@Chappo Hmm...a bit of both.

copy-editing and content

@SohaFarhinPine Well, if you'd like me to have a look at it, what's your preferred way to share it?

@Chappo google doc? is that okay with you?

I can share the google doc with an email of yours

that way you can see the content and will be able to edit it too

@SohaFarhinPine google docs is good. chappo@y7mail.com

@SohaFarhinPine Um, wrong email address. Use emperors.new.togs@gmail.com

@Chappo done.

@Chappo I felt the suggestions were wonderful and tightened up the prose. I didn't feel like you were butchering my work at all. The piece is much neater now.

A BIG, FAT THANKS!

Initially it was cluttered with too much fluff, as you point out

like in the bit where I talk about the popular girls being a problem for the MC

it disturbed the flow and focus of the story

but i knew it was there (the fluff) but couldn't put my finger on any of it specifically

it is very easy to not notice the issues in your own writing

Thanks for making the editing process so easier and less nerve-wracking!

@SohaFarhinPine I'm so glad you found the process constructive. I tried as much as possible to explain what I was doing, as improving your craft as a writer is just as important as improving your draft. [Sorry, couldn't resist the corny rhyme!].

I think the other area to practise is how you structure your story. Starting with the core scene and then revealing key details (to help the reader make sense of why the characters act/react as they do) as the storyline unfolds is a well-used technique in films and novels, where there's time for plot discursions.

But in a short short story, it's a risky approach because it clutters the reader's path. The key in such a tightly-constrained piece is to eliminate the "depth" elements - in your story, the MC being a popular girl; Noah being an orphan; the MC's father destroying the photos - and let the characters reveal themselves simply through their interactions.

More dialogue! (Characters, like real humans, are most revealing when they open their mouths!). More non-verbal cues (psychologists say that 70% of our communication is non-verbal: e.g. posture, gestures, tone).

Instead of saying X felt sad, describe their teary eyes; instead of being formulaic ("teary eyes"), be subtle ("damp cheek"), or adventurous ("a tear landed on X's shirt, and Y's attention was momentarily drawn to the change in colour of the fabric").

But when you re-read your draft, above all, ask "why's that bit there? What does it add? Is it logical here? Does it contradict anything?".

Hence: a "booming" voice - why? In a library? Or Em twirling a curl: is she flirting with Noah? Of course she is! She's socially savvy and quite conscious of what these little things signify. But does Noah notice?

Does he see the action, and is momentarily distracted by the graceful shape of her finger, the softness of her hair, the languid movement, the (gasp!) sensuality? Or does he notice the action absent-mindedly, and is momentarily distracted by a book in the shelf behind her that hasn't been placed properly?

Anyway, the important thing is to continually hone your craft, becoming more aware of what to eliminate and what to accentuate. I look forward to your next story!