o/

o/

This is the message I mocked up: Hey, I hope you're doing well! I know you haven't brought it up to me yet, but I heard you came out as non-binary. I wanted you to know that I support you and I want nothing more than my home and my table to be a safe environment that's welcoming to all.

followed by whatever conversation follows

I'll eventually ask if their character still uses she/her pronouns

o/ ?

oh shoot, I'll be back in a bit

Oh, it is waving?

@Medix2 Yeah

@G.Moylan Is this for one of your players?

I'd tack on "I know you might not be out everywhere yet, so I want to make sure I don't accidentally out you to anyone else, so please let me know how you'd prefer to be referred to at the table" or something like that

maybe

I think the question of character pronouns obviously doesn't come up unless they affirm they're happy to use new pronouns at your table to begin with

TBH it's going to be at least some degree of awkward if they're not coming to you with their identity. One of my friends (who did not know I am trans at the time; we mostly interact online and I am still mostly pre-transition) came to me and asked what my identity and pronouns were, and I had to sit there for like an hour debating internally whether it was safe to actually tell her or not. (I did end up telling her the truth; she was/is very supportive)

So there is a little bit of terror to being approached with that kind of question if you're not currently out everywhere else, like "if you know, how many other people know?" and "is it safe for me to acknowledge this part of myself to you?"

If my workplace were to have a sit-down "let's all talk about our pronouns" session I might actually have a panic attack. 🤣

@Xirema What pronoun would you prefer,Xirema? "Aaaaaaahhh" <runs away>. Okay, everyone, please refer to Xirema using Aaaaaaahhh.

@NautArch LOL, sounds about right.

yeah come to think of it, "i heard you're nonbinary" would start some panic wheels spinning. heard? where? when? how? why?

And to be clear, there's nothing wrong with wanting to ask your friends about their identity, especially for the purpose of being supportive. But towards someone who's not out, asking about that is going to be worrying for them, no matter how well-intended you are.

"Hey, XYZ mentioned to me you came out as nonbinary. I know you haven't brought it up to me yet, but I want you to know I support you and help you feel safe. I know oyu might not be out anywhere yet, so I want to make sure I don't accidentally out you to anyone else. How would you like me to refer to you, and how would you like me to refer to you at the table?"

@Xirema yes :)

Sorry guys I had a meeting I had forgotten about

@doppelgreener I like that

@doppelgreener is it fair of me to throw my friend under the proverbial bus like that, since this friend was the one that technically outed this individual to me?

@DavidCoffron yes

the third option is basically "pretend you never heard anything until they're ready to tell you"

ugh that feels scummy

Like, deliberately using incorrect pronouns

yuck

also in general: if someone tells me someone else is trans, the first thing i'll ask is whether that someone else is okay with them telling me this. if i'm not convinced it was okay, i will tell them i don't think it's okay for them to out that person to me like this, since that's up to that person to out themselves.

@G.Moylan right, so option 1 is the best of them as far as i can figure.

that's probably the best way to handle it. I know our mutual friend didn't tell me out of malice or any ill-will. He and I are good friends and I think he was just trying to process what he was reading when he read the post from our nb friend

I think option 1 is probably also the best option. "Awkward" doesn't necessarily mean bad, and it's probably better to clear the air than try to juggle hypotheticals.

Alright. Well, I'll write something up and keep everyone's pointers in mind. If I need more assistance I'll be sure to ask. Thanks to everyone for helping with this and being patient with me

This is new territory for me and I'm trying to do things "right"

yeah I think it's better to mention it

and if you do mention it, not saying who told you seems like the worst possibly way XD

At the risk of giving away where I live, I just found out that my state plans to switch to permanent DST this year, and I'm so happy. 😊

Not only did they get the "stop switching the clocks twice a year, it's literally getting people killed!" part right, but they even went the step further of acknowledging permanent DST as the superior of the two options.

@Xirema what about the claims from the USDoT that shifting times supposedly reduces crime rates?

although I am certainly a fan of getting rid of DST altogether. I think it's stupid that we're still adhering to something from 1966 that wasn't relevant at the time it was enacted, let alone now

@G.Moylan I would say that benefit doesn't outweigh the other detriments of shifting clocks twice a year.

@Xirema I agree, just curious for your thoughts

(Assuming, obviously, that it's a credible claim, which I don't have the time to cross-examine at this moment)

Didn't know if you found that claim dubious or really cared

oh and there we go :P

I mean, it could be true.

I imagine the DoT believes it to be true, I can't envision them making up claims about something that seems relatively minor. I'd be more curious to see how they measure "reduces crime"

particularly considering it's the DoT, and not the BLS or HUD

Under the Cover of Darkness: How Ambient Light Influences Criminal Activity by Jennifer L. Doleac and Nicholas J. Sanders

‘When, Where, if, and but’: Qualifying GIS and the Effect of Streetlighting on Crime and Fear by Rachel Pain and Robert MacFarlane

so just from the Abstract in the first link, using DST time specifically is what reduces crime, and not the fact that the time shifts

does the first report take the seasons and weather into account?

Also, I saw that you were asking about asexuality earlier. This is a good starter, I think. A is for (A)sexual: What my identity means to me, and the 6 questions about asexuality I get asked the most often by Mikey Neumann.

@G.Moylan That makes a bit more sense. I could buy either A) Permanent Standard Time reduces crime, or B) Permanent Daylight Time reduces crime, but C) The chaos caused by the time switch reduces crime seems a bit more incredulous to me.

I don't know

I think that it probably does

possibly not in recordable numbers though?

but people who are like, planning crimes for a specific time and then get blindsided by daylight savings maybe?

but I doubt that 7% decereases is accurate

I think that can't possibly factor in all the other variables as to why that 7% decrease happened

it's definitely a bit silly

I mean, gaining an extra hour of daylight during working hours can have pretty substantial effects.

Not strictly positive, but definitely substantial.

On another topic, I heard back from my nb friend, and everything went well

@G.Moylan Cool! =)

yes good to hear, or in this case read

I'm out for the weekend, folks! Have a good one o/