The DMZ

Q: I gifted money to my girlfriend for a down payment on a house and we broke up. Am I entitled to my money back?

8:13 AM

23

I'm writing to ask a question about gifting my fiancé a down payment for the home we currently live in and bought. So when I gave her 14,000 for the down payment of our home we were engaged. At this time two weeks ago she told me she doesn't love me. And ended our 6 year relationship. I gifted ...

Anonymous

LOL

Fucking shit...

At least I'm not the only one

Anonymous

8:28 AM

lol. Yeah, I mean, I think the answer is pretty simple: "entitled", no.

Anonymous

Should he have gifted her something he wasn't willing to give forever? No.

Anonymous

Will she give the money back? No, probably not.

Anonymous

As a good person should she? Yes.

Anonymous

Can I also add: this is why I don't believe in sharing loans, bank accounts or money with a partner. I mean, if you want to then sure but I think it is a dumb idea.

Anonymous

I don't share money with my girlfriend in terms of giving her access to my money. I give her money. But she doesn't have access to my cards.

Anonymous

8:32 AM

We don't have a shared bank account. If we want to buy something together then we both put in half of our OWN money.

Anonymous

I would never move to a system of sharing a debt with a girlfriend or partner, its a disaster waiting to happen.

@J-- Honestly, he should get a lawyer

Anonymous

Well, agreed.

Anonymous

But he is not "entitled" to his money.

Anonymous

You cannot gift someone something and assume you're entitled to get it back, that's retarded.

Anonymous

8:39 AM

It isn't a "gift" if you put it on the condition of asking for it back because she isn't fucking you any longer.

Anonymous

That makes no sense.

Anonymous

Gift = not entitled to it back

Anonymous

Investment = probably entitled to a split of money, yes

I'm not a lawyer, so I can't say

But I would just tell her she's an ungrateful cunt and then cut her out of my life

Anonymous

I don't think you need to be a lawyer to understand that gifts don't have conditions.

Anonymous

8:46 AM

If he intended it as a gift, I fail to understand in what realm someone can seriously believe they are entitled to that gift back when things don't go how they wanted them too.

Anonymous

I can fully appreciate the argument that if it was an investment then it more than reasonable for him to expect some kind of return either in the form of money or some profit from the property.

Anonymous

But if he genuinely intended for it to be a gift then asking for his money back is just weird.

Anonymous

That's like meeting a girl, dating her for a while, you decide to buy her a pair of heels as a gift, she accepts them, you go on another date, you try and make a sexual advance, she says no and then you take the fucking heels off her feet and walk out with them.

Anonymous

It's just weird.

Anonymous

Gifts aren't something you are entitled to have back, you can ask, they can say no.

Anonymous

8:48 AM

to*

Anonymous

Perhaps a lawyer disagrees with me. Maybe from a legal perspective I'm wrong. But from a human perspective I think it fairly self explanatory to understand that gifts are exactly that, a gift. You are giving something away, if you cannot accept the social meaning of that then you shouldn't be giving gifts at all.

I agree with you

A gift is a gift

But from what I read, the term "gift in contemplation of marriage" is a thing in some jurisdictions

Anonymous

Oh right, makes sense I guess, yeah.

Again, I'm not a lawyer, so I don't want to be like "It's legal" or "You can legally...."

All i know from lawyers is that the answer is usually "It depends"

A. Hersean

Every time I see "IANAL" (I am not a lawyer), I read "I, ANAL" instead.

Anonymous

9:03 AM

^

Anonymous

LIkewise lol.

Same

I hate this acronym

Anonymous

9:25 AM

Yeah, lol.

Anonymous

Oh man, I miss this song. Haven't heard it in ages: ADTR - Best Of Me.

Anonymous

"what do you expect from me? It's not my fault you'll never be happy." :upside_down:

@J-- Girlfriend/partner: no. Spouse: yes. The latter depends on you preferences though. Finances are definitely one of the trickier parts of relationships, and keeping finances completely separate doesn't necessarily make it easier (simpler maybe, but it still doesn't remove the stress involved)

Although again: definitely not with a non-spouse

I bet I can tell you how this happened though (assuming the US)

@ConorMancone Please enlighten us

Mortgage companies will allow friends/relatives to contribute gifts torwards the downpayment on a house, but it specifically has to be a gift. After all, if it is a loan, and the person starts having trouble, who is the owner going to pay back first? The mortgage company or the friend/relative? Also, the mortgage company will check your bank statements for 3-6 months before you get the loan and verify all unexpected sources of money

Therefore, if a friend/relative provides money, they will require you to get a signed statement from that person attesting that the money is a gift and not a loan

Basically makes it so that you have zero legal chance of getting the money back after the fact

This would have been the only way he could have contributed as a non-homeowner

Anonymous

9:35 AM

@ConorMancone In my case neither nor me or my girlfriend believe in some form of marriage or whatever you want to call it, so, I guess that makes it easier because we'll never have a system of sharing our money in that sense.

And obviously he wanted to contribute to his future home ownership, so he signed on the dotted line...

Jesus.......

Money really corrupts people

Anonymous

As for the part about remove stress involved, for us personally, there is no stress. She knows she can ask me for money and if she needs something she can ask. I don't need to provide her access to my savings account for that.

Anonymous

But I get your point for sure.

Anonymous

Its just a lot easier for me since I disagree with pretty much the entire idea of marriage so I never have to consider sharing my own finances as an option.

9:37 AM

I never had any trouble spending money on my gf

What upset me, and why I stopped doing it, is that she was never grateful for it

Anonymous

@MechMK1 Yes, yes it does.

11:34 AM

Just because I brought it up before:

restaurantbusinessonline.com/amp/technology/…

Turns out that nothing is free! Also, delivery is more expensive than people want. Everyone wants it but no one is willing to pay for it. Oh well!

This is the same reason why a large chunk of our manufacturing moved overseas

Economics is a harsh mistress...

Anonymous

Dammit, I need to decrypt this ESD file so I can build a Windows 10 VM but I don't have a Windows machine to run the tool in, drat.

SPArcheon

11:53 AM

@MechMK1 don't know if this could be interesting for you - see here - I know I will watch the bad rep the game gets with quite pleasure :P

@SPArcheon I'm really not surprized

gacha games are basically money printing machines

12:48 PM

@J-- could use a VM?

MS has trial VMS for browser testing that would work perfectly fine

1:00 PM

@JourneymanGeek yep, I downloaded one when I needed a windows vm... I still keep the zip around because it expires in 90 days

@J-- developer.microsoft.com/en-us/microsoft-edge/tools/vms

@ThoriumBR pretty much - but if you don't run windows, and need an install at a pinch, that's fine ;)

Anonymous

1:19 PM

Didn't know about this, thanks.

Anonymous

I just hastily used my work machine, not really supposed to use it for that, really but, whatever.

Anonymous

Thanks though :D

@J-- :D

Most people don't, and most of the people who know about it are poor webdevs who need to test on IE... which you clearly are not :D

1:31 PM

the first things I do on those VMs are using cmd.exe to invoke powershell and download vivaldi and install it... so the vm made to run Edge will never run Edge at all...

lol

(I'm a fan, and pretty much what I do on every new machine is fire up powershell, install choco, and use that to bootstrap my base install, that includes vivaldi

I use vivaldi since the first alpha release

Not that oldschool a user :D

it was very crude, almost just a shell around the chromium rendering, but I always loved it

I used to keep Opera on a 1.44 floppy while on college

I've tended to run alternate browsers :D

1:38 PM

I read Vivaldi and get disappointed it's not about classical music

@MechMK1 only insofar as that its opera's spiritual decendent

Anonymous

I'd rather meh myself than partake in web-dev :D

Anonymous

Oh wow, only 63 days of this course left that is... Scary.

Anonymous

There is no way I pass this exam first time, lmfao. Absolutely not a single fucking chance. I mean, I am done with most of the material. But, the thing is, I am hoping to go over it one more time as well as the 3 final labs as well as extra challenges? In 63 days? No shot.

Anonymous

But, if I fail, I fail, I guess. I am not adding more time. 90 days is more than enough time to study. Guess I just need to go from 8 hours of study per day to 12 for the next 63 days.

Anonymous

1:47 PM

Lucky for me, work is unusually quiet...

work is quiet around here too those days

Anonymous

Yeah, really good timing for me - for sure.

Anonymous

I actually feel like if I studied this material 16 hours a day I still would not know everything.

Anonymous

600 pages doesn't sound like a lot, till you actually look at the topics that make up those 600 pages and all of a sudden it feels like two marathons back-back.

600 pages are A LOT, sounds like a lot, feels like a lot

specially technical information that you need to learn

if you are reviewing things you already know, it's not that much, but course material is another thing

Anonymous

2:02 PM

I mean, I guess so. But when you consider a lot of those pages are just going to be pictures and stuff, it can seem like a fairly small amount.

Anonymous

Depends who you ask, I guess. All I know is that I have never been so overwhelmed by learning.

"one picture is worth a thousand words"

Anonymous

Not when you have to gather all of the output manually at the end of each section, it's kinda' just there to make the flow of reading right, if that makes sense.

Anonymous

It's literally just output of IDA but you have to follow along anyways so its just filler pages.

Anonymous

But yeah i think my general point is that i am 30 days in and i feel like ive not learned a single thing despite having completed almost every single exercise and every section of the course.

Anonymous

2:07 PM

kinda hard to know how much i have learned till i do the exam, i guess.

lol

You're not cynical enough. Examinations are self propagating. They don't teach you things and show you know how to pass an exam

Anonymous

I would usually agree but with the level of hands on Offensive Security courses require, in this case, I disagree.

Anonymous

The entire exam is finding 3 exploits in Windows applications from scratch.

Anonymous

That's about as involved as it gets.

Anonymous

YOu cannot possibly take such a practical exam without really understanding the content when there are no questions just pure practical exercises.

Anonymous

2:11 PM

I don't think you can just "know how to pass an exam" when the exam tests all the skills required to perform exploit development start-finish.

djsmiley2kStaysInside

That's not an exam to me

that's an assignment.

Anonymous

I mean, you get graded based on how many of them you complete so it definitely is an exam. I really like the format. I think it is a great way of testing how much of the exploit development process you absorbed and to what level you absorbed it.

Anonymous

This is all user-land as well, the course above it has kernel-land exploit development techniques as one of the major goals of the material.

djsmiley2kStaysInside

3:08 PM

I guess it's due to my definition of an exam :)