The Heap™ – Consultancy ©®

ypercube

10:09 AM

morning

vijayp

10:51 AM

Morning All

ypercube

hi vijay

JNK

12:05 PM

hi guys

Kris Gruttemeyer

morning

bluefeet

12:26 PM

morning

tblPhil

12:40 PM

"
The co-pilot of the Germanwings flight that crashed into the French Alps wanted to "destroy the plane", French investigators have said.
"

JNK

yeah I just read that

bananas

bluefeet

nuts

Kris Gruttemeyer

1:18 PM

Anybody running SSRS running into this issue intermittently?

connect.microsoft.com/SQLServer/feedback/details/698388/…

Spoiler alert, it's closed as won't fix.

billinkc

@tblPhil Sadly, I'm just happy that he didn't have an arabic sounding name

Aaron Bertrand

@KrisGruttemeyer spoilers on Connect only happen in those rare scenarios where something has actually been fixed. When it hasn't been fixed, this is like saying that it would be ruining the ending to tell you the Globetrotters won.

dezso

1:35 PM

knowmore.washingtonpost.com/2015/03/25/…

interesting that nobody says 'it's Hungarian to me'

JNK

@dezso Ironically if you click on the link to the source of the graph you get a DB error!

dezso

yes, I've seen that first and only then the article

James Lupolt

I'm not sure that the Double Dutch arrow should point to Dutch

dezso

I don't get what chicken intestines do there

billinkc

^^^

Paul White

1:58 PM

@billinkc I was watching live when someone from The Press asked about the "religion" and "ethnicity" of the co-pilot. Valid questions, but still. Sigh.

billinkc

Nevermind, too much soapbox

Paul White

Agreed though.

billinkc

Egads, does this mean there might be a shred of decency in me?

Paul White

It's OK, it's been (removed).

billinkc

Thank goodness. Now to go fry some chickens

mmarie

2:18 PM

Darn, why didn't I think about offering this service? theuserisdrunk.com

2

Maybe I can do the data viz version

Kris Gruttemeyer

@mmarie Pure genius. I like the 'I have people checking on me so the drinking doesn't become a problem' part

mmarie

2:58 PM

bluefeet

lots of them

mmarie

Come on guys, I'm waiting for a query to run in Impala. Someone say something enlightening/entertaining

Paul White

Impala

The impala (Aepyceros melampus) is a medium-sized African antelope. It is the type species of the genus Aepyceros and belongs to the family Bovidae. It was first described by German zoologist Martin Hinrich Carl Lichtenstein in 1812. Two subspecies of the impala have been recognised: the common impala (A. m. melampus) and the black-faced (A. m. petersi). They are typically between 120–160 cm (47–63 in) long. Males stand up to approximately 75–92 cm (30–36 in) at the shoulder and weigh 53–76 kg (117–168 lb), while females are 70–85 cm (28–33 in) and 40–53 kg (88–117 lb). Both are characterised by...

Looks pretty quick, shouldn't take long to run.

JNK

Chevrolet Impala

The Chevrolet Impala is a full-size automobile (upper mid-size from 2000 to 2007) which was built by the Chevrolet division of General Motors for model years 1958 to 1985, 1994 to 1996 and 2000 to date. Deriving its name from the South African antelope, Chevrolet's most expensive passenger model through 1965 had become the best-selling automobile in the United States, competing against the Ford Galaxie 500 and the Plymouth Fury when full-size models dominated the market. The Impala was distinguished for many years by its symmetrical triple taillights. The Caprice was introduced as a top-line Impala...

also pretty quick

mmarie

lol

Aaron Bertrand

3:12 PM

^ '66 Impala

Zane

3:23 PM

Time to do a little Terra Data hunting.

Should be interesting

ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells

From Today's Register

Cargo cult Agile
This was a new term to me, but apparently is what the cool IT execs call the bad habit of applying the A-word to pretty much any process that doesn’t have the word Waterfall printed on the cover. It is often an excuse or synonym for not planning things and the wiser end of the interim CTOs now have this as a thing to be wary of (or be paid to fix) when looking at new assignments.

In fact, the word “toxic” came up several times as we covered how IT groups and sometimes whole companies apply what they perceive as Agile with little specific training and often simply see it as…

Zane

I always forget that their client tool's icon is a pair of sunglasses floating over a pyramid for some dumb reason.

Kermit

> I use SQL Server, but I'm realy curious about writing it using ANSI SQL.

-2

Q: Delete first rows after qualified ones

Let's suppose that I have the following table called Orders: --------------------------------- | OrderId | Status | CustomerId | --------------------------------- | 1 | + | 2 | --------------------------------- | 2 | - | 1 | -------------------------------...

ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells

TIL a new phrase to trot out the next time I see someone prattling about how agile their data warehouse is.

Kermit

need ideas for 1st birthday

Aaron Bertrand

3:28 PM

LOL

bluefeet

people are idiots

or criminals are idiots

take your pick

Aaron Bertrand

Oh I see plenty of idiots who aren't criminals. :-)

Though a certain level of stupidity should be criminal.

@Kermit we've done an Elmo theme

Kermit

@AaronBertrand just at home?

Zane

Good lord.

bbc.com/news/world-europe-32063587

bluefeet

@Kermit they are 1, do you think they'll remember something fancier?

@Zane yeah, it's pretty awful news

mmarie

3:34 PM

@bluefeet @Kermit Do you think they'll remember anything? Do whatever makes you and your spouse happy. Your kid won't know the difference unless you look at pictures together later.

Aaron Bertrand

@Kermit yes

Kermit

@AaronBertrand @bluefeet @mmarie more for the guests

Kris Gruttemeyer

@Kermit Daughter just had hers, no need to go 'all out'. They won't remember it. Come to think of it, the party was more for my wife and mother-in-law than it was for Claire.

Kermit

We're thinking just to do a dinner at a restaurant

Kris Gruttemeyer

@Kermit Saves you the trouble of cleanup. :)

Aaron Bertrand

3:38 PM

@Kermit So you want recommendations for local restaurants from people who don't live near you?

:-)

Zane

I read that incorrectly.

Kermit

@AaronBertrand ha

JNK

@Kermit we did that too I think. For 1st Bday honestly the kid is not gonna care

Are people there? Is it exciting? Can I tear paper?

Zane

3:58 PM

I think when I work from home I'm going to fire up a game of civ.

That way every time my machine crashed I have something to do.

So we have a wireless doorbell.

Just happens to be the same brand frequency as our next door neighbors.

ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells

@Zane And - let me guess - they're not keyed to a specific MAC address?

Zane

It's not like WIFI.

It's just like an RF band or something like that.

billinkc

Next Monday's blog post: Never trust the SSMS GUI

But now, lunch time

ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells

4:23 PM

@billinkc Never trust the ~~SSMS~~ GUI. FTFY.

Bugger. Doesn't do strikethrough. Nevermind.

Aaron Bertrand

~~~strike~~~

Crap I always forget that. Why can't chat just support <s>?

ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells

I sometimes do ^H^H^H^H but you have to be a crusty old fart like me to know what that means.

Zane

4:43 PM

@ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells But yes if either of our door bells ring they both go off.

@billinkc I think the first one I'm thinking about writing is getting your home SQL Server set up since I get requests about how to get started on that at work.

Aaron Bertrand

Oh maybe it's ~~three dashes~~

yep

Zane

I suppose I should get SQL Server set up on my Desktop and laptop again.

Or maybe I should spin up a VM instead.

@AaronBertrand you run VM's for SQL Server what OS do you install on your VM's and where do you get that license?

Aaron Bertrand

If I were to create one right now, Windows 10 Tech Preview.

When it's RTM, from MSDN.

bluefeet

this data ugh

0

Q: update 2 times a same column in 1 query in sql server

In may table 'Customer' the column StartDate can have 2 different values: '25.02.2015 - 31.03.2015 ; - ; - ; - ' ' - ; - ; - ; - ' I want to update this column in order to remove empty dates, i.e ' - ; - ; - ' In an update query we can not put the same column more than on...

sql-server

Zane

5:00 PM

@AaronBertrand Hmm that might be a fun opportunity to play with windows 10 as well. Maybe I should do that.

Kris Gruttemeyer

@AaronBertrand What do you think about 10 so far? I have it installed on Hyper-V just haven't had much time to play with it. Any features that you find especially cool?

Aaron Bertrand

5:12 PM

@KrisGruttemeyer start menu is better, more resolutions supported, and no more three-pixel G-spots you have to find to do things like log out

Also just feels more stable and less designed for touch first

Zane

Okay time to decide on a Nerd Reference for this Instance of SQLServer.

Aaron Bertrand

I've been calling mine SHELDON, LEONARD, RAJ.

Timely tribute would be NIMOY or SPOCK.

Mike Fal

I've been using ST:NG. PICARD, RIKER, etc.

I used stuff from Xenogears/Xenosaga, but it was to obscure and people looked at me funny in my demos at SQL Saturdays when I'd talk about my server SHION.

Zane

I went with BMO

Kris Gruttemeyer

@MikeFal Xenogears, one of the longest games ever for PS1. I didn't think I'd ever make it to the second disk.

Mike Fal

5:27 PM

@KrisGruttemeyer Best. JRPG. EVER.

Kris Gruttemeyer

@MikeFal Abso-freaking-lutely. They just don't make them like that anymore

Mike Fal

I'll play that shit over and over and over again.

Kris Gruttemeyer

Loved the combo system in combat. Got old after a while but was still a lot of fun and definitely beats just mashing one button over and over.

Mike Fal

Yeah, I didn't focus so much on game play. It was fun and giant robots ftw. But for me, it was the epic story and the music. THE MUSIC.

Kris Gruttemeyer

The music was absolutely amazing, that's for sure. Made you feel like you were part of the story.

ypercube

5:55 PM

I made a suggestion here, but not sure why "that works!", as they say:

You could also rewrite with (select top (1) CreatedUtc as MaxCreatedUtc ... order by CreatedUtc desc) but I don't think the plan will be different. — ypercube 6 mins ago

Why TOP 1 ... ORDER BY would yield a different plan than MAX()?

Time to summon @PaulWhite or @AaronBertrand

Kris Gruttemeyer

I didn't notice that on the main question page, the reputation of the 'last modified' or 'answered' user is right beside it now. That's neat

Master Database

6:22 PM

0

Q: Questions about how to choose proper hardware

I asked this question here. Which is put on hold for asking for a product. But really (as seen in the last line), I'm asking how to choose. How can I edit this question to make it acceptable?

discussion

Andriy M

6:35 PM

A downvoting stalker, exciting. And I've no idea whom I may have rubbed the wrong way. But that's secondary to the fact itself: I've finally earned my first stalker!

4

Congrats!

Thanks!

starred

If there's one reason for me to know who the downvoter is, it's in cases like this, because if it's an asker, then I'd just be interested to know whom to avoid in the future.

billinkc

Hopefully it's just a one day DVer who gets reversed versus a pathological DVer

Andriy M

6:54 PM

Yes, I'm curious if it does get reversed, just to know better about the algorithm (couldn't care less about the "loss"), because I sometimes get carried away with upvoting, forgetting that reversal works both ways.

It's only three but in a very short period (less than a minute). So it's possible it will be reversed.

ypercube

I had a serial upvoting reversed once, but it was like in 10+ questions.

billinkc

7:07 PM

We have a validation proc with ewww, a cursor. Excuse me, a "while" loop which we all know is better. What's in the loop...

Hmm dynamic sql which looks like it's ok, yeah, building out the call to more stored procedures. Let's open that first one. What? Another freaking cursor and dynamic sql. Fine. Evaluate that call, oh a udf

And another cursor

Which pulls data out of a table to build the queries we then use for validation

I'm tappin' out. I thought I was going to help them with their poor performance but this turd's only going to smear, not shine if I polish it

JNK

7:22 PM

@billinkc always fun when it's basically garbage all the way down the stack

I found a thing yesterday which is an after insert trigger (which of course assumes a single row insert) which calls a stp which calls another stp which accesses like 20 tables

which raises an error that triggers an alert that sends an email

Kris Gruttemeyer

0

Q: Applying Quotes Across Multiple Lines

In SQL Server Management Studio you can use the shortcut CTRL + K > C or CTRL + K > U to comment/uncomment lines in bulk. Is there a similar keyboard function that applies single quotes across a list of values? I have 150 IDs that I have copied from an Excel spreadsheet and I would like to execu...

sql-server sql-server-2008-r2 t-sql

billinkc

They've got a snapshot of the database on the 03 server as a control and the experiment is on 02. They've got all these crazy linked server calls going on that I caught by accident (run sp_whoisactive on the wrong server)

Kris Gruttemeyer

@AaronBertrand didn't know about the Shift_Alt trick to go column mode.

The more you know.

tblPhil

7:46 PM

Yawn

JNK

@KrisGruttemeyer yeah that's very handy

I use it a LOT to build IN() lists

Kris Gruttemeyer

I've been using UltraEdit to do it but now that I know I can do it right in SSMS, my life just got that much easier

JNK

I typically will put ', ' at the beginning of each line then just end, del over and over

Kris Gruttemeyer

That makes 2 of us

billinkc

8:27 PM

I lied, I kept looking at that nested cursor abomination

I got tired of trying to make it digestible so y'all could laugh with me. They are doing a linked server query. Twice. And unioning the results together. Not UNION ALL but UNION. Did I mention it's literally the same query

And they're pulling back well, SSMS ran out of memory at 9M rows so more than that

Kris Gruttemeyer

Twice the foreplay for the same payoff?

billinkc

That "Remote Query" node in the execution plan is a liar. 143 rows. Ha!

Andriy M

Is it a complex and time-consuming query? Because if it is, then the duplication is justified: some rows could change while the query was running the first time. (Yup, </sarcasm>)

billinkc

DVStalkerCount++

Andriy M

8:47 PM

@billinkc A quick look-up suggests that it's either not yours or it's not on SO.

billinkc

That sounds like a threat...

:P

Andriy M

You mean, like a prelude to an ultimatum: "Therefore, give us the name or else"

ypercube

9:21 PM

Bad effects of coffee

24

Q: Are the buttons / switches in the cockpit spill proof?

There are multiple switches and buttons in the cockpit, with different shapes and layouts. Are they spill proof? What if the pilot spills water or coffee on them, will they still function?

cockpit

Oh

> how can i debug and perfume my database more?

James Lupolt

11:24 PM

This database stinks. How can I make it more perfumant?

3

ypercube

> but this problem stil make a lot perfumes issues.

It's from this gem: dba.stackexchange.com/questions/96387/…

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