@KitFox I was writing it last night and the election! and then I went to bed, but didn't "save draft"

@MattЭллен save arly, save often

that's my motto

good motto

I used Google Docs to write my draft. It saves for me.

And saves revisions automagically

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 i type mine up in outlook

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 And is totally searchable in a way that's only just a little creepy.

Ima eat dinner, BBL

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 This.

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 And this.

@KitFox This too.

@KitFox Well, it's searchable only for you , unless you share it. unless they broke google docs

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 Until you mark it public.

Well, they might change it for you, helpfully, when they change stuff. But they will tell you about it.

@MetaEd well, sure. But if I didn't want people to search for it and find it, I wouldn't mark it public.

In your shower!

Damn. Tweened.

@KitFox It's ok, they can already spy on my using my google-talk-enabled webcam and tablet and phone(s) so I am not concerned if they read the drafts of my writing exercise that will ultimately be published on their own blogging platform anyway :)

Drink the gool-aid Kit... it's yummy

anyway this has been fun.

I don't...I might...I can't...the cake is a lie!

Is there a length limit (min or max) for next week's?

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 Yes!? Good.

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 Uh. No.

Thanks for your input, everyone. I'm going to hang out for a while still, so if anyone else wants to chat, I'm here. For what it's worth.

alrighty. I must be off.

bye

"TACO" is incidentally the acronym of the organization of rich guys. Expanded, it reads: "Take Air, Cough Ore" !

@Mussri huh?

@KitFox so, you found my new one funny?

@DForck42, it's a pun I just thought of...

@Mussri ahh

@DForck42 Well, yes.

@KitFox :-D good, that's what i was aiming for

instead of something dark

@KitFox Umm, but I asked a question ... sad panda smiley

@Gigili Sorry, I must have missed it.

@Gigili what di dyou ask?

@DForck42 That means "Not so funny 8( "

@Mussri huh?

@Gigili We did writing exercises for this week.

If you want to do the one for next week, it is...

@DForck42, is there something wrong with my English?

@Mussri ...No?

@KitFox Oh, dear!

@MetaEd I bet you can't be eloquent with pants and tacos!

@KitFox What's the wager.

Hmm. What's worth wagering?

@KitFox Ah OK, thanks.

Oh my head. I must lie down.

Laterz!

CU

@KitFox About anything is worth wagering provided there's enough of it.

@KitFox Have fun!