The Overlook Hotel

The exercise for next week is to write a scene where a couple is eating dinner at home and talking about their new next-door neighbors' weird possessions.

Everybody cool with that?

Matt Эллен

sounds bon

KitFox

6:18 PM

And we will develop this scene for the next four weeks.

cornbread ninja

hooray!

<--- excited

DForck42

anyone look over my dialogue? any comments?

Matt Эллен

are we reporting weekly progress?

KitFox

Hi @DForck.

I'll look again in a minute. We didn't discuss it while you weren't here.

@MattЭллен Yes, let's talk about the scene next week, and we'll use what we've got for next week's next exercise.

Also

1

Q: Weekly Chat Writing Topics: Summer 2012

The Tuesday afternoon chat was going well, and we agreed amongst ourselves to have an informal writing exercise every week. Chatters are free to participate or not, and to ask for critique or not. The criteria for the exercise are posted and pinned in the chat room. Chatters are encouraged to ...

I've posted it on Meta, and if you all think it is a good idea, I will add links to the chat where our discussions begin for each concluded topic.

Matt Эллен

sounds good to me :)

DForck42

6:23 PM

@KitFox btw, you can bookmark chat discussions

KitFox

Oh, good idea.

Right, but we were going to critique your dialog. Still want to do that?

DForck42

@KitFox yup

KitFox

OK, sorry, I was bookmarking and linking.

Can you post your link again?

DForck42

@KitFox someonelikeme42.wordpress.com/2012/07/24/writing-exercize-two

bam!

KitFox

thx

So, what are you looking for for feedback?

Gigili

6:33 PM

It was a great meeting.

I have to AFK for a while now.

KitFox

The first thing that strikes me is that I hate the formatting.

@Gigili OK, thanks for coming!

@KitFox how so?

hang on brb

@KitFox ok

The quotation marks being up against each other like that. I'd prefer to have each person's dialog on a separate line.

David asked Bob “Hey, have you tried the new dorritos tacos at taco bell?”
Bob replied, saying “No man, I don’t eat taco bell anymore, ever since that… incident.”

Mr. Shiny and New 安宇

6:40 PM

I was taught that you should always start a new paragraph when a new person starts talking.

KitFox

Also, you have quite a few redundancies and clauses that interfere with the flow of the story.

David asked ~~Bob~~, “Hey, have you tried the new dorritos tacos at taco bell?”

Bob replied, ~~saying~~ “No man, I don’t eat taco bell anymore, ever since that… incident.”

Mr. Shiny and New 安宇

David, ~~now even more curious,~~ prodded ~~Bob~~ “Oh? What happened?” ~~Bob, reluctant to go into detail, said~~

KitFox

I was just about to post that.

Trimming the piece down will help focus the reader on the dialog.

I think your characters sound very real, like two friends having a conversation about an embarrassing event.

So your dialog carries a lot of the story. You don't need to include much around it.

You said you wrote this based on a real conversation you had with a friend, right?

Because I think it sounds very natural.

And I like the idea of using that as a technique.

How to write dialog: have one. Write it down.

DForck42

lmao

KitFox

bows

DForck42

6:48 PM

it's loosely based off of a conversation we had, names and situations have changed, but it's similar

i've updated it

someonelikeme42.wordpress.com/2012/07/24/writing-exercize-two

KitFox

I was going to say that the topic is pretty predictable, but then, that's not too important for an exercise anyway.

DForck42

@KitFox :-D

that's the first piece of dialogue i've written since... highschool?

KitFox

It's better. Easier to read. But again, you've got all these parentheticals you don't need.

David, confused, asked...Bob, flushed with embarrassment, stated...Bob, reluctant to go into detail, said...

etc.

DForck42

@KitFox yeah, i'm bad about using those alot

KitFox

Either find speaking verbs that express your concept or just chop them out. You don't need them. Your characters are expressing their attitudes just fine.

DForck42

6:51 PM

that, and inserting side discussion using (these)

KitFox

Haha. (I do that too.)

DForck42

so, to give me an example, how would you change 'Bob replied, “No man, I don’t eat taco bell anymore, ever since that… incident.” '

Mr. Shiny and New 安宇

Gotta run... bye folks

DForck42

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 bye!

KitFox

If you can't think of a word, just describe their body language.

@Mr.ShinyandNew安宇 later!

Bob looked away. “No man, I don’t eat taco bell anymore, ever since that… incident.”

David laughed. "What incident?"

Bob shifted uncomfortably. "I didn't tell you? Well, it was pretty embarrassing."

Like that. You can convey confusion and nervousness and reluctance by describing what they do.

Also, the way they say things to each other conveys this information as well.

You did it unconsciously with the dialog, probably because you were hearing it when you wrote it.

Think of the difference between "I can't talk to you right now" and "I, uh, can't really talk to you right now."

That's why your dialog sounds natural.

I bet if you pulled out all the non-spoken parts, the story would hold together just fine.

Oh, shoot, and now I've got to go.

DForck42

7:00 PM

ok

KitFox

Was that helpful?

DForck42

i'm just trying to see how i can change the wording without changing the context of what's in my head

KitFox

OK. I'll be around tomorrow if you want to chat about it more.

And @MetaEd, don't think you are off the hook!

Just kidding.

@Mussri see new exercise.

Later!

MetaEd

7:50 PM

@KitFox I am so in trouble.

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