@Bamboo College here is like University in the UK, I think. Universities and colleges are pretty similar in the USA. I think he did graduate from high school, though.

Universities are more prestigious than colleges, but when people say going to college, they can mean either one, I believe.

I do not believe there is any shame in it - its just some poor soul who cannot cope with whatever life has thrown at them, so I take a compassionate view of it rather than a critical one - its a cause for sorrow that the person could not be helped rather than criticism or blame.

@Bamboo No worries. I don't blame him for anything, even if he did do it, and I don't mean that I hoped someone killed him. I'd just rather he didn't have to go through the sort of thing it takes to get someone to do that, and that he didn't have to deal with all the consequences. Though, it could have been an accident for all I know (maybe he got drunk and fell off or something).

@Bamboo However, I do know something of what it's like to be in a position where it seems like killing myself is the thing to do (three times where it was a serious issue). There are a lot of possible reasons. Each one in my case was completely different, and I haven't seen any of them listed as possible reasons someone might attempt suicide. I can certainly appreciate the idea that people shouldn't criticize people for it.

Each time was extremely difficult.

The first time, I was seven. I don't want to get into the details of that one, as it's probably not a good idea to share that one right now.

The second time, I had some weird chemical issue that just made me feel really severe adrenal-type feelings that I couldn't seem to handle (this was after being extremely depressed, in a physical sort of way that I hadn't experienced before, although I had experienced considerable depression before, but not that sort—and not that powerfully). In retrospect, it's harder to understand why I considered killing myself that second time, but yeah, it was difficult. Thankfully, it eventually stopped.

The second time was a lot easier to deal with than the first or the third.

The third time, I felt like I had contracted a very contagious and very unusual disease (it was the stuff science fiction novels are made out of). It made my life extremely difficult and hard to deal with. I considered killing myself because I didn't want it to spread over the whole world and infect everyone else, and either kill them or make their lives miserable. But alas, I decided I didn't know what the right thing to do was—so, I might as well live. I hoped for the best.

It lasted a long time and was extremely difficult to deal with, but I lived. Everyone else lived (I hope), and I'm glad I didn't do it.

The horrible symptoms of that are pretty much gone, now.

I must admit that I think I was delusional at the time.

But, I didn't even consider it seriously until I had an experience that to me was worse than death. But, I wasn't tempted to kill myself during that experience, and I'm glad I'm still alive, anyway. I still deal with weird stuff that there's probably no diagnosis in existence for, but I've found a lot of stuff that helps with a lot of things, and yeah. I'm glad to be into plants again.

Plants make me happy.

I used to grow a lot of houseplants as a teenager. We had a garden, of course, and I helped, but I didn't do my own personal gardening until recent years.

Anyway, when I was going to college (at a university), I was under a lot of stress, and that probably triggered a lot of issues for me that I might not otherwise have had.

I vastly preferred the community college I had transferred from. I should have stayed there and graduated with a two-year degree before going anywhere else (as one of my teacher's had counseled me) first. But, I wanted to leave home and go to that certain university, and someone told me something about my teacher that led me not to trust him (I shouldn't have given credence to that hearsay). He was a good (and smart) guy, as far as I knew.

Whatever the case, his advice seemed prophetic.

So, listen to people who give you advice. Sometimes it's worth taking.

Well, I did grow some garden plants myself as a youth. I did cantaloupes one year. That turned out totally awesome. I started them indoors in foam cups in February and planted them out in the spring. We had so many cantaloupes (we ate them daily, I think, and we didn't even have to split them up to share them), and they tasted really, really good. I don't know what kind they were, unfortunately. I would definitely grow it again. It was netted and not ribbed. The fruits were maybe 4 to 5.5 inches

orange inside

I should have kept the seeds going (saving them every time). I did save seeds, but by the time I planted them again (I think in 2015), they were too old.

And probably about 20 years old (not stored in anything like ideal conditions).

@Shule I only said what I said in case you were feeling some shame or embarrassment re your grandfather - some people do in these situations, but you clearly don't, and do understand if he did it that life can be supremely difficult at times for everyone and soimetimes, it's just too difficult

I can't decide what's worse - that your grandfather actually meant to do it or fell off by accident when drunk - probably the acccident theory is better, because it means he wasn't in black despair.

@Shule I sometimes wonder why life is so difficult, positively horrific for many people at times - maybe that's why people are religiious, it helps get them through those things, though that doesn't work for me... interesting stories you have, pity this is a public site but I knoiw exactly what you mean about gardening and growing things soothing the mind and soul, its why I got into gardening in the first place

there is something very grounding about the simple act of turning the soil, pulling weeds, planting seeds, caring for plants - I firmly believe all people should have at least a little patch of garden to take care of, even when they're old -glad you made it through your difficult times, power to you, you kept going anyway

@Shule Well Mr. Shule, you are resilient and courageous. When we are chemically imbalanced the world is a very gray place, our minds tell us bad thoughts. My antidepressants have helped tremendously but watching plants grow, come back each year and my animals have truly been my best friends all my life. Completely consistent, unconditional love. They know when you are having a tough time. Do you like cats? They are my fav. When I am in a bad way with health, pain and mental anguish...

...always come to me and 'bite' me on the arm. Gentle of course except for this one feral cat...my cat when I had my first baby and she rolled off the bed was right there 'biting' her arm and she calmed right down. It was beautiful. Snaps you right out of negative thoughts.

Getting your hands in the soil I think is so important to our health and outlook on life. This isn't something one talks about 'cause it has never been studied but I completely see the difference between days I was removed from my garden and those where I was connected. Life is hard. Life is harder for others and not because you did anything to deserve it. Antidepressants are so critical. Just a little bit makes the world colorful again. They don't 'add' the allow your nerve endings...

...to quit taking up the 'feel' good chemicals and sequestering them in the nerve endings, that is all. The dopamine, serotonin and others your body already owns is released back to you for your use and happiness. Nothing external can do that. Without your own chemistry available to you, one just has to be strong to not kill themselves as well as go talk to a great doctor or psychiatrist.

...gotta say a bit more; we humans have not adapted to the environment we've made for ourselves...too fast paced, too much stimulus all within the last few decades! Our physiology is not designed for this high tech world. The increased stimulus is overtaxing our nervous system (for example) and that is why our feel good chemistry is being sequestered at the nerve endings. Every time a message is passed chemically from one nerve to the next, these chemicals are not allowed to be released.

...SSRI Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors are one class of antidepressant. There are others. My only reservation is to try anything other than Effexor or Venlafaxine. That is what I use. The problem is you can not miss a dose without this horrible dizziness, nausea...I went off the Rx having to carefully systematically reduce until zero. Took 4 months. For a few weeks...the world went totally gray! I begged to get back on the stuff!!