Not a bar, but plays one on TV

I could, but I suspect that's not really what's on your mind, so I'm not going to spend time doing so. I'll just point out that when you started complaining about a real person you interact with (and we-all don't know), someone stepped up to remind you just to be kind when doing so. (Shortly after you calling this person "the crusader-without-a-cause type.")
We've had plenty of hard conversations in here about people in our real lives, gaming-related or not. (Hell, we have hard conversations in here about each other.) Part of the way we do so is by focusing on things they've done or said, r…

A. B.

They'd gone.

Thanks - kinda - for answering.

nitsua60

Np.

A. B.

What is really on my mind is that when such things are said I don't get to respond, at all. Just have to go on conversing with whatever they made it sound like I'd done and intended hanging in the air.

And if I have to go on talking implicitly agreeing that I'm guilty of everything that they made it sound like I'm guilty of, I don't want to go on talking. Ever again. Anywhere, really, or certainly not anywhere I don't know the people very well indeed and have friends (i.e. my parents and the five people in the aforementioned group), but certainly not here.

nitsua60

So, you can respond (chatizens are pingable for some number of days after their last appearance in the room, I forget what the number is, you can tell if someone's pingable by starting to type an @user mention and see if the chatbox tries to autocomplete). Whether you should or not Ill leave to your judgment.

I will say two things, though:

A. B.

So that's about how it is and I wish NautArch hadn't left straight after silencing me.

I tried to respond and NautArch said loudly "I said we're moving on".

I took it that the next thing would be me being banned.

Carry on, anyhow.

MikeQ

4:27 AM

Doubtful. Suspension is usually reserved for ToS breaches, or spam or harrassment, which hasn't happened here.

Would you mind moving this discussion to Not a Bar?

A. B.

Very much. I take it that's a compulsory would you mind?

MikeQ

No, I'm not a moderator. I have no power here.

A. B.

Good heavens to Murgatroyd.

nitsua60

@MikeQ And I can't move the earlier parts anymore! Maybe @BESW can accommodate... =)

@A.B. is that a "very much" that you mind moving the conversation?

A. B.

Yes, because the whole thing is about not being allowed to defend myself in front of those people and if I'm not even to discuss it in front of those people... Still, I suppose if it ends up concluding that there is in fact a way I could do that, then that wouldn't matter.

If not, it has to be said, [censored].

BESW

4:32 AM

← 23 messages moved from TRPG General Chat

nitsua60

I'm just going to say it point-blank: you're overreacting.

BESW

← 1 message moved from TRPG General Chat

A. B.

(I know that's not saying it, but pretending to makes me feel ever so slightly better.)

BESW

← 1 message moved from TRPG General Chat

A. B.

(You deal with it./)

nitsua60

4:33 AM

@A.B. This is "in front of" @NautArch. It's just giving people who might not want your drama splatted across RPG chat the choice in whether or not to interact with it.

BESW

← 1 message moved from TRPG General Chat

nitsua60

(ty, @BESW)

A. B.

You reckon?

I have no way of seeing who's a member of a room, mobile version.

nitsua60

@A.B. Yes. I just pinged them. They're in this room frequently.

If you have something you want to say to people, kindly address it to them and listen to their responses, assuming that they're acting with good intent.

A. B.

I did, over two hours ago.

They left just after doing that.

nitsua60

4:36 AM

Which must be allowable.

They're not at your beck and call.

A. B.

I dare say I am overreacting. But I only have a few groups.

MikeQ

Well it's a chat room, not a court. Sometimes users will leave a few comments and leave, other times they'll stay and engage longer.

nitsua60

@A.B. are you talking about this:

in TRPG General Chat, 3 hours ago, by A. B.

Look here. You don't know who I am. That's all. (speaking of what NautArch said.) Don't make assumptions about how much of a kicking I'm up to taking.

A. B.

I don't know, am I talking about it when?

nitsua60

When you say this:

2 mins ago, by A. B.

I did, over two hours ago.

A. B.

4:38 AM

No, in a private chat.

BESW

→ 1 message moved to TRPG General Chat

A. B.

I did put a ping in it as well, just to be sure, as I don't know if that's done automatically.

nitsua60

What do you mean by "private chat," by the way? (I ask because in my understanding SE doesn't have those.)

A. B.

Room.

nitsua60

A room that you created?

A. B.

4:41 AM

There's a thing on a chat user's profile where you can "create room with you and so-and-so". I assumed it was for the same job as a private chat.

MikeQ

Found it

nitsua60

@A.B. Okay, I just want to give you a heads-up: that's not private.

Literally any chat user can read through that, enter, write messages there.

If you wrote things expecting that to be private and would rather they're not discoverable, I suggest asking an elected moderator to delete the room for you.

(I'm not reading through it, both to safeguard your previous expectation of privacy and because I should have gone to bed 45 min ago.)

A. B.

OK.

It was more to do with them telling me not to carry on in the main chat so I didn't.

nitsua60

Makes sense.

A. B.

I literally wanted to say one single line.

I even did, but got "I said we're moving on", which, I dunno, doesn't really seem to count, or does it?

If everyone's going to see people saying such dire things about me, I don't want to talk to those people again having not even attempted to deny it.

Which I know shouldn't matter, I should just leave but... like I say, I have so few groups.

MikeQ

4:47 AM

But nobody is saying dire things about you. What they did do was ask you to stop venting about another person.

A. B.

And when something like this happens I kind of lose heart to join new ones because this'll just happen again.

And that I was mocking other races and comparing them to animals.

I think there was something else but I can't remember.

nitsua60

On the matter of "defending yourself," I'd like to suggest--but I'm doing it with baited breath, because we're basically strangers and I'm wary of giving even my best friends unsolicited advice--that you shift that mindset a bit.
(1) I think you're going to get a lot more out of whatever follows if you approach it in the spirit of "hey, I'm newish here, I don't mean to bang anyone's nose, I'm trying to follow the cues I see, but I clearly goofed there somewhere, can you take five minutes to talk through the other day's conflict with me?"

I get that there's internal harm: you feel judged and misjudged.

I can't say whether or not either of those things happened.

A. B.

You actually get that?

nitsua60

@A.B. Yeah. (I just heard you say it!)

A. B.

makes startled puppy eyes

thank you

Usually when I say something everyone thinks I said something else, so it doesn't follow.

nitsua60

4:52 AM

I have no clue what you're talking about re: someone saying you were mocking other races or comparing them to animals.

A. B.

That was in here, after being moved to here and making a feeble attempt to start talking about something else.

nitsua60

Ah, okay. I haven't read this transcript.

Ah. I see it now.

A. B.

I didn't mean it's bad English, I just meant it's not really fulfilling the purpose of language to plead your case with so many words that nobody else knows because you made them up last week.

I don't know why I keep getting taken the wrong way so constantly in chats and especially in here, I'm usually good at writing.

nitsua60

@A.B. Probably because you're using words carelessly. Look at the line above this: "so many words that nobody else knows because you made them up last week." How many words was it? One, right? That's been in urban dictionary for over a year? (Which took me all of twenty seconds to find."

(Assuming we're talking about "folx," here.)

MikeQ

We maintain a diverse community here. That includes users who may be unaware of other groups' norms or language. So occasionally someone will say something that offends someone else, usually out of ignorance and not intending harm. But we also assume good faith, so the user isn't banned or shunned. Instead another user corrects them. Then they learn and move on. There are plenty of active users here, including myself, in this category.

So I can sympathize if you feel attacked. But the reality is that nobody's silencing or attacking you.

nitsua60

4:59 AM

I've really got to hit the sack. I'm sorry to run so soon after saying something fairly confrontational like that ^^. If you want to pick this up, I might be around a bit tomorrow and definitely monday afternoon/evening.

A. B.

Not "folx", they were dragging up something a long time back.

Not bothered by that since it was a mistake :-D

Night

MikeQ

I assume you're referring to this comment ?

A. B.

Would certainly not have the nerve to trust Urban Dictionary, though, a lot of its definitions seem to be jokes and some of them very rude ones. There are other possibilities though, should've thought of English.SE myself for one.

...I was at one point, though this discussion has got rather complicated so I can't swear that it's the same one you're thinking of.

NautArch

12:05 PM

@nitsua60 My apologies to both @A.B. and @nitsua60 for not sticking around, but real life beckoned. I do want to say that my comments to move on were to everyone in the room and not directed at a single person.

nitsua60

2:49 PM

@NautArch No worries. Hope all's well up in the frozen northlands =)

(For those who may not know, NautArch lives maybe 30 or 40 miles north of me.)

A. B.

7:53 PM

Thanks, @NautArch, if you mean what I think you mean.

user15026

10:42 PM

I don't think there's much more to it than "it was generally aimed at the whole room"

A. B.

11:29 PM

I wondered if they might be implying that I was upset, too. But that would be asking a lot.

...actually I'm not sure why it would.

Transcript for

Not a bar, but plays one on TV